Faithful heart Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 I needed to post this because I am not sure what to do. I am 28 married, two kids 2 and 5. My husband and I use NFP. We use it because we don't want anymore children. Are NFP teacher told us if there was a grave reason we could do this. My husbands grave reason is that I have to have C-sections, and he becomes consumed with dread over the baby's and my health. All my reasons ae just selfish ones, I want to sleep, I just lost a bunch of weight (LOL) ect... I am having strong feelings about having another child, I don't know if it is because I am getting old, my little ones are growing up, or if God wants us to. We are a blessed family, and I am really having a hard time with this. I am also afraid if I can even handle three kids!! I really don't have a grave reason. I am not concerned about my health, and I would take every percaution for the babies health. I am lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmjtina Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Faithful Heart, I encourage you to seek out your priest for counseling. C-Sections are more frequently done now. Unless you life is in danger, then there shouldn't be a problem. (there are other grave reasons, someone will help me out here) My friend had a C-Section, and her husband practically had a heart attack, (especially since the doc had to grab WAY into her for the baby) it looks almost deadly (in his words), but many come out fine. Another thing, marriage is CONSTANTLY open to life. NFP cannot be used to to permantly NOT have children. The older you get, God takes care of that. You are only 28 years old!!! That is not old!!! I am a child of 6 kids. It can be done. the hardest part is trusting God. We have sacrificed much for our family, and we may not be wealthy, my mom may not be the "ideal wieght" or "best rested", but we are rich in family. Pope John Paull II says to married couples "The greatest gift you can give your children is to give them brothers and sisters." Who knows? The next kid may be the President or something! Let's be open to God's plan. I will keep you in my prayers. I would also suggest talking to a few fellow phatmassers here. Just to name a couple: Cmom and Anna. They are our Phatmass moms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Just to name a couple: Cmom and Anna. They are our Phatmass moms. Ditto, totally! These ladies got me to re-think my stance on birth control and NFP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foundsheep Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 I needed to post this because I am not sure what to do. I am 28 married, two kids 2 and 5. My husband and I use NFP. We use it because we don't want anymore children. Are NFP teacher told us if there was a grave reason we could do this. My husbands grave reason is that I have to have C-sections, and he becomes consumed with dread over the baby's and my health. All my reasons ae just selfish ones, I want to sleep, I just lost a bunch of weight (LOL) ect... I am having strong feelings about having another child, I don't know if it is because I am getting old, my little ones are growing up, or if God wants us to. We are a blessed family, and I am really having a hard time with this. I am also afraid if I can even handle three kids!! I really don't have a grave reason. I am not concerned about my health, and I would take every percaution for the babies health. I am lost. Me and the wife are going through the same thing except the c section part. First we say lets have one than no....Im so confused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Wow, Little Red...thank you for the compliment. I had no idea... Faithful Heart, sometimes it's just hard to Trust. That's what it all boils down to in the long run, I think. Do keep praying, to trust God more. Pray as a couple for trust. God is all knowing. He is the Author of Life. Your circumstances really do not sound grave, as you yourself have said. Place your fertility in God's hands, and follow the sympto-thermal method when there is a grave reason to avoid a pregnancy. I think you'll be so happy and blest with the outcome! Pax Christi. <>< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jrob8503 Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 (edited) If she feels she can't handle three kids than why should she have to have more? I knew of a family at my grade school who had 7 kids under the age of 10. They were out of control and far too independent for their age. Kids need full attention. Not from their brothers and sisters but from their parents. We aren't living on farms anymore. I am from a family of three. My youngest brother (4) is diabetic. Without the proper attention he could slip into a coma due to insulin reactions. There are two people in my ENTIRE family who he is safe with. And that is my mother and I. If I'm not at school, I'm at work. If my mother were to have another child, it would disrupt everything. Edited November 13, 2003 by jrob8503 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faithful heart Posted November 13, 2003 Author Share Posted November 13, 2003 Thank you all for your replies. I think I will have to just pray about it. My husband is against it. I am a stay at home mom and maybe I am feeling that this is who I am, my job, and as my kids get older and more independant I feel like I will be out of a job. I know it sounds silly but that is the way I feel. jrob, you bring up a good point, my oldest is 5 and she loves my Full attention, I would not want to disrupt her little world. On the other hand another brother or sister could bless her life in ways we don't know yet. I will pray, talk to my husband, and see what happens. Thank you all again. God bless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLAZEr Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 If she feels she can't handle three kids than why should she have to have more? I knew of a family at my grade school who had 7 kids under the age of 10. They were out of control and far too independent for their age. Kids need full attention. Not from their brothers and sisters but from their parents. We aren't living on farms anymore. I am from a family of three. My youngest brother (4) is diabetic. Without the proper attention he could slip into a coma due to insulin reactions. There are two people in my ENTIRE family who he is safe with. And that is my mother and I. If I'm not at school, I'm at work. If my mother were to have another child, it would disrupt everything. the situation you describe with your little brother is exactly what the church had in mind when it said "grave reasons' in fact, its the only reason that Pope Paul VI mentioned in his homily after promulgating Humanae Vitae. CHildren who need special care, because of a medical reason, may require the parents to "wait" before having more children. Perfectly acceptable use of NFP. However, just not wanting kids is not a good reason. There are plenty of things that we don't want but that God wants from us. Choosing family life as your vocation entails inviting as many children as God chooses to send you into your family. Like it has been said, children are a great source of joy and our worries and objections fall away at the birth of our new baby. Its amazing, but I say this without hesitation, the happiest families I know are the largest families I know. Props out there to the Ladewski's and the Verhiley's and the Miller's and the Adam's and all those families with more than 7 kids who have shown me how beautiful family life can be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellenita Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 I am having strong feelings about having another child. It seems to me as if you have almost decided anyway! The most important thing is that you pray and talk with your husband about it. I suspect the tiredness and wanting to sleep doesn't ever stop until the children have grown and left home - the 'penalty' of being a parent! LOL You sound like a very loving mum and if you do have another child, you will love him or her as much as your other two and will find the strength you need to cope. (And I don't say this lightly as I'm not someone who is convinced yet that contraception is so wrong!) Do you have any family or close friends who help you with childcare so that you get some 'time of your own' every now and again? I think that's really important for mums to help 'recharge the batteries'! You should talk to your husband about his fears over the c-sections and maybe seek some medical advice to help. As you know, all pregnancy and giving birth carries some risk, but c-sections are almost routine now. In fact on the news in the UK today they were saying that the NHS is going to stop women from choosing to have c-sections as they are becoming so routine rather than out of neccessity! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasJis Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Faithful Heart, You need to talk to more Catholic parents and explore the issues you and your husband have. Knowledge and understanding are two different things. God set it up where you and your husband are to be of one mind and kids are to have two parents. You and your hubby need to work on these things together. Don't be afraid to get a priest to work on this with you. You need people who understand your issues. Despite what many people have posted here, a c-section is a major deal. My wife had a c-section and then a normal vaginal delivery afterwards with our next child. I'm a little curious why you 'have' to have a c-section. I am not squeamish and saw both deliveries in their entirity. There are many serious reasons that a c-section delivery is required and known way ahead of time. Don't let other's ancedotal stories influence you too much. My best advice to you is read up in the Catechism and other Catholic sources about forming a moral conscience. Deciding to have or not have a child is a serious matter and is complicated. If you and your husband put forth the effort to have God help lead you spiritually AND intellectually, you are more than likely going to make the right decision. Both of you need to be open to each other, God's will, and scientific knowledge to make this decision. You will both grow much closer for it. If either of you approach it with your minds half made up, the other person will not feel you are being open to their concerns and not helping them be open to God's graces to approach legitimate and personal concerns. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faithful heart Posted November 13, 2003 Author Share Posted November 13, 2003 jasjis, thank you for your post. You are right. I will ponder this situation with the help of my husband and God. As for why I have to have a c-section it is because my cervix is to small to pass a baby. When I go into labor the baby goes into stress. I am also a chicken and c-sections are easy (lol) I also think the more our family gets in deeper with the Catholic faith, the feelings of being a mother get stronger. What do you do when one person has these strong feelings and the other spouse is saying no way? Some days the feelings are so strong and other days when it is early in the morning, cold, and I am trying to get two little ones ready to go to school, I think ok maybe I should think about having another one some more. I thank you all for responding, all your advice is well taken. God bless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marielapin Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Faithful heart, I would seriously schedule an appointment with you and your husband to talk to a priest. If you are having these strong feelings, you need to share them with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyperdulia again Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 i'm one of fourteen children, to this day not one of us is lacking in love/attention from our parents--includinng the six of us who no longer live at home and would like a little less attention . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IcePrincessKRS Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 i'm one of fourteen children, to this day not one of us is lacking in love/attention from our parents--includinng the six of us who no longer live at home and would like a little less attention . I'm one of 12 and I can say the same goes for me! (Except that last bit about a little less attention. ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyperdulia again Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 (edited) do you talk to your mother EVERY day? I love my mamma, but there are only so many times i can hear about her adventures at the grocery store, and the endless updates on my siblings, cousins, aunts, and uncles, she even gives me updates on my grandparents (my grandparents live accross the street from me, i see them everyday, in fact my ganny is making soup in my kitchen right now.) Edited November 13, 2003 by hyperdulia again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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