Your favorite jokes!

[Christie_M]

Hey, I just want to hear a funny story that happened, or your favorite jokes!

[1337 k4th0l1x0r]

How do you turn regular water into holy water?








Boil the hell out of it.

[White Knight]

This joke I heard back in October 2001

"Hey ever wonder why there aren't any 'Walmarts' in the middle east? because there all 'Targets.'"

I know itsb ad, I changed the joke slightly, its not my favorite but its a okay one.

[cappie]

Little Mary listened intently in Sunday school while the teacher explained the parable of the “treasure” and “pearl” and gave a detailed description of eternal bliss in heaven. She concluded her class asking the question, “All those who are ready to go to heaven, raise your hands.” Every hand went up except one. “Why, don’t you want to go to heaven, Mary,?” asked the teacher. “Well,” Mary replied, “Mom was baking apple pie when I left home!”

[cappie]

The new pastor told the parish council, ' I will work hard to bring us into the 20th century." Someone spoke up, " Uh, Preacher, don't you mean the 21st century?" The pastor replied, " Let's take it one century at a time."

[littleflower+JMJ]

lol those are good ones cappie! lol

[Old_Joe]

The old pastor, Monsignor Dawson, at my parent's parish had a funny story. Once while he was saying Mass, he started to have problems with the microphone. fortunately, there was a guy in the front row who was an electrician and could help. Monsignor Dawson says to him out loud, "I think there's something wrong with the microphone." to which the entire congregation replies, "And also with you."

[sweetpea316]

Why does Mr. Grape want to leave Mrs. Grape?

-Because he's tired of raisen kids.

[Didacus]

Father Les Costello joke:

Father Les was a hockey player, and after one of the games he stepped into the shower wearing his underwear.

One of his teammates asked why he was taking his shower wihtout removing his underwear.

Father Les told him: "I don't like looking down on the unemployed."



*LOL* Father Les... he was one of the good ones!

[Theologian in Training]

I may have told you this before, but ah well....

So, I was teaching third grade and it just so happened that one of teachers called in and I wound up teaching both third grade classes. Things were going fairly well, and I came to realize that the class I was subbing for were a little more informed than my class.

So, I spoke about Adam and Eve and the garden. I asked the class what happened and what the big deal was about Adam and Eve and the garden. A girl from the other class, shot up her hand, and said "They were our first parents and they ate the apple and they were naked." Thinking I may try to draw out the last part, I asked her how they knew they were naked. I was expecting something along the lines that it was the result of their sin or God told them...anything! No, she simply replies, "The wind?"

I gave her partial credit

God Bless

[sweetpea316]

[Christie_M]

good one! lol

[St. Gregory the Great]

What did the Pope's cook ask him the morning after he became pope?





Eggs Benedict??

[Old_Joe]

This woman calls up her parish priest and says, "Father, my husband has just died."
"Oh no. Did he have any last requests?"
"Yes he did. Just before he died, he said, 'Put the gun down, honey'"

[cappie]

After Mass a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

A very innovative liturgy director, a religious sister, danced the offerotry procession in 'attracttive' costumes and playing the banjo. The bishop was presiding on this occasion of the pastor's golden jubilee. As the "dancer" approached the altar the bishop whispered to the pastor: "If she asked for your head on a platter, she'd have it!"