infinitelord1 Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 This is some huge drama carp that could have been handled in a much better way a long time ago. Im not gonna go into detail about the whole situation ill just give an abridged version of what happened and has been happening. It all started a while ago. Back in the day it was me and 2 other friends who were close or so i thought. Sometimes i will make comments about people (which are very hurtful) but most the time i dont intend for them to get around. But going back to the friends situation.....me and one of the 3 guys were a little closer than the other one. And the other one (based on speculation) was jealous. So I think what happened is I made a comment to the jealous one and he turned around and told my other friend what i said. But i would go and tell my closer friend what he would say sometimes too cuz i always had an idea that the further friend would do the same to me (thats why i didnt have a problem telling my closer friend). Anyways, ever since, there has been a long drawn out psychological warfare between the 3 of us. Wait, there is more to the story......throughout my friendship with the lesser friend I started to feel like i was being taken advantage of by him, and in turn started to really question how much of a friend this guy even was. So i retaliated out of anger and started talkin tons of smack about him. Eventually it got to the point where decided not to really be a friend with this guy. And ever since.....its been a long drawn out war of backstabbing and spite....that im just getting sick of. Many people were drawn into this war, and i really dont feel like anything can be salvaged in this whole situation. It got to the point where i speculate that some people started spreading the idea that i was gay, and that alone in my eyes is grounds to demand at least an apology or to just cut off all the old friends involved in this. But they continue to deny that they said such a thing amongst some other things. I really dont know what to do. Ive tried apologizing to some people but the backstabbing hasnt stopped, and i dont feel like they are being honest with me. I really think its time to cut off these friends and move on. What do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 I thought only girls pulled that kinda carp.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Socrates Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 [quote name='homeschoolmom' post='970413' date='May 3 2006, 08:56 PM'] I thought only girls pulled that kinda carp.... [/quote] My thoughts exactly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasJis Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 I'll try to be a bit more helpful than the previous two comments.... LOL Really, you just gotta take your lumps. YOu handled things wrong and you contributed to them going to the dumpster. You aren't completely responsible, but it's not a situation that blame can be assigned fairly or equitably. You've got to keep doing the right thing. Apologize, and allow them to draw away from you before you call it quits. Apologize. Be who you are. Take your lumps. Give the others time to swallow their pride too, but don't expect you are the perfect judge to know who's apologized enough. You might be surprised who comes around eventually and those who gain new respect for you for your change in attitude and behavior. Or you could cut things off and justify the actions of your detractors but not letting time and your actions prove otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cow of Shame Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 It might help if you refrained from gossipping.....just a stab in the dark here, you understand. If you don't deal with the base issues, you'll likely find yourself in this situation again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 [quote name='homeschoolmom' post='970413' date='May 3 2006, 09:56 PM'] I thought only girls pulled that kinda carp.... [/quote] That was my thought Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
St.MGoretti Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 I've actually just gone through a situation similar to this. There was a lot of hurt that went on due to misunderstandings and lack of communication. To the point, basically there was a lot said behind my back and I'm the kind of person that tries not to talk behind people's backs so I brought up the fact that they were talking behind my back and it blew up. I got to the point where I realized that I had to be the bigger person and live my faith. I tried to patch things up but they continued with the backstabbing and name calling and didn't want to apologize or take any responsibility for their actions. This is when I had to realize that even though we had been friends for a long time we weren't just going to get over this and move on. I had to let go because they were drawing me in and I was not acting like the person that I wanted to be, I was not acting like Christ would act because I got caught up in the hurt and anger. I had to distance myself and realize that no matter what they said behind my back didn't matter because it obviously didn't have any meaning to it simply because of the type of people they were, also it didn't matter what they said because my true friends know me and who I am and and God knows my heart and that is what truly matters. I would say that you need to let go because it seems like there is a lot of hurt on both sides and you're not going to be able to just work it out. If you want to keep the friendship then you need distance so all of you can work through your hurt and grudges. People change too and if they are taking you away from God and who you really are then you need your space. I know this is long but like I said I've recently gone through this and I hope this helps. You need to keep God the center right now and as soon as you trust in Him and let Him work through you then all things will come together for you. God bless and prayers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
infinitelord1 Posted May 4, 2006 Author Share Posted May 4, 2006 Yea ive come clean for the most part about what ive done. I just dont feel like they wanna own up to what they have done. They try to make me feel like its all my fault. I may have been the cause of it all.....i really dont know because of lack of communication. I think that if everyone owned up to what they have done the situation would heal. But like i said i dont feel like they are being honest with me, and i feel like thats having a negative effect on me. Could be a pride thing i dont know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Franimus Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 [quote name='infinitelord1' post='970987' date='May 4 2006, 12:28 PM'] Yea ive come clean for the most part about what ive done. I just dont feel like they wanna own up to what they have done. They try to make me feel like its all my fault. I may have been the cause of it all.....i really dont know because of lack of communication. I think that if everyone owned up to what they have done the situation would heal. But like i said i dont feel like they are being honest with me, and i feel like thats having a negative effect on me. Could be a pride thing i dont know. [/quote] You asked for our opinions, and mine is this: They want to put the blame on you, so just be a man modeled after Christ and accept it, as Christ accepted the cross. Tell them, "yes, it's all my fault, but I'm very sorry for that." Know in your heart that you are not [u]completely[/u] at fault, but accept on the outside all fault for it. Proverbs 17:9 "He who covers up a misdeed fosters friendship, but he who gossips about it separates friends." Also it is written, "He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword." Like Peter, you must immediatly drop this sword. If they still do not stop after you accept the blame and after you tell them that you want it to stop and to be friends again, ask them what it is they want from you in order to be friends again. They may not want to be friends again after this, which is understandable. Ask them, then, what they want from you so that they would at the least stop this. It may take a bit of effort, but you'll be the bigger man in the end for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dairygirl4u2c Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 **Really, you just gotta take your lumps. YOu handled things wrong and you contributed to them going to the dumpster. You aren't completely responsible, but it's not a situation that blame can be assigned fairly or equitably. You've got to keep doing the right thing. Apologize, and allow them to draw away from you before you call it quits. Apologize. Be who you are. Take your lumps. Give the others time to swallow their pride too, but don't expect you are the perfect judge to know who's apologized enough. You might be surprised who comes around eventually and those who gain new respect for you for your change in attitude and behavior.** That's some pretty sound advice there. There's def some wisdom. Do what Jas said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasJis Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 (edited) [quote name='infinitelord1' post='970987' date='May 4 2006, 10:28 AM'] Yea ive come clean for the most part about what ive done. I just dont feel like they wanna own up to what they have done. They try to make me feel like its all my fault. I may have been the cause of it all.....i really dont know because of lack of communication. I think that if everyone owned up to what they have done the situation would heal. But like i said i dont feel like they are being honest with me, and i feel like thats having a negative effect on me. Could be a pride thing i dont know.[/quote]Dude, it IS a pride thing. I'm speaking from personal experience. It's hard to let things drop when we really don't want it all to fall to the ground, we want the other person to grab up SOME of it. (It eases our own feelings of guilt.) Believe me. I do the same thing OFTEN. I'm always willing to take the most blame IF the other person will take at least a teeny tiny itsy bitsy bit. (Even if a gotta shove down their throat, I think I'm the bigger man because I'm willing to take the biggest portion.) Accept your burden, try to let the rest drop and move on. Now that's being a man and hard as hell. (And y'all who said this was a girly thing are a little too in touch with their female side. ) Edited May 5, 2006 by jasJis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ironmonk Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 [quote name='infinitelord1' post='970369' date='May 3 2006, 10:26 PM'] This is some huge drama carp that could have been handled in a much better way a long time ago. Im not gonna go into detail about the whole situation ill just give an abridged version of what happened and has been happening. It all started a while ago. Back in the day it was me and 2 other friends who were close or so i thought. Sometimes i will make comments about people (which are very hurtful) but most the time i dont intend for them to get around. But going back to the friends situation.....me and one of the 3 guys were a little closer than the other one. And the other one (based on speculation) was jealous. So I think what happened is I made a comment to the jealous one and he turned around and told my other friend what i said. But i would go and tell my closer friend what he would say sometimes too cuz i always had an idea that the further friend would do the same to me (thats why i didnt have a problem telling my closer friend). Anyways, ever since, there has been a long drawn out psychological warfare between the 3 of us. Wait, there is more to the story......throughout my friendship with the lesser friend I started to feel like i was being taken advantage of by him, and in turn started to really question how much of a friend this guy even was. So i retaliated out of anger and started talkin tons of smack about him. Eventually it got to the point where decided not to really be a friend with this guy. And ever since.....its been a long drawn out war of backstabbing and spite....that im just getting sick of. Many people were drawn into this war, and i really dont feel like anything can be salvaged in this whole situation. It got to the point where i speculate that some people started spreading the idea that i was gay, and that alone in my eyes is grounds to demand at least an apology or to just cut off all the old friends involved in this. But they continue to deny that they said such a thing amongst some other things. I really dont know what to do. Ive tried apologizing to some people but the backstabbing hasnt stopped, and i dont feel like they are being honest with me. I really think its time to cut off these friends and move on. What do you think? [/quote] Well... Gossip is a sin. Nothing good can come from a sin. Hopefully you learned from this experiance. Your manly character — simple and straightforward — is oppressed when you find yourself entangled in gossip and mischievous talk, which you cannot understand and in which you never wished to be involved. Undergo the humiliation that such talk causes you and let the experience teach you greater discretion. - St. Josemaria Escriva The Way: 51 Gossip is a disease that infects and poisons the apostolate. It goes against charity, means a waste of energy, takes away peace and destroys one's union with God. - St. Josemaria Escriva The Way:445 Don't sweat the small stuff. Real friends are hard to come by and it will take time to mend the relationship. Don't cut your ties, allow them to learn from this lesson too. Don't trust for a while, but don't talk anymore smack. Try to have fun with them. If they're Catholic, get them here... If they're not, get them here and work on teaching them the truth of the Church. A few good rules to go by: 1) Never say anything behind someone's back that you haven't said infront of their face. Not just what you would say infront of them, but make sure you've said it before. 2) Never give negative criticism to anyone but the person that you are criticizing - and only if they ask. Of course if it is about a sin, then you are obligated to let them know something is wrong because charity demands correction. 3) Never give your opinion if you are not asked for it, even if you think that your view is the best. - St. Josemaria Escriva The Way:674 4) As long as the opinion you expressed was orthodox there is no reason to be upset, even though the malice of whoever heard you caused him to be scandalized. For his scandal is pharisaical. - St. Josemaria Escriva The Way:349 Wise words from Scripture.... [b]Sirach 6:5 [/b] A kind mouth multiplies friends, and gracious lips prompt friendly greetings. [b]6 [/b] Let your acquaintances be many, but one in a thousand your confidant. [b]7 [/b] When you gain a friend, first test him, and be not too ready to trust him [b]8 [/b] For one sort of friend is a friend when it suits him, but he will not be with you in time of distress. [b]9 [/b] Another is a friend who becomes an enemy, and tells of the quarrel to your shame. [b]10 [/b] Another is a friend, a boon companion, who will not be with you when sorrow comes. [b]11 [/b] When things go well, he is your other self, and lords it over your servants; [b]12 [/b] But if you are brought low, he turns against you and avoids meeting you. [b]13 [/b] Keep away from your enemies; be on your guard with your friends. [b]14 [/b] A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure. [b]15 [/b] A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth. [b]16 [/b] A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, such as he who fears God finds; [b]17 [/b] For he who fears God behaves accordingly, and his friend will be like himself. God Bless & Good Luck, ironmonk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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