Parents

[stuckinamo]

any advice from anyone on parents who don't support a vocation to the religious life in the least bit? my parents are luke-warm, cafeteria Catholics. In fact, yesterday and today my father and I got into huge debates about the Church. He believes that the Eucharist is only a SYMBOL of our Lord. *gag*

Anyone else had any experience with this or any good tips? Thanks a bunch. God's blessings!

Peace & love in Christ,
mj

[HeavenlyCalling]

Keep praying, and we'll pray for you hon. How long have you been dicerning? Have you gone to 'come and see'?

[OLAM Dad]

mj,

It's good to see you back in the Vocation Station, I've missed you.

The first thing I would suggest is avoiding 'hugh debates' with your parents. I'm 41 years old and have parents who sound like they are in a similar place as yours are and I avoid the debates. Believe me, I know it's hard especially when they egg it on but as a parent I know that it is our kids that are the last people that are going to change our minds. The parent child relationship revolves around a battle of wills and both sides are well prepared for waging an effective defense.

Your ACTIONS, on the other hand, will have a strong impact on your parents. As you grow and mature further they will see you becoming somebody that they wish they could have been.

Continue talking to them and stay strong in your resolve but avoid the debates, they will only drive a wedge between the two of you.

And, of course, keep praying for them.

[Veritas]

[quote name='OLAM Dad' post='1042688' date='Aug 13 2006, 02:41 PM']
mj,

It's good to see you back in the Vocation Station, I've missed you.

The first thing I would suggest is avoiding 'hugh debates' with your parents. I'm 41 years old and have parents who sound like they are in a similar place as yours are and I avoid the debates. Believe me, I know it's hard especially when they egg it on but as a parent I know that it is our kids that are the last people that are going to change our minds. The parent child relationship revolves around a battle of wills and both sides are well prepared for waging an effective defense.

Your ACTIONS, on the other hand, will have a strong impact on your parents. As you grow and mature further they will see you becoming somebody that they wish they could have been.

Continue talking to them and stay strong in your resolve but avoid the debates, they will only drive a wedge between the two of you.

And, of course, keep praying for them.
[/quote]

+

Allow me to second OLAM Dad and expound. As a daughter, and a new Christian and then Catholic, I had many "choice" discussions about the faith with my fallen-away-Catholic parents. However, I learned that obedience (in all things holy), love, patience, and long-suffering (ignoring the "stupid" or unkind things they said) were MUCH more effective. They know where I stand -I don't and won't hide that from them- but because I'm now reliably kind and emotionally self-controlled, they now ask ME about faith matters! I just supply the information and the back-up. No debate involved. In fact, they've since supported me in obtaining my degree in Catholic Studies and year in Rome studying the Church and have been supportive of my becoming a religious sister. Yes, its taken a few years, but God is good! I always remember the words of John Henry Cardinal Newman, "No one has ever been argued into the faith." Loved and explained -yes. Argued and battered -no.

Remeber too, your parents probably received a horrendous catechism in the post-Vatican II years and God will be patient with them in their process of conversion to the true faith and with the right attitude you can be a part of that- WOW what an honor! To do this, keep learning more about the true faith.

I'll check with my friend Mary, who is entering the Sisters of Life, but has parents similar to yours for advice also.


God Bless you. Keep praying!

Edited August 13, 2006 by Veritas

[franciscanheart]

I'll third what OLAM Dad said.

Having parents who are only just now diving into the world of Catholicism (with at least partially opened minds and hearts), I know where you're coming from.

The biggest thing is to always live your faith in your actions and to NEVER STOP PRAYING FOR THEM. Perhaps your vocation will be the ignition of their more devout faith.

Sorry for the short post but I'm running out the door...

*runs out the door*

[veroni213]

I think that it's important to figure out if your parents have any specific issues about you and the religious life. In my family the issue is graduate school. These kinds of concerns are kind of legitimate for parents to have and even if they don't like your decision you need to let them know you've thought them through and are ready to deal with the consequences.

As far as the general "no child of mine will be a religious" attitude goes...you just have to pray for them and let them see how happy God makes you.

[stuckinamo]

[quote name='HeavenlyCalling' post='1042679' date='Aug 13 2006, 03:20 PM']
Keep praying, and we'll pray for you hon. How long have you been dicerning? Have you gone to 'come and see'?
[/quote]
Thanks! This November will bring along my second year of discernment. I was, however, incredibly blessed with rose petals from St. Therese November of last year while praying to her about my vocation! I was supposed to go on a "Nun Run" this past May to some different orders around Maine...but I was sooooo sick. I had Vertigo, so I couldn't go. I'm going to be a senior in high school this year...unfortunately, i think i'm going to have to wait until I'm in college and sort of on my own to be able to go to a convent for a "come and see." but i suppose that they prefer it that way anyways? right now i'm very interested in the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal and also an order in NH called Daughters of Mary, Mother of Healing Love. But I'm not sure! Do you know of any orders anywhere else that are big into service of the poor?


[quote name='OLAM Dad' post='1042688' date='Aug 13 2006, 03:41 PM']
mj,

It's good to see you back in the Vocation Station, I've missed you.

The first thing I would suggest is avoiding 'hugh debates' with your parents. I'm 41 years old and have parents who sound like they are in a similar place as yours are and I avoid the debates. Believe me, I know it's hard especially when they egg it on but as a parent I know that it is our kids that are the last people that are going to change our minds. The parent child relationship revolves around a battle of wills and both sides are well prepared for waging an effective defense.

Your ACTIONS, on the other hand, will have a strong impact on your parents. As you grow and mature further they will see you becoming somebody that they wish they could have been.

Continue talking to them and stay strong in your resolve but avoid the debates, they will only drive a wedge between the two of you.

And, of course, keep praying for them.
[/quote]

Thanks so much for the welcome back. I got sick in early April and missed like 15 or 20 days of school and had lost like 10 pounds and life was just really crazy for a while until i started getting better in late May, early June... and I wasn't dealing with it in a Godly way, which is bad bad! You'd think I would have been on here MORE! but I wasn't. So thank you for the welcome back! And for the wonderful, fatherly advice! And to everyone who seconded & thirded him! This morning, I eventually just shut my mouth and just took all that he said to me and united it to the foot of the cross and just kept quiet. Thank you also for your prayers!! You are all wonderful and very much in my prayers!

I think it's so awesome that this website exists and that there are sooo many young men and women on here discerning vocations to the religious life. Man, it just totally ROCKS! It fills me with such joy!!

[Guest phatdaddy]

mj,

The encouragement that you have received in this thread is wonderful and it sounds like you have taken it to heart. God's grace can do all things. Please let me also encourage you in your religious vocation. You are already living your vocation to grow in holiness as is evidenced in your words. God bless you dear one,
Mr. Ray

[stlmom]

[quote name='stuckinamo' post='1042861' date='Aug 13 2006, 08:04 PM']
Thanks! This November will bring along my second year of discernment. I was, however, incredibly blessed with rose petals from St. Therese November of last year while praying to her about my vocation! I was supposed to go on a "Nun Run" this past May to some different orders around Maine...but I was sooooo sick. I had Vertigo, so I couldn't go. I'm going to be a senior in high school this year...unfortunately, i think i'm going to have to wait until I'm in college and sort of on my own to be able to go to a convent for a "come and see." but i suppose that they prefer it that way anyways? right now i'm very interested in the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal and also an order in NH called Daughters of Mary, Mother of Healing Love. But I'm not sure! Do you know of any orders anywhere else that are big into service of the poor?

[/quote]



Here are a few orders that focus on the poor/take a vow of service to the poor:

Missionaries of Charity
Little Sisters of the Poor
Religious Sisters of Mercy of Alma
Daughters of Charity of St. Vincent dePaul

God Bless!

[Guest Perpetualove]

Dear MJ,
I have also had very difficult times with my parents over my discernment and wanting to follow Christ in a religious community. It is heartbreaking to consider cutting ties with one's family and it's hard to imagine that Jesus would really ask this of us. All I can offer you is to follow the examples of the saints. If I may, I would like to direct you to St. Perpetua's story. Her "journal" can easily be found on the internet, and she talks openly of choosing martyrdom - knowing that she would leave her son, and her father behind. Her father was very much against her decision, and tried very hard to "guilt" her into recanting. Also, St. Francis of Assisi, a great lover of the poor, was also forced to choose between his father and his call. And St. Clare's parents were horrified. I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Read the stories of the saints and gain courage from their lives and examples. I know that I have. God bless you and good luck, Perpetua

[cmaD2006]

Hi MJ:

I had a hard time with my dad ... his first response to my vocation was "oh no, I don't like that. Don't you know nuns can't dance" (I *still* don't understand his response, since I never took to going out to clubs and parties, and was a horrible dancer! : )

Well over time it turned out that my dad was concerned about my being provided for, and he wasn't too good about expressing himself. He remembered seeing sisters (my parents are originally from Puerto Rico) that basically didn't have enough to survive on (although I'm sure in the long run they managed).

He actually said to a sister that was visiting my family that he'd rather see me happy in a convent than miserable in a marriage. All he wanted was my happiness and that I would be provided for.

But this conversation happened at least 2 years (maybe 3) after the initial one.

Pray for your parents and give them time.

-- Carmen

[stuckinamo]

thanks soooo much you guys!! God bless!

[magnificat]

Unfortuantely, I think you've joined the growing club of people discerning without the support of their parents. Hang in there and keep praying for your family. For most people, eventually their families come around and if you just ask around when you visit communities, you'll find many sisters who've gone through the same experience you have. Yet, many families have been incredibly graced by the vocation in their family and many families revert back to the faith and their family life blossoms....so there is hope!
God bless.

[MIKolbe]

Dear MJ-

I will pray for you, and for your parents.

I am a Dad myself, though my little girl is only 4.

Let me be honest, and say that if my little girl (and she will always be my little girl : ) was serious as you are, i would be so proud of her. What a calling to hear and act upon!!!! In the same breath, I would be sad knowing that I will never have a grandchild, never go to his/her soccer games.. i will never be able to 'give my daughter away', or babysit... Now i am being honest. and yes, i know these are selfish feelings, but i would bet some of these feelings you Dad my be going through as well.

In the next breath, let me tell you this:
if my daughter, with all her heart, unwaveringly, and steadfastly with the utmost humility (read not to want to win an argument) wanted to do anything for the greater glory of God.. how could i resist?? (though, i ALL honesty, it may take me a while to get there) Dad's are people too!! Be patient, be loving, be yourself.

Ask your Dad to sit, just sit, and spend time with this 'symbol' as he refers to it as....Let him see you in the light of the Eucharistic Lord. I know of no greater power than this. Let him see you love Him.

And, yes, pray. This, i hope, is supremely obvious.

Please let me know the outcome!! I will pray and offer my next Mass for you.

JMJ

[stuckinamo]

Thanks soo much!!

Parents definitely are human. I would probably be sad about those things too as a parent. They do have two other kids though (who i'm surprised haven't given them grandkids already! ) Thanks so much for being so honest. It is always good to get a parent's point of view. Like OLAM Dad!! i LOVE that he hangs out here and is so awesome! Thank you also for the prayers! I know that with time, only through the Grace of God, they'll be okay with it. I'm just a little impatient right now! It's like I've been proposed to and don't get to talk about it!! Haha. But thank you very, very much! God's blessings!

peace & love in Christ,
mj