sexual question

[Guest Guest]

hey,

have i still committed a grave sin if i started masturbating but then changed my mind and stopped before ejaculation?

[Laudate_Dominum]

Here was my response to that exact question almost two years ago:

[quote name='Laudate_Dominum' date='Jan 20 2004, 06:30 PM']Any willful sexual arousal or stimulation outside of the marriage act is a sin against chastity. Climax is not necessary for an act to be masturbation. "Deliberate stimulation of the sexual organs to achieve sexual pleasure" is the definition of masturbation. That is why it is important to resist the first movements of the temptation and not dabble with it by trying to skate the line and indulge one's lusts hoping to avoid a complete fall. That is a sin of not avoiding the occasion of sin. And as St. Francis de Sales says, "when tempted, do not fight but flee!". It can be hard to flee the temptation to masturbate if you are comfortably in bed, perhaps half asleep or something, or in the shower and "it just happens". But God always gives sufficient grace to resist our temptations. Try to develop the habit of getting out of bed as soon as your alarm goes off. If you think you might be tempted to go at it in the shower, take a cold shower and make it quick, if pornography is an issue, get rid of it and distance yourself from it's occasions as much as is possible. I cannot assess the gravity of the sin based on the information you provided. Was it a mortal sin? Sexual sins are always grave matter, that's the first condition of a mortal sin. But there other conditions as well, here is a quote from the catechism that may help you grasp the state of your soul:
"To form an equitable judgment about the subjects' moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that lessen or even extenuate moral culpability."
I would say that you should not stress about it. Since stress and anxiety often contribute to the desire to masturbate stressing over it will only make the problem worse. Be at peace knowing that God's love and mercy are infinitely greater than your sin, and be assured that your desire for holiness, no matter how feeble it may be, is pleasing to Jesus and He will lift you up from this pit in due time. Such trials are often the effect of past sins and can be helpful in giving humility and compassion for others with sex struggles. God will bring good out of this. All things work for good for those who love God. Keep fighting the fight my friend, it will no doubt end. Because sexual sins are grave matter I would err on the side of mortal sin just because you don't want to risk falling into a moral laxity about the issue, and also because you don't want to take chances with receiving Communion unworthily. Go to confession as soon as possible and pray. Consecrate your sexuality and your whole being to the Refuge of Sinners, Mary Immaculate, who will keep you faithfully under Her mantle. Never despair! When the devil presents temptations he always tells you that God is merciful, you can just confess later. But after you've fallen he will tell you that God is just and that you are never going to conquer your sins, you are damned. These are deceptions. First off, God is truly merciful but a person who commits a sin intending to repent later is no penitent but a mocker of God, and Scripture says "God will not be mocked". And as Our Lady said, "He has mercy on those who fear Him." Who can willfully sin before God and then demand Heaven? You are clearly not a hardened sinner so do not despair, but put the devil in his place when he seeks to deceive you with his same old bag of tricks! Let God's love be your strength and His faithfulness your shield. As long as you keep returning to Him like the prodigal son, seeking to be pleasing to Him, you will be received with the love and tenderness of a most loving Father.
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I would only like to add that there is some redemptive value in stopping before climax. By doing this you have already shown repentance. But non-climactic auto-erotic behaviour is nonetheless grave matter. I would say that this stopping in the middle thing might be a sign of a lack of full-consent, but I would still suggest sacramental confession before receiving Communion. This is a good general rule for anything dealing with grave matter; it will help one avoid playing head games with the full consent / full knowledge criteria of mortal sin by which a person can become somewhat indifferent to serious sin and risk receiving unworthily.

God bless you.