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Write your own horrible similes


Jaime

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Sheila was easy as opening a jar of pickles, not one closed by a man who has virility doubts and closes a jar so women and young boys get hernias opening it or at least the boys get them; although I heard about a woman who had a hiatal hernia so I guess women get them too but doctors don't ask them to cough unless their malpractice covers sexual deviance but a jar closed by some ninety-year-old whose grip on the jar as well as reality has slipped.

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"Oh he's a nice enough guy I suppose "Belle said as she stared pensively out the window." But he's got no personality. He's as flat as the pre Columbus earth!"

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[quote name='Sojourner' date='Feb 7 2006, 11:01 PM']She was as tired as an owl who'd been up all night hunting small gray mice. As she sat typing, her eyelids started to droop lower than grandma's pendulous breasts.
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hahahahaha

BEAUTIFUL.

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[quote name='Old_Joe' date='Feb 8 2006, 02:14 PM']How many of these similies have to do with sex?  :rolleyes:
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"His knowing brown eyes held her gaze for a seeming eternity, his powerful arms clasped her slim body in an irresistible embrace, and from his broad, hairy chest a primal smell of "male" tantalized her nostrils; "Looks like another long night in the ape house" thought veterinarian Abigail Brown as she gingerly reached for the constipated gorilla's suppository."

Edited by Lil Red
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The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant for those who hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice for those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time during the actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it but your brain wasn't reacting yet to let you know.

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[quote name='Didacus' date='Feb 9 2006, 11:08 AM']The car barreled down the highway like a barrel full of poping popcorn and crashed in the tree.
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was the popcorn blessing everyone on its way?

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My friend said this one one day:

"I used to not pray for myself, because I thought that God had bigger pies to eat"

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