Online Dating To Meet A Spouse. Good Idea?

[Frankcdnj]

Hopefully there is a woman out there that has the same mindset as me. But she may live 500 miles from me and I may meet her on the internet.

I have to be honest that I have tried a couple of online services and two were catholic. The women I found on there were Catholic by Baptism but that was as far as it went. One told me she has not set foot in a church since 8th grade and that she prays at home. And on the Catholic site a woman did not even know all of the sacraments. Plus, on the Catholic site there was a divorced woman without having had an annulment that would get married by a defrocked priest. Plus many other divorced women that were Catholic who would get remarried without an annulment.

No, why would I accept a divorced woman (without an annulment) when I have been hoping for a virtuous woman?

So, as you can see I am not to fond of internet dating for these reasons plus I know personally of horror stories.

Let me know how you feel about the idea.

Edited December 6, 2003 by Frankcdnj

[dUSt]

Maybe you should find an unvirtuous woman and make her virtuous.

[musturde]

try a Catholic Dating service that is reliable.

[Frankcdnj]

I had thought of changing the woman I meet but then I remembered this:

Men marry a woman hoping she does not change, and a woman marries a man hoping she can change him. That quote is as old as the ages.

But, no I had tried Catholic dating services. That is where I got the odd responses mentioned above.

[IXpenguin21]

i find companionship the best when i'm not looking.

being the young strapping lad that i am, my dating experience is limited, but my struggles with lonelyness at times is not.

times when i would fight with God on why i couldn't find a girl, or why girls i find don't feel the same way, or why girls that seem to be 'good' aren't Catholic and no aspirations to be, i get really focused on it.

it's not until i step back and let go of the situation when i can allow God to open my eyes to others around me and allow others to get to know me and eventualy, without me realizing it, i find a great great person to be with.

time and faith... you need them both...

good luck

[Norseman82]

I find it personally insulting that I would have to rely on a dating service to find a date when 99.99999% of the people I know did not have to. Call me "old school", but there is still a remnant of the attitude/stigma/ridicule regarding personal ads and online dating (one of which was from my old Opus Dei circle leader, so this is not a secular concept).

To be blunt, I am unwilling to be a pioneer in this matter.

[Frankcdnj]

IXpenguin21,

I am happy for you! But what I do not have is time. Everyday that passes it makes it more difficult for me to find the woman I am looking for. I would if at all possible like to meet a woman under 30 with the attributes I have mentioned in the past. If I met her today the age difference would be somewhat big but could be dealt with. Two years from now under 30 will be impossible. I know what women want and how they think from the psychology classes I have taken.

And the less chance I think I have to meet a virgin spouse the madder I get and the more determined not to lower my standards.

I worked with a Catholic woman, 27, and she told me she did it a 14. She said it was the best decision she ever made. Although if she had to do it again she would have waited until 16. This woman is still single and has had 8 partners since then.

Plus, she goes to church every Sunday. She says she feels zero guilt for her life and that she rarely ever goes with out a date for Saturday night. To top it off she is very attractive and uses her looks to her advantage. Now, I would have no interest in dating a woman like this because she does not possess self control. But according to many Catholic women I am wierd or odd for thinking this way.

I still believe what the priest told me that a virgin woman over the age of 25 is extremely rare. And I told him, jeez thanks!

So, take advantage of your youth and remember you'll get there (meaning old age) because time flys. It seems like a century ago that I was 20, and yet I find it hard to believe it went by so quick.

[jmjtina]

I have heard many good things about Ave Maria singles. There is a fee and it's only for serious Catholic people. People such as Fr. Grochel, Scott Hahn and Bud MacFarlene have backed this site up.

I'm a skeptic myself but I know someone who this worked for! B)

[Frankcdnj]

jmjtina,

Thank you, I have heard of them but there are only 8410 members in 50 states and 70 countries around the world. Plus the ratio is 50/50 men to women.

But not being a cynic, I think I need a ratio of 8 to 1, women to men. That way it will make me look better compared to my competition.

No, seriously some people do have success with online dating. But I find it will be easier for me to meet younger women willing to date me in the real world than online. And the only reason I am interested in a younger woman is for us having children. Plus, I have been told I look 8 to 10 years younger than my age which I see women tend to notice.

P.S. jmjtina, I like the way you think!

Edited December 7, 2003 by Frankcdnj

[hopeful1]

I still believe what the priest told me that a virgin woman over the age of 25 is extremely rare.  And I told him, jeez thanks!

So, take advantage of your youth and remember you'll get there (meaning old age) because time flys.  It seems like a century ago that I was 20, and yet I find it hard to believe it went by so quick.

wow...this is starting to make me depressed i think i was the only one in highschool that flew totally solo and never got a date for anything ( except for prom but that's different cuz i asked my best friend). and graduated as the only one who's never been kissed. I swear something about me just repels guys in the opposite direction, but then again considering the guys i knew back i HS it might not have been such a bad thing. It's not that i'm not attractive, i've been told by guys that i'm beautiful, but nobody ever gives me the time of day...except the guys i want to stay the farthest from :ph34r:

personally, i don't like the idea of meeting people through online services, it just seems tacky to me and as we can see, there are alot of sick people out there who pretend to be who they aren't. but on the other hand it has worked out for a lot of people too, so i guess it wouldn't hurt to try. you never know

[revolutionoflove]

Four years ago when my little sis told me to join the new Catholic online dating site (Ave Maria SCOL) I laughed at her and said, 'Yeah, right! I am not that desperate." Okay, maybe I was. The big 30 was not far off and once I made a promise to God that I would only date practicing Catholics the pool of available guys went pretty dry.

So I figured, what the heck. The Holy Spirit works in mysterious ways and I joined SCOL. A couple months later I befriended a man so far above my hopes of a holy Catholic guy that I feared he must be a convict deceiving me from his prison cell. But, alas, it was actually God answering my prayers and in three weeks Brian and I will celebrate our 4th anniversary together.

Granted I have friends on both sides of the tracks - those who are also happily married from Ave Maria SCOL and those who are STILL on there with no luck. You never know, but it doesn't hurt to try (and persevere.) If you do try online I recommend 1. forgetting the stigma; let the Holy Spirit work, particularly when he wants to squash your pride; 2. learn to take rejection - for some it takes 25 "no's" before you hit a "yes"; 3. weed through the profiles - when you do a search make sure it automatically rules out those "catholics" who don't believe church teaching; 4. don't worry too much about the photo - yeah a guy or girl may look...ahem, very "unique" but some of the best packages come in odd wrappings. Besides when you fall in love with a soul, the face/body covering it looks much more attractive than before. Plus how many real people actually look as good/bad as their photos?; 5. always keep reality in mind when conversing with a person online, they will have faults and quirks that won't immediately come up until you talk/meet in person; 6. in all cases, online or not, keep yourself busy doing God's work (more often than not mr/ms right shows up when you didn't expect it) AND most importantly, continue to develop your relationship with Christ. Perhaps you haven't found "the one" yet because God wants more one on one time with you first. Let him form you into the man/woman he desires you to be. You'll not only be doing yourself a favor by being more intimate with Christ, you'll be doing your future spouse and children a favor by helping them on the road to salvation. There's a big responsibility with falling in love and marrying and raising a family. NOW is the time to work at it and guarantee all the rest will fall into place, in God's good time. (it took me a decade to finally figure that one out!)

In any case, my prayers are with you! God's peace to you.

Bobbi

[revolutionoflove]

Oh, and one more thing (you're not rid of m yet!) I also want to encourage those of you who are still virgins. You are not alone! I have many friends who are over 25 (female AND male) who are still virgins. (I married one of them.) And RoL gets emails from catholics over 25 who admit that they are still virgins. Don't be ashamed of it! There are many, many others out there who desperately wish they still had their virginity. Cherish it. God's rewards will far outway any lie the world will feed you.

And for those of you who are "secondary" virgins, hang in there too. Your fight is even tougher but God will strengthen you. Brian and I (or Jason and Crystalina of Catholic Answers) are both examples of two people with different sexual backgrounds who gave everything to God and were blessed and shown great mercy.

Have hope, my friends!

[Frankcdnj]

Hello Bobbi & Brian,

I attempted to contact you via your contact form but is was not working and your email is not working. Anyway I wanted to tell you that you have a terrific website. Your website is a blessing for many lonely people.

Well, I am a virgin and I am older than all of you. I am glad I am a virgin but I come across Catholic women who question me as to why I am a virgin. Definitely the older you get the more difficult/challenging it becomes. So, there are that many virgins over 25 out there. That is encouraging since the numbers you read in the media are very disappointing.

Here are the prayers I have been saying for about three months including the prayer to Blessed Anna Marie Taiga. Please put them on your website. I am hoping to meet my better half and it would have been nice before the holidays. But we have to go with God's time.

Please place me on the list for your monthly newsletter.

May God Bless You Both and Bella!

Yours in Christ,

Frank

Prayer for Help in Finding a Future Spouse

Dear Heavenly Father, Who said, "It is not good that the man should be alone," I come to you asking for help to find my life partner.

I pray to You for guidance, for I am Your child, and You are my loving and heavenly Father.

As I seek to assume my place in life and fulfill my mission, I long to share my love with another, to establish a home and to raise a family.

In Your tender mercy direct me to a companion who will appreciate me and requite my love. I do not want to be alone, but would prefer to share my joys and sorrows with a beloved mate - one of my faith and my way of life.

Hear my prayer for the sake of Him who blessed marriage by His presence during His ministry on earth. Amen.

Prayer for the Wise Choice of a Marriage Partner

Glorious Saint Raphael, Patron and lover of the young, I feel the need of call­ing to you and of pleading for your help. In all confidence I open my heart to you to beg your guidance and assistance in the important task of planning my future. Obtain for me through your intercession the light of God's grace so that I may de­cide wisely concerning the person who is to be my partner through life. Angel of Happy Meetings, lead us by the hand to find each other. May all our movements be guided by your light and transfigured by your joy. As you led the young Tobias to Sara and opened up a new life of happi­ness with her to holy marriage, lead me to such a one whom in your angelic wisdom you judge best suited to be united with me in marriage.

St. Raphael, loving patron of those seeking a marriage partner, help me in this supreme decision of my life. Find for me as a helpmate in life the person whose character may reflect some of the traits of Jesus and Mary. May he (she) be upright, loyal, pure, sincere and noble, so that with united efforts and with chaste and unselfish love we both may strive to perfect ourselves in soul and body, as well as the children it may please God to entrust to our care.

St. Raphael, angel of chaste courtship, bless our friendship and our love that sin may have no part in it. May our mutual love bind us so closely that our future home may ever be most like the home of the Holy Family of Nazareth. Offer your prayers to God for the both of us and obtain the blessing of God upon our marriage, as you were the herald of blessing for the marriage of Tobiah and Sarah.

St. Raphael, friend of the young, be my friend, for I shall always be yours. I desire ever to invoke you in my needs.

To your special care I entrust the decision I am to make as to my future husband (wife). Direct me to the person with whom I can best cooperate in doing God's Holy Will, with whom I can live in peace, love and harmony in this life, and attain to eternal joy in the next. Amen.

In honor of St. Raphael: Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be.

Prayer for Seeking a Marriage Mate

Lord, You said that it is not good for us to be alone. You made us for each other. But Lord, I find it so hard to find that mate who would be a good spouse. Help me, Lord, to put this yearning for marriage in its proper place. Lead me, Lord, to the one whom You choose for my spouse. While I wait for You to reveal Your Will in this matter, help me to know myself better. Help me to address those areas of my life which are disordered and which would interfere with my having a successful marriage. When my desire to find a spouse becomes all consuming, help me to relax and practice patience. Help me to invest in wholesome friendships which bring me closer to You and which will assist me in making such an important decision. It is so natural, Lord, to seek love. Teach me to seek You first and to learn to give love before I try to receive it. Help me to remember that whatever journey this life leads me on, You are always present, always offering companionship, and always filling my deepest need. I offer You, Lord, my loneliness and my longing for marriage. I wait for You to lead me to Your perfect Will for me in this and all things. Amen.

[Frankcdnj]

Does anyone know if Bobbi and Brian got my last post?

[traichuoi]

Frank,

It's great that you hold such high standards. I want to reaffirm Bobbi's statement that there are many virtuous women out there...if anyone said there weren't they would be discounting hundreds of women i know by name who are virtuous.

do know that there are virtuous women who are secondary virgins. i think your focus on just a virgin may be judgmental on others who have made a mistake and are now advocates of chastity and abstinence till marriage...in other words, you are shutting out a group of women who have learned a great value of chastity.

i'm gonna repeat what penguin said earlier...faith and TIME. and in the sense of time i mean two things. 1. are you using this time of single hood to fulfill your call to a single life (meaning, are you taking this time that God has given you and called you to be a single person to focus on yourself. taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually? if God is giving you time to be single, it is a gift...often times we neglect ourselves and want to get into a relationship to give and take when we haven't given and taken with ourselves. fulfill what God is calling you to now...singlehood...because it is only when we fulfill what He calls us to now that He will show us what we are called to next.)

2. the second meaning with time is just being patient with God's time. this takes alot of faith and hope...offer it up in prayer.

Procedamus in pace in nomine Christi. Amen

Proceed in peace in the name of Christ. Amen