Families Without Children

[Colleen]

From Zenit:

[url="http://www.zenit.org/english/visualizza.phtml?sid=92953"]http://www.zenit.org/english/visualizza.phtml?sid=92953[/url]

PISCATAWAY, New Jersey, JULY 22, 2006 (Zenit.org).- Life without children is a growing social reality for an increasing number of American adults.

This is the conclusion of the 2006 edition of "The State of Our Unions" report on marriage, released last week by the National Marriage Project. The project is based at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey.

Up until recently, for most people, the greater part of adult life was spent with young children forming part of the household. A combination of marrying later, less children and longer life expectancy means, however, that a significantly greater part of adult life is spent without kids being in the house.

The report, titled "Life Without Children," was authored by Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe. They start by noting how many recent publications complain of the difficulties in raising children. Many surveys also show that parents report lower levels of happiness compared to non-parents. In fact, an increasing number of married couples now see children as an obstacle to their marital happiness.

This isn't to say that children are rejected by the majority of couples. Nevertheless, there is a growing feeling of trepidation about taking on the responsibilities of parenthood. Of course, bringing up kids has never been easy, but there are good reasons why a growing number of parents are feeling increased pressures, the report explains.

A weakening of marriage bonds contributes to the difficulties of having children. Cohabiting women, the report explains, may postpone childbearing until they have a better sense of the long-term future of the relationship. If they wait too long, however, this places them at risk for never having children. Being in an unhappy marriage is another source of uncertainty. Couples who are worried about getting divorced are the most likely to remain childless.

Changing families

Citing Census Bureau reports, Whitehead and Popenoe lay out just how much family structures have changed.

-- In 1970 the median age of first marriage for women was just under 21years-old. The age of first marriage has now risen to just short of 26. Women who have a four-year college degree marry at an even later age.

-- In 1970, 73.6% of women, ages 25-29, had already entered their child-rearing years and were living with at least one minor child of their own. By 2000, this share dropped to 48.7%. For men in the same age bracket in 1970, 57.3% lived with their own children in the household. In 2000 this had plummeted to 28.8%.

-- In 1960, 71% of married women had their first child within the first 3 years of marriage. By 1990, this almost halved, to 37%. So after getting married, couples now experience a greater number of child-free years.

-- In 1970, 27.4% of women and 39.5% of men, ages 50-54, had at least one minor child of their own in the household. By 2000, the shares had fallen to 15.4% and 24.7%, respectively.

-- In addition, a growing number of women are not having any children. In 2004, almost one out of five women in their early forties was childless. In 1976, it was only one out of ten.

-- The proportion of households with children has declined from half of all households in 1960 to less than one-third today -- the lowest in America's history.

In general, then, a few decades ago life before children was brief, with little time between the end of schooling and the beginning of marriage and family life. Life after children was also reduced, with few years left before the end of work and the beginning of old age.

Less fun

Contemporary culture has quickly reflected the changes in family life, the report observes. It is increasingly common to find the years spent raising children portrayed as being less satisfying compared to the years before and after.

Adult life without children is depicted as having positive meaning and purpose, and as being full of fun and freedom. Life with children, by contrast, is seen as full of pressures and responsibilities.

In general, life without children is characterized by a focus on the self. "Indeed, the cultural injunction for the childless young and the child-free old is to 'take care of yourself,'" the report comments.

The years spent bringing up children is just the opposite. Being a parent means focusing on those who are dependent and subordinating adult needs to the requirements of the children.

By way of compensation traditional culture normally celebrated the work and sacrifice of parents, but this has now changed. Increasingly, the popular image of parents is a negative one. The new stereotypes range from the hyper-competitive sports parents who scream at their own kids, to those who ignore the problems their undisciplined children cause for others in public places.

The latest variant are the so-called "helicopter parents," who get their name from the way they supposedly hover over their children and swoop down to rescue them from any negative consequences of their behavior.

Television programs have long made fun of fathers, notes the report. More recently mothers are also being shown as unfit, unable to carry out their responsibilities without the help of a nanny, or as being over-indulgent and negligent.

By contrast a number of the most popular television shows in America in recent years, such as "Friends" and "Sex and the City," celebrated the glamorous life of young urban singles.

Bias against children

What does this portend for the future, the report asks. For a start, less political support for families. In the last presidential election, parents made up slightly less than 40% of the electorate. Less votes translates into less support for funding of schools and youth activities. Already a number of communities across the nation are trying to hold down property taxes by restricting the construction of affordable single family housing.

In cultural terms the bias against children is likely to grow. Entertainment and pastimes for adults -- gambling, pornography and sex -- is one of the fastest growing and most lucrative, and exciting, sectors of the economy.

By contrast, being a devoted parent is increasingly subject to a ruthless debunking, the report notes. In fact, the task of being a mother is now seen by a growing number as being unworthy of an educated women's time and talents. So the more staid values supportive of raising children -- sacrifice, stability, dependability, maturity -- will receive less attention.

"It is hard enough to rear children in a society that is organized to support that essential social task," the report observes. "Consider how much more difficult it becomes when a society is indifferent at best, and hostile, at worst, to those who are caring for the next generation," it concludes.

The family, "founded on indissoluble marriage between a man and a woman," is where men and women "are enabled to be born with dignity, and to grow and develop in an integral manner," explained the Pope in his homily concluding the World Meeting of Families in Valencia, Spain, on July 9.

"The joyful love with which our parents welcomed us and accompanied our first steps in this world is like a sacramental sign and prolongation of the benevolent love of God from which we have come," he noted.

This experience of being welcomed and loved by God and by our parents, explained Benedict XVI, "is always the firm foundation for authentic human growth and authentic development, helping us to mature on the way towards truth and love, and to move beyond ourselves in order to enter into communion with others and with God." A foundation that is increasingly being undermined in today's society.

[homeschoolmom]

Interesting article....
I just got back from an annual get-tegether with college friends. Of the eight adults there:
Me and HSdad (parents of 10, 7 and almost three year olds)
Guy friend and his wife (married later-- four years ago-- but have two daughters 2.5 and 1)
Married couple (married 15 years-- childless by choice)
and two single women (who'd probably like to be married, I think, but I think they've both settled into the idea of being single)

We are all in our late thirties and early forties.

[prose]

Our generation is the most selfish generation in history.

[Aloysius]

as far as I understand it, marriage without the intent to bear children is automatic grounds for annulment. so most of those folks are not even married in my book.

nail on the head, prose, nail on the held. it's complete and utter selfishness.

[misereremi]

[quote name='Colleen' post='1028894' date='Jul 22 2006, 09:34 PM']
Less fun

Contemporary culture has quickly reflected the changes in family life, the report observes. It is increasingly common to find the years spent raising children portrayed as being less satisfying compared to the years before and after.

Adult life without children is depicted as having positive meaning and purpose, and as being full of fun and freedom. Life with children, by contrast, is seen as full of pressures and responsibilities.
[/quote]
Life with children is all I have ever known.... And what a fun, meaningful and purposeful life it has been because of them! I dread the sad day when my children will leave home. My husband and I have discussed the possibility of being foster parents to teens when that happens.

Where I live we have high rates of teenage pregnancy. Most of my friends had their first child aged 16-21, and they are single mothers. They are being supported to complete further education at university or college.

There are undercurrents of positive change... there is more political support /financial help now for families, benefits for married couples. In the media more "celebrities" are getting married and having babies, more TV shows are teaching us how to be better parents. In our neighbourhoods there are more parenting support programmes. But there is still that lack of a real family structure so it all falls apart. We have so many neglected children.

[OLAM Dad]

I'm with you, misereremi. I can't say that life with children has been all I've known but it has been for the past 18 years. I didn't have my first until I was 22. Now my baby is almost 7 and it's sad.

Kids are dope. I think one of the problems is that nowadays everybody says how HARD it is to raise kids. If by hard they mean that it takes a lot of time then I agree. But most hear the word hard and think of something difficult that should be avoided if possible. Raising kids is not hard, quite the contrary, it's easy. It just takes a lot of time. Kids bring great joy.

[homeschoolmom]

[quote]Adult life without children is depicted as having positive meaning and purpose, and as being full of fun and freedom. Life with children, by contrast, is seen as full of pressures and responsibilities.[/quote]

This was the line that stuck out to me, too. How can a life filled with new toys and trips be filled with "positive meaning and purpose"? "Fun and Freedom" I would agree with, but purpose?? I think meeting the challenge of fulfilling one's God-given responsibliities and hearing "Well done, good and faithful servant" is the ultimate in meaning and purpose. God did not create us for the purpose of squeezing the most self-serving pleasure out of life before we die.

[Ash Wednesday]

When is it too late to have kids? I would have been open to marriage earlier but my life just didn't unfold that way. I've been in a bit of a panic because I'll be 30 next month. I'd like to be able have more than just a single kid, if you know what I mean...

Edited July 24, 2006 by Ash Wednesday

[homeschoolmom]

Well, Sarah was in her 90s, but I probably wouldn't wait that long... A friend of mine had her fourth at 42...

[Ash Wednesday]

..in her 90s???

[homeschoolmom]

Yeah, you know... of Abraham and Sarah... Isaac...?

[Ash Wednesday]

Aha... I see!

I forgot about that one. I guess it's all on God's watch, not mine. I suppose if God chooses to bless me with kids, I'll probably end up like my mom, she had her last two at 32, and 33 (me). And life after 35, who knows, whatever happens in life, happens.

I think my sister in law had her first one at... 34, and another at 35.

Edited July 24, 2006 by Ash Wednesday

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1029799' date='Jul 24 2006, 05:19 AM']
This was the line that stuck out to me, too. How can a life filled with new toys and trips be filled with "positive meaning and purpose"? "Fun and Freedom" I would agree with, but purpose?? I think meeting the challenge of fulfilling one's God-given responsibliities and hearing "Well done, good and faithful servant" is the ultimate in meaning and purpose. God did not create us for the purpose of squeezing the most self-serving pleasure out of life before we die.
[/quote]
I want to clarify before someone jumps all over me... I am not saying that people who are single and/or childless have no meaning or purpose in life. Rather, the article was indicating that people were chosing a care-free life (because the responsibility of raising children looked like drudgery) and calling that lifestyle "meaningful."

[Ash Wednesday]

I think a lot of people that deliberately postpone having kids for the carefree life have regret when that window of opportunity to have kids passes.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' post='1029810' date='Jul 24 2006, 08:04 AM']
When is it too late to have kids? I would have been open to marriage earlier but my life just didn't unfold that way. I've been in a bit of a panic because I'll be 30 next month. I'd like to be able have more than just a single kid, if you know what I mean...
[/quote]
My mom started having kids (me) at 32. With other sibs she was 34, 36, 40, and 47.

She's unusual, though ... typically 40 or so is about the oldest that people have kids.