Difficult choices

[Guest Marybel]

I'm living away from home, in a Residence, because what I'm currently studing can be taken only in Mexico City. Well, after some time, I discovered I didn't want to keep with that, that I'd start something else (Ciencias de la Familia, a degree that studies family in all the ambits: political, law, medical, philosophical, etc.). That I can study at home. So, I'll go back. The original plan was to stay here all the time I could, for I've never been this happy in my life. To be quite honest, this has been more like my home that the other one. But, suddenly, I realized this:

* I'm alone. All the girls are going back home. Last thursday my best friend, almost my sister, went away. And on saturday the rest went.

* I've got nothing to do here. All I can do is read, study some history from my history books and talk with the numeraries that live here.

* The main purpouse of going back is to fix the relationship father-daughter. So, wouldn't it be better if I do it now, instead of waiting?

I talked with a Priest on thursday. We came to the conclusion that is better if I go back home sooner. It breaks my heart to do so, I tell you. Even though I know it's the right thing to do. The main problem is this: I know I won't bear nor even a month like the ones I lived when I was fourteen-eighteen. And if the situation goes like that, I know not what I'll do. I was free, as I had never been, for a whole year. And I'm going back to a system where my dad has me "monitored", in a way. I'll try to go back here (I can study here too), but after a year. Right now, my problem seems to be to gather courage to get back into the "cage" I've been in ever since I was born. If you could please pray so I can understand my father and become his friend, plus never forgetting my friends here, being brave and being able to leave without more tears, I'd really appreciate it.