Confidentiality

[Nicole8223]

A friend and I were having a discussion about keeping things secret between spouses. For example, if someone shares something with me, am I not allowed to share it with my spouse? (I'm not married, just wondering)

I would think that the two have become one, and so if someone shares something with me, then they should know this is something I am free to discuss with my spouse. I am very open to change that opinion if someone presents good logic.

This has come up with my boyfriend and I, and I am curious where the line of gossip ends and begins...

Where would this apply for dating couples?


thoughts?

[blovedwolfofgod]

(Personal Opinion)

I do agree that the two become one... And secrets tend to get in the way. The secret depends on how big it is, and it depends on how it relates to your spouse. In an ideal society, there should be no secrets between spouses. However, this world is far from ideal and some things should just not be said. If its a small secret, then it doesnt really need to be aired. If it is something that has a big chance of affecting your spouse or the relationship (ex. Your friend has become a stripper and needs a ride home at nights, so every night you go out and either make and excuse or just dont say anything so you can pick her up), then you should tell your spouse. But remember... Gossip poisons the soul, both yours and your spouses. Information should be given when a secret is shared and opinions, if they must be aired, should remain charitable.

[Jaime]

I've had best friends whom I've known for years get married. Then all of a sudden I've found out that my most personal secrets have been shared with their spouse.

Honestly, it ticked me off. And it hurt our friendship.

I am in total agreement that there shouldn't be secrets between spouses. However, I think it should be in reference to their secrets, not mine.

If someone is of the mindset that "everything is on the table" with their husband or wife, then they should make that clear to their friends up front. Then their friends can choose what to share and what not to.

Of course all of this is personal opinion as well.

[MichaelFilo]

Between any man and woman there should only be love. Any secret, anything retained even from the other spouse stands in opposition to a "total giving of self" to the spouse. Anything that is not given to the spouse is held back, and the love is not complete. Between a man and a woman who have become inseperable by the sacrament of Holy Matrimony, nothing should be reserved between the two.


Between dating couples, I cannot say. I don't like the dating idea. It is like a trial run, and so giving all yourself into a trial run is the worst thing I can imagine.

God bless,
Mikey

[cmotherofpirl]

If someone shares personal information with you, you do not have the right to disclose it with out their permission. Marriage does not give you carte blanche with other peoples lives.

[theculturewarrior]

I generally assume that's everybody is going to know my secrets anyway, so while I'm discrete, I'm usually prepared for and not bothered by the "worst."

Of course, some people are just nosey, you know, they come look over your shoulder while you're typing your phatmass entries. The only power such people have is the power you give them.

[Margarite]

[quote] generally assume that's everybody is going to know my secrets anyway, so while I'm discrete, I'm usually prepared for and not bothered by the "worst."

[/quote]

That is the most prudent thing to do. Humans are humand and at some point they see a justification to share some one's personal information with others.

It would be expected that if you are asked not to share a secret, that you do not share it. If you are not apt to keep secrets, say, because you have that agreement with your spouse, you have to let them know before thay share such personal information; then it is up to them to tell you knowing fully well that you will share it with your spouse.

[PedroX]

Marriage does not entail that everything one spouse knows must be known by the other. If this were true, no therapists would marry, no attorneys, no judges, etc. There is nothing more frustrating and hurtful than to confide in a friend and later find out they've shared it with anyone. This is especially true between guy friends, or girl friends. Somethings aren't appropriate to sharing with members of the opposite sex.

peace...

[Donna]

That's right, PedroX.

Anyone who thinks that being married obliges them to share personal info about their friends - that this is part of the sacrament - is in error.

A prudent wife will not overbore or overburden her husband with play-by-play details of even her own household managing. And she's tempted to! 'Cause she needs adult conversation, lol. That's (partly) what her girlfriends are for; that, and thoughtful opinions on interior decorating!

About the only time I would consider divulging personal info of another to my husband, would be to beg prayers for that soul. And my husband has proved himself completely worthy and trustful to keep such info, and to pray faithfully for that soul.

If he weren't of such character, no word would pass my lips, because it would only injure another.