Help, please

[Donna]

Hey all~

What do you say to someone you don't know well, but you know they were (raised) Catholic, gets "remarried"? Invites you to a shower? Expects a "congratulations!" when they tell you the happy news?

In particular what would you say if it was someone in authority over you (like an employer)?

Thanks much for any feedback; hope everyone's doing good.

[cmotherofpirl]

I'd wish them good luck. Unless you know the actual circumstances {recieved annulment, death of spouses partner etc etc] you really can't have an informed opinion.

The shower is up to you. You could give them some nice catholic books :

[prose]

How do you know they weren't annulled? Then it would be just as good as a first wedding, because the other "wedding" was invalid.

I would say congratulations! what time would you like me to be there? Where are you registered?

Really, unless you know the circumstances, or are willing to ask, it is best to assume the best from people.

My sister is divorced and engaged. She had an annullment the same time she was divorced. So you just never know.

[Donna]

Hey~

Well that's just it, knowing vs not knowing the circumstances.

I already knew this was a fallen away Catholic...and from things said to me would be shocked if an annulement was involved...which my warped and scattered brain didn't think to mention till now. It would be improper for me to ask outright that question anyway...

But I appreciate the feedback for situations where I don't know the circumstances.

What would anyone say when expected to give congrats in the situation described above?

t/y

PS: the spouse is still alive.

Edited May 20, 2006 by Donna

[Kilroy the Ninja]

I'm with Cmom - wish them good luck. Pray for them. If you are uncomfortable giving a shower gift or even attending the ceremony (assuming you are invited), then don't. There's no law saying you have to or even should. Be cordial, be kind, but be true to your beliefs.

My last boss was a fallen away Catholic. She was a very kind, God-fearing woman who loved her husband very much. He was just uncomfortable with the Church, so she compromised and attended a Methodist church with him. It made me sad to know that she had been a good Catholic and rather than try to bring him in she compromised. But I was glad to know she was very active in the church she was attending. I prayed for her and her husband. She knew I am very Catholic and I think she appreciated that I did not try to "correct" her about her situation. It wasn't my place and I suspect that deep down she wasn't completely comfortable with it.

Regardless, wish them luck. Keep them in your prayers.

[alicemary]

Don't be so judgemental. It is absolutely NONE of your business and you have no right to criticize anyone. In your life you will have to deal with many different types of people, in all kinds of circumstances. I have to work with people who are atheists, practice unusual relgions, have been in trouble with the law, and sometimes are the lower end of society. I have to treat them with as much respect as I would treat a bishop.
You say good luck to them, get them a nice gift and stay out of it.
Only my opinion

[Luthien]

[quote name='alicemary' post='985790' date='May 20 2006, 09:30 AM']
Don't be so judgemental. It is absolutely NONE of your business and you have no right to criticize anyone. In your life you will have to deal with many different types of people, in all kinds of circumstances. I have to work with people who are atheists, practice unusual relgions, have been in trouble with the law, and sometimes are the lower end of society. I have to treat them with as much respect as I would treat a bishop.
You say good luck to them, get them a nice gift and stay out of it.
Only my opinion
[/quote]


Gee...bite her head off.

[Tarcisius]

Is she marrying a nonCatholic? if she is, this a grave and serious matter. You can not support her in any way. This is not the same as 2 prots getting married or her marrying another fallen away Catholic. If you dont know, figure it out first.

[alicemary]

Didn't mean to bite her head off, sorry bluntness is me. I only mean you can't judge someone else. I just don't get hyper about what religion a person marries into. And with a divorce rate at 50% or greater these days, I don't see what difference it really makes.
Donna forgive me if I have offended you, not my intention

[prose]

I thought you said exactly what I had said...

[Donna]

Kilroy...good to see you. I appreciate the example of not correcting, I'm sure she already knew the correction (can't do it right now for whatever reason) and that she knew you didn't approve, yet really cared about her soul.

Thanks for answering - everyone.

Tarcisius, who knows? I appreciate the zeal for souls, but it'd be detrimental for me to try to find everything out.

However it is true that I do wish them good luck - and if there's the irregularity it sure sounds like, to be converted and live out chastely, or however God would resolve the situation.

AliceMary it's your second answer which grieves me, it matters a great deal to marry into the true religion, esp. if the Catholic marries a non-baptized person, then they have not even the grace of the sacrament.

Well, I'm still pondering the way God wants me to handle it.

[Ash Wednesday]

Hi Donna,
The root issue is the fact that she is lapsed. If she was returning to the Church or still practicing, then she probably would be more open and have a greater understanding about the question of marriage within the Church, and annulment. It's hard for someone to be interested in getting their marriage in line with the Church when they don't have an interest in the Church in the first place.

I liked cmom's idea of giving a nice gift of religious significance. Good luck and all God's blessings for you and your friend.

[Donna]

Thanks Ash.

[son_of_angels]

Tell her you hope her decision is right, explain a good Catholic perspective on marriage and family, if you have the opportunity, and don't go to the shower or "wedding." I would suggest this if you have any doubt at all as to its validity.

Then again, I would also advise caution in attending any non-Catholic marriage ceremony. It is important that when you say "Amen" or even "Praise you, Lord Jesus" you understand that, while you're praising the same Lord, you are not really participating with them, because the Lord is something different to you than to them. Hence, you ought to use caution in how much you support the actions of another religion or the heretical/schismatic churches.

[musturde]

[quote name='alicemary' post='985790' date='May 20 2006, 07:30 AM']
Don't be so judgemental. It is absolutely NONE of your business and you have no right to criticize anyone. In your life you will have to deal with many different types of people, in all kinds of circumstances. I have to work with people who are atheists, practice unusual relgions, have been in trouble with the law, and sometimes are the lower end of society. I have to treat them with as much respect as I would treat a bishop.
You say good luck to them, get them a nice gift and stay out of it.
Only my opinion
[/quote]

I agree completely. This is especially true if you do not know the person well. If she invites you, you should congratulate her and buy her a gift. A religious gift would be nice (do not get her one blatently on the Catholic Church's view on divorce lol.).