Discernment & You

[franciscanheart]

When you were discerning (or as you discern if you are still discerning), what has been the most helpful information for you? What books have you read that you really enjoyed? What quote meant something to you? What have you done to discern?

I'm looking for discernment material in general. I'm putting together a sheet for some girls and I have some material but I thought it would be a good idea (and kinda fun) to ask for input here. So give me whatever you've got!

Thanks ahead of time!

[Gemma]

[quote name='hugheyforlife' post='1027260' date='Jul 19 2006, 05:01 PM']
When you were discerning (or as you discern if you are still discerning), what has been the most helpful information for you? What books have you read that you really enjoyed? What quote meant something to you? What have you done to discern?

I'm looking for discernment material in general. I'm putting together a sheet for some girls and I have some material but I thought it would be a good idea (and kinda fun) to ask for input here. So give me whatever you've got!

Thanks ahead of time!
[/quote]

Just before meeting hubby, (almost 16 years ago), I came across a quote from St. John of the Cross which said, essentially, to 'take the most revolting road.' Marriage and family were utterly revolting at the time. So, I said, okay, God, if you want me married, bring him here. And we met at church after the Stations not long afterward. I was also recovering memories of abuse, and asked my social worker about the possibility of marriage. She said that whatever came out of this therapy would be best for me. I then attended a seminar about relationships, and my "partner" (the woman sitting next to me) affirmed the fact that I could have a decent relationship with a man.

HTH.

Blessings,
Gemma

[franciscanheart]

No one else? I'm begging here...

[veritas99]

reading Vita Consecrata was and continues to be very helpful. Also the more time spent goingto daily Mass, praying in Eucharistic Adoration and praying the Rosary. Right now, at the suggestion of my spiritual director, i've started reading Fire Within by Fr. Thomas Dubay and that has been helpful as far as praying goes and trying to diver deeper into contemplative prayer.
I hope that's helpful.

Tracy

[Lilllabettt]

John 14:27 was helpful to me.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you."

[Called2theCross]

Hey!! I'm new here and anxious about discernment, too. Deep down, what it really comes down to, is that I don't want to "mess up" what God has planned for me. Something that really helped me was something a friend told me....I'm only 13, so I have plenty of time to think this through....anyway, my friend said, "Glorify God in the Now and he will lead you to your vocation." I really think that helped me because if I am always worrying about the future (and believe me, I am), my efforts in the present time will be without heart and purpose, therefore worthless and fruitless. We never know if we actually have a lifetime to discern, so dedicate every moment, every breath to a life with God, whether a life with God is to enhanced with a husband or enhanced with a family of sisters. All I know is that, we are ALL Called2theCross!!!

[philothea]

[i]Weeds Among the Wheat Discernment: Where Prayer and Action Meet[/i] by Fr. Thomas H. Green

[franciscanheart]

thanks yall! keep it coming...

[veroni213]

I loved reading biographies of the saints. (esp. St. Francis) I think they help most if you're trying to narrow your search down to a specific order/ spirituality.

[jenna311]

Something my friend (who was still in seminary at the time, but just got ordained in June) told me when i wrote to him asking how we can know God's will:

"...it is difficult to know or assume to know that will of God for on'es life. It has much to do with the Mystery of 'calling'. Remember first that all persons are called to holiness of life, and that means different things to different people. I like to think that holiness is simply being a man or woman of prayer, in the world, and being who God inteneds for one to be. Necessarily, then, one's vocation (calling) is wrapped up in on'es sanctification (holiness, or process thereof) and it is a very important jouney and process to decide upon which way of holiness to embrace: for Catholic women: marraige, sisterhood (consecrated religious life), or single for the Lord (possible as a consecrated virgin or as a lay woman devoted to God 'in the world') A very important sign of one's calling is often on'es desires. The Psalmist says 'God wants to give us the desires of our heart.' But the key to understanding this is that the Lord will purify our desires first...because He wants our sanctification and happiness even more than we do!! It is a process, so be patient with the Lord and yourself. Do not be afraid for 'fear is useless, what is needed is trust.' "

[shortnun]

"If you are what you should be, you will set the world ablaze."
~ St. Catherine of Siena, OP

"If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark."
~ St. John of the Cross

"Cast yourself into the arms of God and be very sure that if He wants anything from you, He will fit you for the work and give you strength."
~ St. Philip Neri

"Be not a slave of your own past - plunge deep into the sublime seas, dive deep, and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience, that shall both explain and move beyond the old."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Each one of us has some kind of vocation. We are all called by God to share in His life and in His Kingdom. Each one of us is called to a special place in the Kingdom. If we find that place we will be happy. If we do not find it, we can never be completly happy. For each of us, there is only one thing necessary: to fullfill our own destiny, according to God's will, to be what God wants us to be. We must not imagine that we only discover this destiny by a game of hide-and-seek with Divine Providence."

~ Fr. Thomas Merton, No Man is An Island

"Do not be afraid, I am with you.
I have called you each by name.
Come and follow me
I will bring you home;
I love you and you are mine.

I am the Word that leads all to freedom,
I am the peace the world cannot give.
I will call your name,
Embracing all your pain,
Stand up, now walk, and live!"

[cathoholic_anonymous]

The priest at my student chaplaincy said, "Ultimately you've got to do what makes you happiest. Our deepest desire is to be with God in the way He chooses, and only fulfilling that desire will make you happy."

A Dominican brother added to this, saying, "God doesn't call us to be unhappy."

I realise that neither my priest or the Dominican brother were telling me to take the easiest, most comfortable road - true happiness is usually bought at a high price. But I'm a little confused about St John of the Cross's advice, as nearly all the vocational discernment material I've ever read says that the candidate should feel some attraction to the life. Can you be attracted to something and feel revolted at the same time?

[Gemma]

[quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1027484' date='Jul 20 2006, 05:29 AM']
The priest at my student chaplaincy said, "Ultimately you've got to do what makes you happiest. Our deepest desire is to be with God in the way He chooses, and only fulfilling that desire will make you happy."

A Dominican brother added to this, saying, "God doesn't call us to be unhappy."

I realise that neither my priest or the Dominican brother were telling me to take the easiest, most comfortable road - true happiness is usually bought at a high price. But I'm a little confused about St John of the Cross's advice, as nearly all the vocational discernment material I've ever read says that the candidate should feel some attraction to the life. Can you be attracted to something and feel revolted at the same time?
[/quote]

Revolted? Yes, and it was because of this condition that I have called Asperger's Autism that was turning me away from what has apparently been my true calling--marriage. If I hadn't married and eventually moved to NC where we now live, I never would've found out that I was an Aspie.

I didn't like kids because they were too loud. However, becoming a mom changed that around. I say 'changed it around' because the revulsion was tweaked until I understood it. I knew I was preggers with DS1 when I felt my senses heighten. I already had sensitive hearing, but it was like the rest of my ear woke up.

Due to the Asperger's, I desire silence because I can't take a lot of sensory stimulation. I loved the monastic life because of the schedule. I loved prayer because I was with Someone who knew me, loved me and accepted me for who I am. I was also abused as a child, and that led even more to my revulsion towards marriage and physical contact.

This marrige of mine has not been a cakewalk. Hubby went to Gulf War I, and returned a different person. It took my nearly dying of emotional suppression to get him to realize that something was wrong with his behavior. I also had to threaten him with divorce. Going through that also clued me in to the reality of the Sacrament of Matrimony. Our Lady made me realize that such is a sacrament of life-commitment, and since she's the Mediatrix of All Graces, I just had to go to her and say, "Help!" She would give the graces to get over the bump. And it works.

Now if more priests and religious would realize that. . .

I don't think I've hijacked the thread, but if I have, I do apologize. However, I thought that I should make a statement about the "most revolting path." I don't think I can talk for "neurotypicals" (non-Aspie folk). I have put in my two cents, and since one child in 166 is autistic, I think everyone should start learning more about the condition.

Blessings,
Gemma

[cathoholic_anonymous]

[quote]Yes, and it was because of this condition that I have called Asperger's Autism that was turning me away from what has apparently been my true calling--marriage[/quote]

As I mentioned in the Disabilities thread, I also have AS - although my dyspraxia causes me the most problems in terms of practical living. I've been meaning to PM you about this in response to your invitation, but I didn't know what to write.

Religious life appeals to me for many of the same reasons that it appealed to you: the routine, the tranquil environment (noise and smell are two of my biggest demons - my ears and nose are far too finely tuned for my own good, and that causes panic attacks), lack of basic social skills, etc. I've always thought that God's gift of an autistic spectrum disorder was His way of shaving down my options and telling me that I ought to be a nun. I could be wrong, of course...but I really don't like the idea of getting married. Being touched...ugh, I can't stand it. The lack of solid structure. The lack of space. The lack of quiet. I don't know if I could.

[Like a Child]

Some things that have helped me along the path of discernment:

1. Consulting friends, family, and religious. It really helped when those who know me best offered me confirmation of my perceived calling.

2. The questions and answers section on www.vocation.com

3. Reminding myself again and again to trust God and to LIVE my unresolved questions. I love this quote:

"have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903
in Letters to a Young Poet

4. Visiting the communities I was interested in. You never know for sure where you'll "fit" until you go and spend time with that particular group.

5. And finally, the quote that convinced me that the path I was treading on (towards a community of Dominicans that work with the poor) was indeed God's will for me:

"Whenever you are in doubt or when the self becomes too much with you, try
the following experiment: Recall the face of the poorest and most helpless
person you have ever seen and ask yourself if the step you contemplate is
going to be for any use to him or to her . . . Then you will find your
doubts and your self melting away." - Gandhi