avoiding scandal

[photosynthesis]

I've been wondering about what appropriate boundaries are for priests and laypeople.

There are situations in which priests that I've been working with have invited me out to lunch to discuss campus ministry (I'm a college student + in charge of catholic campus ministry). I don't have a car, so they would pick me up, take me out to lunch, and drive me home.

I'm a female, and I'll start out with saying that I wouldn't ever EVER ever ever ever (ever times infinity) be interested in having relationships with priests, because that is morally wrong. And since these priests are good priests, they are committed to living out the vows that they have made. Yay for keeping vows!

However, I am concerned about maintaining boundaries and avoiding scandal, especially after that episode that happened with the pastor at St. Patrick's cathedral in New York City. It might be odd to see a priest and a woman alone in a car, or in a restaurant, or some other ordinary place. People might think something immoral is going on, even if the relationship is pure and platonic.

However, if I were male, it wouldn't really matter at all.

Are there any guidelines that the Church has already set in terms of priests and their relationships with laypeople (specifically laywomen)? I'm talking about pure and platonic relationships, and not romantic/sexual relationships.

Edited September 9, 2005 by photosynthesis

[Aloysius]

I don't think we are required to forego perfectly innocent actions for the sake of scandal-mongers. yes, avoid making scandal for normal people, but scandal-mongers such as those that would read something into that are beneath us.

in our current societatle mood, nearly all secular people and even some religious people have become scandal-mongers in regards to priests. don't let them dictate how you treat your priest, or we'll have a bunch of really lonely sad priests who can't get anything done because everyone is shunning them for fear of scandal.

[Era Might]

If you were male, it might provide more scandal. Such are the times we live in.

Just about a month or two before the scandal erupted in 2002, I went to lunch with my parish priest to talk about my visit to the Seminary and my vocation. We went in his car. No big deal.

If that were a few months later, we probably wouldn't have been able to go (I was 15 at the time). It's unfortunate, but, like I said, these are the times we live in.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

I would advice doing public activities with priests in groups. Really, though, the priest should know how to handle that, so I wouldn't worry too much.

[Socrates]

Photosynthesis, I think you're worrying way too much about this.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with riding in a car, eating lunch, etc. with a priest.
If nothing "romantic" is going on, then there should be no worry.

I'd say the guideline would be to feel free to do anything with the priest that you would do with your own father.

Of course, the dirty-minded and gossips and scandalmongerers will try to read something scandalous into everything, and it's best not to worry about such people.

And seriously, I think too many girls worry way too much about this kind of thing in general, being unfriendly and avoiding the most casual contact with any guys they don't want to be in a "relationship" with, for fear of what others might say or think.

Edited September 9, 2005 by Socrates

[photosynthesis]

i suppose so... i know so many girls that think it is evil to be seen alone with a guy. it is really annoying and i totally see where you are coming from.

I personally have no problem with eating lunch / riding in a car with a priest provided that the relationship is pure, but one of my friends was really disturbed when i told her i went to lunch with a priest-friend and it got me thinking...

[Birgitta Noel]

I can understand your concern, but I think that you are wise to heed the advice of those who posted above!

People will think whatever they want. You can't control that!

[jezic]

i would not say there is no worry.

Living at a seminary, we have already talked about that type of thing several times. People are so ready to cry scandal.

it is a sad state we live in today.

One must be very careful, even something like riding in a car will give some people bad ideas.

I would simply pray about it, priests and laypeople can't stop interacting and going out for lunch should really mean nothing. Just try to be careful.

There is a story that is told around here about a priest who went over to a grieving woman's house. her husband had died. She needed to get out of the house, so they went out for lunch.
She was hurting, so he held her hand just for a little bit to comfort her. That turned out to be to much for some though. The entire restaurant turned to look at them.

Someone saw it and went nuts and wanted the priest excommunicated.

I don't think that story is far off from what could happen, but i would hope and pray that it never happens to anyone.