Are you supported in your vocation...

[puellapaschalis]

When I talked to my parents about being a nun whilst I was a teenager, my mother was supportive (in her own particular way) but my father was very disappointed.

My mother is Filipina, and whilst she's not much of a practising Catholic, she comes from a large and relatively devout family. I'm helped a lot by her sister, my aunt and Godmother, who also lives in Europe. My father, however, comes from a non-Catholic background and in the beginning at least was pretty antagonistic. He would say things like "You can be a faithful Catholic without becoming a nun - look at your aunt [my Godmother], for example." With time he mellowed a little, and started using the word [i]vocation[/i] as though he actually knew what it meant

That was a few years ago. How they'll react when I bring it up again is anyone's guess. I'm pre-empting the situation by praying beforehand!

[magnificat]

[FutureScholastica]

I recognice so much of what a lot of you are saying. My family is not at all supportive of my wish to become a nun.
I come frome a very small family; it's just me and my mom ( I have no siblings and my dad died when I was eight ), and my mom is very "clingy". She has a hard time letting me go.
Someone earlier in the thread said that our parents want what's best for us, but that that might not always coinside with what we want or feel called to do. I think this discribes my mum to a T. She wants me to become an academic, but thought that appeals to me, it's not what I feel called to do. Unfortunately she is only a nominal christian and not a catholic, so she doesn't relate to the concept of a vocation. She thinks I'm throwing my life away.
The fact that she disapproves of my choice because she thinks I should do something else makes my sad, but it doesn't make me question my vocation.
However, what sometimes does make me question my vocation is the fact that she's more or less told me that once I enter she's gonna give up on life. She says that I am all she has to live for and that life isn't worth living if I'm not around.
Hearing this is really hard and gives me a very bad concience. I don't want to hurt my mom, but at the same time I know that I can't let my mom dictate how I should live my life. Sometimes I feel like the pain that her reaction brings is to much for me to deal with and that I should just give up on my calling. But I also feel that I will never find peace and happiness doing anything else with my life other than becoming a religious.
I don't know what to do about my situation other than praying and trusting in God's faithfulness, mercy and grace.

Thank you for bearing with my ramblings.

Pax

[puellapaschalis]

Hej Scholastica,

(great name, by the way; it's one of my Confirmation names : )

prayer is the great tool we have to bring not only ourselves but also those dear to us through difficult times. It sounds as though you know this already though, so bravo for you! I'm also an only child so I have had the grandchildren talk quite a few times.

What your mother says about "giving up on life" seems quite harsh. I wonder if she really realises what she's saying?

I'll pray for both you and your mother. My father isn't a Catholic either but does understand the concept of a vocation - let's work to see to it that your mother will too.

Love and prayers,

PP

[Laurentina1975]

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[FutureScholastica]

[quote name='puellapaschalis' date='Mar 28 2006, 07:12 PM']Hej Scholastica,

(great name, by the way; it's one of my Confirmation names : )

prayer is the great tool we have to bring not only ourselves but also those dear to us through difficult times. It sounds as though you know this already though, so bravo for you! I'm also an only child so I have had the grandchildren talk quite a few times.

What your mother says about "giving up on life" seems quite harsh. I wonder if she really realises what she's saying?

I'll pray for both you and your mother. My father isn't a Catholic either but does understand the concept of a vocation - let's work to see to it that your mother will too.

Love and prayers,

PP
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Thank you for your prayers, I really need them and my mom even more so. I pray for her every day and I can only hope that Christ and His Blessed Mother will extend their infinite love and mercy to her and give her all the help and guidance she needs.

[Mary-Kathryn]

[quote name='FutureScholastica' date='Mar 28 2006, 01:02 PM']I recognice so much of what a lot of you are saying. My family is not at all supportive of my wish to become a nun.
I come frome a very small family; it's just me and my mom ( I have no siblings and my dad died when I was eight ), and my mom is very "clingy". She has a hard time letting me go.
Someone earlier in the thread said that our parents want what's best for us, but that that might not always coinside with what we want or feel called to do. I think this discribes my mum to a T. She wants me to become an academic, but thought that appeals to me, it's not what I feel called to do. Unfortunately she is only a nominal christian and not a catholic, so she doesn't relate to the concept of a vocation. She thinks I'm throwing my life away.
The fact that she disapproves of my choice because she thinks I should do something else makes my sad, but it doesn't make me question my vocation.
However, what sometimes does make me question my vocation is the fact that she's more or less told me that once I enter she's gonna give up on life. She says that I am all she has to live for and that life isn't worth living if I'm not around.
Hearing this is really hard and gives me a very bad concience. I don't want to hurt my mom, but at the same time I know that I can't let my mom dictate how I should live my life. Sometimes I feel like the pain that her reaction brings is to much for me to deal with and that I should just give up on my calling. But I also feel that I will never find peace and happiness doing anything else with my life other than becoming a religious.
I don't know what to do about my situation other than praying and trusting in God's faithfulness, mercy and grace.

Thank you for bearing with my ramblings.

Pax
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May I be really bold and suggest a bit of family counseling? Your Mom doesn't realize how much life has to offer just for HER. Perhaps with a little guidance she can be happy for you knowing her own life will continue and be good.

I admire you and your steadfastness to your call, despite these painful obstacles. Please let us know when YOUR entrance day comes!


Mary-Kathryn


ps. I really hope the counseling thing doesn't upset you or make you think I am judging!

[HisChild]

Scholastica,

God bless you for wanting to give your life wholeheartedly to Jesus. I have dealt with the ups and downs of my own familial support, or lack thereof. I know a little of which you speak. I am so sorry to hear the words your mother said. . .and like Mary Kathryn, I wish to be, at once, loving and bold. I pray you do not get upset by anything that I might say.

It was a quite different situation than yours, but there was a time that I was dating a guy, who, when I mentioned that I felt we were not compatible for anything other than friends (long story, but he wasn't a practicing Catholic, although when we first met I got the impression he was. . .we also had a lot of vastly different hobbies, if you will, that just made me feel he would make someone a good husband. . just not me), he too told me that his life would be no longer worth living, etc. (Actually, it just occurred to me, this happened to me also , with another boy, when I was still in high school, I was 'dating', if one could call holding hands between classes, dating)

Had someone in my family told me this, regarding my religious vocation, I cannot be sure how I would feel, but I can only speculate based on how I felt when I was told this, those two times by the boys I knew. I think I would feel hurt, confused, angry, and manipulated. It is a way of somehow attempting to make a person do their will, over yours, or in this case, over God's, if you are called to religious life. So, if you are feeling any of those things, be assured that there are those of us out there who feel or have felt similarly.

If it is truly God's will, and I believe this with all my heart, He will give you the grace to proceed. If you keep your eyes on Him first and foremost, His Grace will work in even the hardest of hearts.

My mother was so dead set on my becoming a religious. She really isn't all that excited about it now, but is more. . .accepting. 13 yrs ago, I entered a religious community, that later, I discerned just wasn't where I was called to be. However, during the time I was there, as a postulant, we had a family visit day. My family came, saw me in chapel, and around the convent, and commented, 'You really do belong here, as a sister." That was pure grace, IMHO. Praise God that her eyes were opened. Another long story, of course as to why I left, and feel free to read my story in the PCPA thread on here, but I just wanted to share that for those who put our Lord first. . .will receive a hundredfold in return.

God bless you and I will be sure to keep you in my prayers.

your sister in Christ,

Denise

[quote name='FutureScholastica' date='Mar 28 2006, 12:02 PM']I recognice so much of what a lot of you are saying. My family is not at all supportive of my wish to become a nun.
I come frome a very small family; it's just me and my mom ( I have no siblings and my dad died when I was eight ), and my mom is very "clingy". She has a hard time letting me go.
Someone earlier in the thread said that our parents want what's best for us, but that that might not always coinside with what we want or feel called to do. I think this discribes my mum to a T. She wants me to become an academic, but thought that appeals to me, it's not what I feel called to do. Unfortunately she is only a nominal christian and not a catholic, so she doesn't relate to the concept of a vocation. She thinks I'm throwing my life away.
The fact that she disapproves of my choice because she thinks I should do something else makes my sad, but it doesn't make me question my vocation.
However, what sometimes does make me question my vocation is the fact that she's more or less told me that once I enter she's gonna give up on life. She says that I am all she has to live for and that life isn't worth living if I'm not around.
Hearing this is really hard and gives me a very bad concience. I don't want to hurt my mom, but at the same time I know that I can't let my mom dictate how I should live my life. Sometimes I feel like the pain that her reaction brings is to much for me to deal with and that I should just give up on my calling. But I also feel that I will never find peace and happiness doing anything else with my life other than becoming a religious.
I don't know what to do about my situation other than praying and trusting in God's faithfulness, mercy and grace.

Thank you for bearing with my ramblings.

Pax
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[Domine ut Videam]

My parents’ reaction to my vocation has been a long, ongoing process. I first told my parents about my discernment the week before Christmas this year. I am a Junior in HS now, and I have been discerning a call to the religious life since freshman year.

Now, when I first told them they were nothing but supportive. Saying things like: “Oh, we thought that you felt this way.” and “that is awesome!” But after our initial conversation they pretended like everything was normal and that I was just some normal kid who wanted to go become a lawyer or something. They completely avoided the subject; and it freaked me out. I know that I probably scared my mom because I told her that I was almost 98% certain that I was called to the contemplative lifestyle. And I might have slipped in the word cloistered, and I think that is what made her clam up. I didn’t bring it up again for at least three weeks because I thought that they would be anti-vocation. When I did, I told my parents that I was seriously considering going to only one year of college and entering after that. And my mom keeps saying that she thinks I am “growing up to fast.”

I think she is having a hard time letting go of me, because she doesn’t understand how much I want to be completely God’s and how much I want to go to Him. She doesn’t understand how much joy this idea brings me. I try to show her…..but we have some miscommunication issues. And that is where the trouble comes in. I think she is in a state of mourning right now. Because really, when a daughter enters a convent the family is in a sense “losing” them. Of course they are gaining something even greater…but right now she is mourning the thought of losing me I think.

And as for my dad……I have no clue….we don’t really talk. But I think that he is really supportive, just sad at the prospect of losing me.

I will be praying for you all. What orders are you considering? I am feeling very strongly called to the Community of St.John (their contemplative sisters in Princeville, IL), and the Carmelites in St.Louis.

-Yours in Christ
Lauren

[OLAM Dad]

FS,

Your approach to this situation is dead on. Your story sounds very similar to Mother Angelica's story. Are you familiar with Mother Angelica, the founder of EWTN? She was an only child, her father, though alive, was not involved in her life and her mother was very clingy. So much so that Mother never told her that she was entering a convent. She had a priest drive her to the convent and then deliver a letter to her mother for her explaining what she had done.

In the end, while her mother never lost her clingy nature, she accepted Angelica's decision and grew in her faith as a result.

Raymond Arroyo recently wrote a biography of Mother Angelica. You might want to consider picking it up, it might give you some comfort.

God bless and thanks for posting,

Michael

[HisChild]

[quote name='Domine ut Videam' date='Mar 28 2006, 03:22 PM']My parents’ reaction to my vocation has been a long, ongoing process. I first told my parents about my discernment the week before Christmas this year. I am a Junior in HS now, and I have been discerning a call to the religious life since freshman year.

Now, when I first told them they were nothing but supportive. Saying things like: “Oh, we thought that you felt this way.” and “that is awesome!” But after our initial conversation they pretended like everything was normal and that I was just some normal kid who wanted to go become a lawyer or something. They completely avoided the subject; and it freaked me out. I know that I probably scared my mom because I told her that I was almost 98% certain that I was called to the contemplative lifestyle. And I might have slipped in the word cloistered, and I think that is what made her clam up. I didn’t bring it up again for at least three weeks because I thought that they would be anti-vocation. When I did, I told my parents that I was seriously considering going to only one year of college and entering after that. And my mom keeps saying that she thinks I am “growing up to fast.”

I think she is having a hard time letting go of me, because she doesn’t understand how much I want to be completely God’s and how much I want to go to Him. She doesn’t understand how much joy this idea brings me. I try to show her…..but we have some miscommunication issues. And that is where the trouble comes in. I think she is in a state of mourning right now. Because really, when a daughter enters a convent the family is in a sense “losing” them. Of course they are gaining something even greater…but right now she is mourning the thought of losing me I think.

And as for my dad……I have no clue….we don’t really talk. But I think that he is really supportive, just sad at the prospect of losing me.

I will be praying for you all. What orders are you considering? I am feeling very strongly called to the Community of St.John (their contemplative sisters in Princeville, IL), and the Carmelites in St.Louis.

-Yours in Christ
Lauren
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Lauren,

We have another Lauren! There's Laurentina1975 who's from Chicago, then there's Sr Lauren, who entered the PCPA in Hanceville, Alabama. OLAM dad is her dad.

First,


Thank you so much for posting your story.

There are a lot of threads on Vocation Station with various stories of which order we're considering and/or entering. Me? I'm entering the PCPA in Portsmouth, OH (www.stjosephmonastery.com), a monastery re-established by two of Mother Angelica's sisters.

I tried to look a little at the Sisters of St John's website but there wasn't much information, when I was looking, which was over a year ago. I visited the Carmelites in St Louis, when I was living there in 2002. They have a lovely chapel.

I will pray for you as you continue your vocational journey. God bless you!

Denise

[Domine ut Videam]

This website has the most information:

[url="http://www.stjean.com/EN/Jeu_accueil.php3"]St.Jean.com: The Contemplative Sisters[/url]

-Yours in Christ
Lauren

P.S. Thanks for the Welcome!

[Domine ut Videam]

okay it didn't do what i wanted....

sorry. Click on the community section on the lefthand side, and then scroll down to the bottom: in the middle of the page there should be an arrow pointing to the right. Click on it. Then scroll down to the contemplative sisters and click on more details....

that should get you there.

[OLAM Dad]

[quote name='Domine ut Videam' date='Mar 28 2006, 04:22 PM']Because really, when a daughter enters a convent the family is in a sense “losing” them. Of course they are gaining something even greater…but right now she is mourning the thought of losing me I think.
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Welcome to Phatmass, Lauren. You fit right in, I hope you can become a 'regular'.

Michael

[HisChild]

Yes, that's the site I was on, but there's a lot of info about the brothers/friars, but none really about the sisters. At least, nothing that I could see, except the french article that showed what they looked like, when meeting His Holiness.