Here's the problem that I mentioned earlier ...

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='Deeds' date='Jan 5 2006, 05:15 PM']He's only 30.

Anyway, I was going to give my opinion, but it probably falls under your definition of belittling, so I would like to wish you luck with this hobby and I hope you can keep a sense of perspective.
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30 is a considerable ways away from 14.

[quote name='Era Might' date='Jan 5 2006, 05:46 PM']I would definitely not recommend this. Little kids want to live their own lives. They don't want people living vicariously through them. That's why you got all these crazy parents in the stands beating eachother up. 
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this kinda happened to my friends and i in the theatre in high school. i have to agree.

[Luthien]

[quote name='Dave' date='Jan 5 2006, 09:14 PM']I don't consider dancing a sport and never will.
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I agree, its more an art. But ballroom dancing does burn as many calories as runnin a mile.


Oh I recommend martial arts. It was one of the best things I ever learned. When I got my blackbelt, it was so worth all the blood sweat and tears.


You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to, go for it.

[Norseman82]

Go for it! I didn't start playing hockey until I was an adult, so it's never too late. Just be aware that injuries do not heal up as quick as they used to (I speak from experience).

[Cow of Shame]

[quote name='Dave' date='Jan 5 2006, 01:35 PM']I have a personal goal, and that goal is to be the athlete that I never was.  No, I don't mean I want to go pro.  I just want to play sports to compete -- like in adult leagues [/quote]

So, you're not interested in becoming an athlete for health benefits...you just wanna kick some bootay on the field?

[quote] And my response to that is, "But you're a girl!  Girls aren't supposed to be good at sports!"  And they look at me like, "EXCUSE ME???!!!"  Ok, I don't really believe that, but I'm really only half-joking when I make that remark.  I mean, it's totally different for a guy.  So ladies, if you were the last one picked, don't think it'll make me feel better to tell me about it.  If anything it'll have me tearing my hair out.  If you're a guy and were the last one picked, however, then let's hear about it.
[/quote]

Way to piss off over half your audience, man. You view girls as uncompetitive wusses, completely belittle their childhood emotional injuries, yet you start your thread with "no one laugh at me or belittle my situation or my feelings that are tied in with my situation in any way, shape, or form". You basically let us all know that unless the poster has a penis, their experiences don't mean jack. Well, I have to give you points for honesty, but deduct some for being hypocritical.


[quote] I began to feel like I should play a sport, as I realized I didn't know any other guys at my school who didn't play any sports. [/quote]

You were in high school...you wanted to fit in. Perfectly normal.

[quote]So I participated from my sophomore year through my senior year, and I lettered in it and got my letter jacket and stuff.  However, while I don't know what the criteria was to get a letter, I feel like they gave it to me out of pity.  You see, I wasn't any good.  In fact, I never participated in a meet, something that I only recently got up the courage to admit to others. [/quote]

I wonder about your definition of "participated". You worried so excessively about failure that you never even tried? They didn't kick you off the team? I find this pretty hard to believe, is all. Oh, don't get me wrong, I don't think you're lying, but it's a pretty odd tale all the same.

[quote]Although I wasn't the best, for once I started hearing teammates telling me things like "Good job!"  Unfortunately, overall it was a very negative experience for me.  One of my teammates, a close friend named Joel (who, thanks to this, is now an ex-friend), destroyed whatever shred of self-confidence I had.  He was uber-competitive and would yell at anyone who he perceived as having screwed up.  He did that with everyone, but I bore the brunt of it.  [/quote]

So, you ignored all the positive & focused on the one negative. Plenty of us have been there....

[quote]I finally confronted Joel and told him how he made me feel and why, sharing with him a lot of what I've already shared with you all.  He apologized, but it was obvious he wasn't at all sincere.  For years afterward I couldn't attend sporting events, watch sports on TV, read the sports section of the newspaper, watch the sports segment of the news, or even watch sports-related movies without getting all down on myself and angry at Joel all over again. [/quote]

But you don't accept his apology and blame him for your poor self image? At this point, you're shifting the blame a bit, eh? You did admit that others encouraged you. The fact you focused on one jerk's opinion is your choice, however.

[quote] There are no exceptions to this rule -- I even feel this way toward all my male friends and acquaintances on Phatmass even though with most of them I don't know a thing about their sports history!  Feeling like everyone is good in a particular area EXCEPT you is truly demoralizing.  [/quote]

At this point, it sounding like you could use a bit of professional help. Seriously. This is not normal.

[quote]More recently, however, I've discovered they have adult sports leagues out there, and I realized that that is what I need to do to finally be able to compete and also to rise above Joel and what he put me through, not to mention to prove to myself that I can do this. [/quote]

What, you think there won't be another "Joel"? There's [i]always[/i] a Joel. Until you can forgive the first guy, I think you'll have problems in any sport where individuals can be critical of you.


[quote]At the same time, though, I don't want to feel like I missed out, and yet I can't help but fear that adult league sports would just be a poor substitute for what I didn't do in high school.  [/quote]

Why do you feel the need to recreate something from a section of life that you didn't like in the first place? Participate in them now to enjoy them now, not to replace some bitter memories from a time long gone.

[quote] And my psychiatrist tells me that if I have that attitude, then no matter what sports accomplishments I have, I'll never be able to enjoy them, as I'll be looking for ways to belittle them. [/quote]

Ah, good. You ARE seeking treatment. Listen to your psychiatrist. What's the point in the money you're spending on him if you don't?

Edited January 6, 2006 by Cow of Shame

[Cow of Shame]

(continued...too many quotes in one post for the system to handle them all)


[quote]You see, more and more I've begun to truly believe that playing sports, in addition to something I want to do, is something He wants me to do as well.[/quote]

I think it can be easy to delude ourselves into thinking that what WE want is what Jesus wants. We feel strongly about something, so surely it's Jesus leading us to that activity. While this can sometimes be true, it can be dangerous to think that our emotions are being led by Jesus. From what you've written, I don't think Jesus is calling you to sports. Forgiveness of those that have hurt you in the past, yes.


[quote] all I ask is that you be careful of what you say.  Earlier I asked that you not belittle my feelings or my situation.  Statements that are belittling include, but aren't limited to:[/quote]

For someone who is asking for help, you sure don't sound like you want any. You don't want criticism, and you don't want certain encouraging phrases 'cause they sound 'belittling' to you. Dude, I think you need to deal with some other issues besides your physique and your ability to perform athletically.


[quote]I mean, try telling someone who's physically unattractive and feels bad about themselves that true beauty is on the inside and that God loves them how they are.  While that statement is true, do you honestly think it's going to make them feel any better?  Hell no!  If anything it'll probably make them feel worse and think that no one understands.[/quote]

If you truly feel that way, then don't get pissed off if I call you ugly, eh?




It sounds like you're wanting to play some pretty competitive sports and be good enough that you can be that 'cool kid' that you never really felt that you were. I agree with all the other posters who encourage you to find a sport that you first and above all ENJOY. As you've found out, playing with hyper-competitive people can be a downer. Don't become one of the people that you dislike so much. Keep in mind, you [i]will[/i] encounter others who will be harsh, cruel & hurtful on the field. Just because someone is now an adult doesn't mean they leave childishness behind them (if I'm not a clear enough example in many of my posts, you need to get your head examined). You need to make up your mind that it's not going to completely demoralize & emotionally damage you as it has in the past. You need to move on from those hurtful experiences you've had and start seriously looking into forgiveness. At this point, you're only hurting yourself by carrying this stuff around inside you. Do you think Joel is harmed in [i]any way[/i] because you're still bitter? Play sports, have fun, and don't worry about recreating some sort of sports fantasy that you envisioned as a child.

Edited January 6, 2006 by Cow of Shame

[Dave]

[quote name='Cow of Shame' date='Jan 6 2006, 12:47 AM']So, you're not interested in becoming an athlete for health benefits...you just wanna kick some bootay on the field?[/quote]

It's both.

[quote]Way to piss off over half your audience, man.  You view girls as uncompetitive wusses, completely belittle their childhood emotional injuries, yet you start your thread with "no one laugh at me or belittle my situation or my feelings that are tied in with my situation in any way, shape, or form".  You basically let us all know that unless the poster has a penis, their experiences don't mean jack.  Well, I have to give you points for honesty, but deduct some for being hypocritical.[/quote]

So that makes me a hypocrite. Still you can't deny it's totally different for a guy. Right or wrong, we have stereotypes about how men and women should be and act. And one stereotype about men is that they should be great at sports. There's no such stereotype about women. It's great if a woman is good at sports, but if she's not, there won't be those who think she's weird or a lesbian. By contrast, I've encountered those who believe guys who aren't good at sports to be weird or gay! People shouldn't think such things, but they do. Sad but true.

[quote]I wonder about your definition of "participated".  You worried so excessively about failure that you never even tried?  They didn't kick you off the team?  I find this pretty hard to believe, is all.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I don't think you're lying, but it's a pretty odd tale all the same. [/quote]

Didn't even try? I went out there every day and gave it my all, thank you very much!

[quote]So, you ignored all the positive & focused on the one negative.  Plenty of us have been there....[/quote]

Maybe you need to watch "Dr. Phil." Dr. Phil has said more than once that it takes 1000 "Atta boy"s or "Atta girl"s to erase 1 "You did bad."

[quote]But you don't accept his apology and blame him for your poor self image?  At this point, you're shifting the blame a bit, eh?  You did admit that others encouraged you.  The fact you focused on one jerk's opinion is your choice, however.[/quote]

His apology wasn't sincere; what can I say? It was filled with lame excuses. And please see above.

[quote]At this point, it sounding like you could use a bit of professional help.  Seriously.  This is not normal.[/quote]

I do receive professional help. You know what they say about assuming.

[quote]What, you think there won't be another "Joel"?  There's [i]always[/i] a Joel.  Until you can forgive the first guy, I think you'll have problems in any sport where individuals can be critical of you.  [/quote]

Did I say I didn't think there would be another Joel? NO!!!! And believe you me, I've been working on forgiving Joel for a long time!

[quote]Why do you feel the need to recreate something from a section of life that you didn't like in the first place?  Participate in them now to enjoy them now, not to replace some bitter memories from a time long gone.[/quote]

Of course I'm participating to enjoy them now! I can't change the past, nor did I ever say I could. You're reading way too much into what I write.

[quote]Ah, good.  You ARE seeking treatment.  Listen to your psychiatrist.  What's the point in the money you're spending on him if you don't?
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So I'm not listening to HER? Not true. You seem to forget that it usually takes some time to switch thought patterns.

Edited January 6, 2006 by Dave

[Dave]

[quote name='Cow of Shame' date='Jan 6 2006, 12:48 AM']
(continued...too many quotes in one post for the system to handle them all)
I think it can be easy to delude ourselves into thinking that what WE want is what Jesus wants. We feel strongly about something, so surely it's Jesus leading us to that activity. While this can sometimes be true, it can be dangerous to think that our emotions are being led by Jesus. From what you've written, I don't think Jesus is calling you to sports. Forgiveness of those that have hurt you in the past, yes. [/quote]

Last time I checked, you weren't Jesus. I'm going to play sports, and I know that's what He wants me to do. If you don't like it, you can lump it. And it'll just make me work harder so I can succeed and say "I told ya so!" But yes, I agree He wants me to forgive, and I've been working on it.

[quote]For someone who is asking for help, you sure don't sound like you want any. You don't want criticism, and you don't want certain encouraging phrases 'cause they sound 'belittling' to you. Dude, I think you need to deal with some other issues besides your physique and your ability to perform athletically.[/quote]

I didn't say I wanted "help" per se. I want encouragement and support and prayers! And the phrases I cited aren't really encouraging; they only sound encouraging to those who don't know any better. And while we're at it, maybe you need to deal with issues of your own, like your inability to show sensitivity or empathize. I've talked to priests about my problem -- very holy priests -- and they were 100 times more encouraging than you.

[quote]If you truly feel that way, then don't get pissed off if I call you ugly, eh?[/quote]

Well then don't get pissed off if I kick your butt.

[quote]It sounds like you're wanting to play some pretty competitive sports and be good enough that you can be that 'cool kid' that you never really felt that you were. [/quote]

You know what they say about assuming. It's not about being cool.

[quote]I agree with all the other posters who encourage you to find a sport that you first and above all ENJOY. As you've found out, playing with hyper-competitive people can be a downer. Don't become one of the people that you dislike so much. Keep in mind, you [i]will[/i] encounter others who will be harsh, cruel & hurtful on the field. [/quote]

I enjoy basketball and soccer, ok? I'm determined not to become another Joel. That's one good thing that a bad situation brought.

[quote]Just because someone is now an adult doesn't mean they leave childishness behind them (if I'm not a clear enough example in many of my posts, you need to get your head examined). You need to make up your mind that it's not going to completely demoralize & emotionally damage you as it has in the past. You need to move on from those hurtful experiences you've had and start seriously looking into forgiveness. [/quote]

You know you're preaching to the choir, don't you? I have been trying with God's help to completely forgive Joel for a long time. And praise His Name, I'm much closer to that point than I was several years ago.

[quote}At this point, you're only hurting yourself by carrying this stuff around inside you. Do you think Joel is harmed in [i]any way[/i] because you're still bitter? Play sports, have fun, and don't worry about recreating some sort of sports fantasy that you envisioned as a child.
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Please see above.

Edited January 6, 2006 by Dave

[Dave]

To everyone:

Let me make something clear, something I didn't fully make clear earlier, for which I apologize. My purpose in posting about my experiences was NOT to ask for help or advice, nor was it to elicit pity. Rather, it was to ask for support, encouragement, and prayers. Because if someone believes in me, I can move mountains. And since y'all are my phamily, I figured y'all would appreciate knowing about what I want to undertake so y'all can wish me well, pray for me, and be happy for me when I report success.

[Guest Rick777]

Well Dave I'm sorry everyone is so "jumpy" about this change in your life. I wish you the best of luck and be assured of my prayers and support. Sports are very pleasing to God, and I'm sure He's happy your off to a fresh start.

[Azriel]

Prayers, for you, Dave my friend.

[Church Punk]

Dave,

There are a lot of sports out there that have a lot of really friendly people. I know at the rock climbing gym I go to its the best atmosphere, all are welcome, even though all of us tall skinny guys seem to dominate we encourage everyone who walks through the doors to try their best and it is everyone.

I think it would be best if you just stuck to rec leaques and built up. You will get better the more you practise thats all there is to it.

Find a good group of people to participate with and you will love it!

[scardella]

Hey, just want you to know I'm praying for ya.

I've struggled a lot myself w/ sports, mostly because I have really cruddy endurance, though it's not an asthma problem. That's why I started at a gym, so that I could build that up. With my absence from the gym the past 4 months, I can't even run a 1/4 mile w/out getting completely out of breath.

I've noticed that having fun makes a huge difference in how well you do. When you're not having fun, you're so much more aware of your bodily tiredness, etc. that you're not living up to your full potential. It seems like I can play a lot longer if I'm not thinking about how out of breath, etc, that I am. After a while, if you're not having fun, it becomes a chore to keep up as well.

Oh, and I'd love good ballroom dancing lessons!

[Jaime]

Dave

Your decision to enter sports as an adult is in several ways a positive one. But when we are kids, we don't consciously know what the true benefits of participating in sports are to us. When we're kids, the benefits of sports are simply

camaraderie
a chance for achievement
to impress the ladies


The real inherent values of participating in sports are that we learn responsibility, self reliance and gain some control over our own lives. The real purpose of sports involvement is to teach us those things. It is to help prepare us to live our lives independantly and be self reliant.

Its clear that you are placing a great deal of importance on your sports involvement in your youth. And this is an attempt to conquer old demons (aka Joel). Conquering old ghosts isn't always a bad thing. But while you will most likely succeed in adult intramural soccer or basketball, it won't help you unless you understand what the real values are supposed to be. Otherwise, your sports successes will just be a bandaid.

[Luthien]

I had a mean taekwondo instructer who verbally abused me. He never apologized.

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='hot stuff' date='Jan 6 2006, 09:03 AM']Dave

Your decision to enter sports as an adult is in several ways a positive one.  But when we are kids, we don't consciously know what the true benefits of participating in sports are to us.  When we're kids, the benefits of sports are simply

camaraderie
a chance for achievement
to impress the ladies
The real inherent values of participating in sports are that we learn responsibility, self reliance and gain some control over our own lives.  The real purpose of sports involvement is to teach us those things.  It is to help prepare us to live our lives independantly and be self reliant.

Its clear that you are placing a great deal of importance on your sports involvement in your youth. And this is an attempt to conquer old demons (aka Joel).  Conquering old ghosts isn't always a bad thing.  But while you will most likely succeed in adult intramural soccer or basketball, it won't help you unless you understand what the real values are supposed to be.  Otherwise, your sports successes will just be a bandaid.
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