chastity is so very difficult!

[Iacobus]

Some movie my mom watched once, or maybe it was my sisters tv viewing, had as a joke:

"Don't shave your legs."
"Why?"
"Then you won't want to have sex with him."
"Susan!"

Okay, it is lame, I know. But there are things you can do to avoid breaking your vows. Don't put yourself in a situation when it might to hard, if you can. Don't drink to excess (not that I am saying you do, but a lot of kids here do and that is a failing in a sense). Make your intentions clear to him, and to yourself.

You don't have to go all out with a set of barbed wire underwear, simple life choices should make it easier. It is easier, too, because he is commited and you are commited and for anything bad to happen, both of you have to fail. It is like having a two engine airplane, to crash into the ocean both of your engines have to fail, the likelyhood of that is smaller then the likelyhood of one engine failing. The likelyhood of two titrations giving nutso data is smaller then one titration, alone, of giving nutso data.

You could make it even easier by having other people date both of you at the same time. But that would be really weird.

Just make your views known, and if you ever have to say no and make sure he knows to say no if you ever fail.

[stbernardLT]

Something else me and my wife did was actually write down boundaries. We would come to an agreement on what wasn't appropriate and put it on paper. We would each keep a copy, but we also gave a copy to an "accountability couple" (married couple whom we were friends with) whom we would meet with regularly to discuss our struggles. We would always feel the need to redefine our boundaries as we grew and that was ok because it kept everything in perspective. Our marriage is awesome, our family is awesome, and our ministry is awesome, because of chastity and our relying on God's grace through His sacraments for strength.

[God's Errand Girl]

Rock on, "Bernard". Expressed boundaries, with accountability, are priceless.

[MC IMaGiNaZUN]

Miss Photosynthesis, may i first remark, everytime i encounter a young couple who is adamant and excited about chastity, it inspires my own celibate chastity. Thank you for making such a radical and heroic decision. Know that God's grace would be with you in the beginning of the decision.

My advice to young people who always ask: "How far is too far." Like in the actions of lust, there is a very clear and distinct line, that once you cross it by doing such and such clear and distinct action, you will have thus, at that point sin.

I give them no answer. Such a question is proposterous, immature, and well useless.

Rather i say...

You need to ask "How far can i go with my boyfriend to God? How far can we help eachother be Pure? How far can we lead eachother to holiness?"

I know that if i had a relationship in that way, yes, we would need to have good time to have intimate conversations, not just on ourselves, but on politics, philosophy, etc. We would go out and create memories together. All the pure stuff that couples desire, and strive for in a deep relationship.

However, i believe that the deepest and most intimate relationship we can have with somebody is spiritual. And a spiritual relationship is created in not only discussing spiritual things, but also achieving spiritual things. I would go to daily mass together, i would pray the rosary together, i would read the bible together. Various things to edify our spirituality together.

So i would recommend that you, Miss Photosynthesis, that you would, instead of just looking at the difficult task you have, Throw God right in the middle of your relationship. Not only will chastity be heard loud and clear, but you will begin to bring out all the best things of the relationship!!!

SHALOM

[scardella]

[quote name='photosynthesis' date='Apr 10 2006, 10:09 PM']that is really good advice!  We both decided that we won't kiss before marriage...  but even though we've only been in a relationship for a very short time, we both have an intense desire for one another.  He always wears a crucifix and whenever I am tempted to kiss him, I kiss his crucifix.
[/quote]

That's awesome! I find that the introduction of any physicality just slowly leads to more intimate physical things. It's in baby steps, but oftentimes people eventually find themselves beyond where they wanted to go. I know that I'm planning on saving kissing at least until engagement (learning a bit from past mistakes). Maybe that's why I'm still a DW? (It's ok, though... )

[quote name='stbernardLT' date='Apr 11 2006, 03:25 PM']Something else me and my wife did was actually write down boundaries.  We would come to an agreement on what wasn't appropriate and put it on paper.  We would each keep a copy, but we also gave a copy to an "accountability couple" (married couple whom we were friends with) whom we would meet with regularly to discuss our struggles.
[/quote]

Good advice!

One bit that seemed ridiculous at the time, but I could totally see it when it became an issue was this: don't sit, lay, etc. on the other person's bed. Think of it as the marriage bed; it's something sacred.

Another about praying together... erm... keep the focus on God. If y'all are alone, basking in the glory of God, sharing all the deepest darkest secrets of your soul before it is time to do so... it can actually be a near occasion of sin. (This is second hand advice, too)

Oh, and if you do have close calls (or flat out face plants [interesting choice of words, huh?]), chastity-wise, go to confession, have a couple breather days, discuss the close call/failure, renew commitment to chastity, pray like crazy, and BE ON YOUR GUARD. The devil likes repeat offenders.

[azaelia]

[quote name='God's Errand Girl' date='Apr 11 2006, 05:54 PM']Here's some serious and simple (yet blunt) advice regarding the physical aspect of your relationship--

DO NOT LIE DOWN WITH EACH OTHER!!

I know it's blunt, but without going into details, the easiest way to explain it is this--lying down next to each other, even in complete innocence, opens this door to temptation that is almost impossible to resist.
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[/quote]
*nods vehemently*

These are all excellent bits of advice...for anyone. I would reiterate most of what has been said in this thread.

Rock on

[Iacobus]

I think you are out of school now, but a lot of PMers are still living in those boxes called dorm rooms. It is easier to avoid any issues if you don't sit on/lay down on the same bed, but at times, due to the great furnishing of our dorms, we have to use the bed as a chair of sorts. At times like that it is odd, but if you are going to take company in your room it is unavoidable. The alt to that would be to use the dorm lounges whenever possible. I try, and most of the time am sucessful, in only meeting with girls, in a professional sense, in the science building. Nothing were to happen if I had them over to my room, or myself to their room, but if it never ever happens, not doing it with someone I like would not mean I am doing anything special.