Dating during discerning?

[daugher-of-Mary]

For me, dating was a very necessary part of discerning religious life. Only when I discovered that I am loved and saw the incredible sacrifices the young man made to prove his love did I begin to understand the spousal love of Christ. That being said, I'm not sure what God is calling me to! I think if you are uncertain, and God brings someone into your life who wants to help you grow in holiness, dating can be a very beautiful experience. I couldn't see dating if I was certain that God was calling me to religious life though. Basically, I think relationships ought to be approached with a great deal of prayer..not entered into casually. Also, boundaries are very important. The young man I've been seeing won't touch me (no hugs, no hand holding, etc.) because in his mind, I belong exclusively to Christ until and unless God directs us both to marriage. I'm so grateful! Similarly, I hold no claim on him. He is Christ's! This kind of relationship has been such a gift, because it really has given me a chance to know him as a person and as a brother in Christ.

[suuran]

This might help...Sr. Raffaella of the Apostles of the Interior Life (my spiritual director! w00t!) did a lecture on friendship and dating, which you can listen to at www.stpaulscc.org (click on audio, and you'll get a list of lectures from the sisters). She thinks that you shouldn't date unless you have discerned a call to the married life, which is every bit as real as a call to the religious life.

My opinion can be summarized as: Don't play games with a man's heart (or a woman's, for you priestly discerners out there). If there's a high likelihood of you dumping him to head off to the convent, it's just not fair to get involved with him until you've decided against being a nun and have decided that God wants you to get married.

[suuran]

It's dead, Jim. And I killed it.