hopeful1 Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 ok, i thought about putting this one in the creepy aliens section, but i thought i'd appreciate advice from the more...ah...mature members of phatmass as well. Ok, i'm part of the music ministry at my church, i'm a singer and i think i like the drummer. He's really sweet and affectionate, a perfect gentleman ( respects girls, offers to carry heavy stuff, opens the door for a girl, ect), funny, very talented on the drums and has been working on cars/trucks/dumptrucks with his dad since he was 8 yrs old. not to mention cute . we're both italian, tend to be like minded on moral issues (so far) and he's very mature for his age and close to his family. He is catholic, prays and believes in God , tho i don't know how much about the catechism he actually knows (he went to public school, he's been to CCD but you all know how that goes). Sounds pretty good so far, right? well, the thing is i'm not sure if this is a relationship i should try to persue. here's the catch: I'm 19 and in college (albeit a community college) and he'll be 17 in february :sadder: . I know that kinda seems like a big age difference for people in my age group, but he was alot like me, we both grew up around adults and he acts more mature than most ppl i know in college. He confessed to me one night when we were talking online that he lost his virginity when he was pretty young and had been struggling with purity (long story, basically girls forcing themselves on him, than the other way around, but i know it takes two to tango) but he feels really guilty. we had a long talk about this, and i think i helped him through it and he wants to save himself for his wife and i talked him into going to confession ( not sure if he's been yet, he has an extremely busy schedual). i know from previous posts ppl have different ideas about 2nd virginity (please don't turn this into a 10 p topic on that issue alone!) but i think i can forgive someone for that. I am worried about how it would look like to other people, namely our parents. His parents are supposedly pretty strict, but the first time they met me they told me they were hoping he would break up with his girlfriend and go out with me! (i have a feeling they won't be together much longer, not sure why) My parents, we'll i don't know i haven't really talked to them much about it, but i think it's safe to say they'd think he's too young ( i still live at home). I just don't really know how i should go about this. I know i care about him very much as a friend, and he at least feels the same way towards me and he thinks i'm beautiful (tho i know that doesn't necessarily mean anything). I have been praying about this and want to do what god thinks will be best for us, but i'd like to know what you guys think of this. any takers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geetarplayer Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 It would be frowned upon by the legal authorities. But what do they know anyway. -Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katt1227 Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 I think, in the end, age is really unimportant. And besides, it's only 2 years. Although the age difference is something that I think could potentially cause problems, with maturity levels and different paths in life (especially when he graduates High School and has to decide what next in his life). But, I would encourage you to go for it. Go out, have a good time, but take things slowly and see what's there. Nurture the friendship that you've already developed, but if you are interested in him and he returns the feeling, then by all means Go for It!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geetarplayer Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 My mom and dad are atleast two years apart and they've been married for 13 or 14 years strong. -Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesiringMore Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 But, I would encourage you to go for it. Go out, have a good time, but take things slowly and see what's there. Nurture the friendship that you've already developed, but if you are interested in him and he returns the feeling, then by all means Go for It!! Definitely take it slow!! nothing can be hurt in being patient....if nothing else, a lasting friendship will be the gift from God :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hopeful1 Posted December 22, 2003 Author Share Posted December 22, 2003 I think, in the end, age is really unimportant. And besides, it's only 2 years. Although the age difference is something that I think could potentially cause problems, with maturity levels and different paths in life (especially when he graduates High School and has to decide what next in his life). But, I would encourage you to go for it. Go out, have a good time, but take things slowly and see what's there. Nurture the friendship that you've already developed, but if you are interested in him and he returns the feeling, then by all means Go for It!! thanks, well, he's a jr in hs right now and more than likely he'll be going to the same community college i'm at for his aa degree in music, i worry more about what's going to happen when i finish mine and have to move on to a 4 yr school. The fact that it would be frowned upon by authorities anyway bothers me too, although i don't think it would get physical like that (IT BETTER NOT!) but i don't want rumors to start at either one of our schools either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmjtina Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Legally, for your saftety, you should stay away. For now at least. He is 15 and you are 19. Because you are an adult and in a ministry, you can be investigated. Already been to one of those classes held at the diocese (also because I am the youth minister here) and it's just not worth it. Wait and see what happens. Trust in God. He is only 15 now and MUCH can happen from then until he is actually a young adult. No matter how "mature" these kids seem to be, they are still kids. I have a friend who is married to a 3 year younger guy. Can it happen? SURE!!!!! but truly now is NOT the time. Pray and don't forget your future husband may or may not be him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hopeful1 Posted December 22, 2003 Author Share Posted December 22, 2003 Definitely take it slow!! nothing can be hurt in being patient....if nothing else, a lasting friendship will be the gift from God :D that's definately the attidude i'm taking with this . Unfortunately, We don't get to talk much outside of church ( we did when i used to have aim, but my dad took it off the comp.) So that's all the more reason things should be taken slowly, and lucky for me i am a very patient person. it's becoming a little bit harder to talk to him tho, i guess b/c we don't see each other very often so it's harder to come up with things to say. Not good in any case, plus we're both a little shy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesiringMore Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 He's 17 right...???....i'll be praying for the two of you...good friends, no matter how long they've been away from one another, can pick up right where they left off...is it possible to email back and forth to keep in touch?? just a thought... i know that's what my friends and I do since we are at least an hour away from one another if not farther... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasJis Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 This is advice from a parent of teens. Don't ruin a good friendship for the sake of an intimate relationship that has so much going against it. A two year difference is a lot at this age, and it's obvious that you've been a good influence. The comment by his parent hints at a general casualness about serious relationships and I would think that was an initial cause for his 'purity' problem. (Though at 17, he certainly can start taking responsibilty for his own actions). He needs a friend to talk to and demonstrate that a valuable and close relationship doesn't have to be romantic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesiringMore Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 He needs a friend to talk to and demonstrate that a valuable and close relationship doesn't have to be romantic. So true...thanks for sharing this:)...many of my closest relationships have nothing to do with romance or physical attractions... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLAZEr Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Ummmm, my question is this . . . since you've become serious about your faith, have you ever tried to live as a single person with a heart undivided in God's love for a significant period of time? Has he? Like 2 years or more? Or have you been a person who is always in relationships? Or maybe you've never gone more than a few months in a relationship? Or has he been this way? I think that if you've never done that, been single and not "looking" for a relationship as a serious Catholic, then it would probably be best to wait on this relationship some more. Part of that is because God needs some time to work on your heart without the challenge and complexity of a relationship. Also, if you offer this single life to God for him, he will bless you with an even better relationship than you can imagine, when the time is right. Part of me says "age difference is unimportant" but then, I just feel the Holy Spirit holding me back from saying that and saying, wait, wait, wait. Pray about it, bottom line. And let Christ be your relationship for both of you, for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Stay friends. The person you are at 17-19 is not necessarily the person you will be at 21-23. You have to learn to be a successful single person before you can be a sucessful partner with someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beng Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 (edited) The fact is, women live longer than men. So, actually society convention of appropriate ages of spouses is totally wrong. Men should search older women. (prolly 5 years older) This way we won't have lonely widows in her own house with a cat or two. Thus, 2 years difference? Heck he should be younger than that Edited December 22, 2003 by beng Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 THe problem is maturity levels , boys are usually 2 years behind a girl of the same age. THerefore most girls date older males just to be on the same level... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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