bmb144 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Hi everyone, Well while mum was fine with me becoming Catholic, vocation is still a four letter word so it seems Due to the required wait for converts, to make my ties closer to one of the orders I am discerning with ( the one I think is it : ) I have been working towards making my oblation with them. I am currently a postulant oblate with them and I am due to become a novice oblate. To do that I need to travel to them and that is interstate and stay with them for a few days. Mum finally put two and two together and exploded She says she did not raise me to be a nun and waste my life. She wants more for me. But she also knows she cannot fight God and she knows that He is leading me to religious life. Mum is neither Catholic or Christian and is also physically and mentally ill and I fill the role of carer at this point. My way of looking at it is that I have at least two years to wait. A LOT can happen in two years, and its not as if I am going now. I would not leave her the way she is now anyway, I am not a heartless clod. But Mum can be at her worst a very hard person to deal with when the illness is doing the talking. And of late she has been here less as it can happen when someone is mentally ill. At this point I only a miracle or her death(sorry I know that sounds rotten) will free me up to follow Him. Short of that can anyone offer some advice or be willing to pray for mum and I? This is really tearing me up inside Thank you, In His Light Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThyWillBeDone Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Hang in there. This seems to be an all too common reaction from parents. There have been several similiar threads (Like this one [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=53161"]When parents go nuts[/url]). While your situation seems slightly more complicated then others who have unsupportive parents I still going to tell you the same thing I tell people with this problem Be patient, my mom was not supportative at first when I decided to enter the seminary. She may come around eventually. I priest once reminded me that God reveals his plan to different people at different times. He used the example of Mary and Joseph. God revealed his plan for them and Jesus to Mary first, and well, Joseph was not to supportative, not until God revealed his plan to him in a dream. When the priest explained that to me a few years ago it really helped me so I thought I would share it. Hope it helps you out. You will be in my prayers. God Bless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 [quote name='In His Light' post='1009407' date='Jun 20 2006, 09:54 PM'] Hi everyone, Well while mum was fine with me becoming Catholic, vocation is still a four letter word so it seems Due to the required wait for converts, to make my ties closer to one of the orders I am discerning with ( the one I think is it : ) I have been working towards making my oblation with them. I am currently a postulant oblate with them and I am due to become a novice oblate. To do that I need to travel to them and that is interstate and stay with them for a few days. Mum finally put two and two together and exploded She says she did not raise me to be a nun and waste my life. She wants more for me. But she also knows she cannot fight God and she knows that He is leading me to religious life. Mum is neither Catholic or Christian and is also physically and mentally ill and I fill the role of carer at this point. My way of looking at it is that I have at least two years to wait. A LOT can happen in two years, and its not as if I am going now. I would not leave her the way she is now anyway, I am not a heartless clod. But Mum can be at her worst a very hard person to deal with when the illness is doing the talking. And of late she has been here less as it can happen when someone is mentally ill. At this point I only a miracle or her death(sorry I know that sounds rotten) will free me up to follow Him. Short of that can anyone offer some advice or be willing to pray for mum and I? This is really tearing me up inside Thank you, In His Light [/quote] How old are you dearie? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bmb144 Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 [quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1009476' date='Jun 21 2006, 12:44 PM'] How old are you dearie? [/quote] I'm 30. In His Light Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theoketos Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Go for the Vocation, it is God calling. Your mom will come around if you act in Love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alicemary Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Are you the primary caregiver? Is there someone else who can take over her care if needed? That may be an impedement to your entrance. Otherwise, you are old enough to make your own decisions and must do so. You Mum will come around in time if she is able to understand. OUr prayers are with you during your struggle. Oh, and now may be the time to find that caregiver and get out on your own if not already doing so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemma Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 What you say about her has given me some concern. If the mental illness is progressive, you may not have a choice but to find a (caring) facility for her. Plus, her physical illnesses may be a result of the mental illness. (Just as fibromyalgia is a by-product of depression in some cases). This sounds like it's going to get too big for you to handle by yourself anyway. Do you have Catholic Charities in your area? Ask their help--they have contacts who can help you. Whether or not you decide to put Mum in a full-care facility, they could also line up home care nurses to give you respite. Let's take care of Mum first. Then we can think about the vocation. HTH. Blessings, Gemma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In Christ I Trust Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I'm sorry you are expieriencing this hardship. I have openly discussed my interest in entering the Priesthood. My friends are very supportive and my father is as well. My mom too has some concerns. She just wants me to be happy and doesn't want me to be without a family (I'm sure your mother shares these concerns). I tell her that I put the decision in God's hands. I pray for God to lead me to the vocation he wants me to practice. With his grace your mother will come to understand the tremendous value in a religious vocation. I'll keep you in my prayers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 [quote name='In His Light' post='1009484' date='Jun 20 2006, 10:48 PM'] I'm 30. In His Light [/quote] If you were sixteen, I could see your mothers outrage, but you are a grown woman. Start with Social Services agencies to arrange help for yourself. Check with her health care provider to see what options that can give you. There are independant living facilities for mentally ill and handicapped, and the agencies can help you with this. Answering God doesn't have to make you feel like you are abandoning your mom. If God does the calling, He provides the means to to answer Him. Our prayers and encouragement will be with you the whole way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Rick777 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Prayers for you, this seems like a tough situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bmb144 Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Thank you everyone. Yes I am the primary and [u]only[/u] care giver, so it makes it fairly complex. Gemma- mum has a combination of depression and anxiety in its worst form, although she is not suicidal at this time she has been in the past. And to make it worse we don't fully know what is physically wrong in the first place! She has been waiting on a list to see a specialist at the local major hospital for over a year and a half The pain mum is in is horrible sometimes......yet we keep getting told that nothing can be done until they know what wrong Yet mum is not bad enough to be placed in care. Out here you either need a lot of money or the person needs to be half dead to get a place in a nursing home. i know mum well enough to know that she will not allow herself to be put into care, she will do what it takes to avoid that........ thank you all for your advice and prayers. I'll keep you all posted, In His Light. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest phatdaddy Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 [quote name='In His Light' post='1010003' date='Jun 21 2006, 07:12 PM'] Thank you everyone. Yes I am the primary and [u]only[/u] care giver, so it makes it fairly complex. Gemma- mum has a combination of depression and anxiety in its worst form, although she is not suicidal at this time she has been in the past. And to make it worse we don't fully know what is physically wrong in the first place! She has been waiting on a list to see a specialist at the local major hospital for over a year and a half The pain mum is in is horrible sometimes......yet we keep getting told that nothing can be done until they know what wrong Yet mum is not bad enough to be placed in care. Out here you either need a lot of money or the person needs to be half dead to get a place in a nursing home. i know mum well enough to know that she will not allow herself to be put into care, she will do what it takes to avoid that........ thank you all for your advice and prayers. I'll keep you all posted, In His Light. [/quote] IHL, The advice offered here by these good people is very good but as you state your situation is very complex. I won't attempt to advise you but allow me to just throw out some ideas that came to mind: You could very well be called by God to consecrated life. Continue to pray to do God's will. Every thing happens for a reason. It is God's providence that you ARE where you are. God is calling all of us to a life of holiness. At this time, He is asking of you to care for your Mother and this is a path of holiness for you. However, it is appropriate for you to continue to look for the right professional caregivers, because it appears to me her condition is very serious and it may be in her best interest to be institutionalized. Only you can evaluate this. Your desire to be close to Jesus and love him deeply can be realized even now as you carry this cross. Pray and "consecrate" your care for her, give it to Jesus. And if it is still your desire to follow the path of a consecrated religious, then pray day and night for this grace. Could a lay third order give you a spirituality that you are attracted to? This would allow you a "religious life" of sorts with a discipline and a "community" aspect. Put it all in the hands of Jesus. If he is calling you to consecrated life, He will resolve the impediments and open the doors for you. All you need do is walk through them. Just my thoughts......God bless you. Mr. Ray Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemma Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 [quote name='In His Light' post='1010003' date='Jun 21 2006, 06:12 PM'] Thank you everyone. Yes I am the primary and [u]only[/u] care giver, so it makes it fairly complex. Gemma- mum has a combination of depression and anxiety in its worst form, although she is not suicidal at this time she has been in the past. And to make it worse we don't fully know what is physically wrong in the first place! She has been waiting on a list to see a specialist at the local major hospital for over a year and a half The pain mum is in is horrible sometimes......yet we keep getting told that nothing can be done until they know what wrong Yet mum is not bad enough to be placed in care. Out here you either need a lot of money or the person needs to be half dead to get a place in a nursing home. i know mum well enough to know that she will not allow herself to be put into care, she will do what it takes to avoid that........ thank you all for your advice and prayers. I'll keep you all posted, In His Light. [/quote] Speaking as one who has been suicidal several times in the past, I can certainly state that she is more than likely using you as a buoy to stay upright. Ask St. Dymphna for help. Reassure Mum that you won't leave her in her hour of need. What she's going through is very scary for her, most likely. I agree with Mr. Ray that your cross right now is to care for her, but for both your sakes, seek out the proper professionals. If anything is sanctifying right now, it's caring for her. But make sure you have time for yourself. Do what you can to see the beaten face of Christ in her. Through your sweetness, she may come to know Him. If she asks questions about the religious life, answer them sweetly and without anxiety--even if she acts like a demon. I have a name of a good priest in AU who might be able to help you. He has a whole network of priest-friends, and if he doesn't know where you could find assistance, perhaps one of his friends would. Please feel free to email me off-board about this. Blessings, Gemma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bmb144 Posted June 26, 2006 Author Share Posted June 26, 2006 Hi again, The ice is melting just a little bit. Mum is less upset about me going to make the Oblation, and can see some good coming out of it. At least that is the impression I am getting This is what I am trying to do by making the next step in the Oblation, from postulant to novice. It will strengthen my ties to them and while there is no real community life so to speak I am making moves to get more involved with my parish. This has been hard as mum needs a fair amount of watching some days and I have missed Mass a lot and do not have a real connection to the local Parish. The Parish Priest was changed not long after my baptism (4 weeks) and although I tried to make contact with the new Priest it was never acknowledged , so I have been more or less on my own this year. I cannot go to confession in my local parish as it is in the early evening and the area is not very good to be walking around in after dark, (a number of women have been attacked, the walking route passes over a water course in two places and there is no way around it ) and I am on foot, as I have no car, so that is an "unacceptable risk" according to the government agency that pays me to care for mum. So I have to head into the city and go to confession at the cathedral as they have it in the morning. Once that is done I will head back to Mass all going well next week and try to make some good connections within the parish. : After that I hope things will run more smoothly. In His Light Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now