remarriage after death

[Laudate_Dominum]

I am familiar with what the Bible says about this and recall reading things about it in the writings of the Fathers of the Church. But I have always kind of had a problem with it. I thought it might be interesting to discuss.

Here is basically where I am at with it:

If I was married and my wife died I would never want to remarry, it would be a terrible thought. The only considerations that seem to make sense are:

If the children and still young they ought to have a woman around, and a mother, so I would consider remarriage on these grounds.

or

It is tough growing old alone and companionship may be necessary.

I don't like the second one just because it's not my style I guess, but it's understandable. It does seem to go against a higher view of spousal love.

The first consideration seems worthy to me, but I wonder if it would be necessary because it might be possible to have a woman around who wasn't your wife. A nanny could be hired or something like that, which would be as good as a step-mother probably, but I'm just really not comfortable sleeping with someone other than "the wife of my youth".
It seems crazy in a way. I know it is permitted for widows to remarry, but St. Paul says it is better to remain a widow. What think ye?

[Brother Adam]

I understand where you are coming from and I doubt I would remarry, but as you said there is nothing wrong with it because the covenant relationship is disolved upon death - it no longer exists.

[LittleLes]

[quote name='Laudate_Dominum' date='Jul 31 2005, 02:36 AM']
St. Paul says it is better to remain a widow. What think ye?
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RESPONSE:

You have to understand Paul's mindset. He thought it best not to marry or remarry because he believed his generation was living in the last days.

1 Thes 4:15 "Indeed, we tell you this, on the word of the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, 3 will surely not precede those who have fallen asleep."

NAB footnote #3 15] Coming of the Lord: Paul here assumes that the second coming, or parousia, will occur within his own lifetime but insists that the time or season is unknown (1 Thes 5:1-2).

[Laudate_Dominum]

Yeah, I'm just thinking of it in terms of love. I always admire people who endure growing old alone out of devotion to their deceased spouse. It just seems like a beautiful expression of love. Of course if there are children left behind the most loving thing (and probably the late spouses preference) would be to pursue remarriage.

[scardella]

It doesn't seem to make much sense if you're old and crusty.

However, if you are still young, it makes plenty of sense. I'm not sure what the problem is. It seems to be purely on a case-by-case basis; a choice between two licit goods.

How about this scenario:
You get married, and become a deacon. Your wife dies soon after without any children. What do you do then? You cannot get remarried because you are a deacon. I'd always wondered if God was trying to force your hand into the priesthood then.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Laudate_Dominum' date='Aug 3 2005, 03:17 PM']Yeah, I'm just thinking of it in terms of love. I always admire people who endure growing old alone out of devotion to their deceased spouse. It just seems like a beautiful expression of love. Of course if there are children left behind the most loving thing (and probably the late spouses preference) would be to pursue remarriage.
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Love is a gift from God.

Why would you reject a gift if you get a second chance at it.?

[homeschoolmom]

Yeah... and old and crusty people like to be loved, too...

(so I've heard... )

[Guest TheBaptistWay]

If the previous spouse has passed away, remarriage is permitted because the covenant relationship between the husband and wife is no longer there. Marriage is only until 'death' as wedding vows include. I believe even 'old' people can get remarried, and if God truly calls them to a new spouse nothing should stand in the way of that.

[DeeDee]

Hi all,
I was widowed in 1998 when my wonderful husband died of a heart attack at a very early age. Last year I started dating, but decided against it after realizing I was still very much in love with my husband. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I'm not really worried about it. I miss him more than ever, and I think getting married again might not be a good idea. But who knows what God has in store for me?!

[philothea]

I would not remarry if my husband died. I would take advantage of being single to try to gain what sanctity I could from that state. If I was able to, I would join a religious order.

My husband has told me I'm not allowed to die first.

(Off to take some vitamins and exercise...)

[Guest Eremite]

I think in the East, there is a limit to the number of remarriages allowed for widows (something like 3 or 4).

In the Old Testament, of course, it was necessary to marry your sister-in-law if your brother died.

I don't think remarriage involves an inconsistency with spousal love. Marriage is, at its root, a covenant to help one another grow in holiness, and thus enter the marriage supper of the Lamb. It is, of its very nature, ordered to finality, to the true marriage with the Divine spouse. Hence, remarriage after being widowed is another opportunity to commit yourself to someone else's holiness, and they you.

St. Paul recommended that widows remain celibate, of course, because it allows for greater freedom in service to God.

[Guest Corinthians13]

[quote name='scardella' date='Aug 3 2005, 10:09 PM']How about this scenario:
You get married, and become a  deacon.  Your wife dies soon after without any children.  What do you do then?  You cannot get remarried because you are a deacon.  I'd always wondered if God was trying to force your hand into the priesthood then.
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Ordinarily, if a deacon's wife dies, he cannot remarry. However, the Church will allow for exceptions in this very scenerio. If the deacon still has young children, the Church may allow him to remarry for the sake of his children.

[Quietfire]

[quote name='DeeDee' date='Aug 3 2005, 06:43 PM']Hi all,
I was widowed in 1998 when my wonderful husband died of a heart attack at a very early age. Last year I started dating, but decided against it after realizing I was still very much in love with my husband. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I'm not really worried about it. I miss him more than ever, and I think getting married again might not be a good idea. But who knows what God has in store for me?!
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And I think its wonderful that you possessed the discernment to see that.
I have a few friends that lost their husbands at a young age and within months after their deaths, they were dating again.
A few didnt even know why, they felt that they "should" be out there again, looking for love.
One poor friend of mine did this and the man she is with is abusive and she has no idea how to get out or if she even wants to.

When God knows that you are ready, you will know also.
I just think its wonderful that there are still people out there who feel the way you do.

Personally, my husband already told me that if I go first, he will never marry again (which is against my wishes, since I think he's a great catch) only because, according to him, he has loved me since we met in high school and he never could love anyone the way he loves me.

So I guess I pretty much ruined him for all other women.

Pax.

[Sinner]

From first hand experience with this topic I must say a few things:
-No one knows what they would or will do........ it is really just a romantic notion to surmise on the issue.
-There is no limit to Love. There is always more.
-I still Love my first wife...... and I always will; and yes I miss her .... more than ever.
-True Love is more than a feeling...... it is a sacrifice. As there is always more to give........ Faith compels me to believe that God will always show us the path in which we will be able to best make our sacrifice.

........ such is love......... sigh.
......... No, there will never be anyone to replace my first love.
Only new and different love.

[Guest advice_girl]

I think that if God brings another man/woman into your life and you hit it off, and begin to love them that there is nothing wrong with remarrying. Why else would God bring them into your life?

*advice_girl*