Dealing with Depression

[Jabberwocky]

Hello, dear people. I have not been lingering around here at all lately, but I've returned to see if you could offer me some advice. I have a very dear friend who is struggling with depression right now, to the point where suicide has entered his thoughts from time to time. Apparently he's been plagued with this for about five years, but hasn't really spoken to anyone about it until now, with me.

Deaths in his family have caused him to question his faith. He believes in God and is a practicing Catholic, but sometimes loses sight of things, and begins to think that God is using him like a pawn and doesn't care about his future...

Prayers for this chap would be appreciated. Some advice of what I can do for him, or try to get him to do for himself, would be excellent. Thank you so much.

[catholicinsd]

You must be his friend at this difficult time for him. Be his shoulder to cry on.

[Peccator]

[quote name='Jabberwocky' date='Mar 17 2006, 03:26 PM']Hello, dear people.  I have not been lingering around here at all lately, but I've returned to see if you could offer me some advice.  I have a very dear friend who is struggling with depression right now, to the point where suicide has entered his thoughts from time to time.  Apparently he's been plagued with this for about five years, but hasn't really spoken to anyone about it until now, with me. [/quote]
I also struggle with depression, and yes it is a uphill battle every day of one's life. Always feeling helpless, alone and wortheless...really not something one can really describe in words...

I suggest being there for your friend making sure him/her knows they're not alone. (Personally I've noticed exercise also helps, it helps to alleviate some of the build up stress)

I must though also say that if its a real problem and nothing seems to help - do not delay, seek out professional help...and as far possible stay off pills unless really necessary.

[Nathan]

I've also struggled with depression a lot in my life, to the point of alcoholism, recurring thoughts of suicide, shutting myself off from friends and avoiding social functions.

I'm doing a lot better these days. I haven't had a drink in over two years, thoughts of suicide have virtually left my universe, and I'm re-connecting with old friends and starting to embrace life again. I still struggle with it from time to time, but my newfound faith (and a little help from the makers of Paxil) has helped me immeasurably.

You need to point your friend in the direction of some professional help. This is a first-and-foremost must. Also, if he doesn't have a spiritual director, that would also be a fantastic thing, if it is at all possible. Daily exercise can be amazingly life-changing as well (I need to start taking my own advice in that department). But right now, he really needs to speak openly about his problems with his doctor.

Edited March 17, 2006 by Nathan

[Jabberwocky]

Why would despair seem tempting? I think I've heard the phrase "temptation of despair" or something similar, but I'm not sure why it makes sense. It does to me, but I can't come up with a comprehensive answer to why it does...

What in a person's mind would cause the people who love them the most to seem uncaring and threatening?

In the case of my dear friend, it would seem that whenever he tries to pray it makes him worse. I asked him why; he replied, "It seems that no one is ever listening."

He is totally against medication. All I can do for him is be there, and that's not very much, it seems.

[phatcatholic]

[quote name='Jabberwocky' date='Mar 27 2006, 06:11 PM']Why would despair seem tempting? I think I've heard the phrase "temptation of despair" or something similar, but I'm not sure why it makes sense. It does to me, but I can't come up with a comprehensive answer to why it does...[/quote]
well, despair is tempting b/c its easier to give in to depression and to just think that the Lord does not love you or that it doesn't exist than it is to remain strong, resist depression, and have faith that God's love is ever-present.


[quote]What in a person's mind would cause the people who love them the most to seem uncaring and threatening?[/quote]
well, often times when a person becomes severly depressed, they also become "egocentric." this means that their own feelings are the center of their attention. everything is understood in the context of depression and no one can possibly understand what they are going through. once your depression becomes this esoteric thing and the only thing that matters, no matter what people say or do, it will seem inadequate, uncaring, or threatening.


[quote]In the case of my dear friend, it would seem that whenever he tries to pray it makes him worse. I asked him why; he replied, "It seems that no one is ever listening."[/quote]
of course it seems that way!! he has already lost all faith in the Lord because of the suffering he has had to go through. it makes sense that he would see prayer as futile. he needs to confront the irrational thoughts that have been shaping the way he understands the world, but this will take some education on his part (or on your part). have him read "Dark Night of the Soul" by St. John of the Cross, or show him these articles on the problem of evil:
[url="http://www.phatmass.com/directory/index.php/cat_id/248"]http://www.phatmass.com/directory/index.php/cat_id/248[/url]


[quote]He is totally against medication. All I can do for him is be there, and that's not very much, it seems.[right][snapback]924121[/snapback][/right][/quote]
there could be something irrational at the heart of this too. find out his reasons for totally rejecting medication. he may have an undo fear of medication (for example, the fear that he will become addicted), in which case u would tell him that there are many effective medications for depression that are not habit-forming. or, he may think that taking medicine is a sign of weakness. in this case, u would just inform him that it actually takes quite alot of [i][b]strength[/b][/i] to swallow our pride and admit that we need help. ask him if he really wants to be rid of depression, or if he would rather just wallow in it forever. if he wants to conquer it, as strong people do, then he needs to utilize all of the tools available to him. medication can be one of these tools (he needs to consult a psychiatrist).

also, is he open to counseling? this can be a great help to him too. if he expresses an aversion to this idea (most people do), remind him that its not all that different from just talking to you, and its actually better b/c there's a greater sense of confidentiality in professional counseling setting and he would be talking with someone who is well-trained to help people. its also one of the rare relationships where it is [i]supposed[/i] to be one-sided. so, he doesn't have to worry about being a burden or not being a good friend. he can totally unload on his counselor and that is perfectly ok.

let me know how it goes

peace,
nick

[Ziggamafu]

hmm...I have similar problems. I am in despair seemingly all the time and then I'm in despair that I'm in despair ad infinitum. It's not that I don't have faith in God's love for me or the grace provided in his sacraments. It's that I feel like I am always somehow in violation of the Sacraments and a relationship with Him. The validity of every Sacrament haunts me...I alwasy think I've done something (or the administer has done something) that invalidates the Sacrament and thus separates me from the grace.

[Jabberwocky]

Thanks, everybody! I really appreciate your input. The friend is doing quite well. We've been having some excellent discussion, and he mentioned that he doesn't know what he believes. I was wondering if anyone had any good suggestions for books that might give a comprehensive look at core beliefs of Catholicism? This has probably been posted already...just want to know if anyone had any favorites. Thanks again, everyone!

[phatcatholic]

[quote name='Jabberwocky' date='Apr 5 2006, 05:22 PM']I was wondering if anyone had any good suggestions for books that might give a comprehensive look at core beliefs of Catholicism? This has probably been posted already...just want to know if anyone had any favorites. Thanks again, everyone![right][snapback]936948[/snapback][/right][/quote]
try these book lists
[url="http://www.phatmass.com/directory/index.php/cat_id/307"]http://www.phatmass.com/directory/index.php/cat_id/307[/url]

[Seven77]

I would suggest reading "Story of a Soul" by St. Therese.. she suffered much and faced darkness towards the end of her life. "I feel nothing..but still I choose to believe". Any good book on her spirituality would benefit greatly

St. Francis de Sales "Introduction to the Devotion Life" has a great chapter on anxiety which helped me alot.

Pope John Paul the Great wrote an Apostolic letter [url="http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_letters/documents/hf_jp-ii_apl_11021984_salvifici-doloris_en.html"]"Salvifici Doloris"[/url] - ON THE CHRISTIAN MEANING OF HUMAN SUFFERING. Wow.. i heard a homily based on this that changed my life--it helped me that my disability is part of God's loving plan for me, for my good and for the good of others.

as for a comprehensive look at our beliefs: the Compendium of the Catechism..

GOD bless!

[MC IMaGiNaZUN]

Thats why i pray everyday for those who have given up HOPE.

Hope, i think is missing from peoples hearts.

HOPE is the ability to see good in our future despite adversity. HOPE is the ability to overcome despair.

Each of us, has a part to play in this cosmic drama. An integral part. God has designed each of us uniquely to carry out his will on Earth. God doesnt need us, but has chosen us for life eternal with him, and to prepare ourselves and others.

Your beloved friend not only needs a dear friend. He probably needs to BELIEVE that he has significance in ETERNITY.

SHALOM