memory-singer Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 [font=Arial] Dear Nicole, I am very sorry for your pain and disappointment. Please know that Our Lord will reward your desire and generosity in wanting to give yourself to Him Alone. We just don't know how yet. I hold you in my heart before His holy altar. Love and prayers, Dare Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brendan1104 Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Nicole: I am so very sorry that you have been asked not to enter. I truly know how difficult this is- believe me I went through something even worse in my vocation, as I am about to tell you: I know you feel rejected, and depressed and worthless. I know this because, although I was accepted to a religious community/seminary, I was asked to leave soon after I entered... I know these feelings so well. At first I wept- and I wept bitterly, expressing my anger and frustration and sadness to the vocations director and another priest there, the other seminarians, as well as God. Remembering the words of a good bishop: "There's half a minute for a handkerchief and then life moves on," I realized that this was all God's will, His plan and that I needed to unite my suffering to Christ Crucified and resign myself to His will, and to whatever He wanted. I am very much aware of the pain, and the hurt and the depression. But if you truly have a religious vocation- please God- then you should realize these things- resignation, abandonment, only wanting His will and to ignore your own- perhaps prideful and self-centered- desires and wants. Remember that the Spouse you want so bad, is our Father and Teacher. He is the Potter, and we are the clay. Please reflect on these words: "Whatever He wants, whenever He wants, however He wants." - St. Maravillas of Jesus, OCD "Whatever happens to us in this life has been allowed to happen by God or send to us directly, as some kind of special cross, lesson or chastisement." Holy Abandonment I hope this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Like a Child Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 I am sorry you are hurting. . .and I will keep you in my prayers. I also wanted to share something with you. As others have already said, I think you should at least try (I know it's hard) to rest in God and trust. Accept that you do not have all the answers, at least not right now. But the answers to your painful questions (Why did this happen to me? Why did they say no? What will I do now) WILL COME. I love this quote and hope it will help you: "Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903 in Letters to a Young Poet Peace, Like a Child Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puellapaschalis Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Nicole, you are in my prayers. The best advice I can suggest is to weep and let God comfort you. You seem angry, hurt and disappointed, all of which God understands. He alone can soothe your pain; flee into His arms and take some rest with Him. Love and prayers, PP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest phatdaddy Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Nicole, I am sorry to hear this. All that has been said by all these good people is so very true. Take it to heart and know that you are in our prayers. Remember what Mary-Katheryn said. It may not be time and that convent may not be where he wants you, continue to pursue the desires of your heart. Gets some rest and take care of yourself. Our dear Jesus will take care of your vocation, whatever and wherever it might be. Be strong little one. Mr. Ray Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zabbazooey Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Nicole, Please be assured of my prayers. Get some rest and eat Pax, Rachel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birgitta Noel Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Nicole, I'm just seeing this now. I am so sorry to hear this. I know you are disappointed. You are in my prayers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Nicole, how old are you again? (I'm sorry. I'm very forgetful.) As FutureNunJMJ has already said, God breaks us to make us better. Strive to be clay in the Potter's hands. Allow yourself to calm down. Use the next couple of months to allow yourself to grow and mature. If you feel anger and resentment in your heart and you wish to please the Lord as much as you claim, let Him have it. Do not hold that anger in your heart and certainly do not take it out on yourself. Rely on your family and if need be, get a counselor. Stick to those who are close to you and know the situation. They won't let you get too carried away. Trust me when I say this will help in the long run. Eat, sleep and be healthy. Most of all, LEARN from this. Do not allow yourself to fall into another rut. Do NOT let this or something similar happen to you again. If it is your fault, take it. Own it. Live up to what you need to do and be in order to be successful in this life. Striving for success pleases our Lord. Do what you need to do and don't do any less. Know of my prayers for your spirits. I pray they improve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piccoli Fiori JMJ Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 I just read this story last night and I thought you might get something from it Nicole: [quote]There was a couple who used to go to England to shop in the beautiful stores. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups. This was their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. One day in this beautiful shop they saw a beautiful teacup. They said, "May we see that? We've never seen one quite so beautiful." As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke. "You don't understand," it said. "I haven't always been a teacup. There was a time when I was brown and I was clay. My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, 'let me alone', but he only smiled, 'Not yet.' "Then I was placed on a spinning wheel," the teacup said, "and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. Stop it! I'm getting dizzy! I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, 'Not yet.' Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I wondered why he wanted to burn me, and I yelled and knocked at the door. I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head, 'Not yet.' Finally the door opened, he put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. 'There, that's better,' I said. And he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. 'Stop it, stop it!' I cried. He only nodded, 'Not yet.' Then suddenly he put me back into the oven, not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. All the time I could see him through the opening nodding his head saying, 'Not yet.' Then I knew there wasn't any hope. I would never make it. I was ready to give up. But the door opened and he took me out and placed me on the shelf. One hour later he handed me a mirror and said, 'Look at yourself. And I did. I said, 'That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful.' 'I want you to remember, then,' he said, 'I know it hurts to be rolled and patted, but if I had left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I knew it hurt and was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened; you would not have had any color in your life. And if I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't survive for very long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. You are what I had in mind when I first began with you. Moral: * God knows what He's doing (for all of us). * He is the Potter, and we are His clay. * He will mold us and make us, so that we may be made into a flawless piece of work to fulfill His good, pleasing, and perfect will. 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, he will not tempt you beyond what you can bear...[/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chatbox829 Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 "Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song." ~Pope John Paul II i am new here but maybe this Quote can Help take the others advice i will pray for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
josefamaria Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 [quote name='Sixtina87' post='1027433' date='Jul 19 2006, 09:37 PM'] Thanks elizabeth, i know i can count on you!!! I have not eat anything today simply there is no reason for me to eat and simply because i am not hungary. Sister and I talked about, i can only visit once a yr and maybe in a few yrs re-apply. However i do not to re-apply i already did that, and it didn't work. I want to be there right now with the family and enjoying time spent with them and with christ. i know i will be the best beaver dam sister ever!!!!!!!! [/quote] Sixtina87: You know, you're probably right---you will be the best beaver dam sister ever----but no one will ever know if you wither up and die. And maybe, just maybe, that is why you are not entering there. God needs you elsewhere so you better get busy asking Him. There's an old saying "I'll thank them when I'm done crying." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 I've heard more than once (and I know you have as well and will one day realize it to be true) that one of the most loving things an order can tell a young woman (or man) is that they are not the order for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akalyte Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 God will provide. Dont be sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uruviel Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 [quote name='Sixtina87' post='1027481' date='Jul 20 2006, 03:37 AM'] i have been up for almost an hour. my body is weak, my legs and body ach so bad. my head isn't pounding at all well for now it isn't! i am freezing. I honestly give up on everything. i dont care anymore and i simply can't live life like i have in the past. I don't want anything to do with life at all. i hate my life and I will always hate it!!!!!!!!!! [/quote] Nicole, there are so many caring people here that are praying for you, hopeing for you, and believing in you and God. God does not give us these trials and hardships so that we can [i]give up[/i]. He gives us these to make us stronger and to strengthen our trust and love in Him. Do not give up on Christ, He sure is not giving up on you and you know he will NEVER. In saying you hate your life you are hurting God, God created you! He made you with such love, He holds your heart closer to Him than you can imagine, and to say you hate the life He gave you is not why He made you. I have to say I am alittle ashamed to see such a beautiful soul being so doubtful of Jesus and her own soul. The only way to get through this is to go through it with Him, with your loved ones and with spiritual direction. Granted I can't imagine what you are going through, but God does, and God would never have allowed this if He knew you couldn't handle it. Never let go of His hand and like so many other people have said, BE NOT AFRAID. God Bless you and Mary keep, your sister in Christ, -uruviel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passionheart Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Dear Nicole, It is only now I saw your post and I am truly sorry. I understand your pain because I have been through this myself. Nicole, remembered I emailed you my story and so you know I have been turned downed by many communities as well. I was so hurt by one rejection that I cried all day in my room because I didn't want my brother to see me. When I had my first rejection in my early twenties, I felt like a loser. After all, the communities were looking for vocations but I couldn't get in the convent. As a result, I turned away from God in bitterness. Even after there was some reconcilitation, I still felt like a loser and I gave up any hope in knowing my vocation. I started to hate the word. I felt that God didn't want me because no matter how hard I tried the doors always kept slamming in my face. Nicole, I am 44 now and as much I told the Lord to forget about ever asking me about religious life again because it was far to painful for me, it did happen. I don't know what your vocation is Nicole but don't get yourself trapped into thinking you are a "loser". I did and it almost lead to some dire circumstances for me. You will find your place that our Father desires for you but the road may be difficult. Just don't isolate yourself but draw closer to the people who truly love you. It will help with the healing. If you want to vent or just talk PM me. Love, Donna Marie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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