scared of the marriage/family life....

[Dust's Sister]

hi, I know there have been topics on marriage before, but I just wanted to bring up a new one....

what if you are scared to be in the marriage life? Like, for me, I'm scared to be a mother.... I don't have much patients with kids at all, and I just don't know if I could raise them.

After attending these RCIA classes since August, I feel like becoming a sister... but then we had the marriage classes and marriage really doesn't seem that bad after all....(after I learned about the Family Planning deal.. I forgot what it's called..

but sometimes I'm really confused on what God is calling me to do..I have been praying really hard on what He wants my Will to be done.

how do we know for sure? What if I want to be a sister because I'm afraid of the marriage life? -- I also want to become a sister though, because I want to reach out and help people as much as I can, and I want to defend this church as much as I can... but then also I think about the marriage life and it helps the Church too! as long as you live a good example!

Then, at our retreat we had, we each had to pick up an egg, that they tried to hide... and we each got an egg, and in each egg there was a unique question. Before we got the egg, the team told us, now each egg is really meant for you, so whatever question you get, REALLY think about it and reflect on it.

So my question was... "What are you keeping from the Lord."-- and I laughed at it because I really don't think I'm keeping anything from the Lord. Except the fact that I'm not 100% sure on becoming a sister....


I dunno, does anyone else think the way I'm thinking about this?

FYI, I've only had one boyfriend, but it only lasted a week and I try to erase him from my memory--- and I am 24 years old.

Edited April 4, 2006 by Dust's Sister

[HisChild]

What are you keeping from the Lord? Maybe it should be amended to . ..what are you keeping BACK from the Lord? Not my will, but thine be done, Lord. He will in turn show you His will, or maybe He has, but sometimes, like me, for instance, we have to be hit on the head to know and to 'hear' what His will is for us.

Religious life isn't for those who wouldn't make a good mother. In fact, once when I mentioned to a mother superior a long time ago, during a visit, that I wasn't sure if I was called to the religious life, because I thought I would make a good mother, her response was that in order to be a good sister, we also have to have the same qualities that would make us a good mother. And, in a way, those qualities, love of prayer, etc., that would make us a good sister, is also important for the married life, as we relate to our spouse and raise our children to be good and holy Catholics.

Each life has trials. That much is so apparent. It's just a matter of which cross (and joys) our Lord has in store for you.

I hope that made even a little bit of sense.

God bless you, and I'll keep you in my prayers.

Denise

[Mary-Kathryn]

[quote name='Dust's Sister' date='Apr 4 2006, 05:13 PM']hi, I know there have been topics on marriage before, but I just wanted to bring up a new one....

what if you are scared to be in the marriage life? Like, for me, I'm scared to be a mother.... I don't have much patients with kids at all, and I just don't know if I could raise them.

After attending these RCIA classes since August, I feel like becoming a sister... but then we had the marriage classes and marriage really doesn't seem that bad after all....(after I learned about the Family Planning deal.. I forgot what it's called..

but sometimes I'm really confused on what God is calling me to do..I have been praying really hard on what He wants my Will to be done.

how do we know for sure? What if I want to be a sister because I'm afraid of the marriage life? -- I also want to become a sister though, because I want to reach out and help people as much as I can, and I want to defend this church as much as I can... but then also I think about the marriage life and it helps the Church too! as long as you live a good example!

Then, at our retreat we had, we each had to pick up an egg, that they tried to hide... and we each got an egg, and in each egg there was a unique question. Before we got the egg, the team told us, now each egg is really meant for you, so whatever question you get, REALLY think about it and reflect on it.

So my question was... "What are you keeping from the Lord."-- and I laughed at it because I really don't think I'm keeping anything from the Lord. Except the fact that I'm not 100% sure on becoming a sister....
I dunno, does anyone else think the way I'm thinking about this?

FYI, I've only had one boyfriend, but it only lasted a week and I try to erase him from my memory--- and I am 24 years old.
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As someone who's been married for a long while, I can tell you that nothing in marriage comes with a written plan. No Matter ho hard we try! Sometimes it STILL scares me...teenagers, a special needs child who has reached adulthood, husband [now retired] in the military during a time of war..... I think the key is determination. When it gets tough, hang through it with teeth gritted and the refusal to quit. When it gets hum-drum, find something outside of yourself that is joyful and good, especially to others. And when you just don't know which way to go, look at "the map".

The map is God's plan for me and my family. I can't create it, change it, or do without it. I simply pray my way through the path He has chosen. Sometimes the path is clear and smooth and sometimes I walk awhile with Him in trust, not knowing the way. Being a bit fearful is not a bad thing. I think I would worry more about someone who has no fear and jumps head first into a marriage with someone they ain't gonna like in 6 months. I have seen people do that...and they've done it more than once!

As far as entering religious life, I've read many times that beginning formation is a time for deeper discernment. It's just like marriage. At the beginning everything is different and maybe a bit exciting/scary/butterflies in stomach feeling, but after awhile, you know it's where you are supposed to be. I'm sure many who are entering here can give you much more valuable insight to the religious life than me.

As far as children go, feeling the child kick inside of you, move inside of you, hearing the heartbeat of the child that is yours for the first time, is like nothing else in the world. When you hold your baby, all the pain and difficulty of the 9 months fades. Each age surely brings it's challenges, embarrassments, and frustrations, but there is no child in the world who is more handsome/beautiful, smart, loving, and wonderful as yours. A child is a light that never dims for the parents.

Hope this isn't just babbling

Mary-Kathryn

[OLAM Dad]

I don't think I could possibly add anything to what these two wonderful people have already said. I'm a guy and wouldn't dare presume to act like I understand women and their feelings.

What a blessing to get one response from somebody on the cusp of entering the religious life and another one from somebody who has lived the married life.

I have two comments.

1. Ignore the egg. To suggest that God inspired them to write those messages and that you were destined to fine the right egg is silly and presumptous.

2. If you feel called to both the religious life and the married life try the religious life first. Once you've entered into marriage you're done whether you made the right decision or not. If you enter the religious life and find that it was a mistake you can always get married later.

I look forward to seeing what you decide.

God bless,

Michael

Edited April 5, 2006 by OLAM Dad

[Dust's Sister]

[quote name='PCPA2Be' date='Apr 4 2006, 05:25 PM']Religious life isn't for those who wouldn't make a good mother.  In fact, once when I mentioned to a mother superior a long time ago, during a visit, that I wasn't sure if I was called to the religious life, because I thought I would make a good mother, her response was that in order to be a good sister, we also have to have the same qualities that would make us a good mother.  And, in a way, those qualities, love of prayer, etc., that would make us a good sister, is also important for the married life, as we relate to our spouse and raise our children to be good and holy Catholics.

Denise
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I have also heard that you have to use your talents in the religious life, as well as the married life, I mean-- being a mother in a sense is the same thing in the religious life as it is in the married life....Still, I think I would be a better mother in the religious life, lol..... I want to help with Pro-Life especially, that's what I'm feeling more called for s pro-life activities... this good Friday I'm going to my first rosary prayer pro-life ralley thing in front of an abortion clinic; it should be quite interesting..


[quote name='Mary-Kathryn' date='Apr 4 2006, 06:39 PM']
As far as children go, feeling the child kick inside of you, move inside of you, hearing the heartbeat of the child that is yours for the first time, is like nothing else in the world.  When you hold your baby, all the pain and difficulty of the 9 months fades. Each age surely brings it's challenges, embarrassments, and frustrations, but there is no child in the world who is more handsome/beautiful, smart, loving, and wonderful as yours. A child is a light that never dims for the parents. 

Hope this isn't just babbling

Mary-Kathryn
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Thank you for your comments, I know that I heard there is nothing like holding your new born baby in your arms, and having them inside of you for 9 months; I know there is nothing like it, but now that I think about it, I feel as though our church, and our church members, and the people outside of the church; are just as important to me. I wish the whole world could unite with each other like a mother unites with their child. I guess that's how the Church was meant to be. Children of Christ... all of us just aren't connected like that motherly love though and I'd like to help change that....

(wow, I didn't think I'd write such an enspiring way of thinking....)

[quote name='OLAM Dad' date='Apr 4 2006, 07:53 PM']
I have two comments.

1.  Ignore the egg.  To suggest that God inspired them to write those messages and that you were destined to fine the right egg is silly and presumptous.

2.  If you feel called to both the religious life and the married life try the religious life first.  Once you've entered into marriage you're done whether you made the right decision or not.  If you enter the religious life and find that it was a mistake you can always get married later.

I look forward to seeing what you decide.

God bless,

Michael
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Thank you very much for your comments as well, I think I agree with you, I'll first see if I'm best for the religious life; but there is not entering soon, I have lots of debt to pay, I just wanted to post this to help clear my mind more and to get your opinions.


-------
Also for your information I find myself more and more going to adoration... I love it there now. There is so much peace, especially when I've just gotten out after an hour of prayer. :

[Ora et Labora]

[quote name='Dust's Sister' date='Apr 4 2006, 07:08 PM']Also for your information I find myself more and more going to adoration... I love it there now.  There is so much peace, especially when I've just gotten out after an hour of prayer.  :
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You seem to have a real contemplative streak.

btw, I didn't think that you were close to any decision. When I said that I look forward to your decision I wasn't implying that it would be soon.

[OLAM Dad]

That was me, not she.

[Dust's Sister]

oh... okie dokie

[zunshynn]

I've found that before you can really embrace the vocation God gave you, you have to learn to love every vocation. I tell you, since responding to God calling me to religious life, I have more respect and admiration for married couples (and those single and in the world for that matter) than I ever did when I was insisting on being married and trying to run from a religious vocation. Especially families that are strong in their faith—how awesome! We need those. I can't find the quote, but St. Francis de Sales said in the Introduction to the Devout Life, something along the lines of: "even virgins must reverence the Sacrament of Matrimony." (He says it better, so I'll find the quote today. (By the way, Introduction is like, a MUST for discernment IMHO... St. Francis de Sales is a genius... He's a must just for learning how to wake up in the morning. Yes, you've found my soft spot.)

With that said, I'm going to give you a bit of advice that Sr. Lauren gave me:

[quote] Don't worry about figuring out your vocation. Truly, the best way to figure it out is to live in the present moment, to go wherever God leads you with docility and openness. He'll guide you there. [/quote]

She's right. He does. Now, I've never had kids... but I don't think you should be so scared of the thought of having kids, or too many kids. Keep in mind, that God is not out to overwhelm you. He will NEVER give you more than you can handle. God likes to tease us, a little bit, sure, but He isn't mean. And he will give you the grace to be a good mom. Just like he gives those women called to religious life the grace to fulfill their vocation to spiritual motherhood.

Some people find out that I want to be a nun, and they're like, that's going to be so hard! Why would you do something like that!? But really, you have to wonder, do they think marriage is easy or something? Both callings have their own difficulties, and their rewards, just like the Christian life itself. Both vocations, when you really get down to it, are impossible to live well without grace.

Wow... didn't mean to write all that. I hope it's somewhat coherent and helpful. If it's not, don't

Pax Christi,
Jennifer

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Mary-Kathryn' date='Apr 4 2006, 05:39 PM']As someone who's been married for a long while, I can tell you that nothing in marriage comes with a written plan. No Matter ho hard we try! Sometimes it STILL scares me...teenagers, a special needs child who has reached adulthood, husband [now retired] in the military during a time of war..... I think the key is determination. When it gets tough, hang through it with teeth gritted and the refusal to quit.  When it gets hum-drum, find something outside of yourself that is joyful and good, especially to others.  And when you just don't know which way to go, look at "the map".

The map is God's plan for me and my family.  I can't create it, change it, or do without it.  I simply pray my way through the path He has chosen.  Sometimes the path is clear and smooth and sometimes I walk awhile with Him in trust, not knowing the way. Being a bit fearful is not a bad thing.  I think I would worry more about someone who has no fear and jumps head first into a marriage with someone they ain't gonna like in 6 months. I have seen people do that...and they've done it more than once!

As far as entering religious life, I've read many times  that beginning formation is a time for deeper discernment. It's just like marriage.  At the beginning everything is different and maybe a bit exciting/scary/butterflies in stomach feeling, but after awhile, you know it's where you are supposed to be.  I'm sure many who are entering here can give you much more valuable insight to the religious life than me. 

Hope this isn't just babbling

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great post she hit the nail on the head

[MC IMaGiNaZUN]

I am scared to be a priest. But God gives me the grace to overcome that fear.

There is nothing wrong with fear. If we let fear rule us, then we cannot be free to serve and love God and his people.

Some people are afraid to die.

Heck i am afraid to live.



SHALOM

PS I dont want anybody to misinterpret what i just said. When i say afraid, i don't mean to say, i run away as a result. But that life requires morals and responsibility that make it difficult, but more than worth it.

[Moosey]

Im scared to death to be a wife and mother. But then again, you're not supposed to go into something like that expecting its going to be a piece of cake. It is a frightening thing thinking about bringing souls into the world and possible saints. Im so worried about doing a bad job. Its such a big responsiblity to raise kids.
Its also scary to think about being married and being responsible for your spouses salvation. I think Marriage is beautiful in that aspect. You have someone by your side constantly who is willing do lay down their life for you. Its so important to find someone who is willing to help you to achieve heaven.

People dont usually know their vocation for a long time. If you are being called to the religious life, God will let you know in His own time and way.

[photosynthesis]

There was a period of time where I discerned religious life for the sole reason that I was afraid of marriage and didn't think I'd make a good mother. Then I kind of ran away from the idea of religious life because my family would disown me. I was going between two extremes...discerning religious life for the wrong reasons, and discerning married life for the wrong reasons (because I thought my family would look upon it better). At that time, I lost all desire for religious life, and my heart was pretty ambivalent towards married life as well.

Then I was in adoration, and God gave me this vision of three crosses. They each symbolized one of the three vocations--married life, religious life and single life. He told me to pick each cross up, and see if I could carry them. I picked up the cross of religious life, and it was heavy. I thought, "I could not be a Sister, for this cross is way too heavy for me!" Then God told me to pick up the cross of married life. It too, was heavy, just as heavy as the cross of religious life. And finally, I took up the cross of single life, which in turn was also just as heavy as the other two crosses.

I think God used this image to show me that each vocation has its joys and its sorrows, and neither vocation is "easier" than the other. At that moment, God took away my fear and gave me the grace to trust in Him.

Right now, I feel a burning desire in my heart to get married and be a mother. I want my home to be like a domestic church, and pass on my faith to my children. While I think religious life is a very holy and beautiful vocation, I don't have the same passion for it as I have for married life.

So my advice would be... go with the vocation that brings you the most peace and the most joy.

[magnificat]

[quote name='photosynthesis' date='Apr 6 2006, 06:00 PM']Then I was in adoration, and God gave me this vision of three crosses.  They each symbolized one of the three vocations--married life, religious life and single life.  He told me to pick each cross up, and see if I could carry them.  I picked up the cross of religious life, and it was heavy.  I thought, "I could not be a Sister, for this cross is way too heavy for me!"  Then God told me to pick up the cross of married life.  It too, was heavy, just as heavy as the cross of religious life.  And finally, I took up the cross of single life, which in turn was also just as heavy as the other two crosses.
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That is beautiful! Thanks for sharing that! :

[MC IMaGiNaZUN]

inspirational