contacting orders?

[magnificat]

Hi Lauren,

I can totally empathize. My parents are supportive of this at all; I'm in a bit better position than you though in that I'm in law school and living in a different state most of the time, so I CAN up and visit communities (reasonably so anyways). But it's still terribly painful; however, there is still an inner sanctum of peace in my heart that I know is from Jesus and is something the pain I feel with my parental situation can never touch.

I can also understand the desire to enter NOW. I feel relatively certain I've found WHERE, but I know that God is calling me to finish the final 2 years of my degree first. And I can understand why, etc...but sometimes I still feel like an impatient child asking, "Are we there yet??"

I would say, worry first about where and the when will come after that. I would say do whatever it is God has led you to now. If that's completing high school, then do it; if it's working for a while, then do it; if it's going to college, then do it. Part of discernment is not just discerning the "BIG QUESTION" of religious/single/married life, but rather it's continually listening for the Spirit's direction in your life. Perhaps your parents' opposition right now is God speaking through them; maybe not. Eventually, you'll have to take the step to visit/enter somewhere...with or without your parents' full support. Maybe right after high school, maybe not--you'll need to take that one up with God

Denise is right that college loans may be an issue in terms of delaying entrance. (Trust me, undergrad + law school isn't cheap!) But at the same time, if God is truly calling you to it, He'll see you through it, including the financial aspect. If you're beginning to look at schools, see how much scholarship and work-study money you can get to minimize your loans. See if you can go to a school close to home and save money that way. That way, if it does turn out that you are called to enter after a year or two, you won't have much debt to worry about.

But I think you're on the right track writing to communities, etc. And if, when you hear back from the Community of St. John, you feel particularly drawn, talk to their VD about your parents & visiting as she may be able to help work something out.

[Sixtina87]

[quote name='Domine ut Videam' date='Apr 4 2006, 04:49 PM']Thanks for all the advice guys! I mailed the letter yesterday and i will let you know what they said as soon as i get a reply! So i have another question:

In regards to when you enter....do you think that it is better to enter out of highschool, 1 year of college, all of college.....what is your opinion? What do your parents think? This is a topic of controversy in my household so i need to gather some info. Thanks!

-Yours in Christ
Lauren
[right][snapback]935584[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]



it all depends on what the lord wants!!! i always wanted to graduate right out of HS. but that wasnt his will. Some enter when they are in college but college debt can be a problem when desiring to enter a religious community. As for me, it will be a yr after HS when i enter.....since it will be a yr out of HS in may and enterence is in JULY!!!! it just depends on how things go and if you found home!!!!!!!!!!!

[be_thou_my_vision]

[quote name='Domine ut Videam' date='Apr 4 2006, 03:49 PM']Thanks for all the advice guys! I mailed the letter yesterday and i will let you know what they said as soon as i get a reply! So i have another question:

In regards to when you enter....do you think that it is better to enter out of highschool, 1 year of college, all of college.....what is your opinion? What do your parents think? This is a topic of controversy in my household so i need to gather some info. Thanks!

-Yours in Christ
Lauren
[right][snapback]935584[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]
Hi Lauren,
I does depend all on what God wants, but I have learned so much from college, just being here my first year. Yes it does cost money, and that can definitely be a problem, but my parents are paying for my education totally. If you do not feel the Lord calling you right after high school, take advantage of college and all the opportunities it offers you to grow as a well-rounded person who is able to communicate effectively, express your feelings, and work with others well.
I hope this helps!
Jenny

[OLAM Dad]

Those are some interesting answers. As one who never discerned a vocation I won't be able to help you but I am enjoying the convo...

[Domine ut Videam]

Thanks for all the replies guys! (hah, i'm a poet and i didn't even know it )

The reason i ask is that in the last few months i've been feeling this_____. I don't really know how to describe it. I guess you could say a sense or a feeling or someting telling me-- but none of those are quote right. Anyways i have been having this _____that i should enter out of HS. And the reason i am paying attention to it is because it certainly isn't my idea; i mean i did NOT think this one up. And when i mentioned it to my parents they were vehemently against it. And this is a source of great anxiety to me because i am a very much so naturally obediant person and in my mind i feel like the time is going to have to come when i am going to have to choose between obeying God and obeying my parents. Does this make any sense? Can anyone relate? My spiritual director told me today (it is awesome because he is the chaplain at my HS and we both have free periods eigth hour so i pretty much talk to him whenever ) to pray that any inordinate fears of disobediance and such can be removed through grace. He said that a good amount of filial piety and obediance is always good but sometimes we have to make sure that it is right; if that makes sense. It made sense when he told me. Any more input is greatly appreciated. Thanks again for all your help.

-Yours in Christ
Lauren

[magnificat]

for your spiritual director! He seems very wise!

I understand because I feel the same way, a little bit. Although i'm definately at the point in my life where I am definately old enough to be making my own decisions, I still feel bad for not doing what my parents want sometimes.

I would say pray about it and see what is revealed to you. And just continue to be attentive to the wonderful desire God has placed on your heart. It's such a great grace that you are listening and open to doing His will!!! So definatley props to you for that!

And don't forget to live in the present too...don't miss out on the experience of being a teenager (in the good/healthy ways, of course!) And look for ways to serve God and answer His call on a daily basis in the little things.

Peace & prayers!

[MikeZakYm]

As an old married guy who works with teens on a regular basis, my advice is this when writing or speaking to communities.

Go to Daily Mass and/or Adoration

Pray without Ceasing

Speak from your HEART

Don't hold back and don't be afraid to ask

Let the Holy Spirit work thru you

Fr. Stan Fortuna shared an interesting prayer he said while discerning

"Holy Spirit, COMMAND me to do God's Holy Will"

Pax Christi

[Domine ut Videam]

Here is another question for you: Oh and thanks for all of your help, I am soooooo appreciative!!)

When orders say that you should be in good health, what is generally meant by "good health"? Because i have this health issue but i don't know if it is an issue or not.

Oh and i write a lot of poems and something compels me to share this with you. :



I want to give myself to you

For you are my everything

I surrender all of myself
My heart, my mind, my soul
Take me and form me as your own

For you are my everything

You are the ground beneath my feet
And the air that I breathe
Without you I am nothing, I am empty
For you catch me when I fall
And hold me when I cry

You are my everything

Take away all that I have
Strip me of all that I am
Fill me with nothing but your love
Let me give my whole self to you

For you are my everything

I give myself to you
I am yours

For you are my everything


-Yours in Christ
Lauren

Edited April 6, 2006 by Domine ut Videam

[HisChild]

Generally speaking. . .and each order is different, but good health means, free from frequent doctor's visits, free from frequent medications, free from handicaps that would otherwise prevent you from living the religious life fully. I would ask the order you are interested in, because for each community, that definition is altered, even by just a little.

God bless you!

[Domine ut Videam]

Okay assorted nun questions :

1. Do nuns shave their legs? Just curious because, well just because?????

2. Why is it that orders that wear the habit are getting more young vocations when orders that don't wear the habit are dieing out?

3. Why does it seem like all nuns wear glasses?

4. Why do all nuns wear the same "nun shoes"? Are they like the super-most comfortable shoes in the world or something? I've always wondered.

5. Those of you who know that you are called to the religious life how do you go about telling people about what you are going to do? What do you find is the best way to tell them? What are people's general reaction? What have people's funniest reactions been? Just curious because i haven't really told that many people yet.....

this is not a nun question... just wondering...has anyone read [u]The Life You Save May be Your Own[/u] It is sort of the biographies of Thomas Merton, Dorothy Day, Walker Percy, and Flannery O'Conner. It is an awesome book and i wanted to talk about it. Just wonderin if anyone had read it.

-Yours in Christ
Lauren

Edited April 17, 2006 by Domine ut Videam

[jgirl]

I'm only going to answer one of your questions:

Funniest reaction: "Is that a four year program?"

[HisChild]

[HisChild]

Well, first, shaving really depends on the sister. I've not met an order where that was no longer ALLOWED, but I have met some sisters who do, and some who don't.

I don't know what to tell you definitively about the second question. The reasons are various, I'm sure. And on this phorum, this is a litlte bit of a divided topic. I'll give some thoughts, based on my own experiences and who I've talked to. My thoughts are probably that those who don't have habits are getting less because they haven't found a way to compensate for not being as visible. Those who wear habits are more visible in the world. Most of the time, those communities are also more traditional, where the sisters all live in common, pray the Divine Office together, have strong prayers lives, etc.

A lot of the times (but not ALL of the time, so please don't take it that I said all of the time), those active sisters who do not wear the habit live on their own or with maybe one or two other sisters, they have their own job, wherever they can find it, vs a common apostolate and their prayer life is more individual. I am only saying this based on what I have experienced when I was discerning. There are always exceptions to this. I'm just sharing what I've learned and postulating a theory from that.

I've also seen that those who have abandoned their habits (I'm not including those newer communities who never had one to begin with, because I've not written to any of them and know so little of them) have a rule that is more relaxed. Perhaps those who are entering religious life are looking for more austerity and a more traditional habit is just an incidental? I'm not sure.

Those young sisters I've spoken to along the way only state to me that they are looking for a more radically lived life, they want to do something for Jesus that they could not otherwise do in the world. Living in your own apt, driving your own car, having to find your own job, praying when you are able, wearing secular clothing, those are just things they have told me that they can do as a single person in the world. They're looking for common prayer, common habit, common apostolate, common living.

About 14 years ago, I did a major English reasearch paper in college about this very thing and had, using as sources over a dozen communities, both more 'traditional' (meaning wearing the habit and all I mentioned above) and those not so traditional. (I talked to many communities that I'd visited, and written. I had permission to speak with those in novitiate, asking their resons for choosing the community they did, if the habit played a role, and if so, what was it. Those communities that didn't wear one, if they didn't have vocations, I spoke with their vocation director or house superior or area spokesperson.) Those communities I contacted, most of them here in AZ, stated that their reason for not choosing the habit had a lot to do with not wanting preferential treatment and some gave the reason that they felt the habit was at one time common dress and evolved from that. They're just goingt back to the common dress of today. They didn't want to stand out. Very few of those communities had new vocations, some with maybe one or two at most.

When I asked what they thought about the upswing of vocations with communities with habits and how their own order was not receiving many or any, I got some pretty varied answers, some not so nice answers about 'those traditional, antiquated' communities but the most thought out response is that those communities, as I mentioned above, are more visible and those who don't have habits are not as visible in the community as well, so it was hard to compensate for that. (This response came from a sister who didn't even use 'Sister' when introducing herself, even at Mass, where we met and knew each other for months before I learned she was a sister at a vocational discernment day.) When she said that response to me, I thought of that old saying 'out of sight, out of mind'. Perhaps those communities will either die out, merge with others as I've seen them do for our Catholic hospitals, or they'll find a way to be more visible in the community, in order to receive more vocations. (I spoke to one VD for a community who didn't seem all that concerned that she hadn't had a single vocation in a decade, so perhaps for some of the communities, it's not important? ) It's so hard to know the answer, truly. Because their answers were varied, I suspect you'll see various ways of dealing with it in the future.

The habit or not the habit, as I said, seems to be a very controversial topic on this phorum as everyone has very definite feelings about the habit. .. one way or the other. As you yourself discern, I'd consider first and foremost looking into their prayer life, how they live their life, the spirit of their community. . .and then go on from there. There are Spirit-filled communities on either side of that line, if you will. I spoke with the PCPA here in AZ, who went on a pilgrimmage to Rome and stopped in London along the way. They met a community, newer, who never included the habit in their Rule. . .and are living very radical, prayerful lives. The nuns were really impressed with them. (I'm sorry, I forgot their name) And I've met sisters in the past who do wear the habit that were not kind or charitable; that was the feeling I got from the community in general and from some sisters in particular, during a visit. I guess what I'm trying to say, the habit does not the community make.

I don't know why you feel they all wear glasses. I used to wear glasses but no longer because of surgery. My community right now is half and half as far as that goes. However, as you age, you are more likely to need glasses, as your eyes change. Maybe that's what you are seeing.

When I got my list of things to bring with me, I was told I could bring 2 pairs of sandals and one pair of comfortable shoes. When I was in the Srs of Life, I was told, if I remember correctly, that I was to bring a couple pairs of 'comfortable, black shoes'. There are only so many kinds of comfortable black shoes out there, that I'm guessing they look the same out of necessity.

As for the last set of questions. I was actually told by my spiritual director NOT to tell many people unless I absolutely had to. People, even well meaning people, find themselves giving you advice etc, about where to look, how to live your life, what to do before you leave, etc. And so, I told very few people until the last minute, (esp at work) for that reason, and out of obedience to my SD. People's reactions are different, from natural repugnance, to almost awed, as if nuns are the only ones called to some special holiness. I've gotten the 'No sex ever?' question. I've gotten the 'how can you give up the world and all the cool things in it?' question. I've gotten comments about how I was too bubbly, or too pretty, etc. (as if Jesus makes those who He calls to be nuns ugly so that this will be their only recourse. ) I'd be prudent about telling people right now, and wait until you are a little more sure about the if, the where, etc. It will make it a litlte easier on you.

BTW the funniest response I got was that I must be playing an early April Fool's joke since April 1st was on a Saturday. I used to work in a surgery center that did plastic surgery (about 1/2 the cases were plastics, whether reconstructive or cosmetic). I think they just thought I'd be like all the other nurses who went on to get breast augmentation, botox, etc. And instead, they see me leave to a monastery ! LOL One of the girls at the office really had to see that I was gone for a week before believing!

God bless you during your discernment, and I hope this was a litlte bit of help, even though it was long.

[shortnun]

[quote name='Domine ut Videam' date='Apr 17 2006, 10:36 AM']Okay assorted nun questions  :

1. Do nuns shave their legs? Just curious because, well just because?????

2. Why is it that orders that wear the habit are getting more young vocations when orders that don't wear the habit are dieing out?

3. Why does it seem like all nuns wear glasses? 

4. Why do all nuns wear the same "nun shoes"? Are they like the super-most comfortable shoes in the world or something?   I've always wondered.

5.  Those of you who know that you are called to the religious life how do you go about telling people about what you are going to do? What do you find is the best way to tell them? What are people's general reaction? What have people's funniest reactions been? Just curious because i haven't really told that many people yet.....
[right][snapback]950541[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]
1. It depends on the order/community... already been addressed above.

2. Lots of reasons, in my opinion. I think if you were to look at it in terms of a sociological profile, Gen-X and Gen Y want to experience a life of radicality and stability that is not what our western culture is offering. (Does that make sense? I'm trying not to give the stereotypical (though true) response: B/c they're faithful to the teachings of the church. B/c that only explains part of the reasons.)

3. I have NO IDEA. But I have often wondered the same thing. B/c they study alot? Or don't wear contacts?

4. Nun shoes--already been answered.

5. I don't just wear a sign and tell everyone. I worked at a job once where everyone was so close that it eventually trickled through the rumor mill. Personally, I focus on dispelling rumors about how nuns still hit everyone with rulers when they're bad, and how nuns are perfect and sinless.

Some people react by "You know you'd be poor, right?" And others like to say, "You know you couldn't have sex, right? (That's my personal favorite.) And other people give me words of encouragement or just ask a lot of questions. So it's cool either way.

[quote name='Domine ut Videam' date='Apr 17 2006, 10:36 AM']this is not a nun question... just wondering...has anyone read [u]The Life You Save May be Your Own[/u] It is sort of the biographies of Thomas Merton, Dorothy Day, Walker Percy, and Flannery O'Conner. It is an awesome book and i wanted to talk about it. Just wonderin if anyone had read it.
[right][snapback]950541[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]
THIS IS ONE OF MY TOP FIVE FAVORITE BOOKS!!! : I think I've referrenced it here on the boards once or twice. Either that or I just recommend it to all of my friends. It is truly powerful. I'm thinking of pulling it off my shelf and re-reading it sometime in the near future. So, in case you couldn't tell, I [u]highly recommend[/u] it to all.

[magnificat]

[quote name='Domine ut Videam' date='Apr 17 2006, 10:36 AM'] Those of you who know that you are called to the religious life how do you go about telling people about what you are going to do? What do you find is the best way to tell them? What are people's general reaction? What have people's funniest reactions been? Just curious because i haven't really told that many people yet.....
[right][snapback]950541[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]

I'm skipping the other questions since I think they've been addressed above.

How do you tell people? It depends on how well you know them. The first person I told (besides 2 priests) was one of my best friends who had just told me she was being called to the religious life, so that was easy. With my closest friends who are Catholic and who get or at least support the whole "discernment" thing, it wasn't hard. They're the easiest next to telling priests or religious sisters .

I really haven't told many people yet since I know it's another couple years before I enter and the only people I've told are those who I knew would be supportive. My friend and I joked about playing this little game, though, and guessing what other people's reactions would be if we told.

It's actually more difficult for me NOT to tell people around school, particularly my professors who ask me what type of job I want when I'm done with law school, etc. I'm not so good at the bluffing thing. Although, I'm also dreading actually telling people in the future, simply because being in professional school, it's kind of an oddity.

However, anyone else ever have the feeling that you just kinda stick out in a crowd anyways...as if you were wearing a sign on your forehead or something...but you're not?? (Trust me I checked! )