CARMELITE DCJ

[alicemary]

Dear Nicole,
You have been given a gift by this voc directress, she has given you her opinion, and concrete ways to make changes in your life. Yes, she was very straightforward, but would you have listened if she sugar coated it?
This particular community is heavily involved with the elderly, aren't they? Do you really feel an attraction to this line of work? You enter a community, but have to earn your keep by working and devoting yourself to the apostolate. It is not all the prayer life.
Are you preparing yourself for some future work? Are you in college, if not, why not?
This also appears to be a very strict, traditional community. Possibly you need one that is a little more liberal.
Province hopping is quite a bad idea. Far better to start over with a new community or communities. Now is your time to explore multiple communities with no strings attached.
And dear, work on the maturity issues. You are a sweetie, but very, very young. Some time in college may help quite alot to help you formulate your personality.
Remember, the fun is in the journey. Always enjoy the journey.
Alicemary

[Sixtina87]

Where do i begin???? Well first of all thanks to all who posted. Each post was helpful in its own specail way. My last post before this one was the last time i was on this phorum but this morning i called to tlak to the vd from the northern providence. Sadly, she couldnt go against what was said but sr. M. I.. I ddint realize but Sr. M. I. is the novice mistress for the northern providence!!!!!! the vd from this providence said that she was sry to me several times which its not her fault, I did what she ahs requested and it was not granted!!!! i told Sister how much i have changed as a person since my visit to the central providence. She was really impressed with that it seems!!!!! But she said she will email Sr. M. I. about the email saying that i was having concern with the email she had written. Other than that, nothing else can be done. My idea is to continue to write bothe the vd and the novice mistress both through email and snail mail, that way they both can see the 2 different sides of me through both way of writting!!!!! And i know most or a few have mentioned, community hopping, I have only visited 5 comunities (one was on retreat for the diocese but later started discerning with them) during ym discernment over a course of time which is 4 yrs. and only a few i was given a once in a lifetime chance to go see and i took it!!!! but i did mellow out for at least a yr or so, well maybe about 2 yrs!!!! i later hope to talk to the superior who was in contact with for atleast a yr or so to get her inputs!!!!! Other than that, I'm okay with it now even though it is a heart break but my heart has been mended by TEC (teens encounter christ) GO TEC 240!!!!!!!!!!!! Sry its a TEC weekend!!!!

[zabbazooey]

how have you changed in one month?

i don't think going back & forth between provinces is a good idea.

Edited November 14, 2005 by zabbazooey

[Sixtina87]

[quote name='zabbazooey' date='Nov 14 2005, 12:20 AM']how have you changed in one month?

i don't think going back & forth between provinces is a good idea.
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its jus teh little things that i have changed, I hated wearing a scapular so much that i would wear it once and it would be on the floor or in the trash the next, Now i wear it every single day!!!!!! I make rosaries during my free time, i dotn sit down and wathc tv during my free time, i make rosaries!!!!! I would enevr go up to a old person and start tlkaing to them, and now i do!!!!!! Its the littlest things that have changed me in scuha wonderful way, that i cnat explain!!!!

[Piccoli Fiori JMJ]

I think you may need to slow down a little... take some time to sit back, relax, and look at what is going on with your vocation. Are you set on applying with this community? What is it about these Carmelites that you want to enter their community so badly? What do you see as God's Will for you in this community? What happens if God wants you to remain single or get married? You seem quite bent on the religious life, and will get it any way you can... I don't want to sound mean about all this, but you really have to think about all of this, even if it is like rocks being thrown at you to juggle.

[Sixtina87]

[quote name='FutureNunJMJ' date='Nov 14 2005, 12:35 AM']I think you may need to slow down a little...  take some time to sit back, relax, and look at what is going on with your vocation.  Are you set on applying with this community?  What is it about these Carmelites that you want to enter their community so badly?  What do you see as God's Will for you in this community?  What happens if God wants you to remain single or get married?  You seem quite bent on the religious life, and will get it any way you can...  I don't want to sound mean about all this, but you really have to think about all of this, even if it is like rocks being thrown at you to juggle.
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I am slowing down. i wen to visit them to eliminate them but that didnt happen!!!! i have been wanting to see the community for 3 yrs and now i suddenyl got to go see them, in the month of October, the month of Our Lady, there has to be a reaosn why i had to wait so long to visit them. That was God's plan for em to see them now and not then!!!! I'm not going to answer those questions because of the Fact that i am still not 100% sure why i want to see them again and get another opinion. htere is something about the Carmel that i loved and I still cant point it out, besides the prayer, oh how beautiful and peaceful and oh i want to be there listening to the Sisters at prayer!!!!!! There has to be a reason why i was able to go see the Carmelites now and not then, as in 2 yrs ago!!!!!!!! I'm trying to figure out why now and not then!!!!! thats a mystery that can only be revealed in time!!!!!!!!!!!

[jiyoung]

I have a question--do you have a spiritual director? He or she might be able to help you out a lot as far as understanding your vocation. I think it's beautiful that you want so badly to give yourself to Christ completely, but perhaps you think that the only way to do so is through religious life, which would be a mistake. The most important thing is growing closer to God, whether discerning, married, religious...you should look for a spiritual director if you don't already have one. God bless.

[Guest Rick777]

[quote name='Sixtina87' date='Nov 12 2005, 09:07 PM']Okay okay, every vocaiton sotry has its up and downs, mine so happens to ahev alot of downs!!!! Sadly of course but we always hope for a better ending rather than one that can ruin relationships or what ever it may ruin. As some of you may know I absolutley LOVED my visit with the carmelites of teh divine heart of jesus. Actually i loved it too mucht ot the point i was crying when i left!!!!! but even though one vd says i'm too out going for the community, the other vd from the same community wants another opinion as well as another visit but to a different providence!!! well the one vd who wants another opinion aske dme to contact another sister to see when the best time si to visit, sadly after a couple fo weeks of waiting for an answer, she sent me this email that really really shocked and even upset me to a point that i was crying and too I'm sick so the combination doesnt help!!!!! below is the email that was sent o me by the one Sister who i had to contact to come see the community again!!!!

[color=red]Dear Nicole,

        I have read your e-mail in which you have asked to come for a visit.  Nicole, permission will not be given for a visit at this time because, as I understand, you had visited our Sisters in Kirkwood as well as other communities.  May I suggest that you settle down to a good job, and work on your maturity.  You don't really seem to know why you want to be a religious.  This may be a disappointment to you Nicole, but I feel that you are not ready for religious life.  Maybe you should take some classes in grammar; your writing is not very good -- many mistakes.  I say this to you so that you can better yourself, prepare yourself for the future.

    God bless you!

    S.M.I.[/color]

I have decided to contact first thing tomorrow, a sister who is head household that i was in contact with yrs ago, and the vd who asked me to get a second opinion and see hern providence!!!! whats your input on this???
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Though this may not be what you wanted to hear or read in your case, meditate on it. Why would this sister say this? Do I need to improve in some areas that are necessary to move on with my discernment process? Basic grammar and computer typing skills may be necessary skills. Take up some extra classes, then tell the community so they can see that you are making an effort and really just taken into consideration what they said. Im sure that they will like that because it shows some obedience on your part. Good luck and God Bless.

[jgirl]

[quote name='zabbazooey' date='Nov 13 2005, 11:20 PM']how have you changed in one month?

i don't think going back & forth between provinces is a good idea.
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It's one thing to hop between communities, but provinces of the same order is a bit different. The vocation directresses and superiors (including novices mistresses) probably know each other. In the case of the Kirkwood Carmelites, their VD probably knows Sister M. Beata because she worked for the youth ministry office, and the Carmelites usually help out with youth ministry events. Since it sounded like she told you that you were attracted to the FSGM sisters, I wouldn't be surprised if she contacted those Sisters, so all of that was probably passed through the grapevine to Wisconsin.

Community hopping is also looked down upon. It's perfectly okay to pick a few communities to check out. The problem is when you set your heart on one community, and then they turn you down. Then you go to another community and set your heart on it, and then they turn you down and so on and so on. You've been turned down by the Daughters of St. Paul, the FSGM sisters, the Sisters of Nazareth, and 2 provinces of the Carmelites--most likely for the reasons mentioned by Sister MI. From the outside, it looks like you are just trying to belong to a community, and it doesn't matter which one it is just as long as its a community.

If you think those Sisters are the ones for you, then settle down and work towards bettering yourself. You can take classes at your local community college (and they usually will have a basic English class to work out grammar kinks, and you could use that to show you are serious). You could work at the same time, and even try to get a better job than retail, like maybe a clerical job, that would offer you a more regular schedule.

And also, you should get a spiritual director. The only thing is that you need to be willing to open yourself to any suggestions he makes. If you aren't, then you will be wasting the priest's time.

Also you said:
[quote]I desire, not want to be a religious becaus eof the fact that everything is done for Christ, the work, the prayer and the dedicaiton. I desire to give myself and all to him in such a deeper and specail way that no one else in my family can give or do!!!!!! i desire to live for HIM and IN HIM!!!! [/quote]
This isn't necessarily a good motive for being a religious, but it's a good motive for living a Christian life. We are all called to do everything for Christ no matter what state of life we are in. Why do you want to give yourself in a way your family can't?

You do need to answer the questions everybody is asking you. I would advise you not to answer them on phatmass or your blog. In fact, I wouldn't advise sharing any of your vocational frustrations on the internet. You are venting--not just to us, but everybody in the world who has internet access, including Sisters who may belong to the communities you hope to enter. Their emails to you are meant for you. By posting them, they might think you aren't trying to grow, but that you're trying to prove why you should be in their order.

I will definitely pray for you and your heartbreak. It's tough, but you're young and you still have time. It's very nice to see that you are so open to the religious life, but I pray that you will be open to the married or single life as well if God is calling you there.

[alicemary]

Dear one,
If it took you a month to get used to a small scapular, how in heavens name do you think you would take to wearing a full habit?
You keep talking about EXTERNALS which you are trying to change, why not start with the INTERNAL things.
Why have you not answered about receiving further education for yourself? I think that is imperative.
And it appears to me, the sisters are saying specific things to you. By your writing different provinces and continuing to write different provinces, you are not showing the maturity they want. They are not asking you to write them via snail mail or email. They are telling you to get your education and work on yourself before thinking of entering the convent. It almost sounds like you are harrasing them, though I dearly know that is not your intention.
NO is NO, now move on. You got it from the top brass, accept it. And sharing their letter in tact with us may not have been a good idea I must agree. Don't you think many of the sisters know of this site? Look at Sr. M. Michael!
Develop yourself first. Visit other communities casually to look and see. Visiting other communities during their Look and See days is always a good thing. No need to get involved with any community at this point.
Blessings to you, and I do not say these things to hurt you, but I hate to see you barking up the wrong tree!
alicemary

[Sixtina87]

[quote name='jiyoung' date='Nov 14 2005, 02:12 AM']I have a question--do you have a spiritual director? He or she might be able to help you out a lot as far as understanding your vocation. I think it's beautiful that you want so badly to give yourself to Christ completely, but perhaps you think that the only way to do so is through religious life, which would be a mistake. The most important thing is growing closer to God, whether discerning, married, religious...you should look for a spiritual director if you don't already have one. God bless.
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Yes i do!!!! he has been saying visit the Carmelties as well, the nothern providence i mean!!!!! We already tlaked about ym first visit and he wants me to go see them in the northern area. but i havent talked to him for a few days because he has been busy!!!!!!

Edited November 14, 2005 by Sixtina87

[Sixtina87]

[quote name='jgirl' date='Nov 14 2005, 10:08 AM']It's one thing to hop between communities, but provinces of the same order is a bit different. The vocation directresses and superiors (including novices mistresses) probably know each other. In the case of the Kirkwood Carmelites, their VD probably knows Sister M. Beata because she worked for the youth ministry office, and the Carmelites usually help out with youth ministry events. Since it sounded like she told you that you were attracted to the FSGM sisters, I wouldn't be surprised if she contacted those Sisters, so all of that was probably passed through the grapevine to Wisconsin. [right][snapback]788263[/snapback][/right]
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I'M NOT HOPPING BETWEEN COMMUNITIES!!!!!!!!! Now stop saying that!!!! I know she called the vd in St. louis to see what she had to say!!!!!! No doubt about that!!!!! there was things in that email that wasnt mentioned before!!!!!!!!!!

[quote name='jgirl' date='Nov 14 2005, 10:08 AM']Community hopping is also looked down upon. It's perfectly okay to pick a few communities to check out. The problem is when you set your heart on one community, and then they turn you down. Then you go to another community and set your heart on it, and then they turn you down and so on and so on. You've been turned down by the Daughters of St. Paul, the FSGM sisters, the Sisters of Nazareth, and 2 provinces of the Carmelites--most likely for the reasons mentioned by Sister MI. From the outside, it looks like you are just trying to belong to a community, and it doesn't matter which one it is just as long as its a community.[right][snapback]788263[/snapback][/right]
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I WANST TURNED DOWN BY TEH SISTERS OF NAZARETH NOR THE NORTHERN PROVIDENCE OF CARMELITIES!!!!

[Piccoli Fiori JMJ]

[quote name='Sixtina87' date='Nov 14 2005, 02:55 PM']I'M NOT HOPPING BETWEEN COMMUNITIES!!!!!!!!!    Now stop saying that!!!! I know she called the vd in St. louis to see what she had to say!!!!!! No doubt about that!!!!! there was things in that email that wasnt mentioned before!!!!!!!!!! 
    I WANST TURNED DOWN BY TEH SISTERS OF NAZARETH NOR THE NORTHERN PROVIDENCE OF CARMELITIES!!!!
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:bugeyes: Please relax! Some of this was [i]misunderstanding[/i]. I don't know if this is real rage, but it is something to be worked on if it is. Yelling doesn't always prove to be mature... Just calm down... I hope you hear back from the Sisters soon about the situation, but just listen to what some of us have to say, they are offering wisdom from their own experiences.

Also, are you reading anything right now? Just curious.

[Guest Rick777]

Let Gods will be done.....If this is truly Gods will it will happen....I hope that is consoling, it helps me.

[Sixtina87]

[quote name='FutureNunJMJ' date='Nov 14 2005, 05:18 PM']:bugeyes: Please relax!  Some of this was [i]misunderstanding[/i].  I don't know if this is real rage, but it is something to be worked on if it is.  Yelling doesn't always prove to be mature...  Just calm down...  I hope you hear back from the Sisters soon about the situation, but just listen to what some of us have to say, they are offering wisdom from their own experiences.

Also, are you reading anything right now?  Just curious.
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no its not real rage just computer!!!!! I'm not yelling, I'm just kinda upset by that comment about the Sisters of nazareth!!!!!