Weird question

[Laurentina1975]

Ok, so I have visited some cool Franciscan communities. I am pretty much narrowed down to a couple now. However, there are some out there in which I still talk to the Vocation Director at times.

In one particular community, one which I am not really interested in discerning with further (and have been honest and told them this), still keeps in contact with me. And it's totally cool, but a couple of the Sisters want to come over Monday and have lunch with me and I think it is really sweet and all, but I don't want them to feel like I am going to enter their community. I have already said that I do not feel called to this community to the VD.

Then another community I was discerning with, the opposite occured, I decided I wasn't feeling called to them either. The Vocation Director didn't want anything to do with me after I made the point that I wanted to look into other communities. That was fine as well.

So I am like really confused now.

It's nice to remain "friends", if you want to call it that, with the Sisters you meet along on your journey, but some communities are different I guess. It's good to know that they still care about your journey and respect your vocation.

I guess since these Sisters want to come to my home and have lunch (which is totally cool and fine with me), it makes me feel as if I almost am obligated in some ways to still discern with them???...I dunno...
I don't want to let them down.

I've looked into or contacted 4 Franciscan Communities and the Daughters of St. Paul (because my Spiritual Director SUGGESTED I look into a community that wasn't Franciscan). Now I am kind of ready to start narrowing it down here, which I have and can only really "handle" being around a couple communities with my work and school schedule.
I don't want my discernment to the my only focus. I have work, school and friends and family.

So I was wondering if anyone had any advice. I am not saying that anything is good or bad, I am just confused because there hasn't been consistency with my discernment. And I know all groups are different, but I just don't want to feel obligated and am kind of confused.

Hope I made sense. I didn't kow where else to go with this question.

Maybe I should really make is BLATANTLY CLEAR Monday that I am seriously narrowing my search down and make sure they really know (althoughI did this already)??...I dunno.

OK Thanks.

[OLAM Dad]

I always have advice! Of course, you would be wise not to take it but that doesn't slow me down any.

Why anybody would want to join a community that wasn't Franciscan is TOTALLY beyond me. You need a new spiritual director, this one is obviously trying to lead you astray.

JUST KIDDING : Obviously I'm biased. If Kristina joins a community that isn't Franciscan I don't know what I'll do.

Lunch with nuns is always cool Feeling like you might be leading them on is normal. If you've already made it clear to them that you no longer feel called to join them then they just probably don't want you to forget about them in case you have a change of heart. Or maybe they're going to offer you a sign on bonus if you'll join them! Maybe they'll give you the corner cell with the best view, or your pick of adoration hours. Or maybe they'll offer you the Mother Superior job!

I warned you my advice wasn't very valuable. Oh, but I've got more!

No VD is ever going to convince you to join her community. Any VD worth her salt knows this. Jesus will let you know, look to Him.

God Bless,

Michael

[shortnun]

My two cents...

I think it's very upright and honorable for you to be honest with the vocation directors of communities you're looking at. In the case where the sisters are coming over, I think it's wonderful that you are opening your home to them. If the topic of your discernment comes up in conversation, I would be very straight ("BLATANTLY CLEAR" as you put it) with them that you're not discerning their specific community any longer. Of course we don't know if the VD has shared your feelings about the community with these other sisters. And, it wouldn't be helpful (in the long run) for you or the sisters to be mislead in having you discern there. (Or in you feeling obliged to do so as a result of having lunch with them. In this case, you would be letting them down b/c you aren't being truthful.)

On a similar note, my spiritual director has (strongly, yet kindly) suggested that I contact communities that aren't Dominican. And as a result I've taken to learning more about Franciscan spirituality.

Discernment of God's call in our lives is never something we should take lightly. That having been said, we also recognize that, as adults, God has blessed us with so many wonderful people and committments in our lives--family, friends, school, work, etc. IMHO, your focus on discernment should be in a healthy balance with your life as a whole, that you give all things that attention they require. (Which is only possible as a result of admitting that all our strength comes from Christ!!!)

Prayers for you... that you may heed to hearing the wisdom of the spirit in your life, for courage and strength of mind and heart. PEACE!

[Laurentina1975]

I think it is totally fantabulous that they want to hang with me and enjoy lunch. I am also totally happy that they want to come to my home.

I just don't want to disappoint anyone, and I guess I need to be honest with them and tell them this is the case. (again).

I think younger people need to be around religious like this, religious that are supportive of you no matter where God calls you to serve Him. Supportive no matter what and respectful of your possible calling to serve God.

One discernment experience I had was pretty bad. I had been in discernment with this one community for a year almost and thought that was where God wanted me. The VD had changed ministries and moved, during this time my parents were generous to her and gave her furniture, dishes, etc. for her new apartment. I also took a couple days off from work to help her move. Low and behold, she now doesn't talk to me and is "too busy" to visit with me and catch up. Very hurtful, very discourgaing.

I guess I felt pretty betrayed and seriously went into a doubtful phase in my faith. I was confused at why a woman who is a religious would be this way to me after I had been so kind. But in time, I came to realize that God was blatantly telling me that I didn't belong with this community. I ay have been looking through rose-colored glasses.

Because of this incident, my Spiritual Director suggested I look into other communities that are not Franciscan.

So I guess I am kind of shocked that this other community wants to come visit me at home and go out ot enjoy a meal! Like I said, consistency is good and I think a lot of young people want that, as well as honesty. (HONESTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Thanks Olam Dad.

[benedictaj]

[quote name='OLAM Dad' date='Feb 17 2006, 07:58 AM']Why anybody would want to join a community that wasn't Franciscan is TOTALLY beyond me.  You need a new spiritual director, this one is obviously trying to lead you astray.

JUST KIDDING  :  Obviously I'm biased.  If Kristina joins a community that isn't Franciscan I don't know what I'll do.[right][snapback]889315[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]
hehe Franciscans are awesome.

[quote]No VD is ever going to convince you to join her community.  Any VD worth her salt knows this.  Jesus will let you know, look to Him.

God Bless,

Michael[/quote]
Yes. Definitely. Can't really beat that, lol.

[Laurentina1975]

I would hope there are no VD's out there that would try to convince someone to join their community.
That is not what I was implying in my post..in case anyone cares.
I was just looking for some advice from my phatmass phriends.

[OLAM Dad]

[quote name='Laurentina1975' date='Feb 16 2006, 04:08 PM']I would hope there are no VD's out there that would try to convince someone to join their community. 
That is not what I was implying in my post..in case anyone cares.
I was just looking for some advice from my phatmass phriends.
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[/quote]
I agree. Sorry for the confusion. I was just trying to say that you shouldn't worry about the VD being upset because you didn't join. She shouldn't take it personally.

[BurkeFan]

I should hope that, at least from some VDs that I know, that any continuing interest they have in you would be directed at helping you find your vocation, even though it is not with their community.

[Laurentina1975]

Yeah, I totally agree with that.

I've just been on two sides of the coin and was wondering what the "norm" is.

:

Discernment for religious life really has some weird times...

[magnificat]

[quote name='Laurentina1975' date='Feb 16 2006, 06:15 PM']I've just been on two sides of the coin and was wondering what the "norm" is.

:

Discernment for religious life really has some weird times...
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[/quote]

Um, my hunch is that there is no "norm." Each community is unique!

What do you mean discernment has [i]some[/i] weird times?!?! I've been living a month of weirdness....if any one wants some weirdness, I'd be happy to share!!

[Laurentina1975]

Weird stuff keeps coming up, it's not easy!
Arghhhh

[OLAM Dad]

You guys are a hoot!

As somebody who was not gifted with a religious vocation I consider myself very fortunate to hear all of your stories and struggles.

[Laurentina1975]

Yeah....sometimes it's soooo wonderful and other times it's soooo confusing. The only constant is my love of God and The Blessed Mother.



[url="http://www.saturatedbygod.blogspot.com"]My Webpage[/url]
You can read more here if you'd like.

[HisChild]

[quote name='Laurentina1975' date='Feb 16 2006, 02:08 PM']I would hope there are no VD's out there that would try to convince someone to join their community. 
That is not what I was implying in my post..in case anyone cares.
I was just looking for some advice from my phatmass phriends.
[right][snapback]889517[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]

I haven't finished reading this post, but I have to tell you, that one of the communities I visited that wasn't Carmelite. . .since I am 3rd order. . .got offended and implied that I wasn't doing God's will by discerning a non Carmelite community.

Unfortunately being religious doesn't make you perfect, any more than sitting in a pew makes you Catholic.

Your Spouse to be will show you the way. . .stay at peace, and you will hear Him speak to you.

Denise

[Laurentina1975]

[quote name='PCPA2Be' date='Feb 16 2006, 07:57 PM']I haven't finished reading this post, but I have to tell you, that one of the communities I visited that wasn't Carmelite. . .since I am 3rd order. . .got offended and implied that I wasn't doing God's will by discerning a non Carmelite community.

Unfortunately being religious doesn't make you perfect, any more than sitting in a pew makes you Catholic.

Your Spouse to be will show you the way. . .stay at peace, and you will hear Him speak to you.

Denise
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[/quote]


I think that when you are beginning to look into religious life you see things through rose-colored glasses. You think that religious are perfect and pious, although most are not all perfect, there are some who are not so pious as you would think. This is so true!

Edited February 17, 2006 by Laurentina1975