Abortion

[Desert Walker]

I had a conversation about this with a friend last night. I asked him if he thought it was a good idea to beg a woman not to kill her child if she came to you and said she was thinking about getting an abortion. He said he didn't think so because doing so lacks compassion for the woman.

How do you defend the lives of unborn babies from women whom you might throw into a state of depression and despair if you tell them they shouldn't have an abortion? How do you do this and still assure a woman that you love and accept her? How do you keep her from feeling like it's "her against the Church" or something?

Personally, I find it difficult to be sympathetic with a woman who would even CONSIDER aborting her unborn child. But such an attitude is un-Christian isn't it? And I don't feel that this attitude is self-glorifying (e.g. behold my righteousness!)

I guess what I'm saying in a nutshell is, in such a scenario, who has first dibs on being verbally defended, the baby of the mother? It seems to me that when liberal-minded people think about this (my friend is liberal minded) it's always "defend the mother first" the baby is a secondary concern!

[philothea]

I think a great many women wind up regretting what they have done, so asking her to reconsider is not putting her welfare second.

I would ask her to reconsider for her own sake, and offer her an option with details: who to contact for adoption, what it will be like to deal with an agency, how they will pay for health care and (if needed) housing. (Find this out ahead of time if you don't know.) How she picks a family, what kind of contact (or privacy) she can have.

I would also direct her to a website with stories by women about their abortions.

[JP2Iloveyou]

I would offer a couple of suggestions. First, we must never judge the guilt of anyone. Often times, people are not as guilty as they appear. When counseling someone, we must ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, did I mention that we must ALWAYS, use charity. Never, ever, ever call someone a murderer. Gently and lovingly explain her options to her. Give her information for groups such as Project Rachel, but don't, under any circumstances, raise your voice, call her a murderer, or call into question her love for her child. In many cases, women simply do not know what their options are. The way to avoid making her feel as though it is her against the Church is to not make it her agains the Church. All to often so called "conservative" Catholics, in an effort to maintain some doctrinal orthodoxy or something are downright uncharitable. The Church is not some all encompassing judge and jury trying to oppress people. The Church preaches the truth that Christ offers us, but always in love. My new bishop took the motto, "Preach the truth in love" from Ephesians 4: 15. That is so true in this case. The Church does care about the woman and the Church is willing to help her. That must always be emphasized.

As for putting the mother first and the baby second. Obviously, a human life is a human life, but not ever having had to make this decision, I can't even imagine what must be going through that woman's head. So, it seems to me at least, that we do have to speak as though we are putting her first. If we are legitimately trying to help the mother, we will help the baby because as we all know, abortion helps neither the mother nor the baby.

[rkwright]

strange this topic started today....

I had a friend here at school that had an aborition last year, she told me about it last year but not too much about it. Last night I actually kinda asked her about it (it was on my mind from the weekend and all the pro-life masses.)

Her story is really sad. Her b\f was extremely unsupportive and she made it sound like he forced her to have the aborition (though it is still her choice). She had the procedure done, and actually it turned out to be a very very traumatic event. She had nightmares over and over. She came to me and told me about everything only after the aborition had happened, so there wasn't much I could do then.

The thing that is sad is that she was actually scared to come to me. I remember that phone call and she was like I have to tell you this, because I know its important to you, and I feel like I'm hiding something, and that after knowing this you may not want to be my friend any more. She didn't get the idea from me, b\c I pretty easy going and listen to most any people whether I agree or not. But its some people who give us a bad name.

So as the others above, use charity. Tell her how much God loves her 1st off, really stress that, from day one when God created her, then try moving it to the baby. God loves that baby as much to send His son to die on the cross from that unborn baby.

[Sojourner]

If a woman comes to you before she gets an abortion and wants to talk about it, she is looking for reasons not to do it. She's probably looking for, "How can I make this work if I keep the baby?"

She needs to be able to see keeping the child (or giving it up for adoption) as a realistic, workable option. If you can help her to see the help that's available to her, both from charitable/government options and from church and community groups, and help her to get connected to those resources, that will go a long way toward her choosing life.

[Desert Walker]

Wow. Thank you everyone for the thoughts. rkwright your post was VERY good. It helped me a lot. It's sometimes very hard for me to gain the perspective I WANT to have on a situation.

Sojourner, what you said also makes a lot of sense. If someone's already made up their mind about something why WOULD they keep talking about it?

Thanks all

[Mercy me]

Most abortions especially by the young are don't out of fear, fear of their parents "killing them" (I don't mean literally), fear of losing opportunity, knowing that they are not ready to be a parent, etc. These are short term issues used to justify a discission for what seems like the easy way out.

The way to reach someone in this situation is to simply be there for them. Listen to her, don't accuse her, love her because she is the least among us at at that time she is searching for the light. Give her options. In my town, we have two homes for pregnant women with no place to go. Every town has resources, learn about them. The most important thing you can do for someone who feels abandoned and is scared is to love them. If it is hard than just look for the Jesus in her and it will all be clear. It is about living the simpest commandment, lovce one another as I have loved you.

[Colleen]

I think compassion should always accompany such conversations. The woman is in a very difficult, frightening, vulnerable place and she needs support. I think many women would not go through with their abortions if they felt that they had support from those close to them.

[quote name='Desert Walker' date='Feb 1 2006, 08:22 AM']How do you defend the lives of unborn babies from women whom you might throw into a state of depression and despair if you tell them they shouldn't have an abortion?  How do you do this and still assure a woman that you love and accept her?  How do you keep her from feeling like it's "her against the Church" or something?[/quote]
For one thing, having the abortion might very well throw the woman into a state of depression and despair -- it's very common for women who have had abortions to feel that way after they have had an abortion. You can show a woman you love and accept her by offering your assistance and support, whether emotionally, spiritually, materially, or financially. And abortion is "against the Church," against Her teaching, but it's not only that -- it goes against humanity. By denying a baby of his or her human dignity by killing it is the gravest offense against humanity, in my mind.

[quote name='Desert Walker' date='Feb 1 2006, 08:22 AM']Personally, I find it difficult to be sympathetic with a woman who would even CONSIDER aborting her unborn child.  But such an attitude is un-Christian isn't it?  And I don't feel that this attitude is self-glorifying (e.g. behold my righteousness!)[/quote]
I think it's important to keep in mind that in so many cases, the mother, the father, family and friends are very ignorant. Many who consider an abortion are, as hard is it may be to believe, unaware that the baby really is a human being. This is due to ignorance and often the lies of many people who would have the mother believe otherwise.

[quote name='Desert Walker' date='Feb 1 2006, 08:22 AM']I guess what I'm saying in a nutshell is, in such a scenario, who has first dibs on being verbally defended, the baby of the mother?  It seems to me that when liberal-minded people think about this (my friend is liberal minded) it's always "defend the mother first" the baby is a secondary concern!
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I think it's important to make it clear that both lives are precious. There is not one life in this situation, there are two. And I think that everything should be done to ensure the well-being of both those lives.