Write your own horrible similes

[Tindomiel]

The papers fluttered to the ground like a piece of falling fruitcake.

[God Conquers]

The leaves flew into the air like febreeze in a teenage bedroom.

[Cow of Shame]

I'd stumbled onto solving my first murder case, having found myself the only eyewitness, yet no matter how frantically I pleaded with John Law that the perp was right in front of them and the very dame they'd been grilling - the sultry but devious Miss Kitwinkle, who played the grieving patsy the way a concert pianist player plays a piano - the cops just kept smiling and stuffing crackers in my beak.

[Jaime]

We ought to make the pie higher

[Cow of Shame]

"Ace, watch your head!" hissed Wanda urgently, yet somehow provocatively, through red, full, sensuous lips, but he couldn't you know, since nobody can actually watch more than part of his nose or a little cheek or lips if he really tries, but he appreciated her warning.

[God Conquers]

This is another real one from my 11th grade chemistry teacher:

"Chemistry is like an orange."

It didn't make sense then and it doesn't make sense now.

[Cow of Shame]

As the fading light of a dying day filtered through the window blinds, Roger stood over his victim with a smoking .45, surprised at the serenity that filled him after pumping six slugs into the bloodless tyrant that mocked him day after day, and then he shuffled out of the office with one last look back at the shattered computer terminal lying there like a silicon armadillo left to rot on the information superhighway.

[Didacus]

As charming as the vomit of a sick dying dog!

(sounds better in french... sorry)

[Cow of Shame]

As the newest Lady Turnpot descended into the kitchen wrapped only in her celery-green dressing gown, her creamy bosom rising and falling like a temperamental souffle, her tart mouth pursed in distaste, the sous-chef whispered to the scullery boy, "I don't know what to make of her."

[God Conquers]

The game was rougher than an italians 5 oclock shadow.

[Cow of Shame]

Dolores breezed along the surface of her life like a flat stone forever skipping across smooth water, rippling reality sporadically but oblivious to it consistently, until she finally lost momentum, sank, and due to an overdose of fluoride as a child which caused her to lie forever on the floor of her life as useless as an appendix and as lonely as a five-hundred-pound barbell in a steroid-free fitness center.

[iggy]

Comparing space and time is like comparing apples and Tuesday
- Dr. Tim Gay

Is there any way the first page of this thread could be moved to, uh, manland or something like that?

[Cow of Shame]

There is such a place? Overflowing with beer and fly honeys?

[missionseeker]

[quote name='Old_Joe' date='Feb 7 2006, 08:01 PM']For a second there, I thought it said smilies.

While he was working out in the sun, Larry sweated like a an obese, masked Mexican wrestler on a summer day in the middle of an intense match.
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There should be a spit take smilie.

[Cow of Shame]

[quote name='missionseeker' date='Feb 12 2006, 02:00 AM']There should be a spit take smilie.
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[/quote]
What's a spit take? Is that when you smell of elderberries up that little bit of spit that's left on the lip of the popcan after someone has taken a swig?