Domine ut Videam Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 (edited) well, I had this thread up before the drastic changes made by dUSt.........but it seems to have disappeared into cyberspace oblivion. It was basically asking for my pham's prayers, thoughts, and advice as I walk down a new pathway in my life right now. I have discovered through long hours of prayer and time spent in front of the Blessed Sacrament this summer that my vocation is something very different than I thought it was.....very, very different. Yes, i believe that my vocation is still to the religious life, but where i once thought, no- was sure- that my vocation was to the cloistered/contemplative life.....i am now seeing that God is calling me down a very different path. In fact, He has been my whole life....i have just chosen not to see it. I guess I always thought that God was calling me to a contemplative lifestyle, that that was His will, because that was my will, that was what [u]I[/u]wanted. I wanted to be sheltered, free from my fears, from the world, from everyone's expectations of me....and so i assumed that God did too. I ignored what God was saying to me; what everyone was saying to me about my gifts and my abilities that He ahd given to me. I wasted them or ignored them....trying to put them out of my mind and not use them. This summer however...with the Brothers....something happened and i have begun to slowly see that His will for me is not this....that it is something different. That yes, he is calling me to be with Him, but maybe in a different way than that which i have been thinking all these years. And now...comes the part that i need help with.... I must tell all those that I love that i have been wrong. I must tell my SD...that i was lying to my heart to myself. I need prayers and help. Advice in any form. Thanks for everything. I know you guys are always there. -Yours in Christ Lauren Edited August 20, 2006 by Domine ut Videam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sr Mary Catharine OP Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 [quote name='Domine ut Videam' post='1046856' date='Aug 20 2006, 06:21 PM'] well, I had this thread up before the drastic changes made by dUSt.........but it seems to have disappeared into cyberspace oblivion. It was basically asking for my pham's prayers, thoughts, and advice as I walk down a new pathway in my life right now. I have discovered through long hours of prayer and time spent in front of the Blessed Sacrament this summer that my vocation is something very different than I thought it was.....very, very different. Yes, i believe that my vocation is still to the religious life, but where i once thought, no- was sure- that my vocation was to the cloistered/contemplative life.....i am now seeing that God is calling me down a very different path. In fact, He has been my whole life....i have just chosen not to see it. I guess I always thought that God was calling me to a contemplative lifestyle, that that was His will, because that was my will, that was what [u]I[/u]wanted. I wanted to be sheltered, free from my fears, from the world, from everyone's expectations of me....and so i assumed that God did too. I ignored what God was saying to me; what everyone was saying to me about my gifts and my abilities that He ahd given to me. I wasted them or ignored them....trying to put them out of my mind and not use them. This summer however...with the Brothers....something happened and i have begun to slowly see that His will for me is not this....that it is something different. That yes, he is calling me to be with Him, but maybe in a different way than that which i have been thinking all these years. And now...comes the part that i need help with.... I must tell all those that I love that i have been wrong. I must tell my SD...that i was lying to my heart to myself. I need prayers and help. Advice in any form. Thanks for everything. I know you guys are always there. -Yours in Christ Lauren [/quote] Dear Lauren, God be praised that you have come to a deeper knowledge of his desires for you and that you have come to a great self knowledge about yourself and motives for choosing the contemplative life. You are being very honest with yourself and that is a very great grace! Don't fear so much that people will assume you were lying, including your spiritual director. Trust me, he probably is more aware of this than you realize! We are not angels standing before the Beatific Vision were are human beings and constantly growing and with God's grace we make twists and turns until we better see what He wants of us. So, stop being so hard on yourself. This is what discernment is all about and what the first years of postulancy and novitiate are all about. I saw your earlier post and wanted to comment especially since someone who seems to know you posted a thought that he couldn't see you in cloistered life since you are someone who is personable and outgoing etc. I don't remember the original words but I did want to say that personality is not an indication of a call to the monastery or not. God chooses who He wills and my experience is that most contemplative nuns are hardly shy and quiet! OLAM Dad knows the nuns at OLAM and I'm sure he would agree. I will be praying for you but please, let Christ and His holy Mother carry you and don't worry about people's reaction. They will not be angry at you. Tell them simply that what your wrote here. May the Virgin with her loving Child bless you! Sr. Mary Catharine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awyers Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Well I cant really offer advice but if it helps I have been going through the same thing I was totally set on the contemplative life and I thought for sure God was calling me down that path. At first it scared me but I grew to love the call and to really want the cloistered life. Well just as I am all gung-ho to enter OLAM my visit was cut short and I was dumped into the desert, or so it seemed The funny thing is that for some time before this I was getting the sneaking feeling that MY will was to enter the cloister and that GOD'S will for me was to enter an active community. In fact I was so stubborn that I didnt even listen to those around me that said I have a gift for preaching, sharing, teaching, missions etc. as I wanted to be like the great carmelite saints and be a contemplative. I am still not 100% sure where I am headed. I think I have an idea where God might be calling me but it is a real struggle to surrender to HIS will when it is not at all what I thought it was originally You will be in my prayers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stlmom Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 I think I posted on your original thread and it got lost too. Anyway, I agree with Sister ---don't be so hard on yourself--most of us learn life's lessons through trial and error. Some of the most important things I've learned in life came through making mistakes. God takes the majority of us through a zig-zag path to Himself, as best as I can observe. Just keep listening, looking, and get good advice where you can--and try to not take yourself too seriously right now. God bless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest phatdaddy Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 God Bless you Dear One, God is good. He loves you tenderly. Do not spaek harshly about yourself. You were not lying to yourself. The desires of your heart are what they are and God will lead you through these desires. I think your heart and mind is open to being led by God. I think He put the desire for a contemplative life with Him, in your heart. This journey you are on is a path to holiness. A religious in an active apostolate must be deeply contemplative within the Rule of her order. The beginning of your journey started with a longing for contemplation and simple silence with the beloved. It has been reasonable to assume that God is calling you to that relationship with Him. Now, He has revealed more to you that might be indicating a more specific apostolate. Wonderful. The first part of your journey enabled you to see and follow the next part of your journey. Continue to pray that you respond to His will, what ever He wills, as He wills. A cloisterd Nun, a active Nun, as He wills. But remember, whether cloistered or active, you become His spouse and that is the vocation, the call. The apostolate or so called "job" is based on circumstances, talents, and divine providence of course. Please dear, don't be hard on yourself. You were not wrong. You were where He led you. Now look ahead and be open to where He may be leading you now. In Christ' Love Mr. Ray Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnificat Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Lauren, Don't be scared to tell people, particularly your SD. Hopefully, they should understand that discernment is a process and really, you're never "sure" until you take vows (or for a priest, get ordained). If people give you a hard time, it's only because they don't understand this and assume, like many people do, that when you begin discerning you already know what God wants. Perhaps it's an opportunity for you to explain the concept of discernment to others... God reveals His plan to us in His time and for a reason (though we may not know why). Better for you to recognize the different call now than, say 30 years from now! I'm sure your SD will understand and will be able to help offer you advice on what to do next. Peace of Christ be with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OLAM Dad Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Lauren, I'm so happy to see a young person so open to the will of God. What a blessing you are to all of us! I know that you will continue to discern God's will for your life and I'm sure that in time you'll follow the vocation that He has in store for you. Don't listen to anybody who says that you are 'bound for the cloister' because you are so contemplative or that you are called to an active community because you're a people person. My limited experience has taught me that those living a contemplative life are anything but door mats and introverts. Quite the contrary! The cloistered sisters at OLAM are outgoing and full of personality. Everybody here knows the type of person that Mother Angelica is. She is NOT the exception to the rule. Most of her sisters are much like her when it comes to being outgoing and expressing their opinion. Sr. Mary Catharine is another example! Read her posts, you'll see in them an expressive, outgoing personality. The only difference is that in her case, she was called to serve her Spouse and His Church in a different way than those who are active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fr. Antony Maria OSB Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Hey Lauren. In all honesty, all that any of us can do in our discernment of where it is that the LORD wants us is follow the Holy Spirit to the best of our abilities, and we will sometimes come up short: we're not perfect, no matter how much we may want to be. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are following the Will of God, so focus on that and not on what you thought was God's Will for you before. It's in the past, and we can't do anything to change that, but what we can do is learn from it. Tell your family, friends, SD, and anyone else about the vocation you have, but there shouldn't be too many questions, and if there are, just tell them what you told us. You don't need to tell any more than that. Just remember the times when you felt extremely close to God, when you realized your True calling, and just remember that you will be the happiest following God doing that which He has always wanted you to do. I am praying for you and your discernment, Lauren, and there are so many other people who are doing so, as well. I'm sure people you have never had any contact with before, online or otherwise, lol, and the angels are looking after you, as well. Ask your guardian angel for guidence, and also your patron saints. Keep praying, keep discerning, and know that we are all here for you. We're all praying for you. Keep going in the Light of Christ! May God bless and protect you always in all of your endeavors! Your Brother in Christ, Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Domine ut Videam Posted August 21, 2006 Author Share Posted August 21, 2006 Thanks pham....you are right of course....and I am hard on myself; but that is my nature. I don't know. I guess I have just been in this state of perpetual shock since God has been revealing this to me....and now I am sort of just waking up and don't know the next step to take. I guess I feel frightened because everything that I thought I knew.....i no longer know. Everything that I took for granted as a constant, something that would not shange in my life....has changed. Just goes to show what happens when you think you know what you are going to do with your life. I feel as though I am standing at the edge of a great abyss and in faith i must step out. Well, I've stepped out now; but the thing is that i can't yet tell if I'm walking or falling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Domine ut Videam Posted August 22, 2006 Author Share Posted August 22, 2006 not to sound needy...........but if i might ask for your prayers once more....i am going through a particulary rough spot in my life as you might have been able to tell, or maybe not. But with the whole discernment thing and stuff it has just been a really trying period. And now my headaches are getting worse again.....i think it is because school is starting. I ask for your prayers because the one person that i can always count on to be there and who i've always known i can turn to....well he is going to be very busy this year and very stressed out, and he is like a second father to me. I promised myself that i would not become a second cause of added stress and so i have to find some other way to deal with this, because what i did last year.....i can't do this year. So i ask for your prayers......for enlightenment and understanding on both my case and that of this person. Thanks.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Like a Child Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 Thank you for what you wrote, Mr. Ray. My situation is very similar. . .and your words touched a chord with me. Especially this: "[i]The first part of your journey enabled you to see and follow the next part of your journey.[/i]" How true!!! Thank you for the dose of comfort you have given me --and many others, I am sure. Peace, Like a Child [quote name='phatdaddy' post='1046899' date='Aug 20 2006, 07:03 PM'] God Bless you Dear One, God is good. He loves you tenderly. Do not spaek harshly about yourself. You were not lying to yourself. The desires of your heart are what they are and God will lead you through these desires. I think your heart and mind is open to being led by God. I think He put the desire for a contemplative life with Him, in your heart. This journey you are on is a path to holiness. A religious in an active apostolate must be deeply contemplative within the Rule of her order. The beginning of your journey started with a longing for contemplation and simple silence with the beloved. It has been reasonable to assume that God is calling you to that relationship with Him. Now, He has revealed more to you that might be indicating a more specific apostolate. Wonderful. The first part of your journey enabled you to see and follow the next part of your journey. Continue to pray that you respond to His will, what ever He wills, as He wills. A cloisterd Nun, a active Nun, as He wills. But remember, whether cloistered or active, you become His spouse and that is the vocation, the call. The apostolate or so called "job" is based on circumstances, talents, and divine providence of course. Please dear, don't be hard on yourself. You were not wrong. You were where He led you. Now look ahead and be open to where He may be leading you now. In Christ' Love Mr. Ray [/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAF Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 (edited) wrong thread Edited August 24, 2006 by DAF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAF Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 I was in the same position, but don't be so sure that you now know your calling. I was so sure about contemplative life, and then I was so sure about diocesan priesthood, now I'm stuck again. But I can pray for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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