Guys MUST apply here....

[popestpiusx]

I would fail on the tattoo question. But since I am married with two kids and one on the way I guess that does not matter much now.

I think I would include a question about firearm proficiency as well.

[CD2008]

im soooo gunna make one of these for my younger sisters!
i have two of them lol

-Chris

[phatcatholic]

i aint skerrrrred

1. NAME: Nicholas Joseph Hardesty_____DATE OF BIRTH: 5-14-80

2. HEIGHT: 6'0"_____WEIGHT: 135_____ I.Q: I don't know, but I speculate that it is two standard deviations from the mean_____ G.P.A.: High School: 3.5, Undergrad: 3.76, Grad: 3.9

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # and DRIVERS LICENSE #: I'll pm you

4. BOY SCOUT RANK: Webelos (highest cub scout rank, I participated when i was a young lad)

5. HOME ADDRESS: I'll pm you _____CITY/STATE: Louisville, KY_____ZIP: 40207

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? Yes

7. Number of years your parents have been married: 27

8. Do you own a van? No_____A truck with oversized tires? No_____ A waterbed? No_____ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? No

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? Not being precisely on time

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? It means envisioning that our Blessed Mother is with us whenever I am with her.

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? See answer to #10

12. Church you attend: Holy Spirit parish_____How often do you attend: Weekly

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? Whenever you like

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is: my brain.

B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: skull

c) A woman's place is in the: deepest recesses of my heart

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: my insecurities

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her: talents? aspirations? (do i still have to slither away? )

seriously tho, it is her warmth, how open she is to having my company.

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? a teacher, counselor, and theologian

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

Nicholas Joseph Hardesty_____Signature ( That means your name, moron)

[Laudate_Dominum]

*nods*

Amen phatcatholic. *continues nodding*

[infinitelord1]

1. NAME ____ __________ mattthewDATE OF BIRTH ________1983

2. HEIGHT ____________ WEIGHT ________ I.Q __ ___121 G.P.A.__ 84/100__

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # ____ ____ DRIVERS LICENSE # ____ _______

4. BOY SCOUT RANK_______ ________________cant remember

5. HOME ADDRESS _____ ________ CITY/STATE ____ ___ ZIP _____

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?______ ________ If No., EXPLAIN yes___________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married _______________9

8. Do you own a van? __ __ A truck with oversized tires? __ __ A waterbed? __ ___ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo_____ _______ (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )91 oldsmobile cutlass

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?____ ________________ 5 min_______________________________________________________________________

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ____.__________dont touch her in a sexual way

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? ____________ ______________________you should be thinking with the bigger head

12. Church you attend _________ How often do you attend ____ _______st. anthony's/ sometimes

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? ________when they were both in the state of texas

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is ___ ____my middle finger...........joke.........prolly my head.

B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ___________my bone that protects my oversized brain

c) A woman's place is in the ________ _______________kitchen/home

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ____ ______occupation

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her _____ _______i am not necassarily attracted to females.........lol............probably her face and personallity.

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _________ a father who questions his daughters dates.

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

______ ________________ Signature ( That means your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back)



does it really matter how tall, strong, or how heavy these candidates are?
would you use my social security number if i were to post it?

[infinitelord1]

1. NAME ____ __________ mattthewDATE OF BIRTH ________1983

2. HEIGHT ____________ WEIGHT ________ I.Q __ ___121 G.P.A.__ 84/100__

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # ____ ____ DRIVERS LICENSE # ____ _______

4. BOY SCOUT RANK_______ ________________cant remember

5. HOME ADDRESS _____ ________ CITY/STATE ____ ___ ZIP _____

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?______ ________ If No., EXPLAIN yes___________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married _______________9

8. Do you own a van? __ __ A truck with oversized tires? __ __ A waterbed? __ ___ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo_____ _______ (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )91 oldsmobile cutlass

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?____ ________________ 5 min_______________________________________________________________________

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ____.__________dont touch her in a sexual way

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? ____________ ______________________you should be thinking with the bigger head

12. Church you attend _________ How often do you attend ____ _______st. anthony's/ sometimes

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? ________when they were both in the state of texas

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is ___ ____my middle finger...........joke.........prolly my head.

B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ___________my bone that protects my oversized brain

c) A woman's place is in the ________ _______________kitchen/home

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ____ ______occupation

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her _____ _______i am not necassarily attracted to females.........lol............probably her face and personallity.

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _________ a father who questions his daughters dates.

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

______ ________________ Signature ( That means your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back)



does it really matter how tall, strong, or how heavy these candidates are?
would you use my social security number if i were to post it?

[Laudate_Dominum]

hehehe, good answers.

[raptor13]

hey what pray tell, is so wrong with owning a van?

o and do mini-vans count too?

cuz uh... thats what my "friend" drives

[ardillacid]

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME ____ __Ardilacid________ DATE OF BIRTH ____sept 5 87____

2. HEIGHT _6 foot?__________ WEIGHT __170?_____ I.Q _250 ___ G.P.A._perfect_ __

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # ____ ____ DRIVERS LICENSE # __i dont know, but i'm sure the cops have it memorized by now__ _______

4. BOY SCOUT RANK_______ _none_______________

5. HOME ADDRESS ___any tree i can find__ ________ CITY/STATE ___savage MN_ ___ ZIP _____

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?____yes__ ________ If No., EXPLAIN ___________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married _____a looooooong time like 30 years or something__________

8. Do you own a van? _ni_ __ A truck with oversized tires? _no_ __ A waterbed? __no ___ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo____no_ _______ (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?____ _____late means 1 in the morning or an hour___________ _______________________________________________________________________

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ____the answer is contained in your question.__________

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? _______abstain from something i guess_____ ______________________

12. Church you attend __st nicholas_______ How often do you attend __all the time__ _______

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? _never_______

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is ___brain ____

B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ___humurus________

c) A woman's place is in the ______biblioteca de gatos__ _______________

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is __there is more than one thing__ ______

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her ___outward beuaty__ _______

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _a billionaire________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

i so promise i guess

[Thy Geekdom Come]

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME [u] Micah J. J. R. Murphy [/u] DATE OF BIRTH [u]10/26/1984[/u]

2. HEIGHT [u]5' 8"[/u] WEIGHT [u]165 lbs.[/u] I.Q [u]114[/u] G.P.A. [u]4.0 (gotta love a clean slate at a new school)[/u]

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # [u]Not tellin' [/u] DRIVERS LICENSE # [u]N/A[/u]

4. BOY SCOUT RANK [u]Cub Scout[/u]

5. HOME ADDRESS [u]St. Francis Hall, FUS [/u]CITY/STATE [u]Steubenville/OH[/u] ZIP [u]43952[/u]

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? [u]Yes.[/u] If No., EXPLAIN ___________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married [u]31[/u]

8. Do you own a van? [u]No.[/u] A truck with oversized tires? [u]No.[/u] A waterbed? [u]No.[/u] Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo[u]No.[/u] (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? [u]Late-adj.-"even a moment after a date's parents request return."[/u]

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? [u]Is bowing and kissing her hand touching?[/u]

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? [u]It means "no lusty"[/u]

12. Church you attend [u]St. Peter's/Christ the King[/u] How often do you attend [u]Daily[/u]

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? [u]At your convenience.[/u]

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is [u]my heart, head, or anything I will be needing to glorify God through theology of the body.[/u]

B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my [u]neck[/u]

c) A woman's place is [s]in the[/s] [u]wherever God leads her in order the better to love Him, in accordance with her personal discernment and the guidance of the Universal Magisterium.[/u]

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is [u]N/A[/u]

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her [u]smile[/u]

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? [u]Be a good and loving husband with a steady job and a consistent faith life. [/u]

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

[u]Micah J. Murphy[/u] Signature ( That means your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back)

[scardella]

What the heck!

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME ___Steve_____ DATE OF BIRTH _8/1981__

2. HEIGHT 5'6"__ WEIGHT 165___ I.Q smart__ G.P.A. last 3.94

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _got one__ DRIVERS LICENSE # _got one___

4. BOY SCOUT RANK__don't quite remember_____

5. HOME ADDRESS _____ ________ CITY/STATE _New Orleans_

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?_Yup_ If No., EXPLAIN ___________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married __way longer than i've been alive___

8. Do you own a van? _nope!_ A truck with oversized tires? _sorry!_ A waterbed? _nope_ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo_no, but if I did, it would tell everyone I loved my mom_ (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?___
approx 5 min___ _______________

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? invitation to tickle, but nothing more!

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? __
Refraining from meat on fridays of Lent. If you're talking about intercourse, then nothing you wouldn't do in public until marriage.

12. Church you attend _various Catholic ones_ How often do you attend _daily

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? _evening__

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)

a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is ___ ____ma brain....

B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ___________neck bones

c) A woman's place is in the _heart... man=head, woman=heart. One body. (At first I was sorely tempted to say in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, but anyone who knows me would know I was just kidding!)

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ____ ______ingrown toenails

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her _____ _______face... It takes a while to see the true beauty. That's why I can't say I like a girl unless I know her well.

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _a saint_

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_Scardella_ Signature ( That means your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back)

Edited August 30, 2005 by scardella

[Didacus]

[quote name='jmjtina' date='Aug 29 2005, 09:16 PM']

If I must...

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME ___Didace__________ DATE OF BIRTH ___1973_____

2. HEIGHT ___6'1"_________ WEIGHT __165______ I.Q __152 ___ G.P.A.__ __

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # __pass__ ____ DRIVERS LICENSE # __yes__ _______

4. BOY SCOUT RANK____troop leader___ ________________

5. HOME ADDRESS ____pass_ ________ CITY/STATE __pass__ ___ ZIP _pass____

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?____yes__ ________ If No., EXPLAIN ___________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married ____39___________

8. Do you own a van? _no_ __ A truck with oversized tires? _no_ __ A waterbed? _no_ ___ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo___yes, a tattoo - but only a small one... if unnaceptable - stop reading__ _______ (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?_not arriving at the time a lady expected me to arrive___ ________________ _______________________________________________________________________

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ____respect the sanctity of my daugter's person_________

11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? ________Be stronger than your temptations____ ______________________

12. Church you attend __StDominique_______ How often do you attend ____1 per week and more on occasion _______

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? ___after 9pm for parents, right after church for my priest_____

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential [b](That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
{Why do I feel this might not entirely be true?)[/b]




a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is __the head, its the only good muscle in my body____

B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ___those three little bones inside the ear________

c) A woman's place is in the ___place where her children are, and in the heart of her husband, and in communion with the Lord and yes she can be in all these places at once_____ _______________

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is __wether or not I am already married__ ______

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her __hair, I compare to see if it is longer than mine, and few woman's hair are longer than mine___ _______

( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? __I'll never finish growing up_______

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

___Didace___ ________________ Signature ( That means your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest

[b]You're welcomed[/b]


Please allow four to six years for processing.
[b]i've got plenty of time[/b]

You will be notified in writing you are approved.



Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.)
[b]
The truth hurts[/b]


if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back)

Please don't burn me!!!

[right][snapback]704502[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]

[azaelia]

[quote name='phatcatholic' date='Aug 30 2005, 04:47 AM']e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her: talents? aspirations? (do i still have to slither away? )
[/quote]



[quote]I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
[/quote]




Nice applications guys.

[Proud2BCatholic139]

I don't care if I am a girl...But I am writing in here anyway...

This thread, I don't know about boys...they are just...interesting.

But you have to love them anyway.

[franciscanheart]

i wanna see the girl application.