I Need Some Advice

[GodsGrace]

This is just a myth. There has been no scientific basing whatsoever.

The reasoning go as far as time's when older and more financially secure male could afford having a wife.

HA! Let me tell you something.....Males CAN (in very rare instances) be more mature than a girl of the same age. I have a younger brother, and I have 5 uncles(not by marraige) who were NO more mature than my brother is now. Let me tell you males are SO much more mature than females of the same age.

As for you hopeful1-yes wait. In this time you're waiting for him to turn 18, you are doing this:

Staying single for a large period of time, being able to work on a friendship with him, and learning how to grow closer to Christ together,

AND: you are gaining his trust, and learning how to trust him. Also, the best things in life are those worth waiting for.

I too dated a guy 2 and 1/2 years younger than me. I was 16 and he was 14. (It was soooo weird) We dated for 7 1/2 months. It was a beautiful relationship, and he was my first love. SO yea it can happen, and dating someone younger than you isn't that bad. He was mature for his age, partly b/c his dad is in the military so he's had to grow up real fast and be the man of the house for his younger brother and his wonderful mother. Get to know him, and don't be afraid to stay single. I know I am....we can do this together!

[hopeful1]

Ummmm, my question is this . . . since you've become serious about your faith, have you ever tried to live as a single person with a heart undivided in God's love for a significant period of time?  Has he?  Like 2 years or more?  Or have you been a person who is always in relationships?  Or maybe you've never gone more than a few months in a relationship?  Or has he been this way?

In answer to your question blazer, i've been single for the past 19 years-i've never dated, never been kissed (ect). a few years ago i used to think this sucked, but in the past few years i've been able to see that as a blessing. I'm able to concentrate on other things, and the mere fact i didn't have to go thru the boyfriend/girlfriend drama ppl back in hs went through is practically a gift from God. It also seemed like He was protecting me from all the jerks that went there. I've also read "I've Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris, and while i disagree somewhat on what he says on kissing (although the rate it's going right now, i might as well have my first kiss at the alter-it might be kinda cool actually we'll see, but this is not the issue here.) it has helped me to see singleness in a more positive light. I don't know his dating history that well, so i don't know if i can say the same for him.

The person you are at 17-19 is not necessarily the person you will be at 21-23. You have to learn to be a successful single person before you can be a sucessful partner with someone else.

This is very true Cmom, and i'm keeping this in mind, as well. Thank you. Btw, my speech and debate teacher said the same thing about statistics as well :D

as i had mentioned, he is very mature for is age. he's kinda like me b/c we both grew up around adults, his parents are also older (his sister is 36) and has been working with them since he was pretty young, so i think that has something to do with it. But still the fact that he acts more mature than most ppl i know in college, doesn't change the fact he is a minor.

Right now i feel like we need to develop our relationship more as friends ( i can't act in any other way otherwise, out of respect for the person he is with now) before we can be anything else. And i've always thought that before i'm with anyone i have alot of personal improvements i have to make in order to be the person God wants me to be, and for my future boyfriend (spouse?). on the other hand i wonder if this is someone that can help me become that person (or vice versa-tho i realise i don't necessarily need to be dating anyone to do so). i am treading thru this carefully, and trying to be open to every aspect of this. I have been praying-to take these feelings away. but after the comments i got from his family i'm like " god i am leaving this in your hands. if this is what you want, then i know you will let things fall into place". i really want to do what what is best for all 3 of us.

Edited December 23, 2003 by hopeful1

[hopeful1]

anyone else?

[hopeful1]

The fact is, women live longer than men.

So, actually society convention of appropriate ages of spouses is totally wrong.

Men should search older women. (prolly 5 years older)

This way we won't have lonely widows in her own house with a cat or two.

Thus, 2 years difference? Heck he should be younger than that

tell that to the authorities when a 15 yr old dates a 20 yr old!

on the note of statistics, both my speech and debate teacher in hs and my english professor in college have said that numbers can be scewed depending on how the issue in question is phrased, the population asked, and how honestly they respond, I've read your other posts (particularly the ones with cmom) and i can see you're an intelligent person, so you can obviously see that.

but then again, the reliablity of statisics isn't the issue on this thread

Edited December 23, 2003 by hopeful1

[hopeful1]

bump