Maybe a dumb question?

[VoTeckam]

Hello family!

I’m new to the boards, but I have been reading through the posts long enough to trust your advice.

I am discerning my vocation and I am feeling particularly called to religious life. There is only one thing keeping me from peace with this decision. God has blessed me with such an incredible family. In a sense I feel as though I will be abandoning them. Even if that was the case, there is nothing I wouldn't give up if I knew for certain where God was calling me.

(So let me get to the question : !) To what extent is a religious sister allowed to keep in touch with their family. Are visits allowed? What happens when someone in your family dies? Can you go to the funeral?

I am sorry if it seems petty to worry about such things when discussing God's will for my life! Thanks in advance for any advice.

In Christ's love!
A.V.

[shortnun]

Hi VoTeckam,

to Phatmass!!!

First off, there are no dumb questions here on phatmass (well, maybe on the "lame" board )

Second, god bless you as you discern! However, the answer to your question is: it just depends. All religious communities I know of allow written contact with family! The variations occur as to how often you could go home and how often family could visit you, how often you can write and receive letters, etc.

Religious life should never be seen in terms of its losses though. After all, a man or a woman who enters a community gains an even larger family, as do the parents and family of the person entering!

God bless, and again WELCOME!

[alicemary]

Welcome to our phamily.
As to your questions, I hate not to be able to be more specific, but it really varies with each community. How wonderful you are close to your family, God has surely blessed you.
Each community will be a little different with visitations and such. Active orders are a little freer with visits home, many go home every year or two for a week to 10 days. If the community is close to your home that can be broken up to a few shorter visits a year. Also they can visit you/callyou/email etc.
Contemplative orders do not generally allow home visits. Some will allow you to go home for a visit if a parent is very ill/dying. You will have to clarrify this with any order that you are interested in. They will let you know up front.
Personally, I could not enter an order that did not fully accept my family, and allow some freedom of interaction. But, again, it is part of the vocation, and God will give you the strength.
Just think if you married, and your husband got transferred across the country. You would not see your family as much as you might like. And as you get older, you tend to move away emotionally from the family a bit more.
Do not let this stop you from at least exploring the life. Hey, your family would be gaining a whole bunch of sisters!
I hope that helps, and am sure others will have some better advice for you.
Blessings!
Alicemary

[Gemma]

As everyone else has said, "Welcome;" "You're blessed with a great family;" and "It depends on the community."

It also depends on whether or not you're talking cloistered or active. The latter has a whole lot more interaction with their families than the former.

Some cloistered orders don't permit the nun/monk to leave and take care of ailing family or attend funerals.

So. . .just be sure to ask whichever communities you're interested in.

Blessings,
Gemma
Coordinator
[url="http://cloisters.tripod.com/"]Society of Our Lady of the Cloister[/url]

[magnificat]

Welcome VoTeckam!!

I second what everyone else has said. Specifically about an ill parent or something like that, for non-cloistered orders, generally all will allow them to go home to be with a parent who is gravely ill.
The number and types of visits varies. Generally, I believe that once you are professed, your family can come to visit fairly frequently, like every few months. Home visits (i.e. going home) may be anywhere from once a year to once every 3 years for a couple weeks at a time. Obviously those in the cloister don't make home visits. Again, it depends a lot on the type of community and is a great question to ask the vocations director of the community.

[OLAM Dad]

A.V.,

Welcome to Phatmass. You'll find that there are very few dumb questions here. Tons of dumb answers though. Let me demonstrate.

First let me say how much I love your avatar. [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showuser=2146"]My oldest daughter used the same one when she was a member here.[/url] She is no longer posting here because she entered Our Lady of the Angel's Monastery late last year. I'm telling you this because she, like you, felt that she too might be abandoning her family. Well... she did abandon us. She abandoned us for Christ, however, and as a result we (her family) have received blessings in abundance.

Actually, abandoned is a poor choice of words. She [i]left us[/i] in order to better serve us, and the world. Sure, there is a lot of suffering involved in the separation for all of us but in the end we will all be better for it.

Regarding visitations, etc.; I can't speak for every community but I can tell you how things work with OLAM which, from what I've learned of other communities, is pretty typical for communities that are not 'active'. The family gets two official visits a year. Each visit lasts for 2 days, and during those days we can spend the entire day together with the exception of meals and community prayer times (Divine Office, Mass, and Rosary). The 2 day rule is not a 'hard' rule. For example, some of the sisters that have family far, far away (Europe or Alaska, for instance) can opt for a single, longer visit per year. Unofficially, I could visit at other times during the year. For example, if I were travelling on business to Birmingham I could stop by the Monastery and provided I'm there during recreation time Sr. Lauren could briefly visit with me.

I hope this helps. Tell us more about discernment. For example, how old are you? Do you feel called to a particular order or place? How many siblings do you have? (I hope I'm not prying )

[Guest phatdaddy]

to the phamily.

God bless you in your discernment process.

Mr. Ray

[the lords sheep]

Welocome to our phamily!

You're question was pretty well answered by everyone above. If you have any specific orders, though, some people here may have discerned them/be discerning them and be able to tell you, but it's best to contact specific orders and ask them.

Good luck and let us know if there is anything else we can answer!

Peace and Prayers,
Lauren

ps- it's definietely not a dumb question. I think the first I ever asked a Sister was "HOW early do I have to get up in the morning?!?!"

[SisterAli]

[quote name='the lords sheep' post='976049' date='May 9 2006, 09:04 AM']
Welocome to our phamily!

You're question was pretty well answered by everyone above. If you have any specific orders, though, some people here may have discerned them/be discerning them and be able to tell you, but it's best to contact specific orders and ask them.

Good luck and let us know if there is anything else we can answer!

Peace and Prayers,
Lauren

ps- it's definietely not a dumb question. I think the first I ever asked a Sister was "HOW early do I have to get up in the morning?!?!"
[/quote]


Lauren.....Lol...you sound like me...that's usually the first thing I wonder about too...is really how EARLY do you get up. Hahaha.




[quote name='VoTeckam' post='975860' date='May 8 2006, 10:17 PM']
Hello family!

I’m new to the boards, but I have been reading through the posts long enough to trust your advice.

I am discerning my vocation and I am feeling particularly called to religious life. There is only one thing keeping me from peace with this decision. God has blessed me with such an incredible family. In a sense I feel as though I will be abandoning them. Even if that was the case, there is nothing I wouldn't give up if I knew for certain where God was calling me.

(So let me get to the question : !) To what extent is a religious sister allowed to keep in touch with their family. Are visits allowed? What happens when someone in your family dies? Can you go to the funeral?

I am sorry if it seems petty to worry about such things when discussing God's will for my life! Thanks in advance for any advice.

In Christ's love!
A.V.
[/quote]




Welcome to Phatmass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My prayers on your discernment. Let us know a little bit more about you....Do you have any specific orders in mind? Do you know if you are called to cloistered or active...etc. ......Remember there are no dumb questions!!!

God Bless YOU,

Allie

Edited May 9, 2006 by SisterAli

[MC IMaGiNaZUN]

[quote name='VoTeckam' post='975860' date='May 8 2006, 10:17 PM']
Hello family!

I’m new to the boards, but I have been reading through the posts long enough to trust your advice.

I am discerning my vocation and I am feeling particularly called to religious life. There is only one thing keeping me from peace with this decision. God has blessed me with such an incredible family. In a sense I feel as though I will be abandoning them. Even if that was the case, there is nothing I wouldn't give up if I knew for certain where God was calling me.

(So let me get to the question : !) To what extent is a religious sister allowed to keep in touch with their family. Are visits allowed? What happens when someone in your family dies? Can you go to the funeral?

I am sorry if it seems petty to worry about such things when discussing God's will for my life! Thanks in advance for any advice.

In Christ's love!
A.V.
[/quote]

The greatest gift God has blessed my family with was my aunt who is a Dominican Sister.

OLAM dad can testify to this. Far from being taken from the family, his daughter's vocation is a gift to the family?

SHALOM

[VoTeckam]

Thanks for the warm welcome!

For those of you who asked for more info, I am a 20 year old college student in VA. As far as my vocation, I feel called towards an "active" religious life. I have been "shopping around" (lol) online through vocation placement websites, ect. I have recently been led to focus my attention on two orders, Sisters of Life and the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal. I haven't yet spoken with the vocations director of these orders, but it is first on my two do list once finals are over.

Is anyone else considering either of these orders, or have you been to visit? I can already tell that phatmass is going to be such a blessing in my discernment.

Peace in Our Lord Jesus Christ!

A.V.

[franciscanheart]

I know that the Franciscans get two weeks of "vacation" every year to see their family. I had a friend of mine enter the friary and although there are some differences, much is the same.

[the lords sheep]

I go to school in New York, and I LOVE both of these orders.

I'm not very familiar with the CFR Sisters, but we had a CFR Brother who attended my school, and he was an amazing Christ-filled witness to the joys of religious life.

The Sisters of Life are the only community that I have visited in my discernment process. I love the community and I heartily encourage contanting their VD (Vocation Directress) Sr. Mary Gabriel who is wonderful! If I remember correctly, every Sister (with the exception of the Novices) get a 1 week or 10 day (can't remember which) home visit, because family is a very important part of their charism. Families can also come visit the Sister at her convent periodically (I believe it's every 6 or 8 weeks, except for Advent and Easter). But Sister will fill you in on all of that!

Good luck as you contact them! You will be in our prayers! May the Lord fill you with joy as you pursue Him!

[benedictaj]

VoTeckam! your avatar reminds me so much of Sr Lauren! I keep expecting it to be her posting! lol.

[uruviel]

[quote name='VoTeckam' post='975860' date='May 8 2006, 10:17 PM']
Hello family!

I’m new to the boards, but I have been reading through the posts long enough to trust your advice.

I am discerning my vocation and I am feeling particularly called to religious life. There is only one thing keeping me from peace with this decision. God has blessed me with such an incredible family. In a sense I feel as though I will be abandoning them. Even if that was the case, there is nothing I wouldn't give up if I knew for certain where God was calling me.

(So let me get to the question : !) To what extent is a religious sister allowed to keep in touch with their family. Are visits allowed? What happens when someone in your family dies? Can you go to the funeral?

I am sorry if it seems petty to worry about such things when discussing God's will for my life! Thanks in advance for any advice.

In Christ's love!
A.V.
[/quote]


oh don't apologize, it's a very big sacrifice and scary thing to leave your entire family so suddenly. That's good that you have a willingness to give them up, but family and friends, along with possessions are just another sacrifice granted in entering a religous community. However, I believe, that the amount you grow spiritually, when you enter, you become closer to your family, and I think that if your in a place where you are called to, not meaning there's not gonna be sacrifices, but God will reward you and comfort you. Trust me when your in the arms of the child Jesus those discomforts will seem like nothing, you will soon come to realize that nothing and no one on this earth can satisfy your thirst for perfection, or peace. God can only do that. And now Im sure youve heard that before, but I don't know your answers. It depends on the community most of the time. I thought most cloistered communites let your family come visit you twice a year, unless they go to mass then you can look at them. But I mean you can't leave the convent and go out into the world, i wouldn't even think for a funeral but it depends on the community and what do I know anyway? God Bless you!
In Christ,
Lori

oh, hehe, and btw, that is Lauren's avatar, it makes me miss her posting!