morostheos Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 and it's always "no offense, but...." it's a poor attempt of trying to say something positive before something negative it automatically places people on the defensive and is not an effective means of persuasion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 exactly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisChild Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 [quote name='Lil Red' date='Feb 20 2006, 06:47 PM']i need to go pray the litany of humility. (thanks, PCPA2Be ) [right][snapback]893304[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Oh stop. I wasn't trying to flatter! I was just thankful for you. That's all. And I learned it is good to tell others the positive you see in them. God bless you, Denise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 God bless you too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Socrates Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 No offense, but this thread's really lame! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisChild Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeyman Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 faith, hope and charity . . . and the greatest of these is ________who remembers_____________ this topic is never lame - often misunderstood - often under-appreciated always appropriate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash Wednesday Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 I know what you mean. I had a fellow artist write me an email with one of those "no offense" kind of deals offering me criticism of my work. When I asked him to be more specific about it, he never wrote back. I have no problem with constructive criticism but I am very much irritated by people that try to play mind games like that. [quote name='PCPA2Be' date='Feb 20 2006, 07:37 PM']Hey Red? Can I just say that I am blessed to have 'known' you? I will only 'know' you for another 2 months, but your words of wisdom throughout the various threads, are very edifying. Thank you. [right][snapback]893300[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Lil Red rocks. Next time I'm in Big Sky country I'll certainly give her a holler. It might be a while, considering I'm in Europe and all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 The expression that I find funny is, "I'm sorry you feel that way." The non-appology appology.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luthien Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 [quote name='PCPA2Be' date='Feb 20 2006, 07:37 PM']Hey Red? Can I just say that I am blessed to have 'known' you? I will only 'know' you for another 2 months, but your words of wisdom throughout the various threads, are very edifying. Thank you. [right][snapback]893300[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Im going to miss you PCPA2Be. Pray for me when you get there? Pwease? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
argent_paladin Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 People can be subjectively offended by something that is not objectively offensive. Or they may be offended out of proportiont to the offense. We need simply look at the cartoon controversy to see that. We often base our reaction not only on the action of another but also on the intention. Therefore, a sincere "No offense..." might persuade us to interpret the criticism differently than if it were simply given. For example, if someone said "No offense, but you should probably brush your teeth", that could be helpful criticism. But, the reaction of many is to become offended. It is probably better to say something (depending on the situation) than to only pray and it is far better to say "no offense..." than something like "Hey, stinky-breath, ever heard of a toothbrush?". And, of course, people say offensive things after they say "no offense". That is because if they said something that was clearly not offensive, they wouldn't have to say, "no offense". We only say "no offense" when we feel we need to say something that might be interpreted as offense. There are many situations where you could say something true, kind and necessary but someone might take offense at it. At these times, it is helpful to communicate your intentions. It may well take the form of "no offense." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prose Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 [quote name='argent_paladin' date='Feb 21 2006, 09:27 AM']People can be subjectively offended by something that is not objectively offensive. Or they may be offended out of proportiont to the offense. We need simply look at the cartoon controversy to see that. We often base our reaction not only on the action of another but also on the intention. Therefore, a sincere "No offense..." might persuade us to interpret the criticism differently than if it were simply given. For example, if someone said "No offense, but you should probably brush your teeth", that could be helpful criticism. But, the reaction of many is to become offended. It is probably better to say something (depending on the situation) than to only pray and it is far better to say "no offense..." than something like "Hey, stinky-breath, ever heard of a toothbrush?". And, of course, people say offensive things after they say "no offense". That is because if they said something that was clearly not offensive, they wouldn't have to say, "no offense". We only say "no offense" when we feel we need to say something that might be interpreted as offense. There are many situations where you could say something true, kind and necessary but someone might take offense at it. At these times, it is helpful to communicate your intentions. It may well take the form of "no offense." [right][snapback]893682[/snapback][/right][/quote] Yup. I use "no offense" quite a bit. But I mean it as, "this is not a personal statement against you that I am going to say, just differing from what you think, so please don't take what I am going to say personally". I think a well placed "no offense" can possibly lead to a calmer discussion. I dunno. I would rather hear "no offense, but I don't agree" than "you're an idiot, how could you even think that?!?!". As for the "I'm sorry you feel that way", yeah, that annoys me sometimes too. : But I have used that statement too. Must be the psych student in me. We are taught to use that in some counselling situations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 [quote name='photosynthesis' date='Feb 20 2006, 04:47 PM']I might have to put that in my signature [right][snapback]893033[/snapback][/right] [/quote] I was just thinking that.... [quote name='Lil Red' date='Feb 20 2006, 04:50 PM']we should all put it in our signatures... [right][snapback]893037[/snapback][/right] [/quote] good idea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 [quote name='journeyman' date='Feb 20 2006, 10:06 PM']this topic is never lame - often misunderstood - often under-appreciated always appropriate[right][snapback]893455[/snapback][/right][/quote] thank you [quote name='Ash Wednesday' date='Feb 21 2006, 04:58 AM']I know what you mean. I had a fellow artist write me an email with one of those "no offense" kind of deals offering me criticism of my work. When I asked him to be more specific about it, he never wrote back. I have no problem with constructive criticism but I am very much irritated by people that try to play mind games like that. Lil Red rocks. Next time I'm in Big Sky country I'll certainly give her a holler. It might be a while, considering I'm in Europe and all. [right][snapback]893578[/snapback][/right][/quote] anytime, my friend, anytime! [quote name='homeschoolmom' date='Feb 21 2006, 05:46 AM']The expression that I find funny is, "I'm sorry you feel that way." The non-appology appology....[right][snapback]893584[/snapback][/right][/quote] i know [quote name='argent_paladin' date='Feb 21 2006, 09:27 AM']And, of course, people say offensive things after they say "no offense". That is because if they said something that was clearly not offensive, they wouldn't have to say, "no offense". We only say "no offense" when we feel we need to say something that might be interpreted as offense. There are many situations where you could say something true, kind and necessary but someone might take offense at it. At these times, it is helpful to communicate your intentions. It may well take the form of "no offense."[right][snapback]893682[/snapback][/right][/quote] i don't agree. i mean, how hard is it to just say, in a calm and polite way, "you should brush your teeth". or "i don't agree". you can do that without being mean. i think saying "no offense" automatically puts people on the defensive. [quote name='prose' date='Feb 21 2006, 10:45 AM']Yup. I use "no offense" quite a bit. But I mean it as, "this is not a personal statement against you that I am going to say, just differing from what you think, so please don't take what I am going to say personally". I think a well placed "no offense" can possibly lead to a calmer discussion. I dunno. I would rather hear "no offense, but I don't agree" than "you're an idiot, how could you even think that?!?!".[right][snapback]893723[/snapback][/right][/quote] like i said, i think you can say what you need to say in a honest, clear, and polite manner without saying "you're an idiot" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prose Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Unless you are Cow of Shame.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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