First Meeting with a Spiritual Director

[awyers]

Well I just got home from my first meeting with a spiritual director and it was a little odd???? I thought he would have so much insight for me since he is a Franciscan hermit and I am really interested in the contemplative life and Franciscan spirituality. Forgive me while I vent

He started off by telling me he wasnt convinced I was truly discerning, just testing the waters and that his job is to help me deepen and improve my relationship with God not to help me or talk to me about my vocation. I thought this was really weird since the thing that occupys most of my time is discerning and I would think the possibility of a vocation would impact my prayer life some what???
What disturbed me even more is that he said that I would have a lot of problems with the American Catholic church. He said they are much more conservative then the moderate Canadian Catholic church which has resulted in a big split.......the "arch conservatives" like Mother Angelica and the "way out there underground" Catholics that are revolting agaisnt the conservatives. He also said I shouldnt bother looking at American convents as I am a Canadian citizen and that there would be too many issues surrounding that.
My head is spinning to say the least. Maybe I needed to hear some of those things but man, the experinece wasnt at all what I thought it would be

[alicemary]

Sometimes meetings with spiritual directors shake our very roots. Was he kind to you or do you feel he was abrupt?
His first comments are very true, your primary goal of all this is a deeper union with Jesus. If you have a vocation that is truly secondary. Religious life is only living out a lifestyle devoted to the Lord. If you dont know Jesus, a vocation is useless without foundation. Discerning religioius life is fine, but you need to know why.
I dont really know anything about the differences between American and Canadian practices. You will further have to discuss that here on the board.
Do not be discouraged. It is never an easy process. The Lord puts some people in our life and we want to shake our fists and say "go away". But you went to him for his opinion, and I think he gave it. I say, go back, face him again and see what you can gain.
Prayers!

[puellapaschalis]

Tired old cliche: God works in mysterious ways.

Less tired and cliched and more thought-out: discernment [i]is[/i] about deepening your relationship with God. It's about learning, painfully sometimes, to empty yourself as Christ did, so that you can better listen to what God is whispering to your heart.

I can't really comment on his remarks with regards to the Church in Canada and America. However, as an expat (and having lived in Canada along the line) I [i]can[/i] say that there are huge, HUGE differences in the Church even across one border. Of course, who she really is and what she teaches is forever unchanging, but how she lives out her teaching is undoubtedly influenced - to a bigger extent than people normally realise - by the local culture.

Bear in mind that this was your first meeting with him. It's a little unrealistic to expect the whole thing to go smoothly all the time! Take some time to pray about your experience. Offer all your reactions and emotions to it to Jesus, and ask him to give you peace. Don't forget to pray for your Spiritual Director - he's also entering into a new relationship with you too, and needs just as much support as you

I hope this helps a little and hasn't offended you in anyway.

Love and prayers,

PP

[OLAM Dad]

American Catholic Church?
Canadian Catholic Church?
Gee, I thought we were all Roman Catholics.

Not convinced you're discerning? What does he think discerning is?

[quote]He started off by telling me he wasnt convinced I was truly discerning, just testing the waters and that his job is to help me deepen and improve my relationship with God not to help me or talk to me about my vocation.[/quote]

If he wants to help you grow closer to God how could he possibly not help you by doing that and how could he possibly not talk to you about your vocation? Our vocation is at the heart of our relationship with God, not an afterthought.

[b]I would drop this guy like a hot rock and find somebody more pastoral.[/b]

Edited June 28, 2006 by OLAM Dad

[Gemma]

I'm a little befuddled about how this relationship got started (the first session). Every spiritual director I ever started with asked for a mini-biography in the first conference. The introductory sessions would last an hour and a half.

Your relationship with Jesus is the primary thing. However, I think the hermit may have done what he did on purpose to MAKE you pray and find out what was going on between you and Jesus. Makes you think harder.

I honestly think that discernment IS testing the waters.

Pray and find out what Our Lord and Our Lady want you to do.

Blessings,
Gemma

Edited June 28, 2006 by Gemma

[Guest phatdaddy]

[quote name='Piobaire' post='1013830' date='Jun 28 2006, 11:55 AM']
Well I just got home from my first meeting with a spiritual director and it was a little odd???? I thought he would have so much insight for me since he is a Franciscan hermit and I am really interested in the contemplative life and Franciscan spirituality. Forgive me while I vent

He started off by telling me he wasnt convinced I was truly discerning, just testing the waters and that his job is to help me deepen and improve my relationship with God not to help me or talk to me about my vocation. I thought this was really weird since the thing that occupys most of my time is discerning and I would think the possibility of a vocation would impact my prayer life some what???
What disturbed me even more is that he said that I would have a lot of problems with the American Catholic church. He said they are much more conservative then the moderate Canadian Catholic church which has resulted in a big split.......the "arch conservatives" like Mother Angelica and the "way out there underground" Catholics that are revolting agaisnt the conservatives. He also said I shouldnt bother looking at American convents as I am a Canadian citizen and that there would be too many issues surrounding that.
My head is spinning to say the least. Maybe I needed to hear some of those things but man, the experinece wasnt at all what I thought it would be
[/quote]


Please be careful in selecting a SD. Not every priest or religious make a good SD. Sounds to me he has too much "baggage". If I were you I would look for a orthodox counselor elsewhere.
Mr. Ray

[memory-singer]

Dear One,

WHere did you find this person? How much does he know about you? Did you both talk about what your understanding of the Director/Directee relationship is?

As to "american religious communities" No one is better at getting green cards for their members than religious communities. And for the first 5 years a "religious worker" visa is a sure thing if you are sponsored"by a religious group. ALso I'm with Mr. Ray. UNIVERSAL CHURCH.

Pax,

Dare

[passerby]

[quote name='Piobaire' post='1013830' date='Jun 28 2006, 08:55 AM']
He also said I shouldnt bother looking at American convents as I am a Canadian citizen and that there would be too many issues surrounding that.
[/quote]

Well, I don't know exactly where he got that idea from. First of all, my old parish priest teaches at sem in the states. Also, I have a friend joining a convent in the States, and a friend of hers joined that same order a few years previous. I've also read a couple bios of Canadians heading south of the border to a convent. It's not unheard of, and from what I've heard, it's not that big of a deal. Go where God's calling you!

I'm sure there's probably some differences across borders, there's also differences between provinces and cities sometimes. I wouldn't be worried. If you're informed about the order and have experience and exposure to them, it wouldn't be terribly shocking to your system. But things will be different in every stage of life. Just think of moving to university, your first job, moving away from home, changing schools, etc. God will give you the grace that you need!

[veroni213]

I'm not an immigration expert, but I don't think your lack of American citizenship will be a problem. I know of several sisters from other countries who belong to orders in the US. Some of them are Canadian. They all seemed to have worked around any paperwork issues quite well.

[awyers]

Hi guys,

Thanks for all your support. I dont think I should have come home and vented while my head was still spinning. I probably shouldnt have shared all those details on such a public forum but your input was very much appreciated. I have read about many Canadians entering orders in the US with no problems so I shouldnt have been so disturbed. To be fair this person doesnt even know my background, didnt ask about it. I was just so excited that I told him I thought I was being called to the religious life and I shared with him how I felt drawn to the PCPA's OLAM. I will still go with my gut and explore OLAM when I leave in just over 2 weeks! It is crazy how these little stumbling blocks can pop up when things are going so well or when you are preparing to leave for a discernment retreat!

Allison

[OLAM Dad]

[quote name='Piobaire' post='1014168' date='Jun 28 2006, 07:53 PM']
Hi guys,

Thanks for all your support. I dont think I should have come home and vented while my head was still spinning. I probably shouldnt have shared all those details on such a public forum but your input was very much appreciated. I have read about many Canadians entering orders in the US with no problems so I shouldnt have been so disturbed. To be fair this person doesnt even know my background, didnt ask about it. I was just so excited that I told him I thought I was being called to the religious life and I shared with him how I felt drawn to the PCPA's OLAM. I will still go with my gut and explore OLAM when I leave in just over 2 weeks! It is crazy how these little stumbling blocks can pop up when things are going so well or when you are preparing to leave for a discernment retreat!

Allison
[/quote]
I still think you should dump him.

[passionheart]

Good day eh!!!

Ok, you know I am Canuak and yes, the good padre is right about immigration issues. I am working on that right now but believe me it is not impossible. As was said in this thread there are quite a few Canadians in formation in the US and homeland security isn't looking for them

Secondly, as much as people hate to admit this but the US and Canada are two different countries and do have different cultures. My point is if you were called to go to Jamaica (yes, that is my family flavour, mon!!) you would still have to deal with cultural differences found in the Catholic Church there as well. My friend, you need to go where your Beloved calls you. Period. If He is calling you to the US, then it is to the US you are to go. Just think of it from our (Canadian) point of view, maybe we can get two Thanksgiving Dinners

From my own experience, it is important to have director to help you discern YOUR call and not to try to mould your spirituality into their spirituality. Since this is your first meeting, maybe the meeting got off to a bad start. However, if you are constantly feeling upset and have no peace in any decision that you are making while discerning with him, then I too suggest you find another director.

I wil pray for you and your director because I have been in this situation and it isn't nice.