From agnosticism to Catholicism

[Charms717RM1]

I was asked over in the vocations thread to share my conversion story. Well, here it goes.

I've always been the kind of person that needs some sort of concrete empirical evidence in order to really believe in something. I was born a cradle Catholic and was even in parochial schools for awhile- but I never really believed. As a boy scout and avid outdoorsman I certainly understood that there had to have been some higher power, some sort of Creator that had brought into being the wilderness and nature that I had grown to love- but that was all I could see. I searched for more evidence in my life of God's existence but I was truly blind to the fact that miracles happen everyday and that every day in itself is its own miracle. I looked for them but I couldn't see them. After a few years of vainly searching i fell away from the faith, stopped going to Church, and adpoted sort of a deist-clockmaker theory about God. Sometime during that dark period of my life I began to notice the evil around me. How could a good God allow such evil to persist? Eventually I gave up looking for miracles and I began to question His existence. I had become an agnostic.

That all changed this past summer. I was backpacking what is known as the Rayado program at Philmont Scout Ranch, which is the most challenging program available to Scouts in the world (20 days carrying a 60 pound pack in the mountains of New Mexico.) On Day 3 of our trek (July 19th) i caught heat stroke (body overheats due to extreme exertion and dehydration). I began to shake and shiver so bad that i could no longer walk or see, and before i knew it I went into shock. My brain began to shut down systems that it deemed unimportant to survival such as sight, speech, and regulated breathing. I slipped into a state of semi-consciousness, i could faintly hear my friends running for help, asking me where it hurt, and myself crying and mumbling incoherently. Then i felt the cold. The chill of death drawing near is indescribable. I felt total, absolute, and comlete terror beyond imagination. I panicked, i knew my end was near. But then i heard a voice calling from the dark, telling me to trust Him and accept Him. I stopped crying and shaking and shivering and worrying and listend with every bit of concentration i possessed. The Voice told me to stay calm, to trust that help was on the way, and to above all pray.

I don't know how long I was out of it. When the darkness receded and i could finally see it was night. I was lying on the ground in a sleeping bag looking up at the heavens. I dont know how to describe that feeling, to awake from a nightmare where the cold penetrates every pore, every orifice of your body and you know you're going to die and then you awake and see the stars at night in all their majesty. There in the mountains I had a perfect view of space, the milky way was so thick i could barely see through it, it was like a belt of pure white shining across the night sky. When i finally sat up I realized that my hands were clenched into fists. I do not know how they got there. Perhaps i grabbed them out of my pack in a dazed stupor. Maybe i cired out and asked my friends to give them to me. I don't know, but when i opened my hands I found a pocket-sized bible and a Rosary in my hands. At the time I didn't quite understand what had happened to me. I quickly forgot the incident and decided to get on with life. However I kept the rosary in my pocket. I figured "why not? I prayed and lived- maybe, just maybe Someone is looking after me. No, surely not- the world is evil and if there is a Creator then He really doesnt care for us enough to fix things down here." I really had no intention of praying the rosary, but I put it into my pocket- just for luck.

Four days later we stopped at the base of Mt.Baldy (3rd highest peak in NM). There i fell into a pool of water that used to be used as a cyanide pit for seperating quartz and gold ore. Everything i owned was wet because my laundry from the day before was still drying and i fell in with the only dry pair of clothes and boots i had. I was stupid and walked off by myself to dry out my clothes over a fire. Before long it started again. I began to shake and shiver violently. I had caught hypothermia and once again went into shock. I tried to yell for help but i had lost the ability to speak cohernty, my vision blurred. Luckily my friend, Andrew Brown, found me and ran for help. After he left i lost my balance and collapsed. And then there was only Darkness, my Despair, and the Cold. Once again i knew Death was on his way and i feared for my life. But this time i not only feared for my life but i feared for my soul because i knew i had not been a good Catholic, that i had never truly believed and that i still had not accomplished my purpose in life. Then the Voice returned and told me to pray. I thought to myself "well, it worked last time"- so I did. I prayed with all my strength, all my mind, and all my soul.

When i regained consciousness and my sight I found that i was being held upright by my friends. They had dryed me off and put fresh clothes on me and were leading me to the cabin where the staff had lit the stove so i could get warm. I sat there for hours, staring into the fire and I realized how close i was to suffering in eternal flame. At that exact moment, there in the wilderness i pledged my life to the Lord. I agreed to return to the Church, to believe in all her holy teachings, to recieve the sacrament of confirmation, and to follow His call- whatever that may be.

Today I'm an active member at St. Jude's parish in the Diocese of Fort Worth, Texas. I'm enrolled in RCIA and will be confirmed on the Easter vigil. Our youth director takes me to confirmation retreats throughout the diocese and I tell this story to whoever will listen. The Rosary continues to be a constant companion in my pocket- not a day has gone by since then where it hasn't been in my pocket. I probably don't say it as often as I should, but most days i take it out and give thanks for all the wonderful gifts I have recieved. Lately I've felt a stronger calling, much stronger than what I felt out there at Philmont. I believe that Christ could be calling me to become one of His holy priests. The diocese's associate vocational director has invited me to come to weekly discernment weekends throughout Lent, and I pray that I might have the strength to do whatever work God commands of me- no matter what vocation He may have planned for me.

Brandelyn, I hope I've satisfied your request. I'll pray for your friend who considers herself an agnostic. In my experience there really isn't such a thing as agnosticism- there is only spiritual blindness. Some people's eyes are open from birth- some need a good kick in the butt in order to see (or 2 good kicks in my case). Let's pray that your friend's eyes will become open, that she can gaze upon the lovliness of the Lord and His Love for us so that she might believe!

In Christ,
Keith Hathaway

Edited February 24, 2006 by Charms717RM1

[peach_cube]

Keith,

That was truely touching and amazing. Glad we didn't lose you too soon.

[brandelynmarie]

DEO GRATIAS!!!! What a wonderful conversion story...reconversion....you know! God is merciful! I have told people (following the words of St. Faustina) that when anyone dies, God will come to them & ask them to come with Him...The only people that leave God's prescence are those who tear themselves from His arms...He really wanted your attention...twice! Thank you for posting this...an agnostic is a seeker then, huh? My friend then has gone from being a pagan to an agnostic...which actually may be a good thing...her name is Deb...Thanks again for your prayers & I will pray for your vocation...Peace & all good, Brandelyn

[avemaria40]

Amazing!

[lilac_angel]

That is so amazing, beautiful, and inspiring. Thank you for sharing such incredible miracles with us!

[Nathan]

I'm a convert from agnosticism, too. My story isn't as dramatic as that, but then again, it is.

Welcome home.

[Quietfire]

[quote name='Nathan' date='Feb 27 2006, 08:09 AM']I'm a convert from agnosticism, too. My story isn't as dramatic as that, but then again, it is.

Welcome home.
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[/quote]

Every conversion, or return is amazing.
God is merciful.


Welcome home.

[jezic]

It reminds me of the Father rejoicing over the return of his prodigal son.

[viking]

a wonderfull and touching story

[Daniel9]

Keith -

What an inspiring story! Thanks for sharing it. God works in so many amazing ways. We need to be reminded of that from time-to-time.

- Daniel9

[Lil Red]

a very wonderful story, thank you for sharing!

[Mona]

what an amazing story! thanks for posting this. God is so good, isn't He?