Interfaith dating

[avemaria40]

This time, I've had a crush on someone for over a year and he's not a Christian

Re to Azriel's post

Edited March 20, 2006 by avemaria40

[On Pilgrimage]

[quote]This time, I've had a crush on someone for over a year and he's not a Christian

Re to Azriel's post[/quote]
If it's not too personal, what is he precisely?

[Socrates]

Don't date the guy unless he (at the very least) shows a sincere and serious interest in converting to the Faith.

Dating should be a preparation for marriage. Dating and/or marriage to someone who is not Christian and has no apparent intention of converting is a very bad idea. You need to think not only of yourself, but of your possible future children. If your kids are given conflicting views about the Faith by their parents, they are more likely to lose the Faith. It is for this reason that the Church frowns on "mixed marriages."

Choosing to date a non-Christian based just on a "crush" is childish.

[On Pilgrimage]

I thought it might be helpful to post what the Catechism has to say about ecumenical and interreligious marriages:

[quote]In many countries the situation of a [i]mixed marriage[/i] (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises.  It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors.  A case of marriage with [i]disparity of cult[/i] (between a Catholic and a nonbaptized person) requires even greater circumspection.

Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ.  But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated.  They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome.  The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home.  Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties.  Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children.  The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.

According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the [i]express permission[/i] of ecclesiastical authority.  In case of disparity of cult an [i]express dispensation[/i] from this impediment is required for the validity of the marriage.  This permission or dispensation presupposes that both parties know and do not exclude the essential ends and properties of marriage; and furthermore that the Catholic party confirms the obligations, which have been made known to the non-Catholic party, of preserving his or her own faith and ensuring the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church.

Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a [i]common pastoral practice for mixed marriages[/i].  Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple's obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them.

In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband" (1 Corinthians 7:14).  It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this "consecration" should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith.  Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion ([i]Catechism of the Catholic Church[/i], #1633-1637).[/quote]
AM40, I encourage you to let your conscience be formed by the Catechism rather than letting it be formed by some here who insult you and call you "stupid and childish." One day they will be held accountable for the uncharitable lives they've chosen to live, and hopefully Christ's mercy and understanding will exceed that which they've shown to others.

[quote name='Socrates']Choosing to date a non-Christian based just on a "crush" is stupid and childish.[/quote]

Edited March 21, 2006 by On Pilgrimage

[cmotherofpirl]

There is a big difference between dating someone who is a firmly committed non-catholic and someone who knows there is a God, generally tries to do the right thing, and assumes it will work out in the end. I find most people today in the latter category.

[Tindomiel]

[quote name='kateri05' date='Mar 20 2006, 04:54 PM']re above post:

you can not go into a relationship, especially a marriage, with the purpose of converting them.

its fine if thats a byproduct but that can't be your reasons, because then you're going into to it trying to change the person.

those kinds of relationships are doomed to fail.
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[/quote]
No, I didn't mean to imply that it would be a good idea to marry someone with the purpose of converting them. I just meant that one should be open to the possibility that God might want you to marry this person and help him (or her) to heaven. That's not to say that I would recommend [i]marrying[/i] a non-Catholic, but I would think [i]dating[/i] them would be fine. Like I said, I know several people who owe their conversions to the influence of their girlfriends.

I don't consider such a relationship one in which one person is trying to [i]change[/i] the other per se, but one in which the one is trying to lead the other (good, intellectually honest) person to a complete union with the Truth as found in the Catholic Church.

I hope that's not too confusing.... I'm having a difficult time properly expressing my thoughts on this subject for some reason.

[Proud2BCatholic139]

I think with interfaith dating, it is interesting...

In my situation, I am attracted to someone with the same values, beleifs, and so forth. Generally, my ideal is to marry someone who is a strong Catholic if that is my vocation.

My standards are high yes, but, if I meet a person who is strong in his faith and who is willing to convert for the sake of our family before we get married, I will marry this person. That is also saying I am in love with a person. But, I don't know what the future holds, but, in the end, I think it is good to have some interfaith dating. Not dating someone completely opposite of you, but I feel as if they want to know more about the Catholic faith, and you two are attracted to each other, well, then I don't see why not.

But, I am skeptical on this issue, because like I said, I have high standards. I don't really date. It's hard when you don't have common ground with religion. Feelings don't last just on looks alone. Jesus needs to be the center.

[Guest EmBrAcELiFe]

i think that interfaith dating is a good idea, i am catholic and currently with an awesome baptist, having to explain my faith has made me have to know it better to start with and in turn has brought me closer in my faith, i do;t believe that it is a real issue for us right now and we have the chance to have heated discussions about what we believe and usually when its unresolved ... we are still Christians with similar goals in life and both have a strong relationship with God, i think the only grey area is the fact that someday you will bring up your children to one of the faiths , but until then i believe you can learn and grow in a relationship with person of another faith.

[kateri05]

but since the purpose of dating is seeking marriage then it HAS to be an issue in the present... how can you be in a relationship that is doomed to fail since as a Catholic you are unable to compromise on which faith your child is raised in?

[Proud2BCatholic139]

But what if the other person is considering converting to being a Roman Catholic.

[cmotherofpirl]

As a Catholic, your children must be brought up Catholic.
There are also fundamental differences between Catholic and baptist beliefs that cannot be reconciled.

[Guest Rick777]

Interfaith dating can be very dangerous to ones faith.

[Guest EmBrAcELiFe]

i understand what the purpose of dating is, but i believe that what is meant to happen will and if the holy spirit can bless your significant other or lead them into the Catholic church that would be great, and if not things may not work out and you can still remain friends with that person.

[kateri05]

but why be in a relationship that can't work out?

i think you could argue that such a situation would not really be loving someone, but just using them for pleasure while you can.

[jmj]

My two cents -

I'm currently dating a non-Catholic (he's baptized, but not Catholic). His thought train is much more Catholic than he realizes (until I point it out to him). We've talked about marriage and kids and I laid it all out on the table for him - no premarital sex, marriage in the Church, kiddies, raiding the kids Catholic, Mass, etc. I've been lucky in that he's 100% supportive of me and the Faith, and is down with everything that I've brought up to him. But there has been heavy, heavy prayer about this situation. And still is, for that matter.

If we do end up married, it'll be in almost 4 years (we're not even engaged, still learning about each other, etc). But I want to be as open and honest with him about my faith. It's #1 to me, and if he can't deal with it; then I'd cut him loose. And if he flakes out in the future, I'll cut him loose. I do get good practice explaining things to him and his family about the Church, though.

I did date an atheist in my earlier years (when I was investigating the Church but not in RCIA). Yeah. That was bad. I did a lot of sneaking to church and put up with a lot of carp.

I do think interfaith dating and marriages can work, but they're few and far between. Pray heavily, and don't let the standards fall. God will bring you to the right person if He wants you married.