Guys MUST apply here....

[Socrates]

1. NAME Socrates DATE OF BIRTH ca. 470 B.C.

2. HEIGHT 5'11'_ WEIGHT 200 lbs_ I.Q 210G.P.A 5.00

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # ##### DRIVERS LICENSE #licensed to drive donkeys

4. BOY SCOUT RANK_______ ?????

5. HOME ADDRESS Where I lay my head is home! CITY/STATE Athens, Greece

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?_What other number and sex of parents would I have? If No., EXPLAIN ___________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married _ca. 2480

8. Do you own a van? no A truck with oversized tires? No, only the sandals on my feet A waterbed? I sleep on the earth. Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? No A tattoo no - but I do have a long, luxuriant white beard.(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?____ This is a difficult question, and cannot be adequately addressede in the space allotted. We must first discuss the meaning and nature of Time itself.__

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? __I presume in means touching in a carnal sense, rather than simple bodily contact. Of course, my relation with her would be Socratic, rather than Platonic in nature.

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? It would mean to abstain, or not perform any action. This leads to questions regrding the nature of "act" and "change"

12. Church you attend ___I teach in the phorums of Athens, worhipping not in the temples of the gods. How often do you attend __Daily

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? _The have passed on to the World of Forms.

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is The heart
B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my __Right big toe

c) A woman's place is in the warmth of my Socratic embrace

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is corrupting the youth of Athens.

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her __Truth and Actuality

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _To continue my life as a wandering sage.

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

______ ________________ Signature ( That means your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back)

[FlyLikeABird]

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME [color=BLUE]Jesus of Nazareth[/color] DATE OF BIRTH [color=BLUE]December 25, 4 B.C. (The monk got it wrong ok?)[/color]

2. HEIGHT [color=BLUE]See “man’s image” WEIGHT [COLOR=BLUE]see “man’s image” [/color]I.Q [color=BLUE]Infinite[/color] G.P.A. [color=BLUE]And God saw that it was Very good.[/color]

3. SOCIAL SECURITY [color=BLUE]Alpha and Omega[/color] DRIVERS LICENSE # [color=BLUE]Riding on a cloud[/color]

4. BOY SCOUT RANK [color=BLUE]Creator and Master of the Universe[/color]

5. HOME ADDRESS [color=BLUE]Heaven [/color]CITY/STATE [color=BLUE]Throne[/color] ZIP [color=BLUE]and Earth[/color]

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? [color=BLUE]No [/color]If No., EXPLAIN [color=BLUE]I have one Virgin Mother and an Earthly Father, aswell as my Heavenly Father, who is yours also.[/color]

7. Number of years your parents have been married [color=BLUE]Since before I was born.[/color]

8. Do you own a van? [color=BLUE]Yes[/color] A truck with oversized tires? [color=BLUE]Yes[/color] A waterbed? [color=BLUE]Yes[/color] Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo [color=BLUE]Yes, Actually they’re nail marks. [/color](If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )[color=BLUE] What do you expect I created everything![/color]

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? [color=BLUE]I am always on time. I can stop it if I wish to.[/color]

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? [color=BLUE]I will only touch her heart.[/color]

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? [color=BLUE]I died not having done any wrong.[/color]

12. Church you attend [color=BLUE]All. [/color]How often do you attend [color=BLUE]I’m there all the time[/color]

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister?[color=BLUE] Anytime, He’s always available.[/color]

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is [color=BLUE]I’ve already had every place on me wounded so it wouldn’t make much difference.[/color]

B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is [color=BLUE]my baby toe I suppose but again I’ve been wounded and killed for your sake so it’s not a problem.[/color]

c) A woman's place is in [color=BLUE]the convent or in a marriage OR serving me as a single woman who is celibate.[/color]

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is [color=BLUE]how I feel about your sins.[/color]

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her [color=BLUE]devotion.[/color]

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?[color=BLUE] I grew up on earth as a carpenter, now I’m the Almighty.[/color]

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

Signature ( That means your name, moron)

[Christie_M]

lol chikidee

[FlyLikeABird]

You likee?

[Christie_M]

cooly. lol

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='VoloHumilisEsse' date='Aug 30 2005, 06:38 PM']what if we are already in a relationship?
[right][snapback]705610[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]
fill it out anyway we just might get to know you a lil better

[azaelia]

[quote name='hugheyforlife' date='Aug 30 2005, 05:43 PM']i wanna see the girl application.
[right][snapback]705406[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]

I totally want to see that one.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Catholictothecore' date='Aug 30 2005, 07:55 PM']Cause its obviously a joke. I mean, a lot of it is good, but I would hope any girl I dated's parents would not need an aplication to know that I'd respect their child.
For some people, however, the practice is entirely understandable.
[right][snapback]705640[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]

My son's Boy Scout leader gave this to him when he wanted to date his daughter. I in turn gave it out to his son when he wanted to take out my daughter. :

Since both boys still have all limbs still attached it worked out well.

Edited August 31, 2005 by cmotherofpirl

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='FlyLikeABird' date='Aug 30 2005, 08:12 PM']APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME  [color=BLUE]Jesus of Nazareth[/color] DATE OF BIRTH  [color=BLUE]December 25, 4 B.C. (The monk got it wrong ok?)[/color]

2. HEIGHT [color=BLUE]See “man’s image” WEIGHT [COLOR=BLUE]see “man’s image” [/color]I.Q [color=BLUE]Infinite[/color] G.P.A. [color=BLUE]And God saw that it was Very good.[/color]

3. SOCIAL SECURITY [color=BLUE]Alpha and Omega[/color] DRIVERS LICENSE # [color=BLUE]Riding on a cloud[/color]

4. BOY SCOUT RANK [color=BLUE]Creator and Master of the Universe[/color]

5. HOME ADDRESS [color=BLUE]Heaven [/color]CITY/STATE [color=BLUE]Throne[/color] ZIP [color=BLUE]and Earth[/color]

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? [color=BLUE]No [/color]If No., EXPLAIN  [color=BLUE]I have one Virgin Mother and an Earthly Father, aswell as my Heavenly Father, who is yours also.[/color]

7. Number of years your parents have been married [color=BLUE]Since before I was born.[/color]

8. Do you own a van? [color=BLUE]Yes[/color] A truck with oversized tires? [color=BLUE]Yes[/color] A waterbed? [color=BLUE]Yes[/color] Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo [color=BLUE]Yes, Actually they’re nail marks. [/color](If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )[color=BLUE] What do you expect I created everything![/color]

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? [color=BLUE]I am always on time. I can stop it if I wish to.[/color]

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? [color=BLUE]I will only touch her heart.[/color]

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? [color=BLUE]I died not having done any wrong.[/color]

12. Church you attend [color=BLUE]All. [/color]How often do you attend [color=BLUE]I’m there all the time[/color]

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister?[color=BLUE] Anytime, He’s always available.[/color]

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is [color=BLUE]I’ve already had every place on me wounded so it wouldn’t make much difference.[/color]

B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is [color=BLUE]my baby toe I suppose but again I’ve been wounded and killed for your sake so it’s not a problem.[/color]

c) A woman's place is in [color=BLUE]the convent or in a marriage OR serving me as a single woman who is celibate.[/color]

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is [color=BLUE]how I feel about your sins.[/color]

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her [color=BLUE]devotion.[/color]

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?[color=BLUE] I grew up on earth as a carpenter, now I’m the Almighty.[/color]

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

Signature ( That means your name, moron)
[right][snapback]705659[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]

[oakleyswitch]

is there an application to date you?

[argent_paladin]

Seriously, I would certainly welcome any pms from young faithful catholic women of marrying age, who have discerned married life and motherhood (and a call to poverty).

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME Zachary Foreman DATE OF BIRTH _____5/22/75___

2. HEIGHT _6'1"__ WEIGHT _240_ I.Q _142_ G.P.A._4.29/3.29/3.6

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # ____ ____ DRIVERS LICENSE # ____ _______

4. BOY SCOUT RANK, Eagle Scout, Honor Scout, Assistant Scoutmaster

5. HOME ADDRESS _____ ________ CITY/STATE ____ ___ ZIP _____

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?__yes_ ________ If No., EXPLAIN ___________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married ___32______

8. Do you own a van? _no__ A truck with oversized tires? _no__ A waterbed? _no___ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo__no_ _______ (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?____ ________________ It depends on the situation. I assume from this context that you mean, what time should I return your daughter to her house. Since she would be between 19 and 27 if she were dating me, I would say that midnight would be LATE and 10 would be appropriate on a first date that started at around 7.
10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ____I would say it means anything more than holding hands and a goodnight hug would be inappropriate. I don't plan on kissing until I am engaged, if that makes you feel better.___

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? ______As a Dominican seminarian for four years, I can assure you that I know quite well what it means. Details can be provided._____________

12. Church you attend _Our Lady of Mt. Carmel__ How often do you attend Holy days of obligation______

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? __anytime___

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is ___ __my spine or brain

B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my __a vertebra above C6___

c) A woman's place is in the _loving, joyful embrace of her husband, the father of her many children (or in a habit)

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ____ _my employment status___

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her _eyes or smile_______

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _Seminary professor in philosophy (hence, the vocation to poverty)_____

[Frankencow]

1. NAME _Mike Miller_ DATE OF BIRTH _June 1st 1984_

2. HEIGHT _5'10"_ WEIGHT _148 lbs_ I.Q _around 120_ G.P.A._2.9_

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _private_ DRIVERS LICENSE # _private_

4. BOY SCOUT RANK_cub scout (parents pulled me)_

5. HOME ADDRESS _1607 Robinson Road, HH 225_ CITY/STATE _Grand Rapids_ MI ZIP _49506_

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?__Yup_ If No., EXPLAIN ___________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married _19_

8. Do you own a van? _No_ A truck with oversized tires? _No_ A waterbed? __ No_ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? no A tattoo_no_ _______ (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?__Death by strangling______________

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? _Hands off approach_

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? _Waiting until marriage no matter what_

12. Church you attend _St. Francis Xavier_ How often do you attend __1-2 times per week_

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? _Sundays_

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is _brain_

B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my _skull_

c) A woman's place is in the _world but not of it_

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _my anime plushies_

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her _face_

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _A husband with about a dozen kids_

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_Michael Miller_ Signature ( That means your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back)

So yeah...email me sometime! Edited September 6, 2005 by Frankencow

[Didacus]

[quote name='FlyLikeABird' date='Aug 30 2005, 07:12 PM'][snip].

Signature ( That means your name, moron)
[right][snapback]705659[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]

I thiknk the fish as a sig is a nice little touch.

well done...

(Does God really really really have a sense a humor.... Oh God I hope so....)

[ReinnieR]

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME [u]Reinnier Klyde Tiamzon[/u] DATE OF BIRTH [u]5 July 1983[/u]

2. HEIGHT [u]5'6 [/u] WEIGHT [u]112[/u] I.Q [u]above average [/u] G.P.A.__ __

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # [u]xxx-xx-9051 [/u]DRIVERS LICENSE #[u] T#### ##### 07832
[/u]
4. BOY SCOUT RANK [u]Life [/u] My Current Air Force rank is [u]SrA (Senior Airman)[/u]

5. HOME ADDRESS [u]Bldg. 335 604 South 1st Street Unit 1209 [/u] CITY/STATE [u]Altus AFB[/u] [u]OK[/u] ZIP 7[u]3523-5127[/u]

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?_[u]yes[/u]_ If No., EXPLAIN ___________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married [u]if they still are it'd be 22 years
[/u]
8. Do you own a van? __ __ A truck with oversized tires? __ __ A waterbed? __ ___ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo_____ _______ (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? [u]dead[/u]
10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? [u]not until marriage?[/u]

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? [u]not eating meat on fridays and not having sex till marriage[/u]

12. Church you attend [u]Prince of Peace Catholic Church[/u] How often do you attend [u]every holy day of obligation[/u]

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? [u]whenever you're free[/u]

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is [u]my eyes[/u]

B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my [u]skull[/u]

c) A woman's place is in [u]my arms [/u]

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is [u]my virginity [/u]

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her [u]Breast[/u]

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? [u]i wanna be just like cmom[/u]

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

[u]Tiamzon, Reinnier K SrA USAF[/u]Signature ( That means your name, moron

[ReinnieR]

does your daughter like men in a uniform??