benedictaj Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Hmmmm, what does everyone think about age differences in marriage? My friend (aged 22) recently told me that she and her boyfriend are seriously considering marrying. He is almost 13 years older than her. My first reaction was that its such a big age gap. But after thinking about it, I guess they do seem to be in love, they are both strong practising Catholics as well. They have quite a lot in common, except he has been working for how ever long, and she is starting full time work next year...(just finished university.) I think they've known each other for ages... Any thoughts? I'm a bit worried that I reacted in the wrong way when she told me. (btw - I didn't realise that they were boyfriend and girlfriend, which added to the surprise. They do a lot of churchy things together, but I'd never thought of them as a couple.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philothea Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 I think people are too diverse to make any useful generalizations about age differences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 every couple should be exactly three years and ten months different.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Socrates Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 [quote name='memtherose' date='Dec 20 2005, 04:54 PM']Hmmmm, what does everyone think about age differences in marriage? My friend (aged 22) recently told me that she and her boyfriend are seriously considering marrying. He is almost 13 years older than her. My first reaction was that its such a big age gap. But after thinking about it, I guess they do seem to be in love, they are both strong practising Catholics as well. They have quite a lot in common, except he has been working for how ever long, and she is starting full time work next year...(just finished university.) I think they've known each other for ages... Any thoughts? I'm a bit worried that I reacted in the wrong way when she told me. (btw - I didn't realise that they were boyfriend and girlfriend, which added to the surprise. They do a lot of churchy things together, but I'd never thought of them as a couple.) [right][snapback]832113[/snapback][/right] [/quote] I'd tend to be more concerned about cases where the woman is 13 years older than her mate - but then, maybe I'm biased. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 As long as they are prepared for what will happen when they get older--my inlaws are 10 yrs apart, and now my mother in law is 'slowed down' as my father in law is aging, and the difference is becoming a bit difficult. Ah, but I guess those factors are individual too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antonius Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 For me personally, huge gaps have always been a weird thing for me. Then again I'm still 19. For my peers and myself, I get weirded out if it's more than 2 or 3 years difference. My parents are five years apart, but I wouldn't know since they're my parents. They've always been my parents since I was a kid... Now, I know this one kid and his parents are about 20 years apart. I don't know, it's just kinda weird to me, but they've been doing all kinds of things since the beginning of the world. I guess it depends on a lot of factors, which include the couple as well as the cultural norms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Socrates Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 [quote name='Antonius' date='Dec 20 2005, 05:56 PM']For me personally, huge gaps have always been a weird thing for me. Then again I'm still 19. For my peers and myself, I get weirded out if it's more than 2 or 3 years difference. My parents are five years apart, but I wouldn't know since they're my parents. They've always been my parents since I was a kid... Now, I know this one kid and his parents are about 20 years apart. I don't know, it's just kinda weird to me, but they've been doing all kinds of things since the beginning of the world. I guess it depends on a lot of factors, which include the couple as well as the cultural norms. [right][snapback]832172[/snapback][/right] [/quote] The older you get, the higher the number of years downward that seems "no big deal." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benedictaj Posted December 21, 2005 Author Share Posted December 21, 2005 [quote name='Antonius' date='Dec 21 2005, 11:56 AM']For me personally, huge gaps have always been a weird thing for me. Then again I'm still 19. For my peers and myself, I get weirded out if it's more than 2 or 3 years difference. My parents are five years apart, but I wouldn't know since they're my parents. They've always been my parents since I was a kid... Now, I know this one kid and his parents are about 20 years apart. I don't know, it's just kinda weird to me, but they've been doing all kinds of things since the beginning of the world. I guess it depends on a lot of factors, which include the couple as well as the cultural norms. [right][snapback]832172[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Same! I find the gap really big....but if its Gods Will, then it must be alright. It still seems a bit odd to me though. I guess I just need to overcome my own prejudices Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antonius Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Yes, I figured that it would seem less and less of a "big deal" after I graduate college. It's just that, when you're young, high school and gradeschool are far apart, as wel as college and high school, and even college and post-college. I would think it strange if a girl who graduated college wanted to date me... But maybe not when I'm a senior. Who cares! I'm discerning a religious vocation anyway! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benedictaj Posted December 21, 2005 Author Share Posted December 21, 2005 [quote name='Antonius' date='Dec 21 2005, 12:08 PM']Who cares! I'm discerning a religious vocation anyway! [right][snapback]832179[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Coolies!!! me too. : Come on over to the [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showforum=17"]Vocation station![/url] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luthien Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 My parents are 12 years apart in age. They've been happily married for 24 years. My 58 year old father has a 5 year old son. I swear it keeps him young. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary-Kathryn Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 [quote name='memtherose' date='Dec 20 2005, 05:54 PM']Hmmmm, what does everyone think about age differences in marriage? My friend (aged 22) recently told me that she and her boyfriend are seriously considering marrying. He is almost 13 years older than her. My first reaction was that its such a big age gap. But after thinking about it, I guess they do seem to be in love, they are both strong practising Catholics as well. They have quite a lot in common, except he has been working for how ever long, and she is starting full time work next year...(just finished university.) I think they've known each other for ages... Any thoughts? I'm a bit worried that I reacted in the wrong way when she told me. (btw - I didn't realise that they were boyfriend and girlfriend, which added to the surprise. They do a lot of churchy things together, but I'd never thought of them as a couple.) [right][snapback]832113[/snapback][/right] [/quote] My first instinct as a mother would be to ask the following: Why a 35 year old man, who has established himself professionally and grown by leaps and bounds personally, would date a young 22 year old who has yet to finish college and begin to work.... If they are making plans to marry, how old was she when they started dating? Is he looking for someone to look up to him and cling to him? Why did he decide to date someone so much younger and inexperienced in life? Has he ever dated women his own age? Is she looking for a father figure? These are the tough ones I would lay before my daughter to think about. Perhaps they are genuinely in love. But this love will have to endure a wide gap in aging, life experience, and the opportunity for her to discover her own self first. My suggestion: An in-depth discussion with a good holy priest and a long engagement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qfnol31 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 The man should be older. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Socrates Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 [quote name='Mary-Kathryn' date='Dec 20 2005, 07:01 PM']My first instinct as a mother would be to ask the following: Why a 35 year old man, who has established himself professionally and grown by leaps and bounds personally, would date a young 22 year old who has yet to finish college and begin to work.... If they are making plans to marry, how old was she when they started dating? Is he looking for someone to look up to him and cling to him? Why did he decide to date someone so much younger and inexperienced in life? Has he ever dated women his own age? Is she looking for a father figure? These are the tough ones I would lay before my daughter to think about. Perhaps they are genuinely in love. But this love will have to endure a wide gap in aging, life experience, and the opportunity for her to discover her own self first. My suggestion: An in-depth discussion with a good holy priest and a long engagement. [right][snapback]832228[/snapback][/right] [/quote] If the man has truly established himself professionally, and is doing well financially, his wife wouldn't necessarily have to work full-time (though this depends on the individual financial situation). What the woman's professional work experience has to do with anything here is rather beyond me. And in fact, the more established he is professionally and financially, the better he can afford a wife who doesn't work. (And I think the modern world considers career and money too all-important in these kinds of things.) And 22 year old women may be young, but they are hardly children. Women are generally at the peak of their physical attractiveness somewhere between 18 and 25. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luthien Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 [quote name='Mary-Kathryn' date='Dec 20 2005, 07:01 PM']My first instinct as a mother would be to ask the following: Why a 35 year old man, who has established himself professionally and grown by leaps and bounds personally, would date a young 22 year old who has yet to finish college and begin to work.... If they are making plans to marry, how old was she when they started dating? Is he looking for someone to look up to him and cling to him? Why did he decide to date someone so much younger and inexperienced in life? Has he ever dated women his own age? Is she looking for a father figure? These are the tough ones I would lay before my daughter to think about. Perhaps they are genuinely in love. But this love will have to endure a wide gap in aging, life experience, and the opportunity for her to discover her own self first. My suggestion: An in-depth discussion with a good holy priest and a long engagement. [right][snapback]832228[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Thats how my grandma felt about my Dad. I think its more of an issue of whether or not these two people desire eachothers holiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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