Should I meet up with my guy friend?

[gelibeme]

Pio nio stated in his post on vocations that we need to live consistently with what we believe our life vocation to be. Also something that my Parish priest preached on Sunday caused me concern. He stated in response to New wine, new wineskins, that when he was in college, prior to entering seminary, a good friend asked him to go to a university dance. His intentions were pure, she was just a friend, but his advice from his spiritual director was that it would be unwise.

My case is this, I have been seriously considering the religious life for about 2 years. I do not have a spiritual director, I just recently made contact with a sister thru email about 2 weeks ago. I have been emailing my guy friend every week for the past year. We used to be friends in high school and after not hearing from each other in 2 years we began our friendship again. We give each other encouragement. He's protestant, but I have been sharing the Catholic faith and he is open to it. This last time I heard from him, he wanted to meet up. Although we both know it won't be a date (romantically), I would like to have some advice. I would like to meet up, I have a book to give him and I'd like to see him. Before receiving the invitation to meet up, I had shared with him briefly that I feel God may be calling me to the religious life. What would be the wise thing to do. I still struggle with what I believe to be conflicting desires in my heart: to be a wife and a mother, yet to be all HIS. It is intense. For Lent, I have proposed to make adoration once a week, and hopely I will have spiritual direction soon.

Thanks yall

[be_thou_my_vision]

I say, meet up with him. You don't know what God is calling you to do, and He speaks through people in our lives. Pray about it, but I don't see anything wrong with you meeting up with someone as friends especially if he knows what kind of predicament (sp) you are in now.

[Charms717RM1]

Yeah, so i'm no expert at this so take whatever i say with a grain of salt...

I'd say that if you feel the stirrings in your heart to the religious life then there is definately something there that warrants further investigation. There is absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing relationships with guys as long as they don't get in the way of that investigation. Entering into a romantic relationship might get in the way- but seeing each other as friends is acceptable and healthy behavior.

I had a big predicament of sorts. After coming back to the Church I immediately felt a calling to the priesthood. A few months back i met a wonderful girl and we started dating. However, after a few weeks had gone by my calling only became stronger. We broke it off but we're pretty much best friends. Talking to her about my faith has really brought me closer to God and in turn has really helped my discernment journey. It killed me that i had to break it off- but it turned out that she agreed fully and actually beat me to bringing it up.

God works in mysterious ways. I honestly think I met up with Amanda so I could have a close friend, one to lean on and get advice from while discerning. Who knows- maybe this guy friend of yours will strengthen your discernment process also. And if the religious life isn't for you- maybe you'll end up with a beautiful relationship.

Whatever happens, my advice would be to meet up your guy friend and let Christ lead your relationship with him. If you listen hard enough i bet you'll find Christ speaking to you through him.

Good luck and God Bless!

[ThyWillBeDone]

I say it go ahead and meet up with him. I am seminarian and I frequently hang out with a few of my close friends who are girls (a some of which I used have a crushes on) and I even frequently talk to an ex-girlfriend of mine. It different for each person but as long as you careful and are ready to stop seeing him if starts to get in the way go ahead. But then again that just my opinion I could be wrong
God Bless

[MC IMaGiNaZUN]

Your heart is really pulling you to "just" meet him. This is just a meeting. Not a date, not a chance to get romantic, not a temptation to abandon God.

I try to communicate regularly with girls in my life. And honestly, i do feel called to be celibate, but that doesnt mean that girls are going to become completely unappealing and unattractive after i get ordained.

I cannot be a good Christ-like Priest, if i can learn to look past attractions to women, and share in a deep relationship that will never need to be romantic. Sure, sometimes attractions do develop, but i am learning to have relationships that arent dependent upon that.

Learning to be celibate does involve learning to have many close Christ-centered relationships with people of both sexes.

SHALOM
Mark
IMaGiNaZUN

[OLAM Dad]

I'll be the contrarian here, I guess.

Don't do it.

All of the innocent feelings and intentions are yours alone, you can't be certain of his. He's a guy, trust me, don't trust him. Guys other than me can't be trusted.

Besides, you wouldn't be asking this question unless there was something stirring in you... come on... admit it!

[be_thou_my_vision]

He's not going to like attack you or anything, if he just wants to get together and talk, then do it! If you start feeling like he wants a romantic relationship, then tell him that you don't know what God is telling you and you don't want a relationship right now. Just communicate, don't not talk to him just because you afraid of what he might be thinking. Talk to him about it if it gets too serious for comfort.

[gelibeme]

Hey thanks guys for the good advice. Yes it really did concern me and confuse me as to what I should do. This friend used to like me my senior year of high school, which made it hard to continue to be friends. I know he will respect my desision to only be friends. I have a feeling that our talking again has rekindled an old flame. I am concerned because I find myself admiring him and liking him. I just don't want to endanger a possible vocation to the religious life. I have taken this to prayer, and I really appreicates everyone's pennys.

Love,
gelibeme

[Scott_TX]

I have to second what OLAM Dad said.

[Quietfire]

So you want to meet with him? Are you two in different states or cities or what?
Can you bring a friend along, like a brother?
Look, Im kindof siding with OLAM Dad here.
If your going to see him involves traveling outside of the comfort zone of home then I would suggest HE come to YOU.
Is your family around, cause I would keep them near.

Considering the fact that you are at least thinking about a religious life, then I can only suggest that you never spend more than a few minutes alone with him. Yeah, it sounds drastic. But he would, at least, get the point that you are serious in your discernment. Spending alone time with him might (and I say might) send the wrong message.

At the very least, if at some point you should decide down the road to become a wife and mother, at least you will know that you were virtuous in this matter.

Sheesh, Im reminded of the movie The Godfather when Michael was courting the young Italian girl and her whole family went on the dates with them, LOL. They were in the background but they were always there. Ya know?

Pax

[Ora et Labora]

*ignore*

Edited March 3, 2006 by Ora et Labora

[OLAM Dad]

[quote name='Scott_TX' date='Mar 3 2006, 12:37 PM']I have to second what OLAM Dad said.
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OK, you can trust Scott too.