GodsThespianChic Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 This is advice from a parent of teens. Don't ruin a good friendship for the sake of an intimate relationship that has so much going against it. A two year difference is a lot at this age, and it's obvious that you've been a good influence. The comment by his parent hints at a general casualness about serious relationships and I would think that was an initial cause for his 'purity' problem. (Though at 17, he certainly can start taking responsibilty for his own actions). He needs a friend to talk to and demonstrate that a valuable and close relationship doesn't have to be romantic. Definately take ^his^ advice, hopeful1, I know him in the "real world" and he's been like a second dad to me since I've known him...he knows what he's talking about!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beng Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 THe problem is maturity levels , boys are usually 2 years behind a girl of the same age. THerefore most girls date older males just to be on the same level... This is just a myth. There has been no scientific basing whatsoever. The reasoning go as far as time's when older and more financially secure male could afford having a wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
traichuoi Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Ummmm, my question is this . . . since you've become serious about your faith, have you ever tried to live as a single person with a heart undivided in God's love for a significant period of time? Has he? Like 2 years or more? Or have you been a person who is always in relationships? Or maybe you've never gone more than a few months in a relationship? Or has he been this way? I think that if you've never done that, been single and not "looking" for a relationship as a serious Catholic, then it would probably be best to wait on this relationship some more. Part of that is because God needs some time to work on your heart without the challenge and complexity of a relationship. Also, if you offer this single life to God for him, he will bless you with an even better relationship than you can imagine, when the time is right. Part of me says "age difference is unimportant" but then, I just feel the Holy Spirit holding me back from saying that and saying, wait, wait, wait. Pray about it, bottom line. And let Christ be your relationship for both of you, for a while. AMEN!!! I tell this to all my friends and they listen but don't even try! I have been single for over 3 years now (i think also by God's work). This single life has been such an amesome period in my life because I have had the opportunity to really focus on my own spirituality, CHASTITY, and love for myself. Whenever I tell people they should take the time to live a totally single life before getting into any serious relationships they do it for only about 6 months or so. When I say live a single life I mean really live a single life where you aren't looking for any sort of relationship. This is the time when you really get to focus on yourself and learn more about yourself. It's a time when you can work on your chastity (physical and spiritual) and strengthen it so that when it is time for you to be in a relationship you have a solid foundation. Sometimes when we are single, all we focus on is finding "the person." It shouldn't be so. God has "given" us the opportunity to be single for a reason. Live out the call of a single life...working on getting to know God and our "self." We can't focus so much on the future that we neglect the present. I really believe people need to be happy and fulfilled being alone before they are happy within a relationship. Sometimes when people get into a relationship without being single for a time, they get into relationships and lose their identity because they don't know who they are yet. So ultimately what I'm saying is...just be friends! Talk alot in order to learn more about each other, yourself, and God. Then pray... p.s. also wait till he's 18!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 This is just a myth. There has been no scientific basing whatsoever. The reasoning go as far as time's when older and more financially secure male could afford having a wife. As a mother of many teenage boys , I disagree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hopeful1 Posted December 22, 2003 Author Share Posted December 22, 2003 Legally, for your saftety, you should stay away. For now at least. He is 15 and you are 19. Because you are an adult and in a ministry, you can be investigated. Already been to one of those classes held at the diocese (also because I am the youth minister here) and it's just not worth it. Wait and see what happens. Trust in God. He is only 15 now and MUCH can happen from then until he is actually a young adult. No matter how "mature" these kids seem to be, they are still kids. I have a friend who is married to a 3 year younger guy. Can it happen? SURE!!!!! but truly now is NOT the time. Pray and don't forget your future husband may or may not be him. he'll be seventeen in Feb., so there's a 2 1/2 yr age difference. i know that still makes him a minor, but it's a little bit better. If he was 15 i would never consider it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beng Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 As a mother of many teenage boys , I disagree. Your "many teenagers boys" doesn't reflect the population. You would need to conduct a correct statistical sample. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsFrozen Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Hi! Well, I don't think you should worry about him being younger than you. My husband is 23 and I'm 24, but I am only about 6 months older than him. On the whole, he is more mature than me, though.. But if you really like this guy, I would wait until he was 18 to pursue a relationship. I know that seems like a long time, but this way, you can get to know him better and be able to see how mature he really is. I have known some 16-year-old guys who act grown up around girls and their friends, and still can get pretty tantrum-y at home (hint: I have four younger brothers! ). Plus, you probably don't want to be dating a "minor," for lack of a better word. Plus, 18 and 20 or 21 don't seem like such a big age difference! Hope this helps! God bless.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Your "many teenagers boys" doesn't reflect the population. You would need to conduct a correct statistical sample. there are lies, beaver dam lies and statistics Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleflower+JMJ Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 most statistics tell everything BUT the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beng Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 there are lies, beaver dam lies and statistics Then it's back to emotion, feeling, intuition? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beng Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 most statistics tell everything BUT the truth. Yeah right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 I was just quoting my statistics prof. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleflower+JMJ Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Yeah right. oh okay.....well not all of them.... :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foundsheep Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 What is this ? Phatmass is turning into Dr. Phil! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleflower+JMJ Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 hopeful i think you two need to just be friends. his 17 and your 19, your views and life can change drastically and even be two completely different ppl in the time cuz well both of you are just beginning in life, careers, school etc. i know many of us were completely different people from that high school age to college age. i think when he is older and such then you are able to be more realistic because both of you will be mature and knowledge able to know more about yourselves, your future and your faith. and until that time whether its one year from now or 4 years, the single life is a great time to focus solely on God and what His plan may be. it is until we completely have Jesus in our Hearts to stay that we can fully take a step forward in a relationship that we want to grow in and reflect in our own relationship that we have with Jesus. just because you "like" someone isnt enough reason to start a relationship. it has to be much more. my advice, take it slow, be friends, do not rush things, its when we try and make things happen on our own that end up hurting each other instead of praying and following God's will and plan. pray about it, pray for him and for you. so that both of you will have God as the center of what is needed in a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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