theculturewarrior Posted May 7, 2005 Share Posted May 7, 2005 There was a time when I thought God hated me, so to be in union with God, I had only to hate myself. Of course, that is just wrong, but I think a lot of people feel that way, while some may conciously think it! It is necessary, when considering your relationship with God, to view him as a loving father. Jesus called him "Dad." And he's our dad too! For a long time, after I had been initiated into the Church, God was my Lord, but I didn't know him as a Father, or at least I didn't feel him to be one. It's especially easy to think that way when something goes wrong. When I think of my earthy father, there were times in the past when it was understandable that I didn't see him as a model for my relationship with God. But where my father is imperfect, my Abba is perfect in every way. He doesn't hate me if I sin. He helps me get out of the sin. I do not join myself to him by despising myself...that would actually separate me from the heart and mind of the Abba who loves me so much. To be one with the mind and heart of God, I must love myself, because my Father loves me. I must desire happiness for myself and for my loved ones, because God wants me to be happy, and I'm united to him when I desire happiness. God chastens at times, but it is done with Love, and it is done to help us grow. As we grow, so does our ability to Love, if we are truly growing. The dry times might be dryer, as the gardener prunes more branches (because there is more of you) but the spiritual consolations are that much more, because there is more of you to water. Imagine how it hurts God when we don't know he is our Father? That hurts him more than our sins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theculturewarrior Posted May 12, 2005 Author Share Posted May 12, 2005 By your agony and passion, Lord, let me go where you go. By your Cross and dereliction, Lord, let me follow you. By your suffering, Lord, you have healed my soul. By your death and burial, Lord, you have made me whole. By your resurrection, Abba, let me rise again. Let me ascend where you ascend, Let me go where you go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cathurian Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 Thank you so much. I really needed to hear this, not just today, but in general. Thanks a ton!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theculturewarrior Posted May 17, 2005 Author Share Posted May 17, 2005 When I first prayed the Litany of Humility, I approached it as I thought one of the great Saints would. With a verbal cilice and flagellum in hand, I said, from the desire of being loved, deliver me, O Jesus. With trepidation, I discovered God's answer. It was a humiliation. I was taking my niece and my mother to a party that night, having asked for humility, and also to be brought safely to the party. We were following the choir director from Church, and I rear-ended him at a stop light. His truck was fine, all the choir members inside were fine, but my dad's front end was messed up. We drove to the party and I hid in a corner. God answered. He gave me humility, and he got me safely to the party. Afterwards I approached the prayer in a more positive sense. I figured, it was all in the intention, so instead of imagining myself with a cilice and flagellum, I imagined that God was going to deliver me from being loved by sending people to love me. Brilliant! I had supposed I had outsmarted the Almighty. But I still struggled with a need for attention, and that is not humility. Tonight I am going to take a different approach. If God is our Abba, he doesn't Live to make us feel bad. He doesn't relish humiliating his children. God created us to be loved. That is why we desire love. God created the desire for love, and everything God has created is good. Tonight, when I pray the prayer, I'm going to remember the [i]intention[/i] of the prayer. God does not want us to be delivered from love. God wants us to desire love, and it is humble to admit that you are human and to glorify what God has created in you, even the desire to be loved. Tonight, I'm going to read the title as I begin the prayer. It is [i]the Litany of Humility.[/i] And as I pray, I'm going to remember the sins I have commited against the virtue of humility. I'm not going to apologize to God for having been created with a flawed design. Imagine the insult! I was created in the Image of God, and God Himself desires love. Instead, I'm going to commit to God the concupiscence of my heart, and think of how my desire to be loved has led to pride. Maybe if I can repent in prayer, God won't have to send humiliations this time. But he is always Just. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philothea Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 Oh dear. You made me laugh with the accident. Praying for humility is a fearsome thing! [i]From the desire of being loved, deliver me, O Jesus.[/i] We should only desire God's will. Anything else is an obstacle. That's not to say we can, in fact, free ourselves from the natural, innate need for love. But our intention should be complete freedom for God. My understanding, at least. I like that prayer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theculturewarrior Posted May 17, 2005 Author Share Posted May 17, 2005 [quote name='philothea' date='May 17 2005, 03:14 PM'] Oh dear. You made me laugh with the accident. Praying for humility is a fearsome thing! [i]From the desire of being loved, deliver me, O Jesus.[/i] We should only desire God's will. Anything else is an obstacle. That's not to say we can, in fact, free ourselves from the natural, innate need for love. But our intention should be complete freedom for God. My understanding, at least. I like that prayer. [/quote] I am humbled by your response. I'm thinking about it. I imagine God as a Father to a large family. He wants obedience, true, but more than that, he wants his children to love him and to know that he loves them. And he wants his children to love eachother and to be loved by eachother, but if they loved eachother more than him, it would make him sad, especially if it led to them not being obedient. We'll see tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theculturewarrior Posted May 18, 2005 Author Share Posted May 18, 2005 I see clearly where I have erred as a Christian. For the longest time, I haven't lived a sacrificial, merciful life. Jesus said that God desires Mercy, not sacrifice, but he said that to rebuke the Pharisees' hardness of heart. The Truth is, Jesus desires both Mercy and Sacrifice. If I am humbled tonight, when I pray for humility, it will be because I've failed to live one or the other or both. In my earlier Christian days, I was on a mission to convert the heathen, including my family and my friends. I felt empowered by the things I had read in the Bible, but instead of "Love thy neighbor as thyself," which I didn't understand at the time, I adopted a doctrine of "persuade thy neighbor." I failed every time. All my family and friends wanted from me was my love. They found my ideas bizarre and the force of my rhetoric disgusting. How could I bring my family to believe in God's Mercy unless I first "forgave" them for being where God put them? But if I had forgiven them then, it would have been a sanctimonious "absolution" from the "saintly" convert. Praise God for the humiliations he has already given me! And then I was humbled because I wasn't living a sacrificial life. I still hadn't learned Mercy, I had given up on my family and friends. I offered my day to God, all my prayers, works, joys, and sufferings, but my day ended in the morning before I went to work. When I got there I had nothing to offer, and when I came home, I had less. All my family wanted from me was my love and that I take out the trash. That was it. I have a novel idea, maybe it has already occured to you, but it is novel to me. Instead of converting the heathen, I'm going to love the heathen, and when they see the love I have for them, maybe they will see that God is Merciful. And when they see that I will make sacrifices for them, maybe they will see that God is worth making sacrifices for. Maybe God will humble me still. Tonight, I am going to pray to the Father for the grace to humble myself. I dread his judgement. I dread humiliations. I dread the sacrifices he will ask of me. But I have a greater trust in his Goodness, and in His Mercy. He is our Father. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theculturewarrior Posted May 18, 2005 Author Share Posted May 18, 2005 [quote name='theculturewarrior' date='May 17 2005, 02:32 PM'] When I first prayed the Litany of Humility, I approached it as I thought one of the great Saints would. With a verbal cilice and flagellum in hand, I said, from the desire of being loved, deliver me, O Jesus. With trepidation, I discovered God's answer. It was a humiliation. I was taking my niece and my mother to a party that night, having asked for humility, and also to be brought safely to the party. We were following the choir director from Church, and I rear-ended him at a stop light. His truck was fine, all the choir members inside were fine, but my dad's front end was messed up. We drove to the party and I hid in a corner. God answered. He gave me humility, and he got me safely to the party. Afterwards I approached the prayer in a more positive sense. I figured, it was all in the intention, so instead of imagining myself with a cilice and flagellum, I imagined that God was going to deliver me from [b]the desire of being loved[/b] by sending people to love me. Brilliant! I had supposed I had outsmarted the Almighty. But I still struggled with a need for attention, and that is not humility. Tonight I am going to take a different approach. If God is our Abba, he doesn't Live to make us feel bad. He doesn't relish humiliating his children. God created us to be loved. That is why we desire love. God created the desire for love, and everything God has created is good. Tonight, when I pray the prayer, I'm going to remember the [i]intention[/i] of the prayer. God does not want us to be delivered from love. God wants us to desire love, and it is humble to admit that you are human and to glorify what God has created in you, even the desire to be loved. Tonight, I'm going to read the title as I begin the prayer. It is [i]the Litany of Humility.[/i] And as I pray, I'm going to remember the sins I have commited against the virtue of humility. I'm not going to apologize to God for having been created with a flawed design. Imagine the insult! I was created in the Image of God, and God Himself desires love. Instead, I'm going to commit to God the concupiscence of my heart, and think of how my desire to be loved has led to pride. Maybe if I can repent in prayer, God won't have to send humiliations this time. But he is always Just. [/quote] This is the proofread version. I goofed in one important aspect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philothea Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 [quote name='theculturewarrior' date='May 17 2005, 08:51 PM'] This is the proofread version. I goofed in one important aspect. [/quote] Yeah, I kinda wondered about that paragraph Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philothea Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 [quote name='theculturewarrior' date='May 17 2005, 08:02 PM'] I have a novel idea, maybe it has already occured to you, but it is novel to me. Instead of converting the heathen, I'm going to love the heathen, and when they see the love I have for them, maybe they will see that God is Merciful. And when they see that I will make sacrifices for them, maybe they will see that God is worth making sacrifices for. [/quote] That is what I try too. Along with being as joyous and peaceful as I can. Make yourself enviable. So far I got one girl from a Catholic family (but never confirmed) to leave her protestant mega-church go talk to a priest. We'll see... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theculturewarrior Posted May 24, 2005 Author Share Posted May 24, 2005 God has given me my humiliation, and He has given it to me with so much love, and I ask that you pray for me, for health of mind, for discernment of His Will, and for the Grace to resist it no more. And if I have worried any of you recently, I apologize. I've got a Doctor's appointment today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philothea Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Yes, you worried me. Glad to see you post something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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