What To Do About My Grandfather?

[Good Friday]

Hey guys.

As some of you may know, my grandfather (the one who just lost his wife, my grandmother) is a member of the Protestant "church of Christ." Recently he has asked me to go to their Wednesday night Bible studies with him, and he has also asked me to go to church with him. He isn't currently aware that I'm Catholic (I'll get to that in a bit).

Now, I know that Church teaching allows Catholics to attend Protestant churches. But there are several problems. First of all, the "church of Christ" is extremely anti-Catholic. Pastors have been known to spend whole sermons preaching against Catholics from the pulpit, and many of the members of the congregation (especially the men) are extremely anti-Catholic. The second problem is that I know Church teaching forbids me to receive communion at their church -- not that it's a problem for me, as I don't want to receive communion because saying I'm in any kind of communion with them would be a total lie. The only ties I have to them are my Baptism and my grandfather. But if I go to church with him on Sunday, I will have to refuse communion, and I suppose I'll have to have some explanation for him.

Typically, I just simply wouldn't go. But he's hurting right now and he needs to have something to do, and I want to help him in his time of grief over the death of my grandmother. But I don't know what to do about their anti-Catholic beliefs, and I don't know what to do about not receiving communion with them since he doesn't know I'm Catholic. Throughout most of my life, I have been very close to my grandfather. But the stress of taking care of my grandmother and the discovery that he had a history of domestic violence (which ended with his conversion to Christianity and his Baptism several years before I was born) caused some fighting and a strain in our relationship. He was also the man who baptized me, at the same church he wants me to go with him to. So I would like to do this in a way that will not hurt either him or the members of that congregation if at all possible.

Any advice anyone could give me would be much appreciated. I'm asking for advice from both Catholics and Protestants, since this is a Catholic-Protestant issue and I'd like to hear from both sides. But I do want to let everyone -- Catholic and Protestant -- know that I will not do anything contradictory to Church teaching, nor will I even entertain the suggestion, i.e. I will not receive communion at the "church of Christ." So please don't even bother suggesting it, it will be falling on deaf ears. I am thankful for your advice, but advice that contradicts the Church's teaching is not acceptable. I'm sure you would feel the same way if you were in my position and the situation were reversed.

Anyway, thanks in advance for your help, guys.

[hyperdulia again]

i'd go to church with him, but be sure to go to the vigil on saturday to fulfill your obligation.

[Good Friday]

Oh, I should have mentioned that the "church of Christ" has services on Sunday mornings and Sunday evenings, and he chooses to go to the evening services, so there would be no conflict with Mass.

[Winchester]

Don't recieve their version of communion. Maybe going will open a dialogue. If it harms your faith, though, you must stop it altogether.

[Good Friday]

If it harms your faith, though, you must stop it altogether.

It won't. The church of Christ has never been effective in making me think twice about any faith -- not Wicca, not christo-paganism, and certainly not the Catholic Faith.

[M.SIGGA]

Is he tremendously anti-Catholic too? I think it is really nice that you are going to church with your grandfather - that is really giving of yourself. I really like the way the Church of Christ has an acapella music ministry; although it is flawed b/c they believe worshiping with instruments is sinful. Just don't get caught up with Church of Christ b/c they believe the Catholic Church is evil and apostate and that we are doomed to hell - they have some pretty drawn out arguments too. I attended a Church of Christ school for 5 yrs; they are some of the nicest folks I've ever known, but they hate the Catholic Church more than anything else. You and your grandfather and your late grandmother are in my prayers and I hope he is coping well.

Edited November 12, 2003 by M.SIGGA

[Good Friday]

I don't know how to answer the question about my grandfather. He's very anti-Catholic, but not as anti-Catholic as some members of the church of Christ. More than anything, he feels Catholics are misguided, but doesn't seem to harbor any hatred for them or even for Cardinals or the Pope. But he definitely does believe that Catholics commit idolatry, worship Mary, and all the other good stuff. I fully intend to argue these points with him at some point, but just over a week since my grandmother was buried is definitely not the time.

But, to answer your question, I suppose he is anti-Catholic, but not as bad as he could be.

Thanks for your prayers, you've no idea how much I appreciate them.

[foundsheep]

I think it would be good of you to hold in any questioning about things for a little while. I would wait till you attend some of the bible studies and then drop in a little at atime.You know the hints that make you think. But I think you are so good for your grandpa right now just to be his friend.

[KennC]

..., and I don't know what to do about not receiving communion with them since he doesn't know I'm Catholic.

... I would be very surprised if you run into communion at all other than perhaps once a year around Easter. (err, Resurrection day???)

Peace of Christ, Ken

[Good Friday]

... I would be very surprised if you run into communion at all other than perhaps once a year around Easter. (err, Resurrection day???)

This particular church of Christ has communion every Sunday. I don't know that this is the case with all of them, since I have only been to this church of Christ and all the churches of Christ tend to be rather autonomous and often are doing different things.

Edited November 12, 2003 by Good Friday

[cmotherofpirl]

Is there any other memeber of the family that can accompany him instead of you?

Then you would feel free to do other activities with him, instead of something church related.

Does he really want Church time, or time with you?

Can you offfer to spend Sundays with him other than Church time?

[ironmonk]

This could be a great opportunity to correct the misunderstandings of the Church. You could at least plant seeds.

I know it would be hard to talk about it with your grandfather, my grandfather was baptist, but never spoke anything against the Church and when I went to church w/him, his church stuck to the bible, not slander like I've seen other's do. I did not know how to approach my grandfather about Catholicism. He was also my Godfather when I was baptized... I would say my grandfather was Catholic by desire... likewise w/my grandmother (she was a methodist).

Good Luck & God Bless!

ironmonk

[Ellenita]

Does he really want church time, or time with you?

This is a very point cmotherofpirl has raised. It may be that what he wants is time with you but cannot express that other than in a practical way, and so the request to go with him to church.

The most important thing at this time is to show your love and care for him. No doubt he will respect your views about his church all the more if he sees that you have been willing to go with him rather than just reject them out of hand, however you will need to debate the reasons why you think his protestantism is wrong with a gentle and wise spirit, knowing when it is the right time, especially if you approach it over the next few months which are going to be very difficult for him emotionally.

Good Friday, from your posts I can see that you are very strong in your Catholic faith. Although it will be hard to be in an environment where you may well hear negative comments about the Catholic church, you will be able to stand firm in your belief, and you have the assurance that people at Phatmass are praying for you.

You should also know that there people here who know what you are going through. In my experience people are very good a giving support during the first few days of the shock and then of course there are all the practical things to sort out and it really isn't until all that is over that the grieving truely starts which is when you really need people - don't be afraid to ask for specific prayer for yourself will you?

You and your family are in my prayers.

[Anna]

If your grandparents always attended services together, going alone will be particularly difficult for your granddad. He'll feel the loss all the heavier, knowing that she's with God, and he's left here, alone in the pew.

I do have one novel suggestion, though, begin tearing down the wall...let him know that that wonderful priest who came to visit gramma in the hospital is your Catholic priest, a very caring and holy man of God.

And gently, ever so gently, invite him to attend Holy Mass with you. Mornings at your church, evenings at his?

Maybe it would be a good thing for your priest to just stop by sometime and see how grand dad is managing, that is, if the priest can spare the time. I'm very impressed that he took the time to visit your gramma and attend her wake; he may have a special gift that will be seen and appreciated by other members of your family....

So, let your light shine, Nathan, softly, but bright!

This may be just the time in your grandfather's life when he will be most open to change, and to love and support, regardless of its source...Why even those Catholics may seem to be very warm, loving people...just a thought.

You know your grandfather best.

Couragio!

Pax Christi. <><

[Donna]

Does anyone here know we must not participate (I did not say attend) in a false religion's service? As in weddings and funerals being the usual reason a Catholic would be in this situation.

This is a tough situation. And it sounds unusual.

Have you no good priest to ask?

Nathan, go down Cmom's road if at all possible.

That is what I would try to do.

And P.S. when I converted I wanted to still attend the devotions/arts-n-crafts group at the Lutheran church. The priest who received me is and was not traditional, but even he said I must not let them lay hands on me, and to be very careful w/ the scripture parts.

I prayed to know what was right, because this was my whole social circle. I went and lo and behold, everything went wrong, from my son (who'd been there at that church for 2 of his four years) not remembering the daycare place and people to the "devotion" which was a speech on the merits of apostate nun, Mrs. Martin Luther.

They were dissing Our Blessed Lady, and I (who did not have a Marian devotion) got so angry I almost rushed the speaker (w/ newborn in hand!). Instead I left. And never returned.

I know this situation is different, Nathan, than yours. But it is something, maybe, to think about.

I pray for your discernment.