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Old_Joe

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heres a litle different spin...cuz I'm from houston....

-You’re on your way to work one FEBRUARY morning and suddenly you’re trapped in a traffic jam caused by a chuck wagon and fifty horses - with riders - and you look around to see that everybody in the cars around you is wearing a cowboy hat. (time for the Rodeo)

-The "farm-to-market" roads have seven lanes.

-If you want to be a snob about your grocery shopping, you can go to a Randall’s Flagship, a Kroger Signature, a Rice Epicurean, or soon, an HEB Central Market to buy bread and milk (but you have to dress up, and your dog and cat are out of luck if you go to the latter - nothing as mundane as pet food there).

-You have to turn on the air conditioning in January, two days after a low of 29 degrees.

-You have a Roach Story: You opened your flatware drawer to find a roach the size of the Taco Bell chihuahua. He stood up and looked you in the eye. You closed the drawer, bought new flatware - and stored it in the oven. Or your friend has a Roach Story - about a dive bomber who crashed her formal dinner party, made several passes at guests whose heads were bobbing like little dogs in car windows, and finally landed in somebody’s soup.

-When you see your neighbor dancing around the front yard, you don’t think he’s won the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes; you know that he just stepped in a fire ant bed.

-The name "Bud Adams" makes people snarl, and "Bum Phillips" doesn’t mean a bad screwdriver.

-"Luv ya Blue" still makes you smile, even if you did run the Oilers out of town.

-You know that the Astrodome will always be the Eighth Wonder of the World.

-You come to work in short sleeves and walk out at noon to find that a "blue-tailed norther" has blown through and the temperature has dropped 40 degrees in a matter of minutes.

-Your neighbor’s Christmas yard decorations look like a re-creation of the gunfight at the OK Corral, complete with a ten-foot tree decorated with boots and cowboy hats, and a Santa Claus who looks a lot like Wyatt Earp.

-You wander into a section of town where you can’t read the street signs because they’re written in Asian characters instead of English, but you don’t care because you can get great prices on fake designer
merchandise there.

-You go to an art festival on Westheimer and you’re almost run down by two hand-holding cross dressers on roller blades.

-The "Killer Bees" are not stinging insects.

-You hear everything but English spoken when you go to the Galleria to window shop. (You can’t afford to buy because the prices are jacked up for all the foreign tourists.)

-You know that "Dad gummit" has nothing to do with your father’s failure to practice good dental hygiene.

-You think "Y’all" is perfectly good usage if you’re referring to more than one person.

-For a Chili Cookoff, you’ll use anything from armadillo to frog’s legs, but you know that the only GOOD chili is made with chopped -not ground - beef, and it has NO beans and NO tomatoes.

-Spring is not the season, Katy is not the lady, and 1960 is not the year.

-Society matrons of "a certain age" still sport big hair and faces that have gone east, west, and north rather than south.

-You can leave your house, head out of town, and an hour later you still haven’t left the city limits. (During rush hour, you haven’t left your NEIGHBORHOOD.)

-You’ve never seen I-45 in any condition other than under construction - and you’ve lived here for 20-30 years.

-If the humidity is below 90 percent, it’s a GOOD hair day.

-You know that "Clutch City" has nothing to do with automobile transmissions.

-"The Dream" is not a fantasy.

-The only REAL Mexican food is Tex-Mex.

-A 747 with the Space Shuttle riding piggyback has actually flown low right overhead, and nobody paid any attention to it.

-You know that while saving you money," Mattress Mac" has amassed more than the U.S. treasury.

-You’re happy to have beaten Los Angeles out of a football team, but you’d rather they keep the title of "Smog Capital."

-You see nothing unusual about an eighty-something former sheriff’s deputy who wears a white pompadour toupee and blue sunglasses, mispronounces names, allows televising of his frequent plastic surgeries, seems unnaturally obsessed with slime in the ice machine, and screams, "MAR-VIN ZIND-ler, EYE-witness news" into a television camera every night.

- you actually know how to pronounce the street name kuykendahl

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You Know You're From New Orleans When...

Your sunglasses fog up when you step outside

You reinforce your attic to store Mardi Gras beads

Your baby�s first words are "gumbo" and "whereyat"

You save newspapers, not for recycling but for tablecloths at crawfish boils[

When you give directions you use "lakeside� and �riverside' not north & south

Your ancestors are buried above the ground.

You get on a green trolley car to go to the park and a red one to the French Quarter

You listen to holiday songs such as "the 12 yats of Christmas" and "Santa and his reindeer used to live next door"

You walk on the "banquet" (sidewalk) and stand in the "neutral ground" (area of ground between a two sided street) "by ya mommas" (by your mother's house).

Someone asks for directions and you stop and help them with a smile

You start an angel food cake with a roux.

Watching "Wild Kingdom" inspires you to write a cookbook.

You think a lobster is a crawfish on steroids.

You think boudin, hogshead coagulated milk, and a Bud is a bland diet.

You think Ground Hog Day and the Boucherie Festival are the same holiday.

You take a bite of five-alarm chili and reach for the Tabasco.

Fred's Lounge in Mamou means more to you than the Grand Ole Opry.

You have an *envie* for something instead of a craving.

You use a "#3" washtub to cover your lawn mower or your outboard motor.

You use two or more pirogues to cover your tomatoes to protect them from the late frost.

You use a gill net to play tennis, badminton, or volleyball.

The horsepower of your outboard motor is greater than that of your car motor.

You pass up a trip abroad to go to the Crawfish Festival in Breaux Bridge.

The four basic food groups are boiled seafood, broiled seafood, fried seafood and beer

You are asked to name the holy trinity and your reply is "onions, celery, bell pepper."

You let your black coffee cool, and find that it has gelled.

You describe a link of boudin and cracklins as "breakfast."

Every once in a while, you have waterfront property.

Your mama announces each morning, "Well, I've got the rice cooking ... what will we have for dinner?"

None of your potential vacation destinations are north of the old Mississippi River Bridge (US 190).

You refer to Louisiana winters as "Gumbo Weather."

You get a disappointing look from your wife and describe it as, "She passed me a pair of eyes."

You think of gravy as a beverage.

You greet your long lost friend at the Lafayette Regional Airport with "AAAAAAAYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE."

You sit down to eat boiled crawfish and your host says, "Don't eat the dead ones," and you know what he means.

You learned Bourre the hard way: Holding yourself upright in your crib.

You don't know the real names of your friends, only their nicknames.

You give up Tabasco for Lent

Your loved one dies and you book a jazz band before you call the coroner.

Your accent sounds nothing like Harry Connick, Jr's.

You can sing these jingles by heart: "Rosenberg's, Rosenberg's, 1825 Tulane;" "At the beach, at the beach, the Pontchartrain Beach..."

You ask, "How they running?" and "Are they fat?" but, you're inquiring about seafood quality and not the Cresent City Classic.

When a hurricane is imminent, you have a lot more faith in Nash Roberts than some Super Doppler 6000.

Your town is low on the education chart, high on the obesity chart and you don't care because you're No. 1 on the party chart.

Nothing shocks you. Period. Ever.

Being in a jam at Tulane and Broad isn't the same as being stuck in traffic.

Your idea of health food is a baked potato instead of fries with your seafood platter.

You have to take your coffee and favorite coffeemaker with you on a three-day trip.

:D

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[b]You Know You're From Maine When...[/b]

You've had arguments over the comparative quality of Fried Dough.

[b]You call four inches of snow "a dusting."[/b]

You don't understand why there aren't fried clam shacks elsewhere in the county. (there aren't?)

You know what an Irving is and the location of 15 of them.

You knew all the flavors at Perry's Nut House.

Your car is covered in yellow-green dust in May. (yeah, it's called pollen)

You can drive the Augusta traffic circle without slowing down.

You've hung out at a gravel pit.

[b]You think a mosquito could be a species of bird.[/b] (Heck yes!)

You once skipped school and went to Bar Harbor, Old Orchard Beach or Reid State Park.

Even your school cafeteria made good chowder.

[b]You've almost fallen asleep driving between Houlton and Presque Isle.[/b] (Man, that's a boring ride)

[b]You know how to pronounce Calais.[/b] (yep, it's [i]cal-las[/i])

You've made a meal out of a Jordan's red dye hot-dog, a bag of Humpty Dumpty potato chips and a can of soda.

You've gone to a Grange bean supper.

In high school, you (or a friend) packed Deering Ice Cream cones.

At least once in your life, a seagull pooped on your head. (no, but one did steal my lobster roll...)

At least once in your life you've said, "It smells like the mill in here." (mill's stink)

[b]There's a fruit and vegetable stand within 10 minutes of your house.[/b] (that's up in the central area and the County mostly)

You crave Italian sandwiches at least weekly.

[b]Your house converts to a B&B every July and August for people from away that you happen to know.[/b]

[b]All year long you're tracking sand in the house-from the beach in the summer and the roads and sidewalks in the winter.[/b]

You have to have the sand cleaned out of your brake system every spring.

You do the majority of your shopping out of Uncle Henry's.

You've ditched the car on the side of the road somewhere because you thought you saw some good fiddleheads! (mmmm, fiddleheads)

[b]You know a lobster pot is a trap, not a kettle.[/b]

You know not to plant tender crops until the last full moon in May.

You go to the dump and bring back more than you brought.

You've watched "Murder she Wrote" and snickered at the stupid fake accents.

You know how to find the rope swing at the quarry.

You take the New Hampshire toll personally. (what's up with that anyway??)

You always wave when you see a Maine license plate in another state. (no but do feel the impulse to do so...)

When you're supposed to dress up, you wear flannel with a tie.

There's too much "stuff" in your 2 "cah" garage to get either of your cars into it.

[b]You know what a frappe is.[/b]

[b]L.L. Bean's not just a store, it's a way of life.[/b]

[b]"The City" means exclusively Portland.[/b] (to people who don't live here...)

"Salt damage" is a viable insurance claim.

[b]All of the traffic lights blink yellow at 10 o'clock at night.[/b]

It's not a storm - it's a Nor'eastah.

[b]"Open 24/7" might as well be Greek.[/b] (Everything closes at 10)

More stores have "Bienvenue" flags than "Welcome" flags. (only in the County)

[b]You eat ice cream with flavors like 'Moose Tracks" and "Maine Black Bear".[/b] (mmm yummy)

You know that a chocolate doughnut is not a white doughnut with chocolate frosting.

You wouldn't eat beans in tomato sauce or Manhattan clam chowder if you were starving!

As a child, you played outside in a snow storm without hat, mittens, scarf and with your jacket open because it was just a little cool. (well...it was...)

The area around your back door is referred to as "the dooryard".

[b]You eat potato chips with flavors such as "clam dip", "ketchup" and "dill pickle"[/b]. (hey, the dill pickle ones are good)

You call the basement "downcellah." (my grandpa does that)

There is only one shopping plaza in town.

[b]You use "wicked" as a multipurpose part of speech[/b] (wait, doesn't everyone??)

Your pickup has more mud on it then the ground around it for a 15 foot radius.

More than 1/2 the meat in your freezer is moose. (not anymore...but a few years ago it was...that and caribou)

You enjoy a hot chocolate more than a margarita. (nope...)

If your "luxury vehicle" is a twelve-year-old rustbucket on wheels.

If your dog eats better than you do, and more often too.

If you never say what you paid for an item but how much you "give" for it.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Maine.


:cool:

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[b]You say "Wanna go with?" when you mean "Do you want to come with me?"[/b] (Er, doesn't everyone?)

[b]You know what Kennedy, Dan Ryan, Eisenhower, Edens, and Bishop Ford, have in common and curse one of them daily.[/b] (they're highways -- usually jammed)

You know what "the Hillside strangler is."

You can name three or four extra taxes nobody else pays.

[b]You know the difference between Richard J Daley and Richard M Daley.[/b] (duh!)

You can use two or three Daleyisms in context.

You can imitate the Mayor's whine.

[b]You say Chicawgo and not Chicaago.[/b]

You think going to a Bears game in single digit temperatures with a wind off the lake (and freezing rain) is fun.

Da is a proper definite article.

[b]You expect corruption in local politics.[/b] :rolling:

You go to the Dells in the summer to get away from the other 20 thousand that followed you.

[b]You've been caught speeding in Wisconsin because you had Illinois plates.[/b] :whistle:

You guard your shoveled parking space with an old chair and unusable broom.

[b]You know why they call it "the Windy City."[/b]

You know dead people who voted.

You understand the Democratic machine and don't fight against it.

You've never ever considered the idea of hiring non-union laborers.

You've never been to Springfield.

You know a good gyros joint.

[b]You know what Giordanos, Lou Malnati's, and Gino's have in common. [/b] (pizza!)

You know when the last time the Cubs won a pennant.

You know exactly how many cars are "legally" allowed to turn left after the light turns red.

You don't know which ethnic "fest" to choose on any given Summer weekend.

Your idea of relaxing and getting away from it all is Ravinia (with 10,000 others who have the same idea).

[b]You can recite many of "The Blues Brothers" lines and know where they filmed certain scenes.[/b]

You consider paying someone to watch your car at a sporting event as just another "city tax."

The "Living Room" is called the "front room"

[b]You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois. You become irate at people who do[/b] :angry:

You measure distance in minutes (especially "from the city"). And you swear everything is pretty much 15 minutes away

You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois"

[b]You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake"[/b]

[b]You refer to Chicago as "The City"[/b]

"The Super Bowl" refers to one specific game in a series of 35 played in January of 1986

You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers!

You buy "The Trib"

You think 35 degrees is great weather to wash your car!

[b]You know what goes on a Chicago Style Hot Dog[/b]

[b]You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is[/b] (now I'm getting homesick)

[b]You understand what "lake-effect" means[/b]

[b]You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which station they end up at. You have ridden the "L"[/b]

You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847,630,773,708, 312, & 815

You respond to the question "Where are you from" with a side" example:"WEST SIDE", "SOUTH SIDE" or "NORTHSIDE."

You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpet! :lol:

You wear gym shoes, not sneakers.

Your favorite melody to hum is "Bang,Bang,Bang-Skeet,Skeet,Skeet!!!!"

You faithfully attended Lil Louis parties at The Bismarck.

You GOT to have spaghetti at your barbecue.

You are STILL a Bulls fan........

You think kicking it outside of White Castles parking lot, (79th and Stony Island) is the "Freak Nik"

You go to Harold`s and order 4 pc wing, mild sauce, salt and pepper.

You have a picture of Harold Washington in your kitchen, living room, family room or basement.

You have ever waited in line at Home of the Hoagy on 111th for 30-45 minutes for a steak samich wit coagulated milk

You have ever been to the Tiki Room lounge in Hyde Park

You have Y made a special trip downtown because you had a craving for Garrett's caramel and coagulated milk popcorn.

What!!! We don`t get a Fifty? Oh yeah....

You drink at bars called "Bud on Tap" or "Milwaukee's Best" -- no names, just beer signs out front.

It's January and you see someone's kitchen chair in the street, and you know that if you're a responsible citizen and bring it back to the sidewalk you will be shot on sight (this [i]has[/i] happened)

You live two miles from work and it takes you two hours to drive there (so true)

You don't flinch when you pay the fifth toll of your 45-minute car ride on the highway (also true)

[b]When you read a big story in the paper about mob ties in the city government, your first reaction is "So, tell me something I don't know."[/b]

You know Lincoln Towing is Satan incarnate. :rotfl:

You've paid $105 for towing, $30 for more than one "street cleaning" ticket, $58 for a city vehicle sticker, and $70 for a license plate sticker -- and chalk it all up to "neighborhood taxes."

You pluralize grocery stores and retail chains: "I'm going to Jewels"; "I bought it at Targets"; "I couldn't find parking at Wal-Marts" :rolleyes:

[b]You've taken the Red Line past the point where all white people get off and all black people get on -- or vice versa.[/b] (yeah... woops)

You've cursed at a cyclist, pedestrian, or in-line skater on the lakefront path.

You know the significance of State and Madison.

You wonder if the fries will taste the same at Sammy Sosa's Restaurant.

You don't miss Planet Hollywood.

You're not ashamed of wearing a big fur Russian hat, or a headsock with one hole in it, in public from November through March.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Chicago.

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[quote name='annie' date='Jul 14 2005, 07:19 PM']awesome list, I posted on the other thread, couldn't come up with so many!

I am in Wheaton  where are you?
[right][snapback]643804[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]
I didn't write that list, I stole it from blogthings. :P

I am thinking of some of my own to add, though...

I'm downstate, now (sigh) but I grew up in Elk Grove.

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let_go_let_God

HSM thats a good list for MN but most of them are more southern, but I need to find my northern list.

God bless-
LGLG

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Thy Kingdom Come!
Blessed Kateri Teckawitha

You know you live in Green Bay when at least two parishes votive candles are only green and gold.

What kind of sick person does that!

[i]Yours in Christ,[/i]

Eddie Lee

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JMJ
7/14 - St. Camillus de Lellis (Bl. Kateri Tekakwitha)

The thing that bothered me most about people from Minneapolis was that they called stoplights "stop-and-goes". And people from Wisconsin called water fountains "bubblers".

Then again, in southern Indiana, a snowcap is called a "toboggan". Anything that one rides down the side of a snowy hill is a sled.

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franciscanheart

apparently people dont know what service roads are? i dont know.

and curbs! you people dont have curbs!! our curbs are AT LEAST 5" off the ground. and yes our medians are huge concrete barriers, usually over our head, with like monkey grass growing out of them - or well on the highway anyway. and other medians are normal concrete barriers :P

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[b]You Know You're From Missouri When... [/b]

Everyone in your family has been on a "Float trip."

[b]"Vacation" means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun or Six Flags. [/b]

Down south to you means Arkansas.

[b]The phrase, "I'm going to the Lake this weekend," can mean only one thing. [/b]
[b]
You know what "Party Cove" is. [/b](If you know where, you are a boating party animal)

You think Missouri is pronounced with an "ah" at the end. I don't and find it annoying when peoople do this.
[b]
You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska in football. [/b]

You think I-44 is spelled "foarty-foar." (St. Louis Only)

You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to KU.

You know that Concordia is halfway between Kansas City and Columbia, and [b]Columbia is halfway between St. Louis and Kansas City, [/b]and Warrenton outlet mall is halfway between Columbia and St. Louis.

[b]You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm. [/b]--there are better things, but this is fun

[b]You know that Harry S. Truman, Walt Disney and Mark Twain are all from Missouri. [/b]

[b]You know what "cow tipping" [/b]or "Possum Kicking" is.

You think "frog gigging" should be an Olympic sport.

You think Imo's is larger than Pizza Hut.

You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance.

[b]You don't put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and weather. [/b]

[b]There's a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for it. [/b]

[b]The local gas station sells live bait. [/b]--some of ours do, but we have like 40 gas stations around here

[b]Little smokies are something you serve on special occasions. [/b]

All your radio preset buttons are country. only 2

You know enough to get your driving done early on Sundays before the Sunday drivers come out.

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You Know you're from St. Louis if:

[b]You love toasted ravioli with Budweiser beer. [/b]

[b]"Vacation" is a choice between Silver Dollar City and Lake of the Ozarks. [/b]
You can find Pestalozzi Street by aroma alone.

[b]You can get anywhere in 20 minutes, except on highway 40[/b].

You've seen all the biggest bands ten years AFTER they were popular.

[b]You can debate for 30 minutes whether Missouri Baking or Marge Amighetti makes the best Italian bread. [/b]

[b]You know what "Party Cove" is, and where the "lake" is.[/b] (I just call the Lake of the Ozarks "The Lake" to people from out of town, and they have no clue what I'm talking about!)

[b]You still can't believe the Arena is gone. [/b]

[b]Your first question to a new person is, "Where did you go to High School?" [/b]

[b]Your non-St. Louisan friends always ask if you're aware there is no "r" in "wash." [/b]

[b]You know at least one person who's gotten hurt at Johnson Shut-ins. [/b] (By far the best state park in the country!)

[b]You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska in football. [/b]

[b]You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" [/b] (see my commentary about "The Lake")

[b]You think the four major food groups are Beef, Pork, Budweiser and Imo's. [/b] (I hate Imo's pizza...the salad is good though)

[b]You've had to switch from heat to AC in the same day. [/b] (One of the coolest things is that we would get off school early because it was too hot in the summer and late spring, and we'd get off in the winter because it was too cold!)

[b]You know there are really only three salad dressings: Imo's, Zia's and Rich and Charlie's. [/b]

You'll pay for your kid to go to college unless they want to go to KU.

[b]You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch, in the summer, during a thunderstorm. [/b] (We have a saying in our family regarding tornado warnings: "You know which ones to go to basement for and which one to go out in the garage to watch")

[b]You would rather have a root canal without anesthetic than drive on Manchester on a Saturday afternoon. [/b]

[b]It just doesn't seem like a wedding without mostaciolli. AND YOU PRONOUNCE IT 'MUSKACHOLLI'. The balance of the menu is ham, boiled roast beef, string beans with ham, and Budweiser.[/b] (I definitely call it "Muskacholli!")

[b]You know, within a three-mile radius, where another St. Louisan grew up as soon as they open their mouth. [/b]

[b]You know what a Pork Steak is...and what kind of sauce to put on it! [/b] (that would be Maull's for the uninitiated!)

[b]Everyone in your family has floated the Meramec River at least once. [/b] (Quite a few times...I've also floated the Huzzah!)

[b]A hoosier is someone that lives just south of Chouteau, not a person from Indiana. [/b] (Freshman year of high school, my English class started calling each other "hoosiers," and our teacher yelled at us)

You have made fun of Mike Shannon and tried to imitate him ordering another cold, frosty Busch Bavarian Beer. (They don't make Bavarian anymore)

[b]You have listened to Mike's broadcast on KMOX[/b], while watching the game on TV and wonder what game he is watching. A tear forms in your eye as someone mentions their favorite Jack Buck story. (I personally like Mike Shannon as a broadcaster!)

[b]You've ever said, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity." [/b] (Many times a day)

Your favorite summer treat is handed to you upside-down (I *heart* Ted Drewes!)

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  • 4 weeks later...

You Know You're From Montana When...
You get passed when you are driving seventy five. [color=red]i've actually gotten passed doing 85, it's a regular occurence![/color]

The rodeo is the social event of the year.

You tell North Dakota jokes.

The pickup trucks all have two rifles and two big dogs.

People you don't know smile and say "Howdy."

Bumper stickers are about guns, horses or chewing tobacco.

The only people wearing white shirts are out of town Lawyers

Someone says manure spreader and you know it isn't the local congressman

When the car in front of you is weaving, you suspect a farmer instead of a drunk

You can actually pronounce the City's name Glasgow (Glasgo) without calling it Glascow

Maps and gloves are kept in your vehicles "jockey box"

You can choose plastic bags or a paper sacks for your groceries

You have 10 favorite recipes for Elk meat.

You can write a check at McDonald's for 2 Big Macs and fries.

The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

The major county fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making.

You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry, and your Sorels.

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Old Joe -- you're from NE? where?

[quote]"Vacation" means going to Omaha for the weekend.
[/quote]

BTW -- I live in Omaha. I'm on permanent vacation :D:

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