rckllnknny Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 (edited) its almost like a joke. ive been on phatmass for at least what? three years? at least? everytime im on here my life slips a little more. seems to get better. then dives right back down into unbelievable hopelessness. i dont get it. i really dont. and i really dont blame myself. but i know i feel anger towards alot of people on here that you all dont deserve from me. why? why is life the way it is. how come you all live a regular life and have a happy home and a family? have God in your lives and sit around and say "ahhh oh how Gods blessed me" i dont believe enough tears may scream down to heaven to explain how unfair this is to me. im not even saying write your checks in regards to rick such and such... im just saying no advice no help and pray your prayers. but only UNDERSTAND. your life might be blessed and i might be full of hate right now. but BELIEVE me. your happy lives are not because of something YOU did to deserve it. the home you live in the car you drive "the happy family" youve all always had otherwise that would make life FAIR. which in mosts words it isnt. i confess to you Jesus...IM doing EVERYTHING possible to live the way you want me to. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?? i just want everyone to understand ONE THING from all this...if theres one thing ive learned....do not judge MY deeds by my SITUATION! some of you may attempt to "relate" to "the struggle" people I AM the struggle. I AM whats real. this IS life. dont look down upon no one from where they are in life. ive walked these streets getting pushed away because im NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH?? i dint come from a home where i could go to school and have a job and save up money and get some help and support from my family. and maybe when things got difficult look to God for help. I DINT EVEN KNOW GOD WAS REAL For 21 YEARS!! is that my fault? would i have done things differently if ida known? DUH!! no i got beat up till i was twelve and stayed away from home when i was old enough to. drugs were trade and survival. its all ive ever known BECAUSE thats all i COULD. there WAS no other way. i dont blame myself for where im at right now. i dont blame no one. im not even asking for help. i just want someone to give a carp and understand. dont look down upon no one in this world for ANYTHING because i love you all but because of where someone is in thier life may be a journey beyond our understanding. we dont make the bed we sleep in...and im sure everyone had a perfect cozy slumber last night in thier perfect home with thier perfect family in thier perfectly "righteous" lives.....can anyone percieve the difference ive made in this world and brought about innumerable believers in the last four years ive known God? i cant even cry anymore. the pain went numb. Jesus dont forget you got a soldier right here... Edited April 11, 2005 by rckllnknny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rckllnknny Posted April 11, 2005 Author Share Posted April 11, 2005 and i dont want anyone to try and attempt to tell me thier lives are harder than mine and i dont want people to write "PRAYIN FOR YA" if you care write somethin. just understand!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Adam Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 It is hard when God's will clashes with your own. I don't think I can understand completely where you are coming from. You have a heavier cross to bear than I do, but you don't need to be told that he loves you. You already know that. Just know your suffering has redemptive value. Continue to do what you can to abandon yourself to God's will for your life, even though it is not your will or plan. One day you will find great treasures in heaven. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Adam Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 I should add though that not all of us come from cushy backrounds with lots of money. I know people on here who have been sexually abused and beaten as children, others who have been addicted to drugs and sex. Who grew up in poverty, and in fact still live in poverty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 "Do not judge my deeds by my [b]situation[/b]" Now if that isn't [i]the cross[/i], I don't know what is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azriel Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 [quote name='Donna' date='Apr 11 2005, 10:14 AM'] "Do not judge my deeds by my [b]situation[/b]" Now if that isn't [i]the cross[/i], I don't know what is. [/quote] Amen. If you want us to understand, then you need to understand that not all of us on here have the "fair" life you think. Just like Bro Adam said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Eremite Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 (edited) [quote]He was spurned and avoided by men, a man of suffering, accustomed to infirmity, One of those from whom men hide their faces, spurned, and we held him in no esteem. Yet it was our infirmities that he bore, our sufferings that he endured, While we thought of him as stricken, as one smitten by God and afflicted. But he was pierced for our offenses, crushed for our sins, Upon him was the chastisement that makes us whole, by his stripes we were healed. We had all gone astray like sheep, each following his own way; But the LORD laid upon him the guilt of us all. Though he was harshly treated, he submitted and opened not his mouth; Like a lamb led to the slaughter or a sheep before the shearers, he was silent and opened not his mouth. Oppressed and condemned, he was taken away, and who would have thought any more of his destiny? When he was cut off from the land of the living, and smitten for the sin of his people, A grave was assigned him among the wicked and a burial place with evildoers, Though he had done no wrong nor spoken any falsehood. (But the LORD was pleased to crush him in infirmity.) If he gives his life as an offering for sin, he shall see his descendants in a long life, and the will of the LORD shall be accomplished through him. Because of his affliction he shall see the light in fullness of days; Through his suffering, my servant shall justify many, and their guilt he shall bear. Therefore I will give him his portion among the great, and he shall divide the spoils with the mighty, Because he surrendered himself to death and was counted among the wicked; And he shall take away the sins of many, and win pardon for their offenses. (Isaiah 53)[/quote] You mention material possessions people on phatmass may or may not have. Cars, nice houses, nice lives, nice families. And because you apparantly lack these things, you conclude that these people have been blessed, "have God in their lives", and you do not. But it seems to me you have God smack dab in the middle of your life. As Mother Theresa was fond of saying, God gives his greatest gift to his closest friends, and that gift is suffering. Instead of being bitter over your life, and whatever it is you are going through, it's time to face it, and more importantly, embrace it, because no matter how much rage you feel, the cross is not going to leave you. That's one thing I've figured out in this short life of mine. Sorry to be so blunt. But sometimes things just are the way they are. Edited April 11, 2005 by Eremite Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phazzan Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 Ricky? What no one says here about life, about God, about grace, about the Cross... none of it will change a thing. You know where you're truly at, and no one here will ever fully appreciate that. But it's up to [b]YOU[/b] brother to make the changes, carpe diem, [b]seize the day![/b]. You may not realise it now, but you're suffering will make you a stronger person. So don't let people get you down, chin up, stand tall and take this fight head on. Just believe in yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 Was that Phazzan? ^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 [quote name='Brother Adam' date='Apr 11 2005, 10:10 AM'] I should add though that not all of us come from cushy backrounds with lots of money. I know people on here who have been sexually abused and beaten as children, others who have been addicted to drugs and sex. Who grew up in poverty, and in fact still live in poverty. [/quote] He's right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seven77 Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 you are doing what He wants you to do... you're suffering with Him.. "...courage, God has not forgotten you. Christ suffers with you. And by offering up your sufferings, you can collaborate with him in the redemption of the world." "O Mary, Immaculate Virgin, Woman of suffering and hope, be kind to every suffering person, obtain fullness of life for each one." - JPII Message for the 13th World Day of the Sick (February 11, 2005) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rckllnknny Posted April 11, 2005 Author Share Posted April 11, 2005 im just sayin. it IS HIS WILL not mine. to suffer and show you all we should treat each other like WE ARE ALL as the pope and more. whos to say hes been "more" (or even less) blessed. and just cause things arent "working out" doesnt mean i should "seize the day" or "surrender." LOL- you have no idea... im sayin dont give me advice on "how i need to 'buckle' down." beside that point (without bitter)...just understand!! 'im ONLY saved at mercies END. feel it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rckllnknny Posted April 11, 2005 Author Share Posted April 11, 2005 (edited) not that im criticizing the pope. Edited April 11, 2005 by rckllnknny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Adam Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 [quote name='homeschoolmom' date='Apr 11 2005, 11:48 AM'] Was that Phazzan? ^ [/quote] The guy never ceases to shock and amaze. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rckllnknny Posted April 11, 2005 Author Share Posted April 11, 2005 (edited) "he never ceases to shock and amaze " EXACTLY.EXACTLY.EXACTLY.EXACTLY>got it?! ...thanx GOD! Edited April 11, 2005 by rckllnknny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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