I attempted suicide

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='Mary-Kathryn' post='957795' date='Apr 23 2006, 07:57 AM']
May I respectfully disagree? When someone is truly depressed...professionals and family is key to healing. Cath is a [b] whole [/b] person. The physical, emotional, mental and spiritual cannot be placed in tidy seperate boxes. Cath's suffering affects everything in his/her life at the moment.
[/quote]
My point was simply that a large part of modern psychology was developed by people atheists and deists. I would not go to them for help in spiritual matters.

[Seven77]

[quote name='Cathurian' post='957320' date='Apr 22 2006, 05:23 PM']
But it's IMPOSSIBLE to let Him take care of that!

Isn't it just such a terrible thought to think that we'll be offending Him constantly until death? I would rather just not exist. I can't bear the thought of it. I know He disagrees and wants me to exist, which means I'm STILL offending Him right now, and not assenting my will to His.

The thought of going through the rest of my life in a horrible state of falling again and again makes me just want to die; it's such a horrible thought I want to worship satan out of spite, because God makes NO SENSE and at the very least I know how to be a slave. I can do that. That's straightforward.
[/quote]

Every sin is another opportunity to kiss the crucifix. Your sins can actually bring you closer to God. The more you need mercy the more you quench his thirst---God thirsts for you. You're like his 'god'. Give him what he wants. He wants your sins---past, present, future. "My sins on Him, His blood on me."

You do love Him but you just feel like you do.

God love you.

[alicemary]

My prayers join those others in the phamily. Carth, just remember always that God is a God of love. He made you in HIS image. He does not make junk. We tend to get too hung up on the 'must do's' and should nots or shoulds instead of the realization that God is purely going to love us. He does not expect us to be perfect, we are all individuals.
It does not help me to say that it is the curse of young adulthood to go through these times. Many share your thoughts. Just hang in there Continue seeing your doctor and continue to confide in your friends.
I, too, went through a similar time when I was younger. It seems that life is useless and will never get better. But, my dear it does. "And this too shall pass".
Keep strong!
Alicemary

[Mary-Kathryn]

[quote name='Raphael' post='958805' date='Apr 24 2006, 09:22 AM']
My point was simply that a large part of modern psychology was developed by people atheists and deists. I would not go to them for help in spiritual matters.
[/quote]


[url="http://www.catholictherapists.com/"]http://www.catholictherapists.com/[/url]

[Cathurian]

Guys...

A couple people have said that I should "just stop it" or "just deal with it", to "put these thoughts out of my mind", or that I'm not listening. I am listening. And I have tried to simply put my problems aside but that does not work; they only continue to bother me with more strength and frequency. I tried to use the approach "just write it" in regards to an essay once, and ended up feeling suicidal by the end of the night because even by resolving to "just do it" (and feeling very positive -- it's an essay, I didn't expect it to be a huge problem), that only increased my disappointment in myself when I failed.

Several of you have told me to see a psychiatrist, and you'll be glad to know I have done that...I'm being treated for anxiety/depression right now by a good Christian (though not Catholic) psychiatrist, so I can discuss God with her. I and my psychiatrist both honestly considered the possibility that my demonic experiences were caused by mental illness, but this has turned out NOT to be the case.

I've been told to see a priest. It took me about a week and a half to finally get a hold of him (7000 people show up for Mass every Sunday and we have only TWO PRIESTS for all of them; the surrounding parishes are about 45 minutes away in either direction and nearly as crowded). But I did go see him. He prayed over me and said everything would be fine and I didn't need an exorcism.

Today, I told some of my teachers I attempted suicide, they told the counselor, the counselor called my church and the priest made an appointment, himself, to speak with me. I'm really happy about this.

Just so you know I am listening to you guys...I appreciate your advice and have been actually following it...and your kind words help more than you know, and your prayers especially. If I seem stubborn or argumentative, it's not because I'm simply discounting what you say -- it's because I'm honestly trying to understand, and have to take care of my objections, and really I just feel plain stupid for missing what is obvious truth to everyone else.

[Maria]

I've been praying for you.
*hug*

The only thing I can do that helps me is to stop focussing on myself, on how horrid I am. For some reason God loves me, and that's the way it is. The more I dwell on myself, the worse it gets.

[Birgitta Noel]

[quote name='Cathurian' post='959560' date='Apr 24 2006, 07:52 PM']
Guys...

A couple people have said that I should "just stop it" or "just deal with it", to "put these thoughts out of my mind", or that I'm not listening. I am listening. And I have tried to simply put my problems aside but that does not work; they only continue to bother me with more strength and frequency. I tried to use the approach "just write it" in regards to an essay once, and ended up feeling suicidal by the end of the night because even by resolving to "just do it" (and feeling very positive -- it's an essay, I didn't expect it to be a huge problem), that only increased my disappointment in myself when I failed.
[/quote]
Been there, done that, there right now with my paper. I'll offer up my all-nighter for you!

[quote]
Just so you know I am listening to you guys...I appreciate your advice and have been actually following it...and your kind words help more than you know, and your prayers especially. If I seem stubborn or argumentative, it's not because I'm simply discounting what you say -- it's because I'm honestly trying to understand, and have to take care of my objections, and really I just feel plain stupid for missing what is obvious truth to everyone else.
[/quote]

I know you're listening and I don't think you're stubborn or argumentative. I can see you trying to find the truth. Keep searching, keep listening, keep praying. We've all struggled with different faith issues. Remember God never gives you more than you can handle. You will get through this.

Still praying for you

[Mary-Kathryn]

I am very happy to know that you are being helped in all areas of your life. My heart is more at ease now.

I'll keep you close in prayer and hugs to you
Mary-Kathryn

Edited April 25, 2006 by Mary-Kathryn

[jasJis]

[quote name='Cathurian' post='959560' date='Apr 24 2006, 06:52 PM']
Today, I told some of my teachers I attempted suicide, they told the counselor, the counselor called my church and the priest made an appointment, himself, to speak with me. I'm really happy about this.
[/quote]Cath,
Great news! That was one of those Signs from God I was talking about. God works through people. Grace moved people to contact someone else, to call someone else, to call a priest. In today's superficial world, that's a big thing for each of these people. Be grateful to them for their help, be thankful to God for His grace through them.

Remember. The only fruitless plea for help is plea that isn't voiced. God will never force Himself on you, but will be there through other people in your life. You only have to reach out and ask. If someone doesn't or can't help, ask somebody else. Help is always there. Seek and you shall find.

[Peccator]

Brother, I've not stop praying for you - I believe in you, and so does He!

[brandelynmarie]

This may sound really stupid, but I had a dream once (in a really rough time in my life) that showed this dried up white carnation that had been shoved into the middle of a garbage can over-flowing with garbage...In these beautiful, colorful letters a phrase appeared all around this image...& it said," DON'T EVER GIVE UP~DON'T EVER GIVE UP~DON'T EVER GIVE UP~DON'T EVER GIVE UP...". We fail...we fall...we sin...we may give in to despair...but one of the lessons of this life is that we don't give up...That God has given us Hope...That we lean on those around us & they help us when we need it...That God reaches out to us many times through those around us...You are in my prayers...It was very brave & humble of you to post this on here...Peace be with you...

[GuyWithAFoil]

Where has Cathurian been

[Carolou]

Cathurian, I hope that you're feeling better...

I'm sorry that I haven't posted anything sooner, I haven't had time to go on phatmass this past week.

I know how you feel. For a long time I just felt so awful..I didn't have hope.

I don't know what you do for prayers during the day....but my advise is to say three hail marys everyday and more whenever you have the bad feelings come up. Just pray to our Blessed Mother to help guide and bring you closer to her Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ. She'll listen to you. She loves you more than you know.

I'll keep you in my prayers and just know that if you keep holding on and praying, it'll all be okay...it may seem like it won't but God will help. He knows we can't love Him as much as He deserves but it makes Him happy when we try our best.

And take every chance you can get to receive graces, like confession..it'll help also!

[Ash Wednesday]

Cathurian -- I had severe depression and scrupulosity during my first year in college. In the process I learned that the wrathful, nitpicky god that is just waiting to throw us into hell simply doesn't exist. There is a loving, merciful God that does exist, though. And we never will fully understand or comprehend him. I personally don't think he expects that of us, anyway.

You may also need to try a different medication besides zoloft. Have they considered checking to see if you are bipolar? I've read that many cases of suicide have involved untreated bipolar disorder. Donna is right about the thyroid thing, too. My depression's root cause was hypothyroidism. But when your mood is down it does affect how you perceive things, spiritually.

I would also suggest Scrupulous Anonymous by Liguori Publications. There may also be support groups for scruples on the net.