Exhaltation Of The "i"

[DesiringMore]

:dance:

[DesiringMore]

okay, how in the last week has your "I" been exhalted??? just a couple ways that my "I" was exhalted at the Diaconia was when i met BLAZEr for the first time and the conversations we had...YOU'RE amesome!! YOU ROCK!!!...and then, when i spent time with Katt, girlfriend, i love talking to you and listening and just spending time together....i'm gonna have to come down to Lexington sometime...My "I" was exhalted when we watched the video of Fr. Guissanni...AMAZING!!!....the Cake story exhalted my "I"....when we were in the ice storm and i got to talk to the Christian trucker and pray with him, that exhalted my "I"....you never know what God has in store for you...OPEN YOUR HEART AND YOUR MIND and let God show you!!!!

so, how was your "I" exhalted???

[DesiringMore]

BUMP

so, i cannot help but ask this question....how has your "i" been exhalted this week???

[dUSt]

I still don't understand the question. hahaha

[Katt1227]

My "I" has been exalted a lot this week.

Last weekend was one big exaltation of the "I". Three whole days with friends and Christ, meeting new people (like Blazer, in the flesh). It was amesome.

I was totally stressing this week because I had this big application and portfolio due so that I can get into the college of education. This is like the application to my future, and I procrastinated and waited til the last minute to get it all done. But the amazing thing, was I had to have three letters of recommendation for this application. So, after all the stress of trying to get everything together, I got to read the letters. It was wonderful to hear all the things that people said about me. It's often so easy in our society to believe the negative stuff about you, and we seldom hear the positive stuff enough, so the chance to read about all my gifts certainly exalted my "I".

[DesiringMore]

:whistle: :afro: :sleep:

[BLAZEr]

dUSt . . . when we say that our "I" has been exalted we mean that we have had an encounter which helped us to be ourselves, which resonated with who we are and what we desire . . .

THis week, meeting these crazy girls from Evansville . . . my "I" was exalted because in them I found friendship and love and we were a presence to one another . . . we made Christ a fact, more than just the stuff we do here on Phatmass . . . in a concrete way, in a Bar, at 1:30 in the morning singing U2 songs, in the midst of our frienship we made Christ present in Minneapolis . . . and my "I" was exalted.

[Schmandi]

I could take the easy way out and say "my heart leap for joy" when I did this...or I met this person...or so on, instead of saying my "I" was exalted. And trust me, I’m tempted to do so, only b/c I feel like I’m leaving my brothers and sisters out where they aren't able to understand me in what I’m try to say to them.

but...I can't. I cant' because there are no words in the english language that can compare to word "I" as Giussani (re)defines it. So, therefore, I will wait for us both to understand together.

As for my weekend in Minnesota - Deaconia - here are some things that I have learned. It has been a struggle for me, and a great joy. Both seem to go hand in hand. I don't claim to be "right" or to know more than others, but here is how I understand the exaltation of the "I".

Just as it is from one minute to the next that one loves. Experience is in that instant and it is this that conquers the reduction of affection to imagination....the imagination of how it "could be". It is in this "could be" or "should be" idealistic frame of mind that kills experience. Each minute that we are living in the present, we build. We become more aware of our reality and we are forced to become more open Christ's will instead of our own ideals. This is because we can not force our ideals of what "should be" on reality at the moment. We can only perceive it as what it is. But the moment when we step out of reality, when we step out of the present, we become only a follower of "shoulds" and "coulds".

It is in this present where my "I" (everything that I’ve experienced, everything that is broken, everything that I am - have been - and will be) is most vulnerable, and most aware. In this moment I can't help but notice that everything around is a direct link to the infinite. It is when another enters into this equation that I become aware of my humanity. It is when I become aware of my need for the infinite. Christ’s presence, manifested in one another, becomes the light for me. It is through others that my desires are met face to face. And it is only through others that they become fulfilled. Without others, my search for the infinite would go unfulfilled. It is also that in this vulnerable moment when I see my self for who I am, I become humbled (almost ashamed). In my humility and my desire for Him, I reach out to him....and I beg. I pray. I beg for Him. It is when he responds to my begging....that I am exalted. That is when my "I" is exalted. This is why you will hear me refer to this "exhalation of the I" as scandalous. Why would He desire me, long for me, beg for me when I have turned my back to him? When I have failed to recognize Him when He was standing right in front of me. I am so undeserving of this kind of love. But He still chooses me, and He still calls me out. Others have see the scandal, and cried out to see it again. Others have pointed to it and shamed it. I'm talking about the woman at the well..."How dare he speak to and answer the questions of a Samaritan woman?" **scandalous** or the tax collector..."How dare he embrace a man of lies and deceit?" **scandalous** or the woman caught in adultery, or leper, etc... This "scandal" is a common occurrence in my life each time I beg for Him (even today)and in return He reaches out to me.

This weekend reminded me of what it means to stand in front of Him again in two ways. First - there is a man in my life that I can stand in front of (literally) and when I look into his eyes, I fear(yet still desire) the unknown in a physical and mental way. He is so different than I am, and so mysterious to me that I literally shake in my boots and my gut ties itself in knots...but I can't deny my desire to look into those eyes. Each time I do, I come away knowing a little more about myself. For those who can only see it as a "girl - boy thing"...I'm sorry. The desire I felt was way beyond only a physical attraction. It hurts to hear others reduce my desire to such a level. To stand in front of the infinite is a daily struggle for me and it is moments like these that a person can only hope for in life.

The other way I was reminded to stand in front of Christ was not necessarily an experience, but more of a choice. but I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about this one yet. It basically consists of being about being able recognize Christ in somebody very special to you and loving that person with your whole life, heart, and soul. And then you find out that the other person doesn't love your in return with the same love you have given. Continuing to stand in front of her is one of the hardest choices I have ever made in my entire life. and infact, I’m still trying to "choose" to do this. But isn't this what He's calling us to do. I still desire to love her...but I’m so afraid to. It would be much easier to walk away or just ignore. But I carry a part of her with me, and she carries a part of me. I know the right decision is to carry on and continue with the companionship. But saying that is ALOT easier than doing it. and until you've actually been in those shoes, I would not be able to describe to pain to you. So, now the only thing I do, is beg. Beg to see Him again. She does manifest Christ, but are my eyes open to seeing Him through her? That is the real question.

"What I desire is true" this I can't deny. I have to recognize my desires for what they are, I have to recognize that they exist. But it is necessary to go to the root of them. It is necessary to be loyal to what resonates within me.

To suppress them or deny them is only a denial of who I am. A denial of my humanity. I must follow.

ok - i'm tired now. if you made it all the way through this post...i am extremely impressed.

dUST - if you made it all the way through this post, i want you to know, i did this one for you man. I worry about your frustrations with the lingo we use. My first impression of the movement was also a "left winged liberal cult" But I promise you it's not. Genarally the things Giussani teaches are almost word for word what the Pope says in his writings. It just takes on a whole new meaning when you understand the lingo. It also takes an open-ness to step outside the ideals of cathoilsism and step into the depts of why it was created in the first place. CL for me has been a renewal of my desire for God- not only through a love of His institational church, but also for His son in the flesh. Never before in my search for Him have I ever felt so alive.

sry- i've talked enough, i'll shut up now.

later

[Schmandi]

ohmygosh! that sucker is long! I'M SOOOO SORRY. :blink:

[Katt1227]

It's okay that it was long. It was beautiful. And very true.

I can echo what you said about your friend who you continue to "choose" to stand in front of. It is a hard choice to make, when you love someone, when you recognize Something in someone that is so deep, so intense, that it must be from the Infinite. And then when (or if) that person does something to make you doubt that, or does not love you in the same way, it is hard. It was much of what I was (and still am) struggling with when I asked the question of Don Pino at dinner. But you are right, you stay in front of this person, even when it hurts, and you beg. You beg to see His presence in them and for them to see it in you. And the more you beg, the more He can answer you. For God does not answer those who do not beg.

God bless

[DesiringMore]

Anyone want to share how your "i" has been exhalted?

This past weekend i went on TEC....for right now, i will say, things and people throughout this weekend caused my "i" to be exhalted....when i have the words to explain in detail...i will write more....but i would like to know how your "i" has been exhalted......

All those who were there, you exhalted my "i" just by the smiles and the hugs you gave me throughout the time...it went beyond the surface of a hug....it showed me i was loved, cared about, you were excited for me and what God was doing this weekend in my life, you were concerned for me, etc......okay,okay, this deserves to be explained further, but for now...this is all....(To be continued...)

[BLAZEr]

Another Bump-a-licious thread for Ashley