Forgiveness

[CanCath]

Hello!

I was just wondering...

To have completely forgiven someone, do you need to have completely forgotten what that person did?

I heard of a story, that a Saint once asked God what her biggest sin was, (I can't remember which Saint but I think it may be St. Margaret Mary), and Jesus responded that he didn't remember. Essentially because he had forgiven all her sins and they didn't matter anymore.

If we are called to forgive like Jesus forgives us, then are we called to forget as well?

I figure a concern to not forgetting is that Satan could use your memory to remain resentful sometimes to the person, and try to empede the process of forgiveness. Or use it to lie to you into believing that you haven't truly forgiven....

Anyway, what do you think?

[Laudate_Dominum]

To "forget sins" is just an expression. Jesus is a Divine Person and therefore omniscient (and let's not get into question of Hypostatic Union and Christ's human nature vs. Divine Nature; these discussions get border-line heretical too easily), and an omniscient being is incapable for forgetting anything.

My answer to your question would be to say that you certainly have no obligation to forget anything, it is not even a voluntary power, so you have no culpability for remembering or forgetting anything (unless you forget something of importance out of sheer negligence, or some other similar and rare circumstance).

The seat of forgiveness is the will, which trumps the heart in some respects (I don't want to create an artificial seperation between the will and heart so please don't assume one, I'm speaking more of modes of operation than distinct faculties), and you can be in a state of forgiveness even if the recollection of an offense still evokes feelings of bitterness. In fact this can prove the quality of your forgiveness, if you choose to act against the negativity and will to express love in your actions and attitudes. Although this would still be imperfect forgiveness. Perfect forgiveness would involve peace of soul toward the offense and the negation of the negative sentiments that might be associated with it. This occurs when love and mercy transform the resentment and pain into peace and joy. This is Christ-like forgiveness. But such complete forgiveness is a work of God; it is a response to Grace on the deepest level of the person and is extraordinary. God does not expect this if you have not been given the grace, but we should always strive for it. There is merit in the struggle against bitterness so don't see it as entirely negative. Perhaps the call of God in the moment is this struggle against bitterness, which will reap merit and further configuration to Jesus Christ.

Regards.

[mulls]

sins and mistakes have consequences that live well after the person or action is forgiven.

one can forgive a murderer, yet he remains in prison for life. this reminds us of that action he committed.

remembering isn't wrong. we should know our past, but more importantly know where we stand with God.

forgive, remember, learn from it, don't have resentment, bitterness, or hold grudges.

[Quietfire]

To forgive is divine.

To forget means that we are doomed to repeat the offense.

[Carrie]

Forgiveness is essential but sometimes, so is remembering.

We don't need to forget to forgive.

[Jaime]

Forgiveness is very much like grieving. Sometimes its a process that takes years. When we finally find closure, we find peace.

When someone who is very important to you dies, the grief process will eventually bring closure and peace. But you never forget that person! Likewise when something terrible happens to us, the forgiveness process can bring closure and peace. But we don't necessarily forget the terrible thing that happened.

There is one thing that I remind myself every morning.

Every day there are people I need to forgive
Every day there are people I need to seek forgiveness from.

(Where did I get that??? Some Lord's prayer thingy somewhere)

[ofpheritup]

ALL GREAT ANSWERS...

[CanCath]

Thanks guys. That was great!

[DeeDee]

One more. . . . . .

Forgiveness is more for the forgiver than the forgiven, which I'm sure you already know. One may forgive another, and the other may never know that the deed is forgiven. Forgetting is something else. I'm still struggling with that one myself. But I think with prayer and the grace of God old hurts may not be entirely forgotten, but they hurt less and less as time passes.

[Guest]

like the intelectual poet tupac shakur said in his song "keep ur head up"

" forgive but dont forget
gurl keep your head up "

[Thumper]

To add to hot stuff's remark about forgiving and seeking forgiveness, I'll share this quote that I first read at the beginning of Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood: "Forgiveness is the name of love
practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all of us love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour - unceasingly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is the human family." It's from Henri Nouwen (Forgiveness: The Name of Love in a Wounded World, Weavings), and it has served me as a good reminder on a number of occaisions.

What can be difficult with forgiveness is that, while it deeply involves our memories and emotions, like love it requires action. I may not feel all warm and fuzzy about my friends and family all the time, but I can still choose to act with love. Regarding forgiveness, I certainly can't simply rid myself of the memory of the pain someone else has caused me. Yet I can choose how to act on that memory, and act with forgiveness rather than vindictiveness.

[CanCath]

Now, another question...

Do you have to forgive the person in person? I understand if the person knows they've hurt you and is asking for forgiveness. But what about in situations where you are not sure the person knows to what extent they've wound you. Do you need to tell them?

[Jaime]

[quote name='CanCath' date='Aug 1 2005, 10:00 PM']Now, another question...

Do you have to forgive the person in person? I understand if the person knows they've hurt you and is asking for forgiveness. But what about in situations where you are not sure the person knows to what extent they've wound you. Do you need to tell them?
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Is it necessary? No not always. Does it help? Absolutely. Forgiveness is much akin to confession. There is a catharsis in saying the words out loud. If a person seeks forgiveness, then it is healing for them to say the words "I'm sorry" and to hear the words "I forgive you". But that's not always possible. There are many reasons why one cannot forgive in person. The person may have died or it may not be safe to see the person again.

For me forgiveness is an extremely selfish act. God is infinite and I am definitely not. I have a beginning and an end and I only have so much room. If I hold on to anger, resentment or hurt, I have less room for joy and for love. If someone has deeply hurt me, I try to do everything in my power to make sure that I let go of the pain. Sometimes it isn't that easy but it is absolutely necessary.

[CanCath]

It's hard eh.... to get past the thought that forgiveness is an action, not a feeling. Like, it's hard to trust that you have forgiven even if you don't feel like you did isn't it?

[Nicole8223]

My spiritual director told me that many of the great saints tried to keep their gravest sins always in their minds so that they were always humbled and always knew what they weer capable of doing in just a moment.

This is a practice that requires much prayer because obviously, thinking about our sin could bring about depression or despair to someone who is not at that point.

The times I have been blessed to have practiced this properly have been so amazing. It places everything into a better perspective of who I am and who God is to forgive me and continue to love me.