Looking for advice . . .

[passionheart]

Welcome Bernadette,

I hope we all can help with your discernment. Now if you are interested in any of those books that was mentioned in this thread I can send you
"Come And Follow Me" by Fr Stefano Manelli.

Just PM with details. You can keep it!!

Donna-Marie

[LilyofSaintMaria]

Thank you! That seems to be two constant words with me. But I mean it.
Please do keep me in your prayers Mr. Ray! I do have Come and Follow Me book, but I lent it to a friend and she has yet to return it. That was last year. So, it's up to you. Thank you for thinking of me! This brings up a topic I've wanted to start. About spiritual books. I'll post it right after this one.
I wanted to say that I was talking about this conversation on here with my step-mom, Annemarie. She wants me to start looking into the contemplative orders, too. Also, I asked about the spiritual director and it'll be almost impossible 1:1 with a priest. We have one priest here that runs both parishes. He is awfully busy as you can guess, which crosses him out on my list. So, VD may be the best for now. She told me about Fr. Dominic (the vocation director of the EWTN friars) said that a faithful and good Vocation director would not be biased for he would not want someone who was not right for the order to enter. That makes a lot of sense to me. Talking over the phone would be the next best thing to a SD, so I'll do that with VDs or whoever, as Annemarie suggested, also spiritual books. One more thing that I am hoping may work out well that we talked about is First Friday Adoration. That would be very nice. Can't do it during the farm season, but still it'll be very nice.
I do agree with her that one of my largest stumbling blocks is the farm. I do love it so very much, and so much responsibilty I have. . . it makes it so difficult with discerning. Also, I think I may have looked into too many orders! It's like an overload on the brain. So I'll look at the ones I have, look into some contemplative ones, and make a list of the ones that I feel most drawn to and narrow it down from there. That should help matters some. Thank you again everyone. God bless you all and Mary keep you!

Bernadette

[magnificat]

I'm glad you were able to talk to your stepmom about it so that she, at least, is cognizant of your needs/concerns and she sounds like she's trying to be helpful.

I can understand your problems with finding a parish priest out in a rural area. One of my best priest friends received his new assignment as pastor of 3 parishes and 2 stational churches PLUS the chairman on the Archdio's Committee on Continuing Priestly Formation...oh and this is his 3 year as a priest! Talk about busy! (Prayers for him would be much needed to!)

But if you could even just mention to him that you're discerning and sit down and chat with him just once, it might be helpful for you. I think that often priests hear of retreats/opportunities, etc before we do and if he knows you're discerning, he may keep an ear out for such things....if nothing else, I know he'll pray for you!! And it's also just helpful to have the conversation open so that, in the future, if something comes up and you need someone who's physically closer to you, the doors will already be open.

I agree with what your stepmom said about a good VD really just being open to discerning with you. Honestly, it doesn't do you or them much good to "convince you" of what your vocation is.

If you have too much info on orders, I'd put all the material away in a file somewhere and start praying & reflecting on who you are and what type of religious life attracts you. Perhaps there's a specific charism you know is who you are or perhaps a type of prayer life, etc. Once you have a clear idea of the way God works in you, it'll be easier to find communities where you can plug into and not run the risk of trying to fit yourself to the community.

Peace & prayers

[be_thou_my_vision]

[quote name='LilyofSaintMaria' date='Mar 30 2006, 06:49 AM']Thank you! That seems to be two constant words with me. But I mean it.
Please do keep me in your prayers Mr. Ray!  I do have Come and Follow Me book, but I lent it to a friend and she has yet to return it. That was last year. So, it's up to you. Thank you for thinking of me! This brings up a topic I've wanted to start. About spiritual books. I'll post it right after this one.
I wanted to say that I was talking about this conversation on here with my step-mom, Annemarie. She wants me to start looking into the contemplative orders, too. Also, I asked about the spiritual director and it'll be almost impossible 1:1 with a priest. We have one priest here that runs both parishes. He is awfully busy as you can guess, which crosses him out on my list. So, VD may be the best for now. She told me about Fr. Dominic (the vocation director of the EWTN friars) said that a faithful and good Vocation director would not be biased for he would not want someone who was not right for the order to enter. That makes a lot of sense to me. Talking over the phone would be the next best thing to a SD, so I'll do that with VDs or whoever, as Annemarie suggested, also spiritual books. One more thing that I am hoping may work out well that we talked about is First Friday Adoration. That would be very nice. Can't do it during the farm season, but still it'll be very nice.
I do agree with her that one of my largest stumbling blocks is the farm. I do love it so very much, and so much responsibilty I have. . . it makes it so difficult with discerning. Also, I think I may have looked into too many orders! It's like an overload on the brain. So I'll look at the ones I have, look into some contemplative ones, and make a list of the ones that I feel most drawn to and narrow it down from there. That should help matters some. Thank you again everyone. God bless you all and Mary keep you!

Bernadette
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[/quote]
Hey Bernadette,
Something that may help to to narrow down is to find what spirituality you like best... Carmelite (like me!), Franciscan, Dominican, ect. There are a lot of books about these spiritualities. It helps a lot... good luck on your search!

[HisChild]

Bernadette,

The one thing that caught my eye when reading your post is that what you wrote resonated with something a wise nun told me about 13 yrs ago! I too had written to over 2 dozen communuties and had plans to visit about a dozen of them. Her words were 'if you chase too many rabbits, you'll catch none!'

And often the stress of so many choices will prevent one from making any decision at all because we're too worried that the 'best' choice will be the one that we haven't contemplated yet. We'll enter a place and then wonder, when any little trial comes, if we made the wrong decision, if there's something better out there!

Your situation is as mine was those many years ago. You believe you want to give yourself to our Lord, but are not sure if religious life is it. And thus, you aren't sure if you are called to active or contemplative, which spirituality, etc. . . .so you start looking at all of them! LOL And there are so many good orders out there! Sometimes choosing a spirituality helps, because this helps to narrow down, but sometimes you find a community that enmeshes more than one spirit, ie: SSEW, or how the PCPA studies so much OCD saints/spirituality in formation, etc.

Since you've mentioned in the past that you aren't too sure about spiritualities and their differences. . .I would then look at your prayer life and discern what's important to you. Do you want Adoration as a primary apostolate, or is not important to you, or you'd like to have Adoration but it doesn't have to be perpetual? There are many communities who have Perpetual Adoration, some who have Holy Hours each day, once a week, some who have it rarely. Is it important to pray the Rosary in common? Is it important to pray the full Divine Office each day? Is silence important (and I don't mean a vow of silence, but then, that is an option if you are called to that)? Do you feel called to be cloistered, with prayer being the 'main thing' and having a small apostolate that supports the sisters, or do you need to be out and having a more active apostolate (do you feel called to be the Mary, or the Martha?)

I think that's a good place to start. I know you mentioned first that you would love to do this, and you would love to do that but you would love to be an apostle of prayer. . .but I would really pray and see what 'work' the Lord would have you do, what prayer He wills would give Him the most glory from you. See if something, some aspect of any of that material you've read keeps popping back up at you. . .a particular apostolate, a particular part of prayer life, etc. Then, I would focus on that.

I will pray for you during your discernment. It can be a difficult decision. We don't have our Lord calling us up to a mountain to speak with us, That's usually not an everyday occurrence, but it would be nice! But I also believe that with our desire to do His will, as we continue down a path we think He is leading us. . .if that's not the right path, He'll close a door, or somehow steer us differently. He is good and faithful.

God bless you. You are pleasing Him immensely.

[LilyofSaintMaria]

Gee gals, you're awesome!

[quote name='magnificat' date='Mar 30 2006, 08:10 AM']I'm glad you were able to talk to your stepmom about it so that she, at least, is cognizant of your needs/concerns and she sounds like she's trying to be helpful. 

I can understand your problems with finding a parish priest out in a rural area.  One of my best priest friends received his new assignment as pastor of 3 parishes and 2 stational churches PLUS the chairman on the Archdio's Committee on Continuing Priestly Formation...oh and this is his 3 year as a priest!  Talk about busy!  (Prayers for him would be much needed to!)

But if you could even just mention to him that you're discerning and sit down and chat with him just once, it might be helpful for you.  I think that often priests hear of retreats/opportunities, etc before we do and if he knows you're discerning, he may keep an ear out for such things....if nothing else, I know he'll pray for you!!  And it's also just helpful to have the conversation open so that, in the future, if something comes up and you need someone who's physically closer to you, the doors will already be open.

I agree with what your stepmom said about a good VD really just being open to discerning with you.  Honestly, it doesn't do you or them much good to "convince you" of what your vocation is. 

If you have too much info on orders, I'd put all the material away in a file somewhere and start praying & reflecting on who you are and what type of religious life attracts you.  Perhaps there's a specific charism you know is who you are or perhaps a type of prayer life, etc.  Once you have a clear idea of the way God works in you, it'll be easier to find communities where you can plug into and not run the risk of trying to fit yourself to the community.

Peace & prayers
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[/quote]
Yes, I agree with you about SD. I should ask Annemarie again. That's what she would like, too, but we never have the time to have him come over here and visit or to go visit him. We would all love to have him over for dinner - things never seem to work out in this family. Ahhh well. . . You can always hope and if God wants it and we don't stand in the way, it'll happen. Just need patience really. I am glad you agree about the VD. Now I just need to locate one. . . .


[quote name='be_thou_my_vision' date='Mar 30 2006, 08:22 AM']Hey Bernadette,
Something that may help to to narrow down is to find what spirituality you like best... Carmelite (like me!), Franciscan, Dominican, ect. There are a lot of books about these spiritualities. It helps a lot... good luck on your search!
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[/quote]

I have been trying. You know of some books? That would be absolutely great! I know of a Poor Clare book. Something with Merry in the name. I forgot it, but that was a great one about that spirituality. I also have one about the Carmelites called A Few Lines to Tell You. Also, one about the Franciscan Sisters of Mary Immaculate - they are in the media apostolate. But if you know of any others that would be so helpful!

[quote name='PCPA2Be' date='Mar 30 2006, 09:29 AM']Bernadette,

The one thing that caught my eye when reading your post is that what you wrote resonated with something a wise nun told me about 13 yrs ago!  I too had written to over 2 dozen communuties and had plans to visit about a dozen of them.  Her words were 'if you chase too many rabbits, you'll catch none!'       

And often the stress of so many choices will prevent one from making any decision at all because we're too worried that the 'best' choice will be the one that we haven't contemplated yet.  We'll enter a place and then wonder, when any little trial comes, if we made the wrong decision, if there's something better out there!

Your situation is as mine was those many years ago.  You believe you want to give yourself to our Lord, but are not sure if religious life is it.  And thus, you aren't sure if you are called to active or contemplative, which spirituality, etc. . . .so you start looking at all of them!  LOL  And there are so many good orders out there!  Sometimes choosing a spirituality helps, because this helps to narrow down, but sometimes you find a community that enmeshes more than one spirit, ie:  SSEW, or how the PCPA studies so much OCD saints/spirituality in formation, etc.

Since you've mentioned in the past that you aren't too sure about spiritualities and their differences. . .I would then look at your prayer life and discern what's important to you.  Do you want Adoration as a primary apostolate, or is not important to you, or you'd like to have Adoration but it doesn't have to be perpetual?  There are many communities who have Perpetual Adoration, some who have Holy Hours each day, once a week, some who have it rarely.  Is it important to pray the Rosary in common?  Is it important to pray the full Divine Office each day?  Is silence important (and I don't mean a vow of silence, but then, that is an option if you are called to that)?  Do you feel called to be cloistered, with prayer being the 'main thing' and having a small apostolate that supports the sisters, or do you need to be out and having a more active apostolate (do you feel called to be the Mary, or the Martha?)

I think that's a good place to start.  I know you mentioned first that you would love to do this, and you would love to do that but you would love to be an apostle of prayer. . .but I would really pray and see what 'work' the Lord would have you do, what prayer He wills would give Him the most glory from you. See if something, some aspect of any of that material you've read keeps popping back up at you. . .a particular apostolate, a particular part of prayer life, etc.  Then, I would focus on that.

I will pray for you during your discernment.  It can be a difficult decision.  We don't have our Lord calling us up to a mountain to speak with us,  That's usually not an everyday occurrence, but it would be nice!  But I also believe that with our desire to do His will, as we continue down a path we think He is leading us. . .if that's not the right path, He'll close a door, or somehow steer us differently.  He is good and faithful. 

God bless you.  You are pleasing Him immensely.
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The situation you described is exactly mine. I know it is a problem. Just a hard to solve one. I will try to follow your girls advice about searching what spirituality, what prayer life, what apostolate follows my wants and desires. Although, my desires may not be all in accordance with His Will (which is one of my worries) however, I must remember God made all us all unique and made us with these certain desires, this certain path different from everyone, and the state of life I am in - that He put me in - is part of that path.
Prayers - keep 'em comin'!

Thank you,
Bernadette