Help, please

[Era Might]

That's a tough one. I don't agree that it's always wrong to criticize anyone. Adominishing the sinner is a spiritual work of mercy. If you don't know her very good, I think it would be ok to respect a certain prudence and wish her well without inquiring into her private life. Attending the wedding is another matter, IMO, and I think you would be justified in asking if she was marrying validly within the Church. Otherwise, your attendance could be scandalous. St. Paul tells us, "Do not hold him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother." You don't have to give a fire-and-brimstone speech. Just explain why you cannot attend, and leave it at that. Hopefully, she'll respect your conscience, and she may even reconsider.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='Era Might' post='986538' date='May 21 2006, 02:58 PM']
That's a tough one. I don't agree that it's always wrong to criticize anyone. Adominishing the sinner is a spiritual work of mercy. If you don't know her very good, I think it would be ok to respect a certain prudence and wish her well without inquiring into her private life. Attending the wedding is another matter, IMO, and I think you would be justified in asking if she was marrying validly within the Church. Otherwise, your attendance could be scandalous. St. Paul tells us, "Do not hold him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother." You don't have to give a fire-and-brimstone speech. Just explain why you cannot attend, and leave it at that. Hopefully, she'll respect your conscience, and she may even reconsider.
[/quote]

I agree.

Of course, you could always arrange to be out of town on the days of the shower and the wedding.

[Guest phatdaddy]

[quote name='Donna' post='985555' date='May 19 2006, 09:14 PM']
Hey all~

What do you say to someone you don't know well, but you know they were (raised) Catholic, gets "remarried"? Invites you to a shower? Expects a "congratulations!" when they tell you the happy news?

In particular what would you say if it was someone in authority over you (like an employer)?

Thanks much for any feedback; hope everyone's doing good.
[/quote]

To answer your question what you don't need is opinions. What you need is the truth, what the church teaches. There will be as many opinions as there are people. May I suggest: determine for yourself what does the church teach on this subject. Start with just a few of the principals:

A valid, sacramental and consummated marriage is indissolvable.
A marriage must be assumed to be valid unless proven otherise by a church tribunal.
If a married person divorces and re-marries without a declaration of nullity of the first marriage commits adultry.
In the above case the second marriage is invalid.
To give scandal is to sin
To revel in another's sin is a sin.

What does the church teach about this? Start with the Code of Canon law 1075, 1085, 1086, 1102. Also The Catechism, 1644. Anyway, this is at least a place to start. Speak to a priest that you trust will speak the truth to you. You don't need the opinion of a priest either. What does the church teach.

Certainly you will have to know the circumstances in order to make a judgement. You do have a moral obligation to make a judgement because personal sin is involve. It is sinful for a Catholic who knows, to participate in a invalid marriage because of the scandal they would cause.

I just went through this ordeal and understand the ramifications for being Catholic. God bless you.
Mr. Ray

[Donna]

Thanks, Mr. Ray. I've gone through it before as well...but those other times I had all the info needed without one doubt. Here, I'm only 95% certain.

And too, knowing the teaching doesn't always answer "what do I say" or "how do I say it?" I posted to get support (which I have and really, because I'm bewildered as to what "to say!" , as I've not yet seen the person in question since they have sent news around of the wedding.

It is for the moment we are face to face, them knowing that I know the news: what do I say? Because I've not handled this before in the best way, I am eager to do better, if that be possible. I'm sure Our Lady has helped in garnering this thread/possible replies to ponder.

Attendance wouldn't be right for me to do...that I already know. It helps to have y'all go through it with me just the same. And, I do know what to say about not attending (fortunately!)

[Donna]

But a hefty PS, cause it's now bugging me, as it keeps being added to replies to not be so judgemental: it IS my business, when one of the flock - one who is my sibling in grace, has partaken of the Blessed Sacrament - ditches all that, and expects me to rejoice with them.

God kill me first, is that OK with ppl?

It's my business to defend Our Lord, and at least not to ditch Him out of Human Respect. If I have to lose a friend or employment over this, so be it. It's incredible to be seen as judgemental for being part of the Church Militant. I get enough of that **** from the world.

[OLAM Dad]

What do you say? Well, given the situation I would say as little as possible. Don't wish her luck, don't buy her a gift, and for goodness sake don't attend the 'wedding'.

Smile...and say nothing.

[Guest phatdaddy]

[quote name='Donna' post='986662' date='May 21 2006, 09:13 PM']
But a hefty PS, cause it's now bugging me, as it keeps being added to replies to not be so judgemental: it IS my business, when one of the flock - one who is my sibling in grace, has partaken of the Blessed Sacrament - ditches all that, and expects me to rejoice with them.

God kill me first, is that OK with ppl?

It's my business to defend Our Lord, and at least not to ditch Him out of Human Respect. If I have to lose a friend or employment over this, so be it. It's incredible to be seen as judgemental for being part of the Church Militant. I get enough of that **** from the world.
[/quote]


Amen, what courage you have. Thank you and God bless you for being Catholic.

This is also good advice from OLAM Dad:

"What do you say? Well, given the situation I would say as little as possible. Don't wish her luck, don't buy her a gift, and for goodness sake don't attend the 'wedding'.

Smile...and say nothing."

Avoid where you can, defend when you must, and let love be your guide. ummm I just made that up........what the **** does it mean

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Era Might' post='986538' date='May 21 2006, 02:58 PM']That's a tough one. I don't agree that it's always wrong to criticize anyone. Adominishing the sinner is a spiritual work of mercy. If you don't know her very good, I think it would be ok to respect a certain prudence and wish her well without inquiring into her private life. Attending the wedding is another matter, IMO, and I think you would be justified in asking if she was marrying validly within the Church. Otherwise, your attendance could be scandalous. St. Paul tells us, "Do not hold him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother." You don't have to give a fire-and-brimstone speech. Just explain why you cannot attend, and leave it at that. Hopefully, she'll respect your conscience, and she may even reconsider.[/quote]agreed [quote name='Donna' post='986662' date='May 21 2006, 07:13 PM']But a hefty PS, cause it's now bugging me, as it keeps being added to replies to not be so judgemental: it IS my business, when one of the flock - one who is my sibling in grace, has partaken of the Blessed Sacrament - ditches all that, and expects me to rejoice with them.

God kill me first, is that OK with ppl?

It's my business to defend Our Lord, and at least not to ditch Him out of Human Respect. If I have to lose a friend or employment over this, so be it. It's incredible to be seen as judgemental for being part of the Church Militant. I get enough of that **** from the world.[/quote]Donna, i think you already know what you are going to do from the sounds of this post.