University Dating

[Aloysius]

I qualify it by saying as soon as possible (maybe I should say as soon as reasonable)

when people begin to have sexual urges and be sexually/reproductively capable, it makes no sense to forbid them from sex for 10-15 years. that is my point.

when raised correctly, people should be mentally, spiritually, and physically mature enough to take on marriage and around 16-20. Those aren't concrete numbers, like if you go past 20 without marrying I'm not condemning you as an old maid.. just sayin that's around the time when people should be ready.

no, six year olds should not get married.

[photosynthesis]

[quote name='Aloysius' date='Oct 25 2005, 02:11 PM']when raised correctly, people should be mentally, spiritually, and physically mature enough to take on marriage and around 16-20.  Those aren't concrete numbers, like if you go past 20 without marrying I'm not condemning you as an old maid.. just sayin that's around the time when people should be ready.

no, six year olds should not get married.
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I said, eight year olds, not six year olds.

Unfortunately, I don't think most people in this country are in fact mature enough at so young an age. Most children are not being "raised correctly." I don't even think I'm emotionally ready to get married, and I'm 22.

If I were a mother, and my child ran off and got married at 16, you'd better believe I'd be furious.

[Aloysius]

well, if they RAN OFF and got married, sure, so would I.

that's true, a lot of people are not raised to be ready when they should be. but it is a wise society that prepares youth to be ready to marry early and supports them in that.

[Socrates]

[quote name='photosynthesis' date='Oct 25 2005, 01:04 PM']I don't think feelings are the best guage of morality.  Often, people do things and it "feels" right to them, but it can still be morally wrong.  To me, the idea of waiting until a person is done with school is absurd. 

[CLIP]
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From my experiences in college, I would say there is absolutely nothing unreasonable about waiting until graduation for college to get married. In most cases, I would say that is the more reasonable option (barring an "emergency" situation.) This way, the two people can focus on the rigors of finishing their education before beginning married life.

There is no reason why anyone should not be able to wait a couple years before getting hitched. Two or three years is hardly a huge expanse of one's life. If one is absolutely unable to exercise the discipline to wait this amount of time, it is dubious he or she has the psychological maturity for marriage! I personally think some time apart for discernment is a wise idea.
And despite what it may seem to the 19-year-old, one is hardly a wizened over-the-hill Methuseleh at age 22!

While I'm sick of this whole debate from that "12-year-old marriage" thread, I'll just say that both the idea that people should wait until mid-thirties or so to marry and the idea that people should rush into marriage as soon as they possibly can are wrong-headed.

[Aloysius]

obviously it depends on the individual, but I have a bigger picture in mind-- how a society should prepare its children and how parents should raise their children. they should be raised to be ready close to the time it is evident by natural law they should be ready. societies that prolong it foster cultures of sexual promiscuity and sexual immaturity, observable from the decline of sexual morality through 20th century western culture.

[photosynthesis]

[quote name='Socrates' date='Oct 25 2005, 10:54 PM']From my experiences in college, I would say there is absolutely nothing unreasonable about waiting until graduation for college to get married.  In most cases, I would say that is the more reasonable option (barring an "emergency" situation.)  This way, the two people can focus on the rigors of finishing their education before beginning married life.

There is no reason why anyone should not be able to wait a couple years before getting hitched.  Two or three years is hardly a huge expanse of one's life.  If one is absolutely unable to exercise the discipline to wait this amount of time, it is dubious he or she has the psychological maturity for marriage!  I personally think some time apart for discernment is a wise idea.
And despite what it may seem to the 19-year-old, one is hardly a wizened over-the-hill Methuseleh at age 22!

While I'm sick of this whole debate from that "12-year-old marriage" thread, I'll just say that both the idea that people should wait until mid-thirties or so to marry and the idea that people should rush into marriage as soon as they possibly can are wrong-headed.
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I do see your point. As they say, abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. I think most of my friends who have 4-5 year engagements are afraid of true commitment. Some of them are not being chaste, either.

I don't see any reason why being in college is so stressful that it would be an impediment to marriage. While on one hand, being on your own for 4 years is a good thing because it helps people discover their identity and learn to live on their own. On the other hand, I've seen college students in healthy marriages during their college years. However, most of them are Orthodox Jews so they have a shared system of morality to guide them, and I think that's essential for a healthy marriage.